Omotayor123:

Wrong Analysis NSG... Most guest will rather show up at the reception. Nigerian style

Prince16:


Nice one OP, BUT Kindly explain how u invite 100 guests but prepared food for ONLY 25!!!
**........still waiting**

Smartsyn:
To be frank, i don't know for now, but I will get married next year, cut my single friends, then come and tell you why i did it..

emperorchedda:
Insecurity says it all

After they've joined their friends in stomping lekki, painting Abuja red, riding that rich white man in a threes0me, banging chief for 100k, why won't they be scared when she's around knowing the kinda attribute her friend possess and how karma might befall them

Mjshexy:
Maybe she doesn't want u to snatch her man . On a serious note i think it depends on your personality & the ladies are good at cutting off their girlfriends after marriage but trust the guys, we ain't letting our friends out of our sight.

KelvinGraphics:
Name KELVIN


Age Early 50’s sorry 20’s


Occupation Graphic artist / Student

Are you single, dating or married At the verge of getting married
Those u like on Romance Section My niggaz from way back; JaykayMaybachz, LogoDwhiz, Kingtom, Dygeasy, Hfinest1, DaveP, Iceberylin,Jigsawkillah, VictoriousVic, Englishmart Naijaboiy, Grayline, IamKingzlee, JeffreyJamez ............ Aminat508, Starshyne, Tashaamania, Africanapple and so many uncountable ladies
Those u dislike on Romance section I have forgotten their names, they are not important
Those u find annoying Them sadists who gat 0% joy, nothing excites them e.g D*************
Those u can't help but read their posts (u look forward to what they have to say) Seriously no particular person, i always want to read everybody’s post if i can, But MrCork and NaijaSinglegirl should be my top 2 because they are both hilarious
Those you follow and wish follows you back If only there is a price you get when one follows you, then i may have one.
Why do you follow the people you follow Because there is something about them i like
NLer that has sent u the most PMs Sorry I don’t keep count
How many PMs do you get on average in a day -0
Romancelander(s) that u ignore or try hard to avoid quoting Nobody
Which Romancelander is fake It should have been which romancelander is real, Because i think we all here have an iota of fakeness in us, nobody here is 100% original, just that some are extremely fake. I hope you understand the kinda fake i am talking about? i mean the deep and not the shallow meaning.
Romancelander(s) you would have a one night stand with if given the chance but won't date *Coughs* until then, may God help me. Amen!
Romancelander you can date or have a crush on I gat a whole lot of them


Why did u choose him/her above?? (what attracted you to him/her)
Because they got pretty brain and look pretty also.

Your favorite Romancelander(s)

Some are gone while some are still standing; JaykayMaybachz, Grayline, LogoDwhiz, Kingtom, Dygeasy, Hfinest1, DaveP, Iceberylin, Jigsawkillah, VictoriousVic, Englishmart , Naijaboiy, IamKingzlee, JefferyJamez etc
Your favorite mod Obinoscopy
Funniest Romancelander(s)

MrCork and NaijaSingleGirl
Romancelander/NLer with the best threads
NaijaSingleGirl

Romancelander(s) diary you stalk None for now, But when i was new here i use to stalk that of Standd and one smallie (Martha King) but that na before before, like some decades ago


Romancelander(s) you used to get along with, but don't anymore. Reason(s) why? Them plenty o. I think we all upgraded and got to know that maybe we dont need each other’s anymore. As you grow you drop some people while some freely walk away on their own. It’s a natural fact.


Which Nairalander(s) has a personality that suits/ quite similar to yours.
Seriously i dont know anyone.

NLer(s) u would love to give a dirty slap to in real life

LilMaxFidel
NLer(s) you would go second and first base with

Refer to question 15 above.
NLer(S) you keep as a friend offline or you've met in real life

I keep a lot as friends off NL, though its off NL it’s still online, i have met just few like 2 or 3 of them but i won’t mention em Thank you
NLer(S) you consider smart All my hommies on here, because i don’t roll with dummies.

JaykayMaybach, Grayline, LogoDwhiz, Dygeasy, Hfinest1, DaveP, Iceberylin, Jigsawkillah, VictoriousVic, Englishmart, Naijaboiy, Barcanista IamKingzlee, JefferyJamez

NL member that tries too hard

Airforce1 and the other guy whom i have forgotten his name jare.
NLer(s) you find intriguing

Standd, KarchisBarbie, Dechandel, Idowuogbo
What phrases, insults, styles have you learnt from another NLer: “I school(ed) in France”


Which NLer(s) did u learn the above from:

Bombay and Englishmart
Who do u often disagree with on Romance Section:
Nobody, because i rarely interact here as of recent

Romancelander that you secretly wish you can both get to know each other:

This should remain a secret just as you said.
Who do u often agree with Jaykaymaybach,Grayline Naijaboiy and a host of other people.

Who do u consider sexy (opposite sex)

Nobody
Who do u consider ugly(opposite sex)

Nobody
Who is Romance section Mr/Ms. nice guy IamKingzLee and Adeh39
Who is Romance section Mr/Ms Mean guy/girl(one who takes things too serious) Darkenedrebel
and .................

Who is Romance section Mr/Ms. Douchebag? I don't know. Thanks

SHALOM & Happy New week to you

gist4kidsblog:
After carrying out lots of deep research, these are places you would never find Dangote’s son cousin brother-in-law. When the chair-lady of Nigerian single girls says don’t be found in these places, sisters, don’t!
1. Career fairs All the attendees are broke and are looking for a job except the host and the host is usually married!
2. Oshodi Under Bridge Can any good thing come out of this place? Any good thing?
3. Sabo Yaba sigh
4. Ozone Yaba Chances are pretty slim. Just Unilag boys roaming around in carrot jeans and palm slippers. Don’t waste your time abeg.
5. Computer Village You might lose a Bosom or another body part in the process of trying to find a man here.
6. ICM Is it just me or does ICM seem like a place to meet a boyfriend but not a husband? Too many kidults. I stand to be corrected though.
7. Markets Except you are a lesbian.
8. Names of places in Lagos that contains the word ‘bridge’ in it.
9. All the bus stops in the mainland. In fact, once you descend 3MB towards the mainland axis. Don’t reply any stranger that says, ‘excuse me’.
10. Motor parks where Lagos to Abuja is N2, 300.
11. MTN centres. The people that frequent here are people that complain over the slightest things. E.g “I loaded N100 in my phone last night and N2 was gone by morning! I am not leaving this office until you return my money back.” Don’t let that sort of man put you inside house oh.
12. Job interviews/reality show auditions. This is a gamble. You are free to give him your number but don’t reply that sms until he has successfully scaled through, the reality show has ended and he is declared winner. For job interviews, only if he gets the job. Don’t worry you are not a gold digger. Just a woman who knows what she wants.
13. BRT buses Have you noticed everybody always looks sad in BRT buses? Maybe it’s because they are thinking of their 0.28 account balance. Once you get in, HEADSET ON!

14. Justrite Supermarket Justrite prides itself in offering unbeatable prices of good. Any man found shopping here is looking for the cheapest alternative so therefore, that sort of man will give you N270 to cook soup.
15. 2go When you read cases of people meeting their husbands on social networks and you take a decision to try your luck on 2go, you are on your own.
16. Eco Bank Is it just me or is there a stereotype that surrounds bankers in Eco Bank. It’s one thing to find a rich husband, it’s another thing to pray he’s not a stingy rich husband or you’ll wish you married yourself.

Don’t forget to mention the places that you feel should make the list below

- See more at: http://www.gistmelove..com/2015/12/for-ladies-16-places-to-meet-poor-husband-in-lagos.html

cc.

lalasticlala ishilove

Atk01:
Lol...when you named yourself Naijasinglegirl, you cannot find boyfriend na. Just kidding.

Hope you later took care of the bone in your throat.

femidejulius:
Hmmm.. Naijasinglegirl, I envy your talent.

What else can be as humorous as this?
I wish we can meet one on one to see ao better you can now make moin moin

You should compile all these your stories together and think of publishing it one day. Believe me, it will sell.

As a teenager, I always heard the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. I believed it. What I didn’t realize at that time was that the food had to taste good to get there. When Uncle IK and his newly wedded wife became my aunt’s next door neighbors, they took a special liking to me and I made the mistake of bragging about my cooking prowess. I don’t know what I was thinking, offering to give both of them a moimoi treat.

My aunt had travelled out of town and left me behind.
I decided on moimoi cos I thought it was going to come out as good as the one they sold in Mr Biggs. I had never watched any one prepared moimoi, I was only certain it was a product of grounded beans and wrapped leaves (poor people moimoi) or wrapped nylon (average people moi moi) or wrapped foil paper (rich people moimoi) or plastic packaged (very rich people moimoi).
Market days in our town fell on Saturdays and Wednesdays. It was a Saturday and the timing was just perfect for my deed. I told Uncle IK not to interrupt me that I was going to invite him and his wife over the next morning.

That Saturday afternoon, I took all my pocket money which totaled at N200 and raced to the market to get everything I needed. Not one naira was left when I got back. After spending three hours separating the bean from the shaft, one seed at a time (amateur method), I realised I forgot to keep money to grind the beans. I ransacked the house for stray naira notes but found nothing.

I went over to Uncle IK’s house to beg his wife for money but no one was home. The time was 6:30pm. I had barely thirty minutes to do something about the beans before the market closes. With no particular motive in mind, I grabbed the bucket of beans on my head and dashed off to the market once again. When I got the grinding section, the traders had already begun to pack their wares.

“Please ma, grind my beans please. I have no money today but I would pay you on Wednesday.”
I moved from one stall to another pleading.
They all hissed at me and went about their business.

When darkness began to set, I grabbed my bucket of beans and raced home to re-strategise.
I didn’t know when I sunk on my bed and drifted off to sleep. There I was, hoping I was going to find some free place to grind the beans in my dreams. sigh
When I woke up, it was some minutes past 11pm.
PHCN had seized power while I slept.
The bucket of beans was still at the foot of the bed.
I didn’t even know where to begin. Uncle IK and his wife were coming for their moimoi first thing in the morning. I had a reputation to protect. My aunt was returning home the next evening and I couldn’t let her see the mess I made of her kitchen. We had no fridge to preserve the beans, but we had a bad ass mortar&pestle and I am not a quitter.

Without thinking twice, I emptied half of the beans into the mortar and began pounding like a witch in the dead of the night. My shadow on the wall was frightening, like I was pounding people’s destinies.
After ten minutes of pounding vigorously, I flashed my dim torchlight at the product in the mortar and froze in horror.
Pounded beans was a huge mistake and I was brought up not to waste food.

I emptied the contents of the mortar into the bucket of the remaining beans and mixed both of them together.
Crushed seven cubes of maggi, a spoon of salt, a spoon of pepper, crayfish, two cups of water and stirred the strange looking mixture. It was like a food they were preparing for sacrifice.
When I was done, I searched for nylon but it was nowhere to be found.
Rain had began to drizzle.
The torchlight was getting dimmer and dimmer…
Not every time moimoi wrapped in bits. Sometimes make one large moi, after all, all na beancake.

I emptied the contents of the bucket into a big pot, lit the stove and place it on the fire in all its botoboto glory.
Lightening flashed and a loud thunder struck immediately. I supposed sango, amadioha, thor and other gods were acknowledging my sacrifice.

The torch had seized at that point. The only flicker of light in the room was from the stove flame. I squatted in front of the stove like I was cooking dinner for a witchcraft meeting.

The aroma was as strange as the sight. One minute it was smelling like boiled akara, the next minute, soured beans. I never bothered to open the pot all through for fear that what I may behold might trigger a nightmare. After 30 minutes of boiling the moi moi. I put out the fire and went to bed.

In the morning, I avoided the pot like a plague.
I just couldn’t bear to open that shit…until Uncle IK and his wife barged into the kitchen and went straight for the pot. I tried to stop them but they were adamant.
They both let out an outburst of laughter when they beheld my moimoi fiasco. I dipped my pinky finger when they left and licked it and believe me, the moi or whatever it was tasted as bad as it looked. Watching both of them laugh at me again later in the day, I realised the way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but you’ll only stay there if you can laugh together through the years.

Funjosh:
Naijasinglegirl


It all depends on what is available, but as for me I ask for WATER, if no water I use tissue, if no tissue I use leaf, if no leaf I use the Punch or the Nation

jerro124:
Who needs water or tissue when you can just sit on the floor and slide your anus front and back?

Yomieluv:
I prefer rubbing it to the wall.

Omotayor123:
Personally I use water And I think it's the best. So far you wash your hands properly after.. @NSG you can continue using tissue if you find it more convenient BUT make sure you have a Bath as soon as you can.

Depending on tissues alone is totally unhygienic. I would never be comfortable with that without using water or having a proper bath.

billyG:
I think u shld join chinamanda aichie to wrote novels

eherbal:
@Naijasinglegurl ,I relate to your dilemma. I've been driving for 20 Years Now, and I don't just seem comfortable with a truck or a 22 wheeler tailing me ,especially during long distance travelling . I usually move to the side of the road or I stop all together. No pride in being competitive with those bullies. It's called defensive driving .be good. BTW, how's your driving now?

missjane:

Seeking for relevance again.. NaijaSingleGirl is the next best thing after chocolate cake...
But of course your alomo bitters life won't let u know that...
U said she sucks d!cks, people like u that talk like that have d!cks the size of match sticks.. unfortunately my girl NaijaSinglegirl doesn't smoke!

CLeAtHead:

This ret@rded Bit©h with her tall tales again. She's definitely sucking lalastico's D!ck for her topics to be jamming FP

photographer:
ok so am on my sick bed and I decided to go see wats new on nairaland amd what naijasinglegirl is up to and you got me laughing out loud like one fool or perhaps like someone the doctor walk up to to say 'hey you can go home you ailment is gone'. thanks mehn for this laughed you just gave me. seriously you are good at what you do for me I dont think you need a job. You hav one already. keep it up

I was 17 the first time I got behind a wheel. Then I was holidaying with an uncle who had different vehicles at his disposal.
My uncle has 6 kids, all of them knew how to drive including his last kid who is same age with me.
It was his eldest son who gave me my first lessons on driving an automatic transmission. After days of practicing around the compound, I lost focus and rammed into a fence. Fortunately, my cousin was seated beside me to step on the brakes just in time and a tragedy was averted.

The next time I drove was years after, during my NYSC days precisely. A friend made attempts to teach me how to drive a manual transmission perfectly but I took my lessons nonchalantly knowing when the time comes to get my own car, it’s going to be an automatic or nothing. Little did I know this lack of knowledge will haunt me one day.

KARMA
Recently a friend sent me a job vacancy with mouthwatering benefits and one of the criteria was,
‘Applicants must know how to drive.’
I applied, got called for an aptitude test last week and scaled through. A day after, I was sent another email to come to Ogudu with a driver’s license in two days time (Friday).
Quickly, I browsed through Vconnect for driving schools around my area. The first person I called said N20k for intensive express lessons. Second said his vehicle is indisposed except I have a personal car. Third gave me a fair price and invited me over.
I met him, told him I just need to get familiar with a vehicle for a day since I already know how to drive and my lessons commenced immediately.

This guy is not a licensed instructor, just some guy with access to his friend’s vehicle, looking to make extra income.
Firstly, the 1990 Passat looked like it just survived a highway accident.
My shoes and chairs were soggy when I sat cos muddy rain water had leaked into the vehicle.
Also, when I jammed the door and forcefully returned the stiff gear to a neutral position, the guy said, “Please take it easy with the car. Its not my car abeg.” So I had to sit like a statue so I don’t upset him until he asked me to drive.

I drove in a parallel line in a secluded street until he suggested I drive to a busy road. As soon as I approached the junction linking both roads, my legs began vibrating. You see, I have this intense fear of driving alongside fast moving vehicles and this was my first time of driving in Lagos, a city of reckless drivers blind to the L sign. By the time I joined other vehicles, both hands and legs were shaking visibly. My instructor’s command of English was not helping matters.
“You are falling my hand!” He said. “Relax, get ready to cut your hand and brake. Oya trafficate. I said trafficate! Trafficate ohh! The left knob is trafficate na! This girl!”
“Please take it easy with me before we have an accident.” I pleaded.
He told me to pull over immediately.

After I caught my breath. He told me my problem is fear & controlling the steering. That was when he became a driving instructor cum psychologist.
“What is your major hobby?” He asked
“Writing.”
“I mean what do you do for relaxation?”
“I said I write”
“Ok. Now, you are going to drive back to the junction and imagine you are writing while you drive.”
I had a WTF expression on my face.
“Ahn ahn. But what is the relationship between driving and writing?” I asked. “When I am writing I am usually absent minded in my own fantasy world. It’s as good as advising me to text and drive.”
“This girl!” He cut me in. “Okay just pretend I never said that before you kill us.”
I breathed in and began moving the vehicle again. I was driving fine until he asked if I was checking my side mirrors. I glanced at the mirror and started trembling again when I saw one fuel tanker following behind at full speed.
“Tipper oh! Tipper is coming!” I screamed.
“And so? Maintain your lane!” Guy said.
I swerved and told him ‘I cannot come and kill myself.’
The guy laughed and said he has given up on me that when I go for my test, I should smile and flirt with my instructor that his female cousin did that four months ago and scaled through a driving test with NBC.

DDAY
We were eight in number at Ogudu. Six guys and two girls including me. The other girl I wanted to use in pitching a tent with in my misfortune was not even my mate cos she came with one fine car. The place was a hotel and we all waited at the outdoor restaurant.
We sat for more than an hour before our instructors came, a man and a lady. The restaurant attendant brought a tray of hot snacks and a carton of drinks, mostly malt and cold canned beer. The lady said we should have brunch before going out for the test and she sat back to watch the boys who will be dumb enough to drink beer (first test maybe).
I didn’t go near the snacks while others ate. I was seated, smiling and waiting for the male instructor to lock eyes with me.
When he proved stubborn, I went over to where he sat to start a conversation. My trick is usually asking questions relating to their place of origin so I could trace his brother’s wife housemaid as my mother’s aunt sister.
“Good afternoon Sir” I said sweetly as he busied with a document of road traffic signs on his table.
“Afternoon. Have you eaten?” He asked in a very stern voice.
I got the message and slowly returned to my seat in humiliation.
Soon, I heard a vehicle horn outside. The instructor said all of us should go out. Outside, there was a white 18 seater manual transmission bus and he said they are going to use that to test us.
A bus of all vehicles? My legs were weak. Instructor said we should get in and each of us will take turns to drive as we move from Ogudu to Ketu Area and back.

MY TURN
We were scheduled in a way that the two ladies were made to drive last. All the guys scaled through their test but no one was allowed to leave the bus yet. The girl that came with her car was the second to the last, before me. She drove smoothly for two kilometres or so before she parked for me. Where I was required to drive was one kilometre. I alighted and noticed where she parked was a pothole in a hilly road. When I tried to move the vehicle, it kept stalling.
The instructor was just watching quietly. I was so frustrated after a few minutes and started shouting at no one in particular. “She should be made to take the blame! Is this where the last guy parked for her? She did it purposely so I won’t get the job. This is just wickedness!”
The girl was about defending herself when the instructor told her to calm down. He told me to return to my seat and drove us back to Ogudu to pick our bags.

I LOST THE JOB AND BEER
Knowing I no longer stood a chance of getting the job, I went over to where the remaining drinks were kept so I could pack all of it to compensate myself for the money I spent but there were nowhere to be found. I have been moody all weekend.

damiloladuke:
I asked for a guest post on your blog, you refused. Jide Ogunsanya asked me to write a guest post for his blog... Thats life, there is no competition in this world, everyone is unique...

haytripple:
That was d kind of lie peter told in the bible 189BC bt anyways nice write up...I think u shd give novel writing a try

shizzy7:
....Let me read your story before I comment

2014,,Op how did you bribe the mods??

yuzedo:
Fücking love you, NSG!

Realgana:
My DAD died on my 24th birthday which is exactly 8th of October,2013,for that I wont celebrate my birthday ever again.
Naijasinglegirl I will come back and read your hilarious write up later.

stellytwinkle:

naijasinglegirl, u rock my world. I'll like to have u as my friend, u know, to keep my face smiling always even when life brings it's own wahala. Keep it up. Muah!!!