₦airaland Forum

Infidelity is not genetic. Like many things in life, is a choice.  Unfortunately this girl didn't get to choose her family, but she can choose to cheat.

The problem with coming from a polygamous family is that there is a degree of stability that children do not know, but that's no different from a monogamous family where one person is always cheating.

I assume that his family are perfect and there's no history of infidelity anywhere?

Skyone

I would say the same is true for Nigerian men, let's not kid ourselves that men are faultless. 

I'm wondering if your friends were the kind of guys who did what someone I know did, decide he should get married and got married to the wrong woman even when the "red flags" were in his face.

There are good women out there and good men, I've met lots of them.  There are also those who aren't worth the time but men it seems are easily distracted by a pretty face and don't bother to get past the superficial.  What always amazes me is that a lot of Nigerian men never seem to want to take responsibility, it's always someone else's fault, namely the woman.

If you make a bad choice in a relationship you will pay.  But you also need to check yourself because sometimes a woman doesn't suddenly change, there may be uncommunicated issues, I hate to say but often women tend not to say what the problem is but let it fester and then "act out".

Anyway, I don't think you know all of the Nigerian men in the US, Canada and Europe, or you've skipped a lot of those in stable relationships.

touchmeder:
i really dont understand what the fuss is about!!!!!! i dont think there's anything wrong if a girl asks for allowance from her man!!!!!! i mean comm'n!!!!!

no! not for being his girlfriend! but for taking care of her needs!!!!!! wats wrong with that?


this is what i was referring to earlier on.   To the average Nigerian girl this is the norm. very sad

If she wants her "needs taken care of" she should get a job.

A man is under no obligation to support a woman who is not his fiancee or wife and who he is simply in a relationship with. 

Any woman who relies on a man "taking care of her needs" is always going to find herself going from relationship to relationship in order to have her "needs" met.  Is that the better alternative, a serial "supported" girlfriend?

At some point she's going to want to be respected - this isn't the way to do it.

I'm just curious where the assumption comes that Nigerian married women discard their rings "early".

What about the men - if anything, they are the ones likely to discard their rings early. I've known couples who don't wear rings simply because they're not used to wearing jewellery, but it doesn't mean their commitment is any less.

Are we only valuing people who wear rings and deriding those who don't?

ehisianya:
Nigeriana will never be or behave like europeans no matter how long they have spent in europe. It is a national disgrace any where Nigeria name is mentioned in the world. Educating someone in mind and not in morals is to add much menance to the society. I read with dismay all the surfferings of fellow country men and women at our past glory embassy in uk. Our Minster of external affairs what is his role in updating this commissions. Despite Government funding, they are to generate fund thru: Good customer care, Rebranding of Nigeria, etc just like their counterparts in other embassies. Do u know how much USA and UK embassies make in Nigeria alone?

ONE NIGERIA IN DEED. WE ARE ONLY FOOLING OURSELVES.

Does anybody in Government  care about all these TOUTS and thier attitude ?

SHAME TO SELF ACCLAIMED GIANT OF AFRICA.

Nezan:
See wahala-o. Must we be like dem? abi we be white men too? African inferiority complex

I'm hoping I have read this wrong, but why must behaving properly towards your own somehow imply behaving "white"?  Are we saying that black people are incapable of showing basic courtesy and decent customer service towards their own?

ehisianya - Do you know how much the Nigerian embassies/high commissions make from the UK and USA alone?

I never had this much trouble in the Kenyan Embassy.

manny4life:
In my own opinion, my answer is NO. The Nigerian High commission are granted Diplomatic Immunity governed by the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations. However there are exemptions to a certain clauses which states that a host country Government can revoke this immunity if such person(s) covered committed a serious and grievous crime which is not associated with their diplomatic mission. In this case, they have not committed any crime or done anything that would warrant it to be revoked, then the UK law does not play any role. I can agree with you that the police cannot barge in to an embassy, but then again its a crime when you "WILLFULLY" withhold government property (British Passports), and yes they couldn't have just gone in, they would have had prior authorization from the Secretary of State or minister or whoever it is in charge of foreign diplomatic missions.

While I would think UK Health and Safety law may not apply, it becomes another matter if a Health & Safety incident occurred on site involving UK nationals.  Under normal circumstances the HSE would be involved, in this case I can't imagine it being very different, just that bit more complex.  In such circumstances, I can't imagine that the NHC would have as much freedom and immunity.

I expect that the police would intervene regarding withholding a passport, but I wonder if they really get than many calls about the same problem(s) at the NHC?  If that is the case, doesn't it paint the high commission in a bad light? 

(no I don't lay awake thinking about this stuff, but it does bug me!!)

LadyT - just say "crazy lady at the NHC" to anyone who's had to apply for a visa and see what response you get!

carpe diem - I had the same problem as you, they wouldn't take my credit card and was told they wouldn't take my debit card either.  I've used my debit card at post offices before - they're good enough for me to deposit my money and to make withdrawals, but not to pay for a service?

Nameoh - I think you meant "Stratford" Station right?

I think if you go to any station where there are Nigerian staff you will probably get better treatment than from some of those at the high commission.  So maybe they should consider hiring these people instead

Siena:
With all these things taking place at the NHC London, I'm surprised the building's still standing.

And the staff still walk without the aid of canes, or crutches. One of these days. . .

Please please my sister, don't give anyone any ideas!  It'll just be an excuse for the incompetent to be seen as martyrs.

Ilelobola:
Couldn't agree more about the Nig High Commission in London though I've had 2 good experiences with them. However, the place is a hell hole and needs major overhaul of physical structure and staff.

I'm struggling to believe all these stories of people calling the police when the High Commission/Embassy has lost documents. Surely local police can't just enter another embassy's offices because someone called them about a lost document, they have diplomatic immunity surely. Otherwise, Health and Safety executives should have shut down the High Commission in London. I pray there is never a fire or need to evacuate quickly in that place.

I wondered the same thing but then I think they are exceptions where police will intervene.  I also had a discussion with someone about health and safety, whether the HC would be prosecuted for the results of a fire as you would think that H&S law should apply.  But then if it's seen as "foreign territory", even if symbolically so, would UK Health Safety law still be applicable?

I definitely know Nigerian passport holders can go to Barbados without needing a visa.  Ironically, Barbadians can supposedly travel to Nigeria without needing a visa BUT they need to pay a "processing fee"  - go figure.

nameoh:
skfa1
I think you are taking your anger so far. I was there 2 weeks ago and  2 days ago to pick up my passport. It is not as bad as you are saying what ,u should understand is that the population of Nigerians in London is so high and also for the fact that there is a change of international passport worsen the  chase.Every one that wants to renew his/her visa decides to have a new passport instead.Although there is great room for improvement like the toilet areas and the airconditioning system .Have you also checked the Indian embassy in London ,they have same problem because of the population problem.

Are you sure we were in the same place?  I was there last week, arrived around 10:45am, left after 4:30pm. Like omar22 I had paid for my visa online only to find out that, not only did they not accept applications for visas made via the NIS website, but the payment I make not add up with the total quoted on the NIS website.  Even more scary, the service is due to go live in July!  I don't get the impression that the NIS consulted the high commissions/embassies properly about this, even though the website is quite slick.  Thankfully one of the ladies at the counter helped me so I didn't have to pay twice which I was well prepared to do just so I could escape the place.

A large population of Nigerians is not a good enough excuse for overcrowding and poor service.  Because it happens in the Indian embassy that makes it acceptable?  Let's not forget that basement is a health and safety hazard, if you've ever had the misfortune of being there after a public holiday as I did, it is like a tomb.  Pschologically that place can wear you down.  I laughed when I heard one lady complain about the lack of fire exits, not to mention how hot it was down there and how long she'd been waiting - I told her she'd been in the UK waaay too long!  I find it hard that they are unable to improve the layout of that place, let's not talk about those with buggies who insist on squashing you to the wall even if you have right of way, or the buggies too big for the staircase that people will insist on trying to force down it.

The postal order processing fee is a rip-off as far as I'm concerned.  Two months ago I paid £70 for a visa, now I have to pay a "processing fee" which adds up to £90.  And pray tell, what is the money being spent on?  Why does it have to be paid by postal order, wouldn't it make sense to pay all by card or postal orders, rather than having to use both?

So many people had to leave and go to the Post Office off Charing Cross Road to get postal orders - I'm sure they're making a mint just from visitors to the high commission.  Fortunately because the waiting times are so long people were able to get there and back long before their number was called.  The website is a nightmare and not fit for purpose; it is bugged with Trojans to the point that when I tried to access it my anti-virus wouldn't allow me to open it in my browser, neither at home or at work.

In some way I empathise with some of the staff working there.  During my 5+ hours there I didn't see them take a break or go to lunch, I'm sure they're not paid very well.  Last time I was there and went to collect my passport, the scary lady gave me the wrong passport.  When I went back and nicely pointed out the mistake, she asked me to write my name down, and shoved my passport at me dismissively, no apology.  This time around (yesterday) my first name was spelled wrong, so I was passed to the nicer of the two who sorted it out for me.

BabyGirl_1 if I were you I'd avoid posting any information via the website, it is bugged and still not running properly yet.  I think they should take it down, it's an embarrassment.