₦airaland Forum

How long was your wife gone abeg? I like how people refer to women as stubborn as if she were a donkey? Anyway how long was she gone?

Make it temporary. Don't get comfortable because tomorrow you will be reminded how you stayed in their house so now you owe them your life. Just be appreciative but don't get comfortable

baggy4luv: Your hubby is spiritually blinded.
Ur inlaw na strongwoman(she aint ordinary).
You:you are too soft.
Solution
1.be mad(wear your armour)
2.prayer points
3.confront her with deep proverbs
4.look for spiritual backup
5.dry fasting
6.do smthing that would make the girl dread you.
Your mum self na gentle woman oh.if u like op say na rubbish i dey type.#peels groundnuts#

Please abeg stop all this dry fast issues. The SIL has no spiritual problems. She is only a nuisance because she has been given the go ahead by her brother. It is normal human behavior to misbehave if you have an opportunity

2mch: From what i read of the OP they live in Nigeria. Also, she ran away from the house, it is most likely HIS house. She is working, and apparently he also has a source of income. From what i know about Nigerian women in that situation, they collect money from their husbands, typical and cultural. If she is claiming culture forbids anyone from entering her pot, i assume culture allows the husband to also bring food money? Abi no be so?

It does not matter where they live. Wrong is wrong. Like I said it is obvious that the man has already been bad mouthing his wife to family. So knowing that would you not agree that she going to that pot was meant to be an insult to the woman of the house. Keep in mind that I do not do those traditional things. if someone lives with me I am okay with cooking and them serving themselves. Let us call a spade a spade and not an instrument for digging. I agree she should not have left either. That is just the lazy approach to solving the problem. What message has that sent. He has already told his family that they can walk into the home and decide what food the child eats and they can call his wife and tell her that she behaving inappropriately. If she was such as arse do you think the sister will be able to call and give her a piece of her mind? I don't think so.

dayokanu: Obviously you got it wrong, She was referring to the baby and not the husband or why would the sister need to feed her husband? is he an 1mbec1le

Okay thanks for correcting me but wait oh. The man took the womans baby and gave him to his sister to feed. it is over now. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. I am laughing because I don't know what else to do. wow. That is even worse. What nonsense. Honestly I am livid. Just the thought. I will probably slice my husband. I mean. In what land does someone do a thing like that. The man is obviously not ready to be married. No woman will stand for that. I will forgive adultery before I forgive that. What nonsense. Honestly if I was the SIL and put in that position by my useless brother I will refuse. I will refuse. You are already calling your wife a bad wife in the presence of his family but to insinuate that she is bad mother? Where was that bloody sister when your wife carried the child for nine months, where was she all the nights you woke up every 2 hours. What utter disrespect. The man needs a public flogging. This should be classified under abomination

[quote author=BABE!]Dayokanu . . .

The SIL is not normal. lol. It'a very obvious a guy just broke her heart she needs [i]se[/i]x. OP needs to match-make her arse.

You're right. The relationship between her and the OP is obviously not a good one.

That itself should caution her on how she acts around the wife. Dayokanu, it's very abnormal for me to go finish your pot of soup while I know we're not on good terms. I'll feel uneasy. Plus, it's plain rude! The wife just had a baby for Jupiter's sake. The SIL is a troublemaker. She is the one blowing things out of proportion and not the OP. Only God knows what she told the husband.

She also stopped eating in the house to make look like OP stabbed her with a sharp knife. Yeye people!

[/quote]Lets also take into consideration that the sister also told the wife that her husband agreed with them that she the wife is in the wrong. The man is a serious Womanliness. How do you discuss with your sisters and take that stand. It is very likely also that the sisters knew that their brother was two faced so they decided to push buttons so things escalate. He needs to grow some balls. If you are not ready to make tough decisions don't get married. Stay home and suck mommy's breasts.

2mch: Please when did personal property now become synonymous with food? Which was cooked for the house? a house in which the inlaws were staying in at the moment? Food that the brother most likely paid for? Lets compare apples with apples. If the sister in law entered the kitchen to cook for herself another problem abi? . Crazy OP. Is something that can spoil or replaceable worth spoiling your relationship with family? i pity you OP. Get yourself in the situation where his family hates you first, and see yourself packing out very soon.

EPIC FAIL. This is where you guys start making mockery of your position in your home. Food he likely paid for. What if the woman was the bread winner then what? Most families depend on the two incomes to survive now adays. So murdar flipping what if he paid for the food? Good Lord. You have issues you need to deal with. With that mentality you already show that you have an inferiority complex. If the woman happens to carry the family for a little while you will probably make her life misreable because the only thing you believe you are good for you find that anybody with two legs and two hands can do

dayokanu: The thing is the situation didnt start from the food, The wife and sister have been having issues before which possibly stems from the wife being too overbearing?

No one would come to your house and go stright to the pot of Soup,

And I am sure you know the manner which the "Call to tell her" was done. It was done to the extent that the SIL stopped eating in the house, That should tell you that that was no ordinary "Calling to tell" like she wanted us to believe

If you go to your brothers house and go serve yourself food Maybe thinking everyone has taken theirs or the Wife wasnt around to inform her, 30mins later the Wife comes and gives you a dressing down over mere food.

The wife's post reek of "This is my territory" too much and that was what drove the husband against her. And now all the family

What is your take on the husband taking the food his wife served him and giving it to his sister?

omar22: Our Deepest Fear

by Marianne Williamson

I like this

luckgames: The dude is sick
But who was first to throw blow

I don't think he hit her but he was aggressive and that is where it starts. For most men protecting their women is what comes naturally. If a woman attacks a man then she should not cry foul but I know most men would not hit their wives back especially if it is one off thing. They find other ways to punish her. The same thing I tell women if a man gets agressive with you (maybe shoving or whatever) don't let him off the hook. He will have to have consequences. The worst part is doing it in the presence of his family. That man has opened a can of worms. His family will deal with him he just does not know it yet. How many times has he gone to his brother in laws car and driven his car. He probably would not dare and if his brother in law goes off I am sure he will quickly apologize. Men might not care too much about the pot of soup but things like their cars or their elctronics would be serious issues

Ninapha: Honestly I quite understand where u are coming from but lets us face it, its almost impossible that the man never informed his brother, i suppose the case here is that the brother did not inform his wife and or the brother-in-law did not personally call the brothers wife (Madam) to inform her. Whatever be the case, A good woman would have managed the situation first and later talk it over with the husband. Whats the matter hiding things as if the brother-in-law cannot afford them or forgetting she may also need the assistance of the so called in-laws someday.

Like you said, her attitude was really uncalled for, and it tells alot on how she has been living with her supposed husband if she can do this to a visiting inlaw, whaao that husband is in real soup.

I think you are mixing it up. The BIL that was visiting was theone buying things and hiding it is the bedroom all the while complaining about the size of meat in the soup amd allowing his harlots wear the madams lingerie. Maybe I missread though

Why not try naijarules.com. It has a focus on Nollywood and there are some people there that can give you some guidance. I think that will be a good place to start. someone there might understand your vision and point you in the right direction. Don't let frustration kill yoru spirit. That is the worst thing you can allow happen. You can still do what you want but as need be don't be afraid to reinvent yourself. I wanted to leave you with these two words of wisdom or encouragement. It is never over untl YOU say it is over


Obstacles are what people see when they take their eyes off the goal

Persistence isn't using the same tactics over and over. That's just annoying. Persistence is having the same goal over and over."
Seth Godin

Sigh. I don tire. There is never any excuse to manhandle your wife especially when she is nursing a child. He is not a man. If he was a man his sisters will not have the liver to call the house and chastise his wife. Your husband does not realize that he has screwed up majorly. All you need is to give trouble makers an inch and you are finished. In my opinion do not apologize. Absolutely not. If you apologize you are just giving him the go ahead to continue that bahavior. Physical agression only progresses over time. This is nothing compared to other trying issues that can happen in a marriage. What will he do then? Come at you with a matchete? Nip this in the bud. I don't like the idea of you moving to your parents home. It gives the impression that that is his house not yours. I would defintiely move to another bedroom though and continue with life. Ignore him until he decides to be a man and apologize. You guys have to set the rules together for you home. I personally do not care if someone who lives with me dishes their own food but I know with the culture thing it is almost a taboo for someone to go dish food from another womans cooking pot. Pele my dear. take it easy. Focus on the baby before you run mad.

dollyangel: cmon outstrip. Y U̶̲̥̅̊ talking as if U̶̲̥̅̊ re not in naija where only the rich and highly connected people make it with their respective career.I m sure jennypinky have xplore evry possibel means to achieve her aim. I sensed she s talking out of fustration as I could feel her pains.jennypinky,keep hoping cos there r many talented pple out there who don't ve d money n connection to make it in life,ǦƠ̴̴̴͡D̶̲̥̅̊ who bestows dat talent in U̶̲̥̅̊ will make a way.Don't giv up dear.

That is a lie. It is not only the rich and higly placed that make a way for themselves. Yes it will be tougher than other more developed countries but people make it everyday in Nigeria. The ones that make it certainly are not thinking that only the rich will make it so why bother to try

Maybe if you laid out the facts in plain language he will see where you are coming from. For example tell him you are willing to consider after you guys iron out the tiny details. Details like who will give up their education and career when the baby gets here. That means almost 3 years of putting things on hold. Details like how will you guys afford the extra expenses of a child especially since for a period one person will definitely not be working. He has to have concrete answers for everything. At the end of the day if he is not willing to compromise then look at it as one of those things in your marriage that you will give him a free pass on. I have a friend who unexpectedly got pregnant. She was so depressed because it was such a crucial time. Today she is so happy that she got it out of the way. You can always look at it from both sides. How much longer do you have in school?

You have already labelled yourself so I don't see how you can even get on the path to reaching your goals. Find a way to bloom where you are planted. Rich should not be your ultimate goal. Get back to believing in yourself.

Apparently it is just a rumour. I hope she gets pregnant soon

I have a feeling that if the poster were to get pregnant now she would not leave the marriage. The man is being selfish but the poster needs to make sure she is choosing to leave for the right reasons.

It's her choice. At least she did not borrow the money to get married. Smart woman

Bobajo: So the fact of a man impregnating another girl make him irresponsible? I dont understand that kind of logic. MKO is irresponsible? Alhaji Bakare of the Ojomu Chieftaincy Family is irresponsible? I can mention several, and all of the ones i know provided for their families excellently (including even extended family). Underline the word excellently please.

I had a girlfriend while i was in the University, a beautiful half fulani girl who told me, with all seriousness, that her life's ambition later in life is to be the first of 4 wives, and boss all the junior wives around. The thought of her being an only wife has never even occurred to her based on her upbringing.

It is all relative madam. 'Bi a ti nse nibi, eewo ibo mi'. And impregnating somebody else can never ever be equated to being irresponsible.

Yes they are all irresponsible. That is why when he died every cynthia, helen, and henrientta was coming out of the wood works saying that their child belonged to him. So it is not irresponsible because he had money. How does that benefit the many kids he had spread around that grew up without a father figure in the home. I laugh when Nigerians try to condemn other black people who have 7 baby mamas meanwhile it is even worse in Nigeria where it is considered okay because the man has money. Puff daddy nigerian style. Nothing relative. It is slefish and irresponsible. Control your damned peni5

Long story. It does not matter if there are 6 bags of rice in the house and a cow tied to a stake in my backyard. You call and let people know you are coming ahead of time. It has nothing to do with anything. Not with how much space and how many beds are available or not. My sister has 4 bedrooms in her home does not mean that I can waltz in at anytime. Emergencies happen we know that but you cannot inconvenince people. Yes that is what you are. An immature uncivilized inconvenience is what you are if you think it is okay to knock on someones door anytime you like and it should be okay. Nonsense talk about thisis how we have always done it. Why not go naked to work with a spear tied to yoru back because that is what we did hundreds of years ago. It is so easy to see the people that have no direction in life. My advice to married women especially the Nigerian ones do not let people have the opinion that your home has an open door policy. You need to protect your children and the integrity of your marriage. This applies even to your own family members. The person that will molest your children is not scary barry from next door. It is the uncle or aunty that just shows up at 11pm on saturday night and will get upset if you do not let her hold your child. Set boudaries. Even if you are not there they will gossip amongst themselves and say "that one hmm. You have to call before you go over". That is fine and let them talk. As long as you are a nice person and you are true to yourself don't apologize for expecting them to behave in your home the wasy you train your children to behave. If they have a problem with your rules then go to all the other relatives that will let you act like you have no home training.

This is why when people come from Nigeria to live with their Nigerian families in the US they typically will leave on bad terms and it is always the fault of the family member in the US. You have to be conscious of time and schedule (something that Nigerians mostly lack). You have no idea of boundaries and don't feel that you should improve on what you do not know. I know someone here who housed a Nigerian family. The man did not even bother to tell the person housing him that his wife he brought with him from Nigeria was pregnant. They moved their kids out of their room (something I will not personally do) to house this couple. Trouble started when this man constantly will lie on the couch and even the kids could not sit down and watch tv. Of course Oga of the house was uncomforatbel. He knew if he talked the whole world would hear about how he did not allow the person living with him to watch tv. He eventually told the man but he would still come home from work almost everyday and see the man lying on the couch and the children that were deprived of the room sitting around on the kitchen table because the "visitor" had taken over the living room. This is not even a family member. So imagine what a family member would feel entitled to. They finally left but when I heard the story from a friend of the visiting couple it was that the kind man that allowed then live with him on such short notice did not even let them use his tv. If it was a well trained person you will not even be comfortable just throwing yourself on someones couch. You will defintely tell someone that your wife would be pregnant and would likely give birth in their home. You cannot go through life feeling entitled to things.

Everybody has a different view of life. When you go to someone elses house be conscious of that. For example my children go to bed at 7pm but I cannot tell you the number of times that someone I know will call me at it would be 11pm and they are driving and I can hear the kids screaming in the background. If someone like that comes to live with me and they feel like they can behave the way they want they will be misreable. Since you do not know what is going on in their lives you cannot just assume that it is okay to just show up. I would be embarassed if my little sister who is not married keeps doing that and my brother in law complains though I know he will not. His mother calls before she comes over. When I am in town and I have time to see her I call first to let her know I am coming. I know I am always welcome but you never want to take advantage of someones hospitality even when they are family.

the thing with Nigerians is that they hardly will say what they want to say. They will talk bad about the person that tells you outright please call before you come but then that same person talking about you will be the one hiding the sugar and the snacks so their unwanted visitor will not eat it. Which one is better. The one you plan for and give them all the comfort a welcome guest deserves or the one you do not plan for and they end up leaving feeling like outcasts.

naijababe: , Cool down sister, u too dey vex

It is not even that. I guess my frustrations at the things we do in the name of culture and traditions just annoy the heck out of me. It starts from the top and trickles down. That is why Nigeria is so f.u.cked up. Nobody takes responsibility for anything. Nothing moves forward in that country. You see people defending excuses in grown adults that you teach children not to do. Then they wonder why that country is useless. The corruption did not stand when people got into office. It started in the home where these men were never held accountable for anything. They go into office and the same thing keeps happening and they are experts at it because even their mothers and family members trained then to never take responsibility. With this attitude they have r4ped a whole generation of Nigerian children of their futures and they will not quit because even the fcuhing culture tolerates the behavior. If people respected themselves (poster) included, who will sit in her living room and tell her that they brought a wife? Culture allows this stuff. Now a womans life is ruined because of culture. Listen to her tone. She is even blaming herself. Her parents have sent her back to go and be housegirl for new wife and "husband". All in the name of culture. SMH. Useless country.

naijapay: What a BIL! Some people are so rude and show absolutely no respect for others! Even the galfriends no get shame sef! He was really taking the piss!

He came from the UK now. You know that once they leave the country and come back their minimum wage making ass will not leave Nigeria until they have bought all the prostitutes they can with the money they borrowed from their credit cards. Agbaya. I blame her sha. Imagine me serving an in law food and they comment on the size of whatever they got or even worse bring his non wife into my house. He will get the trainign he refused to learn at home. What an embarassment

alarm4: ......i am a man ...in these case i believe that it is due to much pressure that led the MAn into such calamity.but mean while maybe it might be pressure from his family or is close pals...i realy pity the 1st wife...well the deed as be done; i will advice the 1st wife to maintain peace with the husband since she started the foundation with him....or probably the MAN itself is the Only Son of his family and more pressure lead him to that Act...we men self na wah...

Here we go again. It is not the man that slept with his employee that shoould be held responsible. It is his family that unzipped his pants, spread her legs and forced him at gun point to screw her. They threatened to blow his brains off if he even thought of using a condom and when they were done they took the girl and went to hide her in the village until she gave birth. It is not the man at all. How can it be him. In fact it was remote control and if that one does nto work then it is the witches in the posters family that are jealous of her. Let us pity this poor poor man that cannot reason on his own.

Olalekan 0: May God punish these sister in-laws. A friend of mine is no longer on talking terms with his four brothers now due to ill treatment he suffered in the hands of the wife of his eldest brother.His three other bros sided with the wife cos they didn't want to upset their wealthy eldest brother who made it categorically clear that whoever does not like his wife could go to hell. My good friend now lives isolatively in the US for the past 7 years,does not call home and has vowed never to come back as he feels he has no family

He is not living in isolation. He is living in peace. People can be so thick headed sometimes. Everybody else in the family is wrong but your friend is right. He said categorcally that anybody who does not like his wife should go to hell and like a typical Nigerian that is a bad thing. Afterall it is not about the man living in peace in their home for heavens sake it is about a brother that went to live with him.

Akshow: must e tell ha b4 e shw im broda haus? E must av informed es bro n e (d bro) must av informed d wyf.

It is not her brothers house. It is the home they have both built together. This is the problem with Africans especially Nigerians. No sense of boundaries. In life there are boundaries for everything. Even animals learn boundaries. The ones who don't end up in a cooking pot. Nigerians will like to hold on to concepts that even animals have somehow found a way to deal with. I cannot call my sister and tell her that I am coming to "her" house. When my brother marries tomorrow I will not be going to "his" house. We need to learn to be civil to each other. Funny how we are quick to blame the woman when the poster has acknowledged that she just assumed it was okay. Honestly it is just bad behavior. It does notmatter if she was staying for 1 hour or 1 week.

Was the house built in just your "husband's" name? I will just give my opinion. Don't let that church rat into your home. If you have to go to court to take you house then do so. Do you really believe for one moment thaat you have a chance. The man you were married to threw you under the boss after slaving for him for years. I am not excusing adultery but if he just did it becaus ehe wanted a child he would not plan with his family to throw you out because that is exactly what will happen when she moves in. Please don't take the easy way. Stand your ground. I can't even think of one nice word to say about your husband. If it was him that had problems would it be okay for you to get pregnant on your own. Who knows the child is probably not his and the smart girl got pregnant because she knew she could nab him that way.

Basics007: Sincerely speaking i didnt call her nor the hubby before going there. And the reason was cos of the good rapport that used to exist btw us.
The major reason for puttin up the post is to know if anyone else is having same issues. I dont just want to judge with what's happening within me and my circle of friends.

There you go. I am very close to my brother in laws but I always call ahead if I am going to be in town. Even if I am in town and I will not see him (the senior one) I will call and tell him I am in town but too busy to see them. I have not visited the younger ones yet but I will also call him too before I step into their home. Especially if I would be staying overnight. Even my mother calls before she goes (At least she tries so that we don't eat her raw). Every single time I ask he tells me it is my house and why am I asking. Honestly I know if I just show up he will not mind at all but I call anyway.

Did you call her to tell her you were coming to her house for 1 week before you showed up?

Mustay: Of course not but rightly so

Prophetess Chief Dr Makinwa

Okay that one is definitely very Nigerian. I have even heard ghanians joke about it. The one that I don't think is Nigerian is displaying your certifications or diplomas. People drive around with their graduation tassles on their rear view mirrors or if they went to prestigious universities they have the stickers on their cars.

Is this just a Nigerian thing?

She needs to tell her husband. You arebasically saying that you are not even sure that the womans daughter wants her mother there and also that her son who is married to yoru friend has a strained relationship with his mom. She should not get in the middle of it. She needs to tell her MIL that she must discuss any money decisions with her husband and he would be pissed if he knew she did it without letting him know. Unless the spirit of confusion is chasing her MIL she cannot insist after her DIL tells her that