₦airaland Forum

Stephen2324:
Don't be fooled by those urgent 2k's, These women have money!!!

SLAP44:
This is the title of a new movie shooting since this week, we were chased from the film location with tear gas

Amanda4life:
ANONYMOUS BABAA IS A BIG FOOL.
WHO HATES TRUTH.

PLEASE TELL HIM TO QUOTE ME DIRECTLY.

PLEASE TELL HIM HE NEEDS DNA TEST ON HIMSELF

AnonymousBabaa:
Op,Firstly I need to commend you for taking your time to share your story on this platform. Secondly,I really feel sorry for you ! I hardly comment on this platform but some comments (both good and bad) from some readers made me.

I'm so touched by your story,I could feel you deeply, I could even feel things you couldn't mention,I even felt some happenings right before you later mention them on another page. I have read all the pages of the comments written by everyone,i learned one or two things from the commentators even though I already knew the best solution to your issue.

I appreciate your temperament all though,it says one or few things about you psychologically.
I'm a happily married man,blessed with 3 grown-up kids,living in my own house (not an average Duplex house).

Op and other readers should be wary of comments from @Kobojunkie,@gayman99,@Amanda4life,@EJEHSON and their likes ! Something is not right about them,if you were to know them well enough,then you will know they are not living right,they are with their own issues,issues greater than yours !

And Kudos to good minded commentators,enough of them,I will like to mention @Somblaq ,@SimplyFacts,@ityP,@generalwo,@grandlexuz,@Angeldemon,@mazizitonene ,they have got the brains and the good minds needed to render a healthy advice.
Also,@tempex88 made a good point when he said "I experienced something similar but didn't get that complex ''. Indeed yours is complex simply because you didn't act like a real man and because you didn't act timely ! These are two different things !! And it is now even beyond professional counseling and all that,because you have been there and it didn't work. It is just too late right now. The writing is on the wall,so open your mind to the reality and the eventuality !

@pappilo also made a sensible point when he said "Your children will be perfectly fine. I held on too long to something that was finished for the sake of my children but it eventually fell apart at great financial, emotional and liberty cost." Indeed eventually down the line,that's what will eventually happen to you,whether you want it or not. Or in a worse scenario,it could be worse,I pray it doesn't lead to an early grave. AMEN !

I think you have lost the battle,hence quit the toxic marriage,because there are already many red flags coming from your wife. I would have loved to mention them all here right now,but i cant due to my time. By and large,to me,she is no longer your wife,she is already a stranger,you don't even know her again,if you think you still know her,then you are lying to yourself,deceiving yourself.

I think you didn't act like a real man while she began growing wings,you really condoned her lapses and excuses,and this brought you to this present stage.
If you were my friend,my brother,a friend's friend,or even a strange,based on your narrative and base on how i have been able to connect with you psychologically and spiritually,there is only one solution,the hard way the only way,Let her go off the hook because she is already a "goner" ! Open your mind,open your eyes,there are so many red flags you are not paying attention to ! I pray it doesn't cost you your life,I really pray !
I sent a nairaland email message request to you but you are yet to acknowledge it.
I wish I could have a private talk with you.

Kobojunkie:
So you know the possible reason why your wife has been acting the way she has been acting towards you?

Does she act the same way with the kids?

ityP:
Omo. Same reason I may never have a house help. Even if I must, it must never be a small girl. She must be matured, so that if my wife wan wicked or maltreat her, she fit carry frying pan, break my wife head one day

Kobojunkie:
I concur!

Neonly, I agree with this poster as there seems to be something you are not telling us...

fergie001:
SOURCE

efficiencie:
She cannot all of a sudden decide to pursue her own ambitions without carrying the family along. There is a lot you are not sharing with us and you want us to advice you. If all was well for over a decade then tell us what went wrong. Tells us if you supported her ambitions. Tell us if you discussed ambitions before marriage and tell us what agreement you two arrived at...if you wife has abandoned her duty to you it may be in response to you abandoning her. Humans tend to be vengeful when wronged deeply. If both you do not see eye to eye without a confrontation blowing up in your faces, then call for a family meeting with her parents, your parents and her. Let everything that has transpired be laid bare and you do your part.

Amanda4life:
NOT ONLY FOR YOUR FAMILY HAPPINESS,

WHAT ABOUT SIDE CHICK HAPPINESS.

IF YOUR WIFE DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY, REST I BEG.
SINCE SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU SPEND ON, GO TO THE OTHER OZA PERSON NA

Amanda4life:
PRIVATE SCHOOL IS TOUGH.

YOU YOUR SELF , YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY OKAY THATS WHY SHE CANNOT LEAN ON YOU FINANCIALLY.

OR YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER IN TERMS OF YOUR INCOME, AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING MUCH FINANCIALLY, THATS WHY SHE DONT TRUST YOUR FINANCE, YOU HID YOUR EARNING S, SHE BUILDING FINANCIAL SECURITY AROUND HER SELF.
BECAUSE , YOU ONLY SPEND ON THE CHILDREN, YOU DONT INCLUDE HER IN YOUR PLAN, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BUILD HER OWN WALL.
YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER, YOU DONT TELL HER TRUTH, SHE HAS DETECTED A LOT OF LIES FROM YOU. YOU HAVE HIDDEN A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER AND SHE HAS FOUND OUT.

YOU TELL HER LIES A LOT, SO SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. SHE HATES LAIRER.

JUST TRY TO CHANGE



SHE IS HARD WORKING

Aurelius1:
How old is your wife? Don't be offended, but I have a clue as to what might be the problem.

SweetyZinta:
Very true!!

generalwo:
.... Your marriage is 15 years... No be joke bros.... My stupid advice is.... Invite her folks or family members to talk to her..... If she doesn't change after that, invite her pastor to talk to her.... If she doesn't change.... Invite your own folks to talk to her... If she doesn't change..... You talk to her yourself.... If she still doesn't change, then nothing else can be done....... Maybe it's time to quit if you Wanna live long for your kids.... A broken home is much better than being in the grave with a broken spirit..... I no support divorce any day but if all avenue to make her see reasons is not coming out good...then maybe it's time to say good bye....... Like I said... It's a stupid advice... You're not under any obligation to heed to it

BigBashiru:
has it ever occurred to you that maybe she is actually stressed from work and goes straight to shower and rest?

or maybe she's fed up with the relationship/marriage?

BigBashiru:
after you got married, how were the first few years of the marriage? was she also going straight into her room after work in the first 3 years of the marriage?

PeaceJoyLove:
I don't mean financial is 50/50. Some women get angry inside when they see the man just dishing the cash out, maybe you unconsciously used to say it out thst you pay for "this this that that those" when she asked you for more in those days....which is normal at times. So it drives them craz.y. But the funny thing is that, let the woman who boasted and promised herself to work and not rely on her husband starts earning huge, she will still not want to put in her money to assist. Well, maybe few out of them. Well, the way the society has made the man the alpha and the omega of the house in Nigeria, is the same way the woman has been made to let the man do everything. After all, the man is the "god" at home. So, they just concentrate on their siblings who arent part of the nuclear home... esp when the wife is the first born, hahahhaha..that is when her little bro puts it in her head to buy house for dem papa and mama. Meanwhile, the husband is struggling hard. It is the society we are in sir. But you guys can come together 50 - 50.

I meant that the activities of the house should be 50/50 stylishly. You make it look 50/50 even it may not be. You guys should sit down and arrange it well. It is a way to say that you assist her. While she is cooking, you take care of the kids not to frustrate her in the kitchen. And you may even enter the kitchen to assist her. Also, you may be the one to buy some petty things at home if she will be late. All you guys just do is to talk it all. Now that you have experienced what she was carrying in those days, you can relate, and you can help better. You know things she can combine, and things that are stressful. Both of you can even shop together in the market. It doesnt mean you follow her around to all the stores. You pack the car somewhere, and hang out there, while she goes inside to shop. She calls aboki to take them inside you car, and you drive home. You face the traffic together. That's partnership. You get so tired in the traffic that you just branch at one eatery and that is it for the day. But your wife goes to market, you dont know what she faces, and then, she must cook by fire by force for you at night..if she didnt cook, it is war. So, she developed the thought that she would show you pepper soon. And she is really showing pepper now. This is what I mean by 50/50.

Another example. You may get out of office and pick the children if she has a very good excuse. That's it. You need to even talk to her and look at her career. You may even get involved and help her climb higher. I do not know what she does, so, I'm telling you that try 50/50. It is mutual understanding. It doesnt mean that you share everything 50 - 50 like finance or even the house chores. Show serious concern and help her. Provide alternatives when she is hooked. Deliberately go out of your way to make it easy for her most times. Bro, Sunday can be a day to eat out for the whole family. If you are a Christian, just carry them out to eatery on Sundays, and eat there instead of at home. And find take away too. So that she doesnt enter kitchen on Sundays. Or you can even arrange for food to be prepared for your family instead of eating junks out. There are people who render services like that..

Bro, I have settled so many issues for couples. Things that stress women in Nigeria are things that dont exist abroad.

1. Clothes Hand washing: (they will wash and wash. Children's clothes, bla bla bla. Now, there are people who come home to do it. Even that is stressful. Just save and buy washing machine. Simple. That's the solution.

2. Dish washing. Oga, if you love yourself and you want a peaceful home, run and buy dish washer. No man will want to wash dishes, and that activities can mess up the brain when it's getting cumbersome.

3. Cooking: This is the worst. My advise is that there should be a day off for every woman to stay away from the kitchen. Either you eat out, or you get someone to prepare it. See, you can have someone who cooks even at home and your wife supervises while she is doing it so they dont go put rubbish in your food. Oga, learn how to get plastics packs ooo. Let the person come maybe once a week. And the person prepares the soup, stew, and maybe roasted beef, chicken, turkey, etc. And store in the fridge and freezer in different plastics packs (big, medium and small sizes). Use gradually for the week. Use a part to mix stew, and then when its half week, use the other part to mix the rest. So it will still be fresh. You can take vegetable in the first half of the week, and then take drawing soup into the second half. So, you make the drawing soup on Wed. Mind you, all the ingredients and chicken or beef are already prepared the last Sat. So, it is sharp sharp thing. Its cooperation.


Sir, I learned well from the womb that brought me to this world. My father was strict then, but my mother in those days was a foot mat everyone walked on. But thank God sha. It paid off. She had properties even more than my papa despite my papa was earning more. And I can tell you that she used to spend her money seriously. One day, all the children even sat down, we also tried to estimate how much we (children) used to take from papa and mama....you know what we did? I planned it. I used sense to collect the last list of prices of the foodstuff she bought for the month. She used to write list of monthly expenses. I got it, and we marked out the ones my father paid for, and the ones she paid for. Alsp, We added all our school fees and house bills (we took out NEPA bills ...then no one really pays for water). As in we used style to ask her all the things my father was paying for, and we compared with hers. Sir, my mama own pass. Cos all the "little little" expenses are crazy. I used to follow her to market regularly in those days sir. So, I used to hear all her lament how things was going up constantly, and she couldn't even tell her husband at home cos it would be world war. Lol. See, responsible women dey try. But there are ones that are demons too. But it made my mama to be a better money manager. She send me abroad. Also, she sent my bro too. The rest my papa paid for theirs in Naija...and see all those fine boy money pass school fees oooo. Wetin concern my papa? Na mama. And she kon dey place where she pushed all of us to UNILAG. Cos we all passed through the school before I japa then. This was a very long time ago ooo. A no be small person ooo. Se you can imagine in a family, all the children ....UNILAG..hahahha.. No one single private university im those days ooo. A beg, make a no talk too much. Is it those days she would come carry us from our granny place everytime I returned from school? Cos when the thing hooked her, she had to move us to a school near her mom's house. I was angry then cos I went to a less expensive school...as in the ones before me went to a better. I didnt finish there, I was withdrawn. But it was after 25 years I understood it. And I had to hug her. Mehn! I carried that thing inside for long that why? But I didnt know that she would have dropped dead of she didnt do it. It was wahala. See, my mama na gold oooo. Forget. Till date, hmmmmm....my papa still says it......my woman, my rock.

So, sit down and talk to yourself first. And call her after you have put sense inside you.

wonderr:
was she like that from the beginning or she just changed of recent? Believe me this questions are really important to take into consideration before u make your decision

Kobojunkie:
Why ask an outsider when your wife is there for you to mine for the answers you seek.

Communication is key!

Kobojunkie:
Oh, I didn't know that.

Has your wife always been the churchy kind? What demon is she supposedly working so hard at ridding herself of with her church schedule?
It just seemed weird to me that she is not tired of the marriage, doesn't want to entertain a house help and also keeps what I consider a weird church schedule - note that I am not a churchian myself.
Is there something from her past that could be the reason? Have you tried inquiring about why she keeps such church schedules? Just out of curiosity?

sylvestersamuel:
Here is mine.



It was 11pm in the evening, i was fast asleep when my aunt woke me up that she craves for a yam sauce. After cooking for close to an hour, i served her the yam sauce. She ate just about 3-4 spoons out of the sauce and thereafter, requested i convert the yam sauce to poridge yam.

God!!!

Omo, local man started preparing yam poridge at about 12am in the morning, just to satisfy her, considering her condition.

At about 12:45, i was done cooking. I served her the yam poridge but she rejected saying her baby craves for bean cake (akara). I told her i can't grant her what she is requesting for because as at that time, it was almost 1:30 am. Guess what? She legit started crying (lol).

Local man can not can na, i left her and went to sleep, you can't come and be stressing me untop pregnacy that is not mine.

Please share yours if you've got any.

Amhappy:
You have spoken to everybody including we nairaland strangers but you are yet to speak with your wife that is giving you the wahala. Pride is what is killing your home. This I've seen with my third eye because you didn't tell your story well.

Kobojunkie:
Have you considered sending your kids away to your parents or hers so you two can talk adult to adult about things?

Her objection to the hiring of a maid, her church schedule...something is hidden that needs to be revealed..

PeaceJoyLove:
The questions are:

1. We was/were doing the highlighted part initially?
2 When did you take over?

Bro, if she had previously done it for 10 years or more before saying NO and a resounding capital NO to you; then, she is not at fault.

You asked what will be your future for doing the activities? The same question she had asked herself most likely before she said NO. She decided she was not going to take it again.

But then, you said she works and she makes money for herself. I do not not know if she had been working all the while before this trouble, and just being selfish.

Talk to yourself first before talking to your wife. If she had been doing it all, and her career was on the line; then, it is you who was selfish when she was doing it alone. But if you evaluate it all, and she has just been exactly like this all along; then, she is selfish. The other possibility is that the two of you are being flexing muscle against each other in the house. In this case, you are the one who asked for advice here, and you will be the one to first call her, and you both have a heart to heart talk where you share all responsibilities and activities 50 - 50.

If you cannot do 50 - 50, then, oga, I have no suggestion for you.

Goodluck!

tempex88:
I experienced something similar but didn't get that complex. I came to the conclusion that two can only work together if they agree. Support her on her career dream but let her know that those to things that needs to be done at home, someone has to do them. Na money e go chop. She should pay for cook, pay for nanny and pay for someone to stay with the children. You continue with rent payment, children fees and food allowance. If she wants to do what men does, she has to be ready to shoulder the responsibilities men shoulder....my own madam agreed to it. And we are fine.

SimplyFacts:
Stop replying Kobojunkie, she's a Die-hard NL feminist. She has no value to add to your home. Her words would make you feel that's how all women behave,,,, which isn't the fact. You need the help of a counsellor & not a feminist.

Shokoloko:
It is not totally right to sacrifice yourself for family happiness. If anything happens to you family will adjust in less than 6 months.

If you leave are you planning to leave with the kids? They might be happier with you. Age is not on your side, I believe that after 40 people should try to make themselves happy.
At this point you need to either cling to your partner like never before or take a break from the relationship.
Your mental health is key.
You can only cling to your partner if she realises that this marriage is about to break and is willing to cling to you until the storm passes.

So you have to talk with your spouse? Ask her if she is tired? Let her know that you are tired as well. Ask her if she is willing to communicate and cross this stage. Then tell her what you do not like that she is doing and LISTEN to her reasons why she is doing it. If there is a stalemate, both of you should still come together and discuss how you plan to separate temporarily amicably.

wonderr:
Am sorry to ask this question hope she is not the one taking care of the most responsibilities at home?