₦airaland Forum

I am trying joor. That poster just wanted to awaken the beast. I am saving my energy for my crazy schedule. I try to come here and chill and he/she decided to provoke me

jason123: OP
Most what you read here are from a woman's point of view except this:



The key word is: DO YOU TAKE TO CORRECTION WHENEVER YOU HAVE YOUR TALKS WITH HIM? As a guy, it can be frustrating when you have to correct your spouse especially after you two have been together for so long . . .it would seem as if you are deliberately trying to frustrate him.

Woman, your husband LOVES you! Take that from me! Now, he wants you to love him back by not frustrating him. Once he corrects you, take it to heart and work on it. I am sure when he sees your "EFFORT" in that aspect, he will not touch you again, not to talk of beat you! If you think he does not love you and you move out or do shakara. Trust me, MANY other women will take your place and actually work on themselves to make their him happy!

About working to start contributing to the home: It does not change a thing! If you try to frustrate him by not taking to correction or talk back because you now earn, he will be more frustrated! Be a submissive woman and he will shower you with more love! God bless!

Remember, he loves you o! Don't ruin your marriage! Take care and may the Lord give you wisdom!

Do you take correction when your wife talks to you. When you don't can she slap you around like the family's unwanted dog. Nonsense. You had to go throw God into your useless posts. Who is ruining the marraige the raging bull or the one who is being oppressed. Nonsense. Nigerians and their oppressive mentality. When it comes to suffering Nigerians are always proud to take first place. Wearing the badge of suffering with pride. Please just because you can settle for a life of suffering does not mean that you should inflict it on others. Which many other women will take her place? Yes of course. The ones that have also be indoctrinated by people like you. Stay married or die trying. Stay and endure. God is on the throne. God's time is the best. Tufiakwa. Please do not get me started today

Someone posts a progressive topic and he gets abused and ridiculed. You can just act like you did not see the thread. I just don't understand how people can be so angry about progress. Those of you fixating on the roasted chicken are deliberately trying to be simple. It is bigger than that and he expantiated in following posts. I know I will get insulted though but I would like to know how many people condemning him live in Nigeria. I am willing to bet that all of them do. I see it all the time. When you say something about deplorable conditions in Nigeria it is usually the ones living there that make excuses for why it is that way. The government might be corrupt but that is not why Nigeria is the way it is. A huge and significant part of it is the mentality of the people. The sad thing is an opportunity to educate yourself is usually scorned by the people that should embrace it

I don laugh tire

bittyend: Nigerians and their stone age mentality - and they took that bs to Paris.. Why not get married in your hometown?? Nigerians in diaspora travel to Nigeria to get married - but low-self esteem haviing pricks at home, always do the opposite..

Why should they. It was very smart of them to marry in france. Honestly in probably cost much less and the drama that would have happened if done in Nigerian is worth doing it in another country

Ninapha: Dont go d court way in gettn d child if i must advice . I believe he married d woman legally and no one can deny him access to him. Holidays, weekend and once d child is above 5yrs he may stay wit him permanently. For his girl friend be sure he respects and loves her deeply else u wd have more trouble settling quarrels between them. One thing i am sure abt addicts if u can search out something they love dearly and so afraid of loosing such. Use it to work on dem. Dont forget to tarry in prayers too some are manmade too.

You are wrong he can and should be denied access to his child by the courts. Even if he does get to see the child it should never be unsupervised. would you let an alcoholic babysit your 5 year old. are you kidding me. Do you think that if he needs a drink he will care whether he has a 5 year old with him or not. It will be one of two things. He will either leave the child at home alone or take the child with him and get drunk there leaving the child exposed to unsavory characters that lurk around the area. Honestly sometimes I wonder were we come up with some of our advice.



@ OP you and your family are enablers. Stop giving him money. If he wants to steal to fund his habit then let him go steal. I am sure he will not have access to alcohol in kirikiri. maybe that will be the rude awakening he needs. You people need to sit him down and tell him you will not longer give him a penny. Not a cent. You guys can arrange how he will eat. Maybe he can stop by and get breakfast lunch and dinner but he has to do everything else on his own. I understand that it is a disease and Nigeria does not have a lot to offer him but there is no way he can hit rock bottom when you guys are funding his habit

Okay the way you write makes me not believe the story. You write Nigerian. Not like an educated Nigerian either. The decision on how often you guys would see each other was a decision that both of you should have made from the beginning. It does not only fall on him. The fact that you feel it all falls on him makes me believe that you are not American too. Anyway goodluck

Well at least you acknowledge it. That means you are open to changing. In the process do not frustrate yourself. As long as you are not being cruel. One of the problems people who tend to be straigh forward have is that they tend to just say what they want to say. start by not responding right away especially when you know you are irritated. The fact is that most people do not like someone who will face them squarely and tell them the truth but also just because you know it is the truth does not mean that you must say it. If you did not feel like talking to that girl you should not have answered the phone. You should have called her when you were in a better mood. The way to make something a habit is to repeat it over and over again. So the next time you are tired and don't feel like talking do not answer the phone or engage people unnecessarily. Step by step. I know when you take this approach though those same people will call you a snob but you cannot win them all. Finally you need to try to be less sensitive.

I had post partum preeclampsia with my first. It is not a joke. If you even suspect something they voice it. Don't wait until it is too late. I knew something was wrong but it was my first pregnancy and the midwives were totally useless. If I knew then what I know now I would not only have switched doctors but totally switched to a new practice.Thank God my son came a week early. I was in the ICU fighting for my life for almost a week. People think pregnancy is not a big deal because people do it everyday. if only you know what pregnancy actually does to the body. It is a beautiful thing but it is an assualt on the body. No question is too stupid. If you feel strange speak up. @ Poster I'm sorry for your loss but I also appreciate you puting the word out there.

Where is he getting the money to fund his habit? Are you guys giving him money?

Time flies. May his soul continue to rest in peace

May their souls rest in peace.

It sounds like he knows that you have put your life in in hands. The way you sound seems like you just sit at home and he provides for every single thing. he basically feels he owns you and the air you breath. he is a brute. Please don't bring love into this. You need to work on your self esteem. He already thinks it is okay to beat you and throw you out when he gets an itch. SMH. Woman help yourself

PrettyCindy: A friend confided in me that she wants to end her relationship with her fiancee because they are both stammerers. She didn't see anything wrong with it when they newly started dating but when things started getting serious, it dawned on her that all their children may be stammerers and maybe even dumb. The bad part is that the man stammers much more than my friend so she is planning on telling the guy any time soon. I told her to hold on and still think it true since they both love each other.
Personally i stammer lightly also and back in the days i wanted to be a lawyer but my speech impediment kind of discouraged me because i can imagine how frustrating it would be for a stammerer to argue how much more in the court of law!
What do y'all think?

Even if they do have kids that stammer they can get therapies that help them learn how to talk preoperly. There are quiet a few people who stutter that are preachers and lawyers. She shoulld noto let that discourage her from marrying the man she loves.

jennykadry: Lol@ outstrip

The man saw hell in my hands. . No day went by without Jenny doing something . Now I know why my dad did not collet bride price from him, the old man must have been so happy that finally, someone has taken this girl out of his house he gave him me for free .what about the one that I lost my cool once and wanted to start breaking things again? Haa,, the way he jumped up from the sofa and grabbed me ehn, gosh men strong ooooo grabbed me so tey I was sitting on him with both hands held together by him, Cheii. the next thing you hear is "calm down, calm down, take a deep breath, ok I am letting you go now but don't break anything oo, good girl".

Outstrip I feel like causing another commotion, remembering those sweet times is turning me on to do another bad. I swear no one will tell that man in his next life never to marry an under 21, he learnt his lesson the hard way

@david
Honestly I enjoyed it, I still rake ooo but I Try not to break things

Admit it girl. You were just doing it for the rough make up sex. Spoilt child

davidylan: No you all would have fought like violent cats.

Did you not see where I said "MY DAD" would enjoy her company. Honestly I can be hot but I find that I usually get along with similar women like that. Probably because they know I will give as good as I get so they don't bother giving. I am not opposed to a fight but at the end a good person is a good person does not matter if they are hot headed or sit in the corner and sulk about everything

Ronke and Jenny I wish you guys were my sister in laws. My dad would have enjoyed you guys LOL

dayokanu: If na me be your husband

Person wey no like wahala, our communication would be via facebook

ROTFLMAO. Okay se you will make love via facebook too

Didn't this girl used to be darkskinned? Ridiculous

So someone now has to add missiles to things to look out for

[quote author=noblegirl54@yah]May i say that u made a very big mistake by confronting her.u should learn 2 b more tolerant & besides a man will always support his family whether wrong or right dats d hidden truth. May i say that u made a very big mistake by confronting her.u should learn 2 b more tolerant & besides a man will always support his family whether wrong or right dats d hidden truth.:)[/quote]That is not true. If you keep telling young girls this they will go into the marriage with an attitude to fight everyone. It is simply not true. Go into a marriage and at least let the man fail a couple of times before you just write him of. It is the assumptions that make people over reacting

2mch: There is no wrong is wrong in this matter. Even the OP's friend can enter into her pot and eat without asking. Why not family? The husbands family has become your family, whether you like it or not. If you dont like the family, dont marry the man. Your family has also become his family. If at any time they are staying with you, you adjust and accomodate. Family is something you cannot throw away, so you better learn to live with it. If the crazy OP did not open way by insulting the sister first over something as small as food, the sister will not have the mouth to disrespect the OP. Respect begets respect. They way she treats her husbands family when he is there and when he is not there says a lot about how she respects him. The husband could have handled this very easily. Quite frankly the sister did nothing wrong. As long as we are not starving, why cant my sister eat when she is hungry. The man gave his sister his food, because a guy will rather starve than see his family go hungry. This includes his siblings and his wife or kid. Not because you are married, your own family becomes a distant memory. The OP has mental problems.

You are right they are family. My sister and I had a fight once. It was so hot and her husband was there. She obviously pulled her bobo into it o to take her side. When I realized that he was leaning towards taking my side I had to just step off and not let him take sides before she faces him when I am sleeping peacefully in my own bed. I like the idea of all of us being one big happy family but we all know that is a serious joke right? You can make a point to make your family and laws feel at home at your place but there has to be boundaries still. If everyone knows their level things will work better. Honestly at my sisters home I can eat anything I want as well as she can in my home. I have to admit that I don't behave the same way when my BIL is at home. Just because it is cool with my sister does not mean it is cool with him and he is a very easy going man. When I say easy going it is not possible to be more easy going. I don't ever want him to feel that I am taking advantage of his niceness. It also does not make me feel uncomfotable either because I know that it is not my home.

Another scenario in my family involved my mom and my uncles wife. They were living in our guest house for a hort while until the kids finished their semster and moved to be with their dad in Lagos. My uncles wife is very quiet and sweet as well as my uncle for that matter. The problem here though is that my Aunty is so laid back even with the kids. One saturday it was about 2pm and the kids woke up around 10am (which for my mom is almost madness) that day and already ate breakfast. So it was almost 2pm and they had not showered and my mom noticed her luggae that still had their clothes from weeks ago when they arrived. They had still not folded them and put in the drawers. My mom turned off the tv and told them that she wanted the clothes to dissapear before she returned back there. The kids went to tell their mom who basically let them go back to tv watching. Do you know that my mom waited for my uncles weekend visit and reported my aunty. My uncle kindly told her that whatever decision his wife made is okay with him. My uncle and my mom are very close so I know it was not easy for him to say but he did. When my mom told me I told her it was good for her. Why report her to my uncle. What good could have come out of it. I asked her what happened after she said well my aunty was all over her all day being nice. I am sure my uncle went back in and had words with his wife. At the end of the day my mom cannot go back ever again to tell my uncle that my aunty did anything. He has set the tone.
There is fault to go around but I think you are needlessly harsh at the OP. The whole thing is a mess. She is calling her family, he is calling his, his family is calling his wife to put her in her place. haba. The man is a wimp o jare