₦airaland Forum

My husband is always with me. That means allot to me because it gives me strength strength strength courage. Besides I need his prayers. I think it is also very important incase something goes wrong- God forbid! I have a witness. At that moment with the pain, you might not be aware of everything going on around you. I tell him what I want and he watches out for it.
The moment the baby is there he gets to cut the cord and can also take the child in his hands. Why should I deny him that. It did not affect our love life.
However he did tease me once when I was shy- he meant he had seen it all anyway. That was like

Privacy is very important for a healthy marriage.
Everyone is entitled to his privacy and to decide how and when to give what price.
Being honest and blotting everything out can wreck a marriage or make the other partner insecure.
Everyone has his inner part he or she can withdraw into.
There are things you don`t keep secret from a partner and others you have to seek the right timing, some you carry to your grave.

For instance I may know something about my brother or sister, that I could decide decide to keep to myself, because I promised to or because it might affect the respect my husband has for him/her, just an instance.

This was a brutal and terrible act, she could have killed the child, but the man had no right to disable the nanny.
This is just a society of violence. He is no different from the nanny.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. Respect his privacy.
Today there are so many possibilities to keep things hidden. One can have several mobil phones and different Nr.. Different emails and and and.
You simply cannot keep up.
If your husband wants to hide something from you, he can.
He just wants his privacy respected and that is his legitimate right.
A relationship is based on trust and not on CONTROL.
With trust also comes opening up. Also you need to understand, some men need time to talk about certain things. My husband may get a call that someone died. He needs hours to tell me because he needs time to mourn in silence. I am the kind that would start screaming while still on the phone.

Now when you got answers on respecting his privacy, you suddenly went into the topic of his joblessness and and,

If you walk 14-16 hours you are gone from 6 -22 not including the transport time. So when do you school and when do you take care of the kids and home? This mathematics does not add up.

There is a stage in life when a man has setbacks, he may be out of school or out of a job- your duty is to stand by him and motivate him. The best way is by giving him his respect. You know too well that it is much easier for women to get a job than for men, and you know how demoralizing demoralizing demoralizing is to have nothing doing.

There was a period when my husband was out of a job. At that time I would try my best to do as much of the housework as I could after work and get everything ready. I included him on my account then. I never asked him what was done with the money, I took extra care not to get into any argument or say or do anything that might hurt him. When he got a job everything was okay again. The first thing he did when he got his salary was to take me to his bank and get me included on his account.
Passing through such situations and mastering them only makes your marriage stronger and gains you the respect of you husband.

Parents love their children and want the best for their children!

This is sadly not always true. In some cases children are subject to extreme abuse from their parents. The crazy thing is that in Nigeria, there is this creed of silence - you just don`t talk about it.
We also have cases where children are abused from outside and are too scared to tell their parents.

However try and make the best out of your life. Since your sister in in NYSC, she might soon be getting her own place so you might be able to spend time there.

No matter what happens never forget that you are special and deserve to be treated properly.
Do not loose your self esteem and give yourself over to anyone in search of love. Most importantly do not ever put yourself in a situation in life to receive receive this kind of treatment again.
For instance girls who have been beaten by their parents may sometimes accept it from a husband , because they think it is normal. So you need to watch out for yourself yourself

I would love to have one of these now. I am sure they would sell for qute some money in Europe.
My dad locked it at times with a padlock, bt we knew the way around.
Tap once for1, ten times for 0,
You had to leave an interval between each number. Quite easy when you knew how.

MY God this is scary. Four years is still very tender. I had a child that did it into his teens. Tried everything, doctors waking him up at night.
I made sure that no one ever laughed at him. Every few months, I would replace the mattress, because the old one was just completely damaged. He also did not want this uncomfortable protection on it.
The difficult part was when he had to spend nights out with the school or his choir. We would think of everything possible.
- don`t drink late.
- tell the teacher to awake you.
-even considered hiding diapers.
Once the poor boy even came on the idea of tying a ballon on his..
Desperate measures for desperate things.
We had to talk openly about it to the teachers or the hotels where he had to overnight.
Thank God it stopped . At the age of 15. I know it was difficult for him.

My other boy that is seven wets the bed once in a rare while. He loves sleeping with his older brother 12,. Recently he wet the bed and came to me. I helped him change and told him to come lie with me, he wanted to go back to his brother. I asked him why he would like to go there when the bed was wet. He said his brother told him he would beat him if he wet the bed and went away. So i woke up the brother and sent him to sleep on another bed and took my boy to my bed. The next day I scolded the older brother.


you can`t really do anything about it, except pray it stops fast. It is also difficult on the kids especially when you have younger ones that stop wetting wetting with 2-3 years.

Just shows you how perverted the minds of humans have become.
The girl is pregnant. We know how expensive pregnancy and child birth can get, especially if complications arise. Then they need to shop for the baby.
The girl is pregnant and he is looking for money for the wedding!
How will he pay back when he needs money for the baby.
Perverted way of thinking!
Blood of your blood - your child is not as important as you showing off to people on your wedding day and that with borrowed money.
Abeg let him invite Nairalanders too! We can all come and chop .. and go home.
But I guess a few months later a friend will be needing to borrow money because his wife put to bed....

Congratulations Abali.
You are an inspiration for others.

In times of need we see the true face of people.

Thank God you have seen her face now!

Imagine what she would do if your Aunt took ill and needed help.
apart from that she has been having arguments with her!
when you get free accommodation and with such age gap, you can`t even show respect.

Your Aunt is old enough and has seen enough to know what to do.

It is the pain you feel at his loss but also it seems you have some guit withen you that you did not do enough for him in his life time.
You knw that is the problem when they go, we remember all our sins of omission.
Pray for your father. Also pray for forgiveness.
It might help you to speak with someone like a pastor about this.

Dear Poster God has touched your husband long ago!
Who is God? God = Love, God = Light, God = truth.
A man who who believes in Love and truth, who is good and upright also believes in God.
That man believes in God more than someone who believes in God but follows the part of darkness and doom.God knows every one of us and will judge us accordingly.
Not by shouting Lord, Lord but by doing the will of the father.
I am a strong catholic and my husband is moslem. It hurts me going to church without him and my kids but this is a pain I bear silently. It is my cross. Occasionally, like christmas, they go with me.
I have learnt so much about Islam and for me it is a very noble religion because I see how my husband practices his faith. He never misses his prayers or fasting and he is like a saint compared to me.
We respect each others religion. Yet there are some things I find hard to accept in Islam and some things I find hard to accept in the catholic church.
Yet we believe because we have faith- This may be wise or stupid. No one has gone there and come back.

When someone has a heart attack, the right thing is to offer first aid and seek help. God is not going to come down just like that, he needs a point of contact. So while prayer is important you lot failed to do the right thing and that must have pissed him off because as doctor he knew too well that a life was in acute danger.

You need to put an immediate stop to interference in your marriage. Jealous outsiders who are looking for a loop hole to penetrate and you are giving it to them. Just wait till you have to attend the church as a divorcee or separated woman then you will see how much they care for you.
No christian has a right to interfere in another persons marriage.
My husband is a no go topic for outsiders. When I wanted to get married in the church our Nigerian priest wanted to talk to my husband about the kids and converting . I went home and wrote him an email that I have changed my mind and would be looking for another priest. I did not want my husband in any way affected negatively. The priest that did the marriage was very considerate. No communion so my husband wouldn`t be left out. He even spoke about God and Allah. My husband felt very good about the marriage, he felt it had been blessed because we respected his own religion.
Again i repeat.- YOUR HUSBAND is a NO GO TOPIC!. As soon as you make that clear, people will abide by it.

As for talking about you- People will always find something to say about you. That shows you are important

As for your children not growing up as christians because of their dad - well if the kids see that religion is bringing problems into the family then they might associate religion with something negative.

Besides your husband is not preventing you from raising them as christians, why do you want to prevent him from sharing his own views.

My last advice is that you pray-
Thank God for giving you such a good man.
Pray God to give you the wisdom and Love to stand by your husband against the enemy.
-Remember when the time of harvest comes. God will gather his own ,and it is not those who cry Lord, Lord but those who do his will.

You probably cannot love her like your daughter but you can treat her like one.
When in Nigeria, I did just that. They got the same kind of treatment, school, cklothing and all. We ate together and went out together. People believed they were part of my family.
My friends criticised me for it but I believed they were very important to me. I entrusted my kids to them, so they were very significant in my life. We also did the chores together.
If is your duty to treat eveyone in a dignified manner and youwould derive a great satisfaction from it.
I think it is so wrong to exploit these young girls. They are seperated from their families and work hours on end.

Sorry I sounded so harsh, just had to remember some similar experiences that got me upset

She told you clearly that you are not her God and her destiny is not in your hand so please let her be.
This type of person will even give you a kick in the butt if they had a chance.
We have all made our experiences in life and the biggest kicks are often from the people you help the most. Leaches that even penetrate your privacy and home and then turn around to spit at you.

The bible teaches us, do not take the food for the children and throw it to the swines...... You know the rest.
What maddens me about such people is not their ingratitude.
What maddens me is that the burn the bridges after crossing them, by so doing no one else has a chance to cross. If she was grateful you would have been encouraged to help others in the future.
please keep on helping where you can because out there are people worthy of help.
In 1994 my daughter at age 1 plus started chocking, I rushed her to the clinic, at that time I was living in VI, in Nigeria. While waiting for a doctor I saw a man slumped on the floor, his wife crying. I asked the nurse what was wrong and she said they did not have any money. They needed 10,000 Naira. I gave the wife the money with my address- told her to return it when her husband had recovered and worked to save the money. I never took their Identities or where they lived. / Months later the man , wife and kids came visiting all dressed up to return the money. As the left I gave the money to the little kids. I told the man that he had given me faith to believe in humans and I would always remember this gesture of appreciation. Yes he gave me something worth that money. Faith in mankind.
So please just keep helping, anything God gave us, we have to use to praise him.

Not just in Nigeria. In Europe and America it is becoming a trend for women to be submissive. Most of these women admit that their marriage functions much better.
Women remain women.
These Nigerian women that think the are feminist and rebel for some years.
We know the trend. When the biological clock starts ticking, they sing another song lol

You learnt fast Onegai-!

Wish my first was a girl. They grow up faster.

It is the sick world we live it that makes quite a few fathers from bathing their daughters.
As long as the child is young, why not.
My husband hardly baths the kids but that is because of the time factor. He leaves much earlier for work.
At about the age of four or five, you might notice that the girls get uncomfortable with washing their private parts. That would be the time to let her do it her self. It goes quite well if she squats. At the age of 8 a child should be able to shower on their own, you only need to control because some kids
- leave the shower running and don`t shower
- wash only the front part of the the body etc.. I have had all versions.
When a girl is comfortable with the father showering her it most often is an indication that she has not been subject to any S-- abuse.
The more comfortable a girl is with her body the less likely she is to tolerate abuse.

@ Happywife
Sleeping with a man is a very intimate thing and there are so many things that go with the mere act. Risk of infection and so on.
I don`t think you would want to bring yourself so down. Remember too that many men kiss and tell. How do you think your kid´s will feel if the find out one day? Find other ways to express your feeling to your husband. The most logical thing would be to ask him to test himself before coming to meet you. You claimed you were the most submissive wife out there.. well how can you switch so suddenly to wanting to give yourself on a plater to other men?
The true test of humility, respect and submissiveness is in how we react when we are hurt or pushed to the wall.
You might have felt my previous advice was outdated but the world never changes.
I teach my children that respect is the most important factor that has to exist in a relationship. It is more important than love for sustaining a relationship. That is why they should never accept a man treating them disrespectfully, not even in a joking manner. The best way to achieve this is by themselves being respectful.
If your or someone else does something to hurt you, set an example by remaining noble and decent. What you are about to do is cutting your nose to spite your face.

Bananabender I am sorry to disappoint you. My first daughter made the best A level result in her school and is studying .
I raise my children to aim for the best but never to loose sight of the fundamental values in life.
Humility, honesty and decency. Empty vessels are loud and crude.
A woman does not have to be a stay at home mum, but I would assume that a young woman with young kid`s would not necessarily have to be one that works late hours like the man. It is a privilege to have time to spend with the kid`s when they are young.
Besides what stops you calling your husband from work.
Anyway, you can puke all you like, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I have mine and you have yours.
I will only advice other women not to be deceived by you. Loads of women have this strange habit of trying to make out this dominant and feminist image outside.. yet they are the ones that take the most shit from men.

There are some men that would never repay good for good, but I believe that most men appreciate a good thing.
However many of us are not properly prepared for marriage. We get allot of advice on how to look for a "qualified man" but hardly any advice on how to keep him and sometimes no advice on how to keep him happy.
If you have am man that is happy and contented, and if he is a good man he would be rushing back home to your arms.
Some questions you need to ask yourself.
- Are you a man in the day and a woman at night? If you go through the day being commanding, bossy and ill mannered the man will not be so keen on the metamorphosis metamorphosis at night. Does women out there are seducing them, pretending to be good humoured and understanding.. in order words a consolation to a masculine nagging wife at home.
Men are mentally and physically aroused by a humble and submissive woman. This does not mean you have to crawl or be the fool. But you have to be good mannered and respectful and considerate of his wishes.
- Do you make him want to rush back home?
How often do you call him to say I love you, cant wait to have you back home?
- Do you show appreciation? Everyone needs to be appreciated. he needs it too. Praise him often, tell him what is so great about him and how glad you are to have him as a husband. He will certainly reciprocate with appreciating you.
Do you express your love physically? This is very important. Cuddle him, hug him, kiss him. Body contact is very important, even if you just stroke his arm as he passes by.Before he goes out in the evening hug him and tell him what you are looking forward to . He will certainly rush back home to you.
- Do you ever bother to ask him what you have done wrong or what he would like you to change? Even in a business, one has to evaluate and access. He might surprise you with what he has to say. Things you might never have thought mattered.
Then don`t go on the defence but take it serious and walk on it.
Do you make efforts to make the nights a highlight. Or is it just the same old routine?

I also fear that you husband is scared that something might be exposed. Very possible that they had something.
However if that be the case then there is nothing you can do.

Let it be many, many friends end up being a disappointment disappointment anyway.

It is hard to be parted from the kids. But drastic times call for drastic meassures. It is only for a time and I am sure everything will b okay again.
An honest job is a noble job.
Allot of Polish women leave their countries and go to other countrys to live and take care of old cpouples. After a year they go home.

You want to commit suicide because you are bored!!!!

All you do is take care of the baby? There is nothing else you have or can do? This is somewhat odd? Taking care of a child and a home is a big time responsibility and if done with love and dedication it can also be very fulfilling fulfilling

Ashamed because others are better than you?
Marriage is about sacrifices, for your family and kids. You want to be better or as good as the Jones. That simply means you will never be contented.

Your husband wants you to wait till the kid is in school because he wants the child to have maternal love and attention in the early stages. That is not an unwise decision.
You want to have things your way but marriage is about compromise.

You need to work on yourself first.
Focus on what you want and then access if it is considerate and in the interest of the family. You can then present it to your husband for his consideration and approval. IF he does not go for it try to negotiate a compromise.
Telling a man that boredom is your reason for wanting to work is not a very logical excuse. He could be inclined to think that you might seek exciting things to quench the boredom.

Your husband announcing that there is a third party is like a signal.. read the writing on the wall. It might just be that he too is fed up. Then the disaster is that you may decide for the marriage but he remains fed up.

You have been blessed with a family. A husband and a child. I know many women that would ant nothing else, even if they don`t admit it. Why throw a good think away.

Try to convince him to keep the celebration low keyed. At my church we normally all contribute something when a woman is celebration. For instance a cooler of rice or fried chicken. That way the celebrants hardly hardly have costs. We are not a very large community.
You might convince him to celebrate at home in a smaller circle. Rather a small circle that is merry than crowds.
I think celebrating low- keyed would be a good compromise.

May God give you a husband. That is my prayer for you. Trust unto the Lord to give you a good husband. Pray for it and believe believe believe believe will come to pass.
When you meet him may God give you the wisdom to recognize him.
When you get married may God give you the love, humility, patience and endurance that marriage requires.
Most importantly may God guide your speech because most faults and disasters come from what we bring out of our mouth.

Good marriages exist. I can testify to that. When I was young I longed and crave for love, I got disappointed too.
With my husband I came to discover that love exists and not just that it grows every day.
Love is such a strong and wonderful bond. Marriage can be so full of love and happiness and joy.

There is nothing more important to a man than his dignity and pride.
Money is one of the many ways dignity can be attained. You can afford dignified accommodation food etc.
When you rob a man of his dignity, what use is it that you are contributing (not even solely responsible) for just one aspect through which his dignity is guaranteed.
The first thing you owe him is his respect and regard for him as your husband.
You grabbed his cloths and demanded he explain what he did with his money! That is very rude, it is humiliating, it is mean.
May dear the first way to save this marriage would be for you to apologize for your behavior. I don`t mean !i am sorry. You need to make a real apology. You need to go down and beg.
Just telling you the truth don`t mean to hurt you.

Secondly not earning enough is not a crime. He does what he can in the house, even borrows. Besides he might have parent`s and siblings to fend for.
I can well imagine that he had to give them the money and is too scared to tell you because he knows all hell will break loose.

Imagine a situation that your husband has lots of money tomorrow, he then goes to take another wife. The world might think that he abandoned the woman that supported him in his time of need, while the truth is that you hurt him.
Right now he is accepting your contributions with pain.
It is amazing how people build a house with so much hard work and then bulldoze it out of anger, temper or vanity.

If you spoke with love to your husband and he saw you as a partner, he would confide everything in you.

Please don`t think I am trying to condemn you. .. I just want to get you thinking in the other direction.
You have to be careful in a relationship. There are somethings that really hurt the other partner. The pain lingers on for long. They may forgive but not forget.

So my advice:

go and apologize to him in a very sober way.

secondly, it is his duty to run the house, help him, you are his wife. That is the meaning of love.

never get rude or physical on your husband. Talk like n educated woman to him! Polite and cultured.

You may not be happy with what your father is doing but quite honestly it is not for you to interfere or to even let it affect you.
You must have respect for yourf ather and respect what he does, even if you don`t like it.
Since you are actually old enough to leave home, your father does not have to put you into consideration when he wants to bring a woman into the house. More so this woman was his wife and is the mother of your siblings.
You want to improve your life:
Show your father respect and accept his decision. We are a polygamous society and it is allowed.
Show the woman respect and be nice to her, it will also improve your relationship with your father.
Don`t worry about your mother, she can handle it at this age and she should not get her children involved. Any mother that loves her children will not get them involved. You cannot even begin to understand what is going, she does.
You want to go out and fend for yourself. You just do not understand how the world is. When you have nothing and are in need even friends turn their back. You will recieve insults and humilation.
Is it not better you stay go and meet your brother. Even his mother might be able to help you.
Humble yourself and be a good son. Help at home in whatever way is appropriate for a man at your age. Show respect and humility to your father and the woman and your mum.
Console your mum that is all she deserves from you.
The journey in life can be a though one. You have to pay a price. It is better you take shit at home than outside from strangers.
Besides how do you expect your brother to help you if you don`t respect his mum?
The hard truth isthat you can´t have ever loved him if you cannot respect his mum or accomodate her presence. Look at it this way. Your brother had a hard time growing up without his mum. Do you thing he did not have many things to cry about? Do you think he never felt that your mum did not show him the love she showed you? Now you want to prevent his mumn from entering the house.
I do hope you can take this advice and if you do please come back to give the testimony of how yoru life changed for the better!

I think your husband is trying to tell you that marriage is not a do - or die thing for him. If he ccan`t stand your fire, he`s going to get out of your kitchen and make himself cosy in another woman`s kitchen...
He is simply signaling you that he is not happy with these arguments.
Perhaps you need to work on yourself and on the marriage.

It is egoistic to want to possess a human being and have him only for yourself. Why would you want to kill him if he does not want to have you or he wants to share his love with you and some other woman?
The only way you can bond a man or a woman is with love. It is a choice for you and for him.
If you value the marriage then start changing some things.

Try to compromise ...
Try means you make effort but you don`t quite achieve the goal.
He is struggling to be the head and decision- maker...
Struggling to attain something he does not have.

I think you have asked a question and at thesame time answered it without realising it.

OP Chaircover- I salute you, Long time!