₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Hahahahaha.... Princesa, please no allow Plainmirror kill himself. Those words is ego killing. I beg you in the name of God, modify it. I know you made the list of judges but that is not enough to rub it of PM's face.

We all have our attitude but maturity says we should tolerate others. Giving him words that will give him sleepless nights is not nice you know. A little bit immature on your part saying you determined his fate.

You had an opportunity which he did not get. You harnessed it. Such opportunities don't come all the time. Stepping on toes will do no one no good.

Like someone pointed out, a goat that is put in place of a lion cease acting like a goat but will take tthe characteristics of a lion. What the writer failed to mention is that, it will still remain a goat and eat grass whilst a lion still consumes flesh.

Princessa, please, do not repeat this again. A judge should not get exasperated by the characters and backlash of those she judges. It shows the maturity. You handle and run the show, do your thing, and forget others.

Plainmirror, you got what you wanted, albeit in an unkind tone. I hope you learn a little bit from it. Everyone has his breaking point, and you just broke Princesa resulting in those words she used on you.

Chose your words and battle wisely next time bro.

Take heart...


Peace out!!![/quote]Nice one, Foxy!

Princesa and PlainMirror, no dey fall hand now. E don do oh!

Kayemjay, thanks for your constructive criticism.

Actually the story is not a short story at all. I just had to cut it short. Story so far......

I am sending my pails of gratitude to everybody that pertakes in this competition - the readers, the judges, the coordinator, oga mod, and others. And special baskets of gratitude filled with grace and abundance blessing to Mazi, and Nairaland, for giving me the chance to write something.

This is my first writing ever.

Thanks.

An0nimus: Chike and the River - Chinua Achebe. . The book big o, kai

Which book? Chike and the river, 68 pages book is big. Ah!

...

Damex333: guy, your words are great. I promised myself not to post again but i got to answer this and also show some act of sportmanship.
@bolded s so wrong. Cos if a ss1 student was asked to judge ss3 students, and a question on organic chemistry was asked? How on earth will d ss1 student know which of the answers is right when he doesn't even know what organic chemistry means. It all come down to experience.
Every judge on this competition actually deserve being a judge. They all have the experience. I have all of their works prior to this time (expect d sex memoirs, but i still glance thru sometimes). They are all good and great. But all critics are all wat we have been hearing before, punctuation, spacing, errors, but what i dont know is how to work and correct that. That was wat i was expecting. But still got the same thing all over again.
Well to all the Judges, Mazi, princessa, repo, efe, omolola, kay, ishi, and HBG. I say thanks to all of you, its not easy sacrificing your time out of your tight schedule.
To all the five finalists, una weldone o, i wish all of you equal luck and all d best.
To our 10 non-finalists, we are great, a popular saying says "nobody can make except you grant them the authority to" (in my own words o) so, even us out of our tight schedule, some of us were even preparing for exams like me. But we still put pen unto paper and dole out something out of our imagination. All i say is, the non-finalist tried the most.
To every body, the writers, the judges even the spectators. Practise makes perfection they say, if you want a a future in, you just gotta keep trying. If i offended anybody in any post of mine, am xowie.
With that said, i gotta bow out.

THANKS

Nice one, bro! See you at the top.
Thanks

Omolola1: OMA4U

Three words for you.
YOU ARE GOOD..
It was a bit long..but make no mistake, You are good and I loved it.
Content, illustrative skills and organization was excellent.
What's the title of the story though? Or should I give it one

Okay give it a title. But the title is in the last statements of the story: 'A Place In The Sun' but the story still continues though,
i am eager to see the title you want to give.

Thanks

Kslib: Lmao!! Abeg oo..
Why i go provoke na? I didnt know i sounded harsh ooo..

Abi you wan set me up? You wan make me look like sore loser shey? ..
Your pan no go work..lol

I was just pointing out things . Its no that serious nah.
HBG,no mind this guy oo

..
..
All izz well!

okay o. Don't mind me jawe. But I actually thought you were vexing...
In your voice: "all zzz well"

Whatever the judges say, my guy u try ooo. I swear it's not easy to write. Writing is just one herculean task

Kslib: 1.. So cos you've never read any vampire stories in Africa, now means any story that involves vampires should be shoved aside? Besides,i never included any vampire in my story. I only described the old woman in a way i thought was scary,i wonder where you got your vampire theory from?
You said even if it's just in dreams:: Like seriously? I have dreamt about UFO's and i'm sure many people must have dreamt about many strange things also.. THIS FIRST POINT OF YOURS HOLD NO WATER AT ALL.. ##No offense##

2.. You just said spacing and you didn't specify where in the story lacked space when there should have been one..

3.. I never wrote at any point in the story that mike was bitten. I didnt say he went to his friends house cos he couldn't sleep. He wanted to visit his friend who just flew in and for some strange unknown reason,he felt that was the right time..
It was a dream and strange things happen in dreams that's why i said his reason for deciding to go out that time was strange..
Well,i guess you were in a hurry to just finish with my boring story,that's the reason why you rushed through the whole thing.. Its fine though..

4.. What does Ishi has to do with my work? No wahala.

Lastly,you placed my work at 9th position.. Well,its not easy to come 9th out of 15 sha BUT honestly,i would have preferred it if you had placed me at 15th but critiqued my work accordingly..
Pls learn from @omolala..

Erm,look at the bolded and learn from your mistakes. That's not how to spell. .. Thanks for the critique though.
...
...
All izz well!

My guy don provoke... Tak am easy o

HumbledbYGrace: yes, those #4's deserved that position.

Ayaf hear o. So where is your analysis of my story?

HumbledbYGrace: you copied my top 5

HBG, take note! There were two 4's in your nominations.

princesa: Okay, finished reading all entries and as usual I've got a little something something


T-flow: good choice of diction, impressive narration and dialogue, consistent plot. The opening paragraph was bulky, some copy and paste work? Please endeavour to keep the opening paragraph catchy, precise and punchy.

Numerruno- Me thinks your story lacks a definite sense of direction and the plot inconsistent with so many characters that do not have clear-cut roles. I advise that you concentrate on and develop very few characters if you get to the next round.

Oma4u: hmm, it felt like i was watching a flick from 'yollywood' (the yoruba version of the nollywood ). Anyway, the proverb coloured dialogues suit the epic piece I.e. Good dialogue, good spacing too, but the length! Did you word count? don't forget you have to always work with the rules of the competition.




That all criticism i have, will be dropping my best five soon..

Thanks for the analysis. I just want to channel a different style for myself (writing yoruba in english).

I would like to ask if you enjoy the story?

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Plainmirror

I love adventures, and your work was a good one. You wrote with confidence and I liked that. However, I have to point out a little bit of this bump in your work. The occasional use of brackets to indicate side comments or buttress a point doesn't just do it for me. Check out this paragraph of yours;

As a big boy then in SS2 [unity school no be beans naa], I banked my money myself. During ‘break’ periods, I would go to the school canteen with my guys [girls inclusive atymes] and consume some edibles courtesy of my regular sponsoring [ I am d generous type who loves to make people around me happy].

In just one paragraph, you have three of such speed breakers! It doesn't make for an easy read as it distracts the reader from the main work. I love smooth rides when I'm reading.

Your adventure was fun, and you presented it in such a way that the reader would want to jump to the next paragraph to find out what happened next; that's the element of suspense.[/quote]@Mazi, I am expecting more analysis o, especially on my story.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Your work will be judged based on your original submission. You are not allowed to make any edits after submission. The onus is on you, the writer, to proof-read your work several times before submission.

On a lighter note, look at it this way: when you sit for an examination and then submit your paper, do you then go back to the examiner to collect your script because you forgot to title your paper?[/quote]Alright, thanks. I won't bother about that anymore. But what matter to me now is the analysis and criticism of the judges to know where I get it wrong, and to improve.

Thanks.

HumbledbYGrace: harde boss, you cannot, this will teach you to do things in time

You didn't seem to get me. I submitted last, but I didn't include the title. The modify button is now removed. Can I drop the title here? Pls....

OMA4U: I type the whole story with my phone and uploaded with PC. But I forgot to include the title, and there are some words that change. E.g I wrote 'copulate', it changed to 'reproduce'. And some of the paragraphs were lumped up. I don't know what to do. I tried editing it with phone but it was hanging.

Pls, can I drop the title here?

Thanks. I still could not believe I would make it. I started writing it yesterday, and I submitted some minutes before the deadline.

Glory be to God. Thanks Mazi and others. Judges, I beg you to be merciful with scoring. Na my first writing be this o.

Somebody should please comment on this. I beg the judge to read my story, please. I submitted some minutes to the deadline, and I forgot to include the title.

I type the whole story with my phone and uploaded with PC. But I forgot to include the title, and there are some words that change. E.g I wrote 'copulate', it changed to 'reproduce'. And some of the paragraphs were lumped up. I don't know what to do. I tried editing it with phone but it was hanging.

Pls, can I drop the title here?

Thanks. I still could not believe I would make it. I started writing it yesterday, and I submitted some minutes before the deadline.

Glory be to God. Thanks Mazi and others. Judges, I beg you to be merciful with scoring. Na my first writing be this o.

The case was taken to the king's palace. The families were lying on the mat spread all over the ground at the palace. They all chorused "Kabiyesi o."

The king had known all about the occurrence. He quickly judge Bewaji to lay down his life. He commanded "Bewaji, you are to be beheaded before the sun set. That's my judgment, and no one can use a bare hand to scratch the sharp tooth of my sword." The king surmounted the guards; he ordered them to take her to the 'ogun' - the god of iron - shrine. She was sentenced to death.
The atmosphere seemed to be possessed as the king judge and went in. Bewaji cried bitterly and collapsed into Ajayi's arm. She held Ajayi tight and told him she loved him, but she had to resign herself to fate. While she was taken away, she stared at her parents. "Mama, Papa, I am so sorry for disappointing you".

Ajayi could not withstand this, but he stood option less. Was he going to lose his love just like that? Ilori who was present there hurriedly held Ajayi from falling. Aarin sat on the mat cooking up in her mighty brain how she was going to be saved. She had to prove to Bewaji again, she is worthy to be a friend. The family of Ajayi was neither happy nor sad. Their son would have children as they have him though, but it wasn't pleasing to the eyes, beheading Bewaji. The whole environment filled with undefined wails.

Sooner or later, Aarin thought that what if Ige could die, Bewaji would stay of course. She alerted the depressed husband. Ajayi took that as a good idea, he told Ilori. They all shared it as a brilliant idea. In two ticks, Ajayi had sent a message to his male servants that they should prepare for war.

The servants saw this as a way to show their sincere gratitude to Ajayi. The all got armed. With Ajayi and Ilori leading, Aarinola and the male servants followed.
At the entrance door of Ige's hut in the town of Fiditi. They Fiditians and the entire family of Ige were sober, mourning a brave man that just departed in the mid-night. They were all on blacks. Ige's mother had hit herself to ground countless times, but that was not going to wake his dead son. No one knew what had killed him overnight. It was a grief moment as the Fiditians lost one of their great men, Ige.

Aarinola had directed them so well. They got there, but to their surprised, they met people mourning someone. Their mighty arms of war fell. Aarinola moved closer to ask Ige's youger brother who came to Bewaji's hut then. He told them Ige had died overnight. Aarin looked back at others. Ajayi winked at him, signal her to ask where the corpse was.
She asked they boy quietly. They pretended to be some of his war men that have come to sympathize with the family. He took them in. Under Ige's hut, he was lying down lifelessly. His end has come. Ilori whispered in Aarinola’s ears, “but how do we get his blood?"

"Let's carry him to Lalemi, at the Igbale shrine where the sacrifice would be made. We have to be fast. Bewaji's life was at stake" Ajayi concluded, and Ilori supported him. They carried the corpse in no time, and the male servants surrounded to protect them.

"Where are you taking him to?" Ige's youger brother alarmed the mourners outside. They rushed in to know what is going on. Before they could make any move. The servants had begun shooting up to the sky to scare them away. The smell of gun powder and the stony faces of Ajayi's servant scared the pants off them. They succeeded in carrying his corpse to the town of Lalemi.

Bewaji had been taking to the god of iron shrine, where her head would be cut off. The guards grabbed her roughly and tied her face with a black piece of cloth. Bewaji was enveloped in darkness and fear had overthrown her life. She began shivering. Her head was going to be cut off like a dog. Everyone experienced misfortune at some point in time but the misfortune Bewaji was experiencing now was death. Her head was hung on the two branch short leafless tree at the front of the shrine. The Beheader had come out with his sword in its cord. He removed it out of the cord and asked for the approval of other priests that gathered. He raised up the sword and made some incantations.

Ige's dead body had been taken to 'Orisha Igbale' shrine to get his blood and appeased the god. The chief priest brought out a knife placed beside the shrine, he handed it over to Ajayi. With less time they had in hand, Ajayi had cut Ige and gotten enough blood from him. With a race that had no second part, they all left for the god-of-iron shrine to make it known to them and stopping them from carrying out the barbaric act.

A twinkle of an eye could mean many things, but the one twinkle at Ajayi, Aarinola, Ilori, and the male servants, was the head of Bewaji laying on the ground
Head of Bewaji sprinkling out blood from the lungs. Bewaji had been beheaded. She had gone and never to return. A place of darkness to which all deads go.

The priests present at the god-of-iron shrine said something must have gone wrong. One of the priest that seemed to be in high rank showed them a sign they had placed in the sky - a yellow tiny line that would change to red - if the 'Orisha Igbale had been appeased, but they wondered why there was no sign.
They all went back to 'Orisha Igbale' shrine to inquire what went wrong.

The chief priest consulted 'Orisha Igbale', and it was revealed to them that Bewaji was not deflowered by Ige. She had been deflowered a very long time ago, at the age of fifteen, when she fell stupidly in love with a boy whom her sister was deflowered before marriage. And the entire family of that boy, and the boy himself had been banished.
Ajayi looked up the sky pitifully, he said,” As I got blood from Ige, I thought I have conquered for us a place in the sun – a comfortable place where Bewaji and I would live to enjoy the rest of our lives, unknowingly to me that it was all fallacy. Where am I to begin from?”

“Ajayi Ogidiolu, the one who owns a well everyone comes and fetches water from. Ajayi who takes his bathe in the river and every lady washing at the river bank leave their clothes and run up to. It is true Bewaji is gone, but we have conquered for ourselves a place in the sun where you and I would live forever. I promise to be yours forever.” Aarinola said, as she kneeled down in his front, shedding hot tears.

The chief priest concluded, “It is fate that has brought you together. Go In peace, and get married. Bewaji will be glad in heaven to see you two together, and never to depart.”

If a day were selected, it would one day clock; if a month were chosen, it would one day come to past. The night Bewaji was going to her husband's house had come. The families had blessed them with prayers. The fathers of the couple and the male elders were all dressing in green coloured 'agbada' - a large flowing gown that covers from the neck to ankle and from the left wrist to the right wrist. Young men were dressing in 'buba' - a loose and roomy top that was shorter and smatter that the 'agbada', and 'sokoto' - a roomy garment like a pair of pants with an elastic band to tie it at the waist. The women were dressing in 'aso-oke' with 'gele' to complement it. The bride was dressing in a navy blue 'Al'aari' - rich maroon. While the groom in 'sanyan' - a very light brown with strips of cream.
The couple had gone in, and the crowd were awaiting in expectation to see the white handkerchief given to the groom turned red, to prove to them all that the new taken bride was a virgin.
Under the hut of Ajayi, Bewaji began to cry mercifully as she was about to get laid on. It was no surprise to Ajayi, as it was her first time. "Don't be fretted, my wife. It's not going to hurt you. It's something we are both going to enjoy." Ajayi said with seductive voice, loosing the band on his waist.
"No, it's not about that, Ajayi. I have offended, you and your creator. You can no longer meet me at home." She explained how it happened.

"Ah! No! No!, what do you mean? I am not going to allow this. I will expose you to the whole world."
Enough of pleas she had said, and getting close to him, dragging her kneel on the ground, to get hold of his legs tight, and shedding hot tears on him. With the love Ajayi had for her, he could do nothing, but to accept her. His anger melted like shea butter under a scorching sun.
"But what do we do? And how do I convince the people you are a virgin?" He asked, dragging her up to her feet. She placed her head on his chest.

Half an hour had gone. The crowd outside had been waiting impatiently. Ajayi's harsh mother had been knocking rigorously.

Bewaji and Ajayi began shivering, it was becoming no hope for them other than Bewaji to be exposed. As they were pondering, a whispering voice alarmed them through the backyard window, calling "Bewaji!" They thought it was the gods calling; they were engulfed by fears until she said "it's me, Aarin."

Bewaji was stunned at how Aarinola had maneuvered to get there, and what she was up to. Ajayi took four steps forward to the wooden made window.

"What do you want?" He had known her to be his lover's best friend. So there was not much ado.
"Open the window. Be fast, please!" she said as she stole a glance at her two sides if no one was seeing her.

Ajayi opened the window. They couldn't believe what Aarin had done. They were astonished, and gratitude flowed on their faces. She took them away from the tense environment, and replaced it with joy.

"Ajayi, I want you to believe everything Bewaji had told you. Please forgive her." she said, and pointed another red handkerchief that had soaked in a blood to him. She continued,” take this handkerchief and show them when it is time." she concluded, and without wasting time, she left there.

Aarinola had gone to meet the butcher while they were slaughtering the cow. She had taken little blood from the dying cow, and soaked the handkerchief in the blood. She showed a high degree of intelligence had she helped her friend out of the misery.

Ajayi believed her. Not only because of what Aarinola told him, but also because he had known Bewaji to come from a decent family. He lay with her, and hurriedly went out to show the crowd that the white handkerchief had turned red.
Everyone dressed so cute, they were all looking elegant. They were accompanied by drums like 'gangan', 'omele', and some other musical instruments to the groom's house. The aroma of 'egusi' and 'efo-riro' - a vegetable mixed with melon, and pounded yam and other foods prepared for the event, had taken up on all sides, and it was perceived by everyone. The drums beat continuously and a loud welcome was made to the bride. Everyone wine and dine, and enjoy the rest of that night.
For many a month, she was respected for her beauty, strong body for the good garden she made for her husband. But gradually the attitude of the people changed. Bewaji could notice people's cold stares, pointing fingers and low whispers. Her thumping hears would not let her sleep. How happy she would be when her reproach would be gone, and she would have children. But the months multiplying into years still saw her walking with empty arms. Her family had taken her to different kinds of herbalist, where she had bathed and drunken different kinds of herbal concoctions in no measure fruitlessly. Until one day, the two families agreed to take the couple to 'Orisha Igbale', where they believe the ultimate solution was.

At the shrine, Orisha Igbale had revealed to the new chief priest that took over from the old chief priest that died some months back. The new chief priest explained what the 'Orisha' had said to the family.

"Orisha Igbale says the couple had committed abomination. There is a secret between them and until it is revealed, the two would be unable to bear children."

Bewaji was going through insanity; her thoughts had made her feel the day and night had been working against her. Her balloon of fears of the unknown was bursting. Her eyes were now gory due to extremely high blood pressure caused by excess of ultimate rage coming from somewhere deep in her past. She knew the beans-cake was about to explode into palm oil. She felt it was time to let know of the hidden deeds they had harboured. At least after much disgrace, she would conceive. She thought as stood promptly in front of the crowd with less courage, and much fears. She explained everything without holding backing anything.

The families were exclaimed at what they had done. It was like a super story to them.

"If this is the case, what do we do, the wise one?" Ajayi's mother asked in hurry to get feedback.

"There is a solution. The only solution is either Bewaji should die or the man who rapped her. One must go. Even if they get married to someone else, it would still be the same. They have committed abomination and they must suffer for it." The chief priest said and left the ugly scene immediately.

In two ticks, the story like a flame of a burning house had spread all over the town. Ajayi's family insisted Bewaji must lay down her life for their son to proceed with his life. They believe she had to die because she was the culprit.

It was three days to the biggest wedding ceremony the Lalemians would experience. It was going to be like the King's daughter wedding ceremony that took place a year before. Bewaji was busy in her hut with her best friend, Aarinola, discussing how the event was going to be blissful. Aarinola had had enough responsibilities placed on herself to take care. No one was as close to Bewaji as her, even her mother. She was about to leave when a black young boy knocked and said" hello, the king of this hut."

"Welcome, our honourable visitor." Bewaji replied and she stood up to meet with her visitor. It was Ige's younger brother. She ushered him in.

Aarinola stood up and wanted to make for her way for home.

"Hope I am not the one chasing you away with my presence." the young visitor quietly inquired.

"Not at all. I was about going when you came." Aarinola replied with a smile, bent under the door of the hut and left. But one thing took over her subconscious; she seemed to have seen the young boy before. May be she could not remember, she wanted not to be bothered. She was hastily going home.

The young boy carried a stool and sat with eased mind. He was tired, trekking twenty kilometers from Fiditi to Lalemi. Aarinola had gone inside to bring out kolanut and palm-wine for her visitor.

"Have these my honourable visitor, it's been ages, hope no problem."

"Yes oh! No problem. My brother, Ige, sent me to you." he said as he gulped down the palm-wine.

"So what's the message? Tell me and let me have a taste of the message." Bewaji said in anticipation. She took another stool and sat at the front of the young boy.

"He said he needed to see you urgently. There is something very important he wanted to tell you."

"But I think he should have told you. Okay, I guess there is secrecy in the message."

“Exactly, aunty Bewaji.” The young boy nodded.

“Okay, tell him I would see him tonight. But I will not stay long. He knew I am getting married in three days time” She said.

“Thanks, aunty Bewaji. Let me be going.” He said as he stood up. Bewaji saw him off to her door.

Without a second set of eyes, Bewaji had concluded in her mind. She would go there without the consent of anyone except the omnipresence supreme creator.

Ige was a child born with the legs coming out first. He was a dark and hefty handsome man. Ige and Bewaji had dated for years and they were so much in love with each other. But unfortunately they could not get married because of the quarrel that had occurred between the Lalemians and Fiditians over many acres of land before they were born. The quarrel led to a mighty war that made the two towns developed an unquenchable hatred for each other.
Bewaji had made Ige understand that their relationship could only result in nothing, and nothing more. So why wasting their precious days? Ige had accepted since he knew there was nothing he could do to change that. Their departure was a painful one, but with the mischievous plans Ige had harboured in mind now, their final departure was going to be an endless pain for Bewaji to nurse forver.

As Bewaji came into his hut on that very night, Ige knew he had no time to waste anymore. Bewaji had seated believing she was as safe as tortoise under its shell. She had entrusted him with all her life, and despite their departure, nothing has changed her trust for him. Besides, Ige never painted a doubtful mind of himself into her heart.

Ige that was lying on his back on a goat skin had quickly got up. He rushed up to her. Bewaji was flabbergasted at his way of cuddling him this time around. It was very unlike him. Bewaji tried resisting him, and asking if he was out of his mind. He came deceptively, and so unprepared was Bewaji for the passionate thrust which followed that she screamed, so piercingly. She was even surprised at her own voice. How could one's body betray one? She should have got up and run, but something was holding here there. Not before long, Ige had made his way in getting her laid on the goat skin with her legs setting apart.

"Ige, you are tearing me into two." she said with a tiny voice, until she melted and could say no more. She felt him inside her. It hurt her to the highest degree.

She wept and the sobs was trying to suppress shook her whole being.

"Do you think I am a fool? After wasting away my years to be the first to lay with you and enjoy the untouched fruit, you left me for someone else. You think you are smart, but now I have outsmarted you." Ige said with a mixture of fulfillment and unfulfilment. But at least, he achieved his ferocious aim.

"You have satisfied yourself, right?" that was Bewaji's only statement and she left in agony.

Bewaji was alone in her room, wailing endlessly. "I am doomed. I have put my family to shame and disgrace. Who shall I tell mine? No one". She was bombarding herself with questions and providing unsuitable answers by herself, while Aarinola came in. On the sight of her bosom friend, she quickly rubbed off her tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"Bewaji, what happened? I have been knocking ever since with no response." Aarinola knew something had gone wrong. She bent down close to her side, and pressured her,” talk to me Bewaji, you know I am always there for you."

"Aarin! Aarin! I am doomed! I am no longer a virgin." she said and boom into much tears and pains as the thought of the mischievous acts of Ige raced through her mind.

Aarinola almost tore apart. She could never believe what she was hearing. "How did it happen?" Aarin inquired inquisitively.

"You know when a young guy came yesterday?"

"Yes, I know. Then what?" Aarinola cut in.

"He was sent to me by Ige." Bewaji explained everything to her leaving nothing behind. With tears of pain and regret flowing in her eyes balls, and streaming down face. Enough volume of mucus was streaming down her nose with high viscosity. She cried out her life. It was the worst moment Bewaji ever experienced.

Whosoever saw her perfectly structured body and beautiful face now would not know that she was like the taste of pineapple that makes pineapple sweet, but the pits in it were uncountable. She was now an empty barrel made of beautiful designs outside, but she could keep no water.

Aarinola remembered where she had known the young black boy. She had once gone with Aarinola to pay him a visit when their love was still igniting. She thought for a while, disturbing her gyrated-working brain. Aarinola knew she would, one way or the other, find alternative. Her friend and her family could never be banished while she still had life in herself.

"You will never be disgraced. Trust me, rather than a child of ‘Orunmila’ fallling into dungeon, the lightening would deliver its sent messages. There must be solution" Aarinola said in assurance, patting her on her back and cleaning her gloomy face.

Bewaji believed in her, because she had saved her from many unusual and bad experiences, but not worse like this.

The sun had gone below its horizon; silence dusk had come. The very bright yellowish scorching sun had turned orange-red hues, taking its usual path to set. The male and female servants working for Ajayi, rather as helpers instead of slaves, were all still busy in the farm. He never for once made them think they were slaves. He believed that though it was a long shot by any measure, but the slaves also were born by mothers. Generous was he to them like a free gift of nature. Ajayi had hardly slept for hours when a strange sound awoke him. Could this be his friend coming back to give him response about where he sent him? He dismissed the idea as frivolous as he discovered later that it was the noise of two mice chasing each other to copulate that had woken him. He still lay on a goat skin under his modesty thatch roofed square-shaped hut. He stood up with the same thoughts that had accompanied him to sleep.

Some minutes later, there was a hard knock on his door. He quickly replied in exhilaration and expectation of good response from his friend, Ilori.
"Come in". He said, walking towards the door. It was the servants coming back from the farm. He was a bit angry and returned their greetings in exasperation. He went back into his room, and sat on a stool at the corner. He ordered a female servant to bring him a gallon of palm-wine and a calabash. She quickly did as he ordered. He gulped down the palm-wine to suppress his mind that was about to explode with the thoughts and anticipation of the upshot of the discussion between Ilori, his go-between, and the endowed lover he wanted at all cost. This was the eighth times he would send his friend, Ilori, to her. Many a night she would scorn Ilori, saying she did not feel like having anything to do with him, even though Ajayi was not supposed to be that kind of man women should say such things to. But she refused to be carried away by his wealth or his handsomeness. The day went full dark, the moon shone out in its rightly position. Ilori was not seemed to be coming tonight anymore. Ajayi soaked himself in the palm-wine. He laid back on his well-designed, brown goat skin, looking forward to the dawning of a new day.

At the crack of dawn, there was a lot of dew on the grass, and the cold air made the environment cool. The servants of Ajayi had begun their daily job. The noise of life had begun as the daily activities were going. Ajayi was still asleep when Ilori came in. He gave several knocks on the door, but no response. He then opened the door, and went in. Ajayi was sleeping like a dead dog. He seemed to be very tired because of his weary thoughts.

"Ajayi! Ajayi," Ilori beat him slightly on his foot. He woke him up in excitement to explain the good news. Ajayi's eyes were dimmed, but were alerted when he seemed to decode the smile stretching across his adoring friend's face.

"Ajayi Ogidiolu, the one who owns a well everyone comes and fetches water from. Ajayi who takes his bathe in the river and every lady washing at the river bank leave their clothes and run up to." He eulogized him, and continued," Ogidiolu, my friend, I have brought you a good news. Yesterday was an exemption, Bewaji spoke to me with tenderness; her voice sounded like that of an angel, her voice took me to the air of peace and..."

Ajayi cut in,"Ilori, tell me what is going on. Don’t be like a black man in a dark room, looking for a black hat. His ways are unfathomable."

"I'm very sincere. Trust me." Ilori said, and in furtherance, "you know, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remain, however improbable, must be the truth." Ilori concluded with wise words.

For a second, there was silence, and then a wave of emotion rolled over them both. The freedom from his burden evident in his victorious smile. He then shouted in astonishment as ecstasy enveloped him.
"The value of sunrise is known only to people who were in the darkness. Ilori, you are indeed an added value to my whole being, thanks." Ajayi said with gratitude overflowed his eyes.

Ilorin responded, cuddling him, "the glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, it is the inspiration that comes to one, when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him. Thanks for placing the responsibilities on me, and believing I could do it perfectly for you."

They both smiled and sat down. Ajayi called out to the female servant that constantly served him palm-wine. "so when shall I meet her?" Ajayi asked.

"In three moon days, she told me with assurance." Ilori answered. The servant had brought the gallon of palm-wine and two calabashes. They celebrated and drank up themselves.

In the night of a full moon, numerous stars were in the sky, countless as the sand in the seashore. Ajayi had come in his light blue with strips of white sanyan to await Bewaji for their first meeting. He was looking handsome like never before. On her arrival, Ajayi stared at her well-rounded chocolate coloured body; her dazzling eyes sprang up his manhood. Her perfectly curved hips glowed in her attire- a special thread made clothe that has been soaked in homade dye. She was looking elegant, walking majestically under the palm tree that was a few kilometers away from her home to meet Ajayi. She was a foot shorter than Ajayi, and this made them more physically perfectly for each other.
A smile lit her face as they exchange pleasantries. Bewaji was very shy to stare into his eyes. Ajayi knew this, and he picked up his flute made of pawpaw stick with a nylon tied to its mouth on one side, and a bored hole by its side that pronounced the melody of his love song as he blew air into on the other end. Ajayi sang for Bewaji. The melody of the love song sank into her head, and catapulted her to an unimaginable love life. Bewaji was wrapped up in the ecstasy in the atmosphere.

"Bewaji, will you marry me?" Ajayi inquired locking his eyes on hers.

"Ajayi Ogidiolu, the one who owns a well everyone fetches from in an early morning. I have come to fetch forever water from your well. Yes, I will." Bewaji responded after taking a deep breath as tears of joy, the water falls of heart filled with love filled her eyes.

Ajayi was elated at her reactions to his affectionate song and his request. He knew Ilori, the go-between, had done a great job. They had a lenghty talk. They ended their conversations happily. Ajayi made a move to kiss her, but she rejected and said."Hold on, it's all yours. This is just the beginning."

Three months later, after the two families of Ajayi and Bewaji had been doing in and out concerning their love. They eventually chose a date for their wedding. It was seven days to come. The Lalemians knew it was going to be a remarkable one in the town of Lalemi. A talk of the town, and an exemplary for lovers to come. The family of Ajayi who believed that ancestors and 'Orisha Igbale' had enormous power to watch over their descendants. They called the lovers and told them to fix a day to consult the 'Orisha Igbale' at the shrine. The 'Orisha Igbale', an ancient god that all the Lalemians, both ancestors and predecessors, had been worshipping since the inception of the town. And nothing was going to make their own an exemption. It had been a custom for every descendant of Lalemi to continue worshipping it.

On a very bright evening, the two families had arrived at the shrine to commit their about-to-wed children in his hands. The man on a long white clothes, with grey hair, and holding a long stick, was the chief priest that would consult 'Orisha Igbale' with incantations. It was pellucid he was a very old man. The 'Orisha Igbale' was a statue made of shaped wood at the centre of the shrine. The shrine was painted in white with a mixture of liquid old chalk.
The chief priest took steps forward and made his entry under the hut, and others followed with the couple walking behind him. He ordered the bride and groom to come forward. He brought out a kola nut with four eyes. He broke the kola nut and asked them to stretch out their hands and take them two pieces each.

“Take these my children, place it on your left palms." he said with shaking lips. They did as he said, and he asked them to throw the pieces of kola nut down on the ground. Precisely they did. The chief priest checked the kola nuts, those ones that faced up; those ones that faced down. He said loudly, "the 'Orisha Igbale' has supported your marriage, go in peace."

"Eh!" the crowd chorused. The atmosphere was friendly to everyone.

"But there are some things to know which must not be taken as jokes otherwise....” the chief priest said inconclusively with the belief that it is improper for the wise ones to utter anything like a curse. Everybody quietly listened to him. He proceeded," listen carefully my people, the bride and groom are warned to avoid travelling out of the town, including the farm. This is to prevent any mishap." His usual cough which seemed to be normal for an old person like him hooked him down, but he got back after a while and many sorry from the crowd. He continued again,” the groom must pay the bride price. This is our custom, and it must be taken seriously to avoid disorderliness. And for the bride, she is expected to be found as a virgin. If she is not, she and her parents would be put to disgrace and they would be banished from the town of Lalemi." the chief priest concluded.

The bride's family nodded and murmured, “she is a virgin, sure!" Bewaji's father in particular said loudly and confidently "I am proud of her. I have brought up my daughter in modesty and allowed her not to be exposed to defilement of body before marriage." Having said and done the necessary things, everyone deserted the shrine.

It has once happened to a girl when it was discovered she was no longer a virgin on her wedding night. She was descended to the worst level of disgrace, and she made her family experienced enigmatic life in the forest. But if only Bewaji had followed the customs laid down before them, she would not have experienced something worse.

Please, I need reply asap. What if the story is a bit more than 2500 words, won't I lose mark?

Omolola1: Hello writers,

I'm honoured to be part of the judges. I only got to know about this thread recently.


Writing short stories means beginning as close to the conclusion as possible, and grabbing the reader in the very first moments.

Here are a few tips:

- Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
- Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
- Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
- Start as close to the end as possible.
- Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them-in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
- Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
- Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Write a Catchy Short Paragraph

In today’s fast-moving world, the first sentence of your short story should catch your reader’s attention with the unusual, the unexpected, an action, or a conflict. Begin with tension and immediacy. Remember that short stories need to start close to their end.

Example: "I heard my neighbor through the wall"
(Dry and uninteresting)

"The neighbor behind us practiced scream therapy in his shower almost every day"

The second sentence catches the reader’s attention. Who is this guy who goes in his shower every day and screams? Why does he do that? What, exactly, is“scream therapy”? Let’s keep reading…

Developing Characters
In order to develop a living, breathing, multi-faceted character, it is important to know way more about the character than you will ever use in the story. Here is a partial list of character details to help you get started.
Name
Age
Job
Ethnicity
Appearance
Residence
Pets
Religion
Hobbies
Single or married?
Children?
Temperament
Favorite color
Friends
Favorite foods
Drinking patterns
Phobias
Faults
Something hated?
Secrets?
Strong memories?
Any illnesses?
Nervous gestures?
Sleep patterns
Imagining all these details will help you get to know your character, but your reader probably won’t need to know much more than the most important things in four areas:
Appearance: Gives your reader a visual understanding of the character.
Action: Show the reader what kind of person your character is, by describing actions rather than simply listing adjectives.
Speech: Develop the character as a person — don’t merely have your character announce important plot details.
Thought: Bring the reader into your character’s mind, to show them your character’s unexpressed memories, fears, and hopes.

Choose a Point of View
Point of view is the narration of the story from the perspective of first, second, or third person. As a writer, you need to determine who is going to tell the story and how much information is available for the narrator to reveal in the short story. The narrator can be directly involved in the action subjectively, or the narrator might only report the action objectively.

Write Meaningful Dialogue
Each speaker gets his/her own paragraph, and the paragraph includes whatever you wish to say about what the character is doing when speaking.

Set Up The Plot
Plot is what happens, the storyline, the action.

Create Conflicts and Tension
Conflict produces tension that makes the story begin. Tension is created by opposition between the character or characters and internal or external forces or conditions. By balancing the opposing forces of the conflict, you keep readers glued to the pages wondering how the story will end.

Find a Resolution
The solution to the conflict. In short fiction, it is difficult to provide a complete resolution and you often need to just show that characters are beginning to change in some way or starting to see things differently.

If I were you, I'd take note of the above, because that is what I, Omolola would be looking out for.

All the best!

Aunty Omolola, uhmm? This writing tips na google work ooo, abi no be so? In fact, the first one is Kurt Vonneget's 8 writing tips. I could remember I've read this before. Anyway, make i no cause controversy sha.

Ah! I confess. Writing hard like. I get stories for head oh but penning it down, ah! Na war. I don tire.
I wrote an entire story and I cancelled everything today. It seemed not to be sensible at all. I'll try if I can still meet up with deadline. I'm giving up......

Thanks for organising this @all.

@Mazi and others: what's the maximum words range? B'cos am writing something that's going beyond short story.
Thanks