₦airaland Forum

cold:
Spot on.Truth is,u loose money chasing women but u never loose women chasing money.It's the same everywhere,all that talk about 'true love' is all balderdash,there's no such thing.

If that is true for you, you are swimming in the wrong waters.

@ Broken659

Short and simple, your ex- is messing with your emotions, he knows he has the upper hand and you are weak for/to him. 

Pity you broke up with a pretty decent guy; your ex- was doing his "alpha male" thing which is why he was glad the other guy wasn't around.  I'd bet you that the other guy would've seen through him and your ex- didn't need your eyes to be opened to his mess.

You need to emotionally let go of him and move on with your life, for your sake as much as your children's.  If you keep going the way you are the children will lose their father again and the blame will fall on you (even if it isn't wholly true).

Your children might need a father but you don't need him.

ayo84:
rubbish, i think this should be rephrased as creative,beautiful,unsophisticated and understanding women are difficult to come by.

The issue is not with us men, but i think is the ladies.we are witnessing a scenario  where material wealth is a necessity for a stable relationship,gone were the days where couples fell in luv, even without no money.but these days the lady folk have created this illusionary world where money is everything, men are imprisoned by this trend , they disregard all forms of honest simple,truly luv at first sight incidences, and chase money, hoping that after accumulating the money they now have what it takes to get any woman they want.it's all the ladies fault-their obsession with material things drive men to do what they do.

WRONG @ highlighted.  Men aren't as weak as you make them out to be, if they are they reap their reward.

"Material wealth" isn't necessary to sustain a relationship, it is because people - men and women - are materialistic.  Love means nothing and neither does honour.  Choose a man with a car even if he's a "yob" and/or doesn't have a driving licence; choose a man/woman who looks the part even if their attitude and character stinks. The list goes on.

Stop seeking to blame women.  Men are just as guilty, they get themselves into debt to look the part and don't act financially responsible.  I've heard too many stories of Nigerian men claiming bankruptcy or ducking from answering the door because they think it's the bailiffs.  Often their indebtedness is self-inflicted to impress others, not because of the demands of a woman.

Few people are interested in integrity in relationships, a lot of people just go for the show and lie until they get caught out. That is the reality of the world we live in.

The idea of the ring finger on the left hand came from the Greeks who believed there was a vein in the left hand that led to the heart.

It is not true that people in Western countries wear their wedding ring on their left hand.  In Germany and other European countries, the ring finger is the fourth finger on the right hand.  In Brazil, engagement is indicated by wearing a ring on the fourth finger of the right hand.

Which finger wedding rings are worn on is not a Christian thing nor a Western thing, as different countries - and by the same token different cultures - have a variety of ring-wearing traditions.

@ poster

If you have the backbone for it, and your Fiance is in full support, have the type of wedding YOU want.  Don't let others strong-arm you into something you don't want or you will regret it.

If you could have it in church and have it the way you want - which, from what you're saying, you won't - that's fine.  If there will be too many compromises, then a court wedding it is. 

Be very clear in your decision and reasoning with your families, what you want out of your wedding and why you want a small intimate wedding. It's about you and your husband, not family wishes or preferences.

Church officers or not, if they want a church wedding then let them go there to renew their vows/get married, you do what's best for you.  Good luck!

I'm amazed by some of the myopic views expressed here, but then it wouldn't be NL if they weren't would it? 

Why do I like living in the UK?  Simple - I get to meet people from all over the world without having to travel.  My world view is not so narrow that I limit myself to shopping in Peckham and Dalston, only eating Nigerian food and having only Nigerian friends.  Do I think British society is racist?  It has its elements but by and large I wouldn't say it was more so than other places I've lived.  I have seen Nigerians exhibit this same racist behaviour they accuse others of - go figure.  I've always known that the UK was not the place I would grow old but then I have options.

We really need to stop making excuses for Nigeria or feeling the need to defend what can't be defended.  Why, after 49 years of independence, in the every day struggle for life should we have to dash money just to get people to do the job they're paid for?  Why should someone who's job is a cleaner in Nigeria be treated as invisible, and spoken to as less of a person?  How is it that we can be so religious yet so hypocritical at the same time? 

Life may not be perfect in either country but some of us have a choice as to where we want to live.  Many people, both in the UK and Nigeria, don't have that choice and life may be especially hard for them. We shouldn't lose sight of this.

@ poster, wonder if you ever managed to make that trip visa-free?

Nezan:
Divorce is sin (haram) before the Christian God.

This is true but, unlike in Islam, everyone getting married in a church isn't necessarily Christian even if they fall into that vague category of "God fearing". Some churches are very strict about who they marry and others are not.

@ Sagamite

I think I understand the point that theblessed was trying to make.  A woman may have invested much into a marriage and, by not knowing her rights, leaves with little.  In those cases she should be compensated.

As for a woman impregnated by a Nigerian man I'd like to think it was a typo.  However I understand his point; I could cite examples of Nigerian men who have a child/children, never married the mother of their child(ren), but wouldn't marry a woman with a child/children for another man.  Therein lies the double standard.

adaku123:
I will keep it,  Renting is just not my thing!!!

I will wear it on my anniversaries,  I think its important,

My mum still has her gown, She allows me and my sisters try it on very carefully, LOL

Its hideous, But it has serious sentimental value,  

I'm curious, what decade did your mother get married?  The only hideous dresses I can think of were 70s and 80s (even the men's outfits were awful!)  

roniesharl:
hi guyz, interesting tread.
my wedding is coming up dec 2009, from wat ive read on this tread, i'm begining to have a rethink.
i'd wanted to go for a very gorgeous wedding gown, but the question is,
will the wedding gown be useful after my big day?
will it appreciate in value with time?

Very VERY rarely would a dress appreciate - in fact, it's more likely to deteriorate first!

You may want to pick something that you can either dye (if possible) and wear again or convert into a dress which may not be possible, depending on your choice of style.

Congrats and hope all goes well in December.

stephanay:
im getting married soon and id like to cut costs on most things for personal reasons.

is it advisable to do my make up on my own?
what tips can u give me on products and techniques?

thanks!

Depends on the look you're going for; if you can do it very well at the moment, know what you want, and you're not rushed when the time comes, go for it.

If you know you're going to be nervous then get someone close - who's VERY good - to do it for you.  Practice in advance and try taking pictures to see how everything will come out.  Just because someone puts on their makeup well doesn't necessarily mean they'll make you up right. 

You don't have to get a make-up artist, if some of the scary wedding photos I've seen are anything to go by!  Just make sure you get your colours right and it can work for you.    Makeup should be as close to natural as possible, not like you're wearing a mask, but then it depends on your preference.

Good luck!

brein:
Men dont wear wedding aparrels

Dream on!  It can go the same way as a wedding dress or, in my father's case, still be hanging in the wardrobe and wearable years later (he's very proud of the fact that it still fits him )

Since I was a child I never wanted to wear white nor wear a dress that would make me feel like an exhibit.

My perfect dress comes in Amethyst, and when I'm done with it I will wear it to someone else's wedding 

comchi:
really, how do you know that your better half loves you? i have had experiences in the past where my lovers  profess undying love only to make me regret knowing them after making a few sacrifices for them.i want to be adviced before getting into another relationship.so common people,help a sister out

A lover and a spouse are different things, the significant difference being commitment

Fhemmmy:
To know if a woman loves you, i think it is easy, but knowing if a man loves you, is like going into acting school to understand how they operate.
Though, some women deserves an Oscar too.

Have to say I agree with you 100%.  However a minority of men wear their heart on their sleeves, whilst some do theirs under "disguise"  .  You know their love because it shows in little ways and they don't hide it even if they can't put it into words.

@ cooljade

So the REAL problem here is that she/you think the Fiance is quite happy to flash cash at his family or at his choosing but is stingy when it comes to her?  Wonder how much he's really worth or does he selective as to how he shows off, so to speak?

I'm sure ideally she'd like her dreamed of gold bars, as someone else said, a happy husband won't deny her that.  If he won't budge on it then I think she really needs to consider something that is equivalent, and take her bars one year at a time.

The dowry does not make a marriage, they shouldn't get too caught up in the material but maybe it's too late for that.  Would like to know how it's resolved (eventually).

@ virgo83

I have a question; where are the images of black women with the hijab? I see them every day, how comes you couldn't post at least one pic of a black woman in a hijab? I'm sure not only Asian and Middle Eastern women wear them!

oasis:
Isn't it smarter to learn of any bad habits b4 marriage, rather than after?

Which is better, co-habitation, or a divorce? Or have you forgotten that divorces do happen?

This is a moot point - divorce can happen whether a couple cohabited or not. Living with someone before marriage is no guarantee.

The Nation of Islam is not the same as normal Islam. It is very Afrocentric (occasionally racist) and excludes many of the teachings of Islam.

I could go into detail but it would take ages. Just talk to one of them and you will find out you're speaking of Islam on very different levels if at all.

@ cooljade

Whilst I think 5000 naira is a bit stingy, I don't think her Fiance's reaction was out of place, even if she didn't expect it.  It seems she didn't expect her dream world and the real world to collide one day.

If some men give their intended cars, houses etc, doesn't necessarily mean that every woman should attempt to demand as much as they want.  If a Sheikh does it, it's because he can afford it. 

Not everyone wants to be that ostentatious.  I suggest she have a back-up dowry plan that has more sentiment attached.  Plus 24k gold these days is very expensive, much less a number of bars!

[quote author=oyinda. link=topic=307063.msg4322164#msg4322164 date=1249794052]most of them have just as bad governments as naija to be honest. that "some" is few.
and did u read the rest of my post? of course our govt shares part of the blame if not most. our leaders lack basic leadership skills[/quote]I read the rest of your post but when it starts off with the statement I quoted it almost negates anything else.  

The British did not leave "few" in a bad state, there were quite a lot, and some of them were in a worse state than Nigeria.  Some territories they withdrew from whilst they were in conflict, some had underlying tensions.

Are you saying that Nigeria was ruled after independence by semi-literates?  I don't know how you quantify "leadership skills", that was not unique to Nigeria; it would also be true for almost all of the countries that the British withdrew from and many occupied by Europeans. 

I find it insulting that we should presume that our leaders need some kind of "leadership schooling" - where on earth do these things exist for people to become presidents or prime ministers?  Did Patrice Lumumba go to one?  Jawaharlal Nehru?  Kwame Nkrumah?

What makes the Nigerian situation that more special to what happened in Ghana, Malaysia and India, much less some of the former French colonies?

[quote author=oyinda. link=topic=307063.msg4321646#msg4321646 date=1249773214]you may be right i don't know. seems as if they didn't complete what they started with nigeria. we were left alone prematurely to continue a path we are unfamiliar with. the independence advocates back then were more familiar with most of these but maybe they weren't thinking about the future[/quote]It's time we stop burying our heads in the sand as if Nigeria deserves some special dispensation for the mess it's in. 

The British left other places in the same state or worse, why is it that some of them, in spite of the obstacles, find their own way and Nigeria seems to be pedalling but not getting far very fast?  How many at the time of independence were really thinking of Nigeria's interests and not their own self-importance - or is that the fault of the British as well?

Kobojunkie:
Loook!!! We know the current group have done poorly; The world knows this. My Question remains, who do you and majority of Nigerians out there expect to deal with these men for you? Are you waiting for the same batch of crooks to have a change of heart and suddenly start acting right for your sake? Are you waiting for the next batch of thieves to do this for you? Or are you going to get off your bum and go get the job done? You ask if there are no honest men in Nigeria, and I ask you why not you?

The answer is (and will always be if people can help it):
 
1) God (because he never uses the likes of me or you to do his work)
2) Some unknown saviour who will right all wrongs
3) Someone else

Ezenwenyi:
I just think Nigeria rushed into independence,imagine if we got independence in 1975.Nigeria would have been a better place to be.

Do you seriously think that 12 years would have made any difference?  Twelve years or twenty years later Nigeria could very well have ended up in the same state or worse.

No

Nigeria ceased to be the responsibility of its colonizers a long time ago.  

JomoGbomo2:
@ nex, this is just a question that keeps creeping up,

i dont like the idea of bringing back the colonials masters cos it doesn't mean progress, i, like every nigeria,  want to move ahead and progress forward  except that our leaders have failed woefully in their responsibilities and i wont lie, we the followers too have failed in our duties too as followers.

How many of us can boast of doing things the right way?
how many us do not give bribe when caught in the corner?
how many of us drive like we sane on the street?
how many of us pay our taxes?

Pls let nobody give me the rhetoric that the system is bad, we all know that. but i think we can turn the issue the other way round- we the followers.

How many os us see beyond our ethnic noses?
how many of us see beyond our religious eyes? we have displayed these last two points ostentaciously on NL
how many of us see beyond our stomach, pocket and bank accounts? dont tell me its because we are hungary
how manyof us manage our personal resources well talk less of managing the nation's resources well.
how many of us,

I think we should start teaching our leaders by our own actions and maturity, we should start  exemplfying those qualities we want from our leaders at our various communities, we should start doing things the right way and reminding ourselves and neighbors to do the right things too.
we are all guilty and we all will have to make things right by taking responsiblity and act in the right direction.
 
I can bet it, there will be no JESUS or MUHAMMED that will be sent down to help and pls dont expect any cos we are the ones to make it right.

@Beaf, i like ur contribution this time, its nice, keep it up.

You have said everything I would have said and more.

I know this is an old thread, but I wonder if it isn't more about doing things together rather than two people just doing their own thing and meeting at the end of the day? Not having common interests kills it for many marriages.

@poster

ProfJabura: but I noticed that someone pray for her before the wedding and told her her husband might marry another person. she told me but I told her all is in her hand and her behaviour to me.
Now is had a delay now. But just because of the Church and God and Jesus involve it not so. I will urgently go for divorce.

Do you not think you're making your wife's insecurities a self-fulfilling prophecy? 

Rather than reassuring your wife that the so-called prophesy was nonsense you basically give yourself a "get out" clause with a weak "is in her hand and behaviour to me".  Do you not think you owe her a bit more than that?  If that was the case, why marry in the first place if you knew at any "behaviour" on her part would lead to you wanting to divorce her?

If you courted for 10 years as you said, I'm not convinced there weren't some traits before you got married.  People rarely become another person without red flags preceding any change in behaviour.

If what you've said is anything to go by, I'm not convinced that communication between you is as good as it should have been in the time you have known each other. 

And please don't blame your wife or God or Jesus if you choose to duck out of your marriage without making every effort to save it.

To some of you posters who talk about women changing after marriage - I hope all of you who are saying this talk from experience.  Men change too, there's a thread here about a woman whose husband changed after marriage and not for the better.  But I guess that's ok right? 

Which ever way it is, it takes two people to tango.  Marriage is no more an eye-opener than love is blind; neither is true if you know how to communicate and get to know the intricacies and personality of the person you are committing to, rather than misdirecting your focus on looks and sex.  Sex is only a component, it takes a lot more than that and an attractive spouse to make a marriage work.

I'm sure Ribadu would be an ideal candidate for President, until he gets the position.

Fashola, in my opinion, should remain where he is - Lagos is a long term project, well past 2011.

abyte: A man is only as faithful as his options

If infidelity was unnatural, it will not be such a rampant issue in every culture.

illusion2:
This is probably the most sensible post on this thread & we all identify with this. . . . . .

Some of us have lots of options and opportunities, but our commitment means much more than a shag with someone else!

hilli666

I don't know where you got your version of the Bible from, but there are holes in your statement:

(1) God never told Abraham to cheat on  his wife with the househelp.
(2) Although Solomon had lots of wives and concubines, what was the end result?  They led him astray.

"Man must spread his seed" my foot - I know of a man with 10 wives, he's HIV positive; I heard of another man with 2 wives who raped a friend's daughter.  It isn't about "spreading seed" but exercising self-control, that's what distinguishes us from animals.  ANYONE will cheat if given the opportunity, like everything else in life it is a choice and people decide to do it or not, hormones or testosterone don't make us do anything. 

If cheating is so acceptable, is it that when people cheat they always feel terrible when caught or when they've done it (and sorry, you can't blame religion for this)?

Just because you know no faithful men or long term faithful marriages doesn't mean they don't exist, you need to broaden your horizons a bit.  I had a friend who worked as a sexual health educator, he said to me that he could never understand why men are so willing to chase sex "when AIDS is killing us like chickens" (his words).

If someone chooses to make cheating and having multiple partners a lifestyle choice they shouldn't complain when it bites them in the behind at a future date.

sir t:
@ Poster,

A beg, no think am at all. Love nowadays get more than two eyes. Na only lust dey blind now and I know, with time, the eyes go see well well.

True dat!

I want to know though, who are these shallow women you guys find that's always after money? I know a number of women who married their husbands because of their future potential, not because they had money. These women still exist.

If you find yourself in the situation of a "money-loving woman", your swimming in the wrong waters.

lonewolf:
If city firms, investment banks, hedge funds and other financial service institutions from Wall Street to London are feeling the punch of the financial crisis and are laying off workers with the quickness, what would make Nigerian banks impervious to those dynamics as well? Are these not the same Nigerian banks where the executives cook the books and declare phantom profits? How can a Nigerian bank convince me that they are able to weather the financial crisis better than a Canadian bank, for example, when the Nigerian bank  -- by default -- is operating from a weaker position and has less access to cash?


Nigerians just like to talk nonsense.

Interesting you should mention this, as I have just been reading this article from The Africa Report and this Clarification to the original article.

You're correct, Nigerian banks aren't impervious to the financial crises affecting global banking.  We will see what holds true when the dust from the recession finally settles.

harmlessx:
Before now I do believe things posted on Nairaland, because this is that same site got the info about the recruitment in Oceanic Bank and since then I have been grateful to Segun Osewa and other Nairalanders. But after reading SMOOOOTH posting I don’t thing I can trust information on Nairaland again because people like the poster are now using the forum to blackmail ororganisationhe this great Bank of ours OBIN. Mr Smoooth or what do you call your self again. It is true that the bank sacked some staff members, I am telling you that the number of staff sacked is less that 3% of what the poster quoted (do the calculation your self) and since then the Bank has hired more than that number of people, they are all involved in one fraudulent transaction or the other (with is what all banks do every time and there is no noise about it) not trivial issues as the poster said.

@ Smooooth I know you are one of the people we let go (after involving in fraud) or one of our **** looking for cheap way to rubbish the image of the bank. The bank cannot keep a fraudster like you.

Harmlessx

I really don't think you meant smooooooth, I'd like to think you're referring to the original poster, osamaobama (or whatever contrived nonsense name s/he calls themselves).

Not quite harmless when  you're flaming someone.  You might wanna check what you previously wrote.