I wish all these men would be as vocal when a woman comes on here and says that her mother in law has been living with her for 3 years and its time for mama to leave. They will ask her if she is the one who married the man or if he married her. That is why this culture thing is bullshit to me. Always has and always will. If you are going to say that she should not whine then please drop the culture thing all together. Anyway it seems that they are not ready to get married. The man especially is not ready and he has been expressing it quite clearly

dayokanu:

if he had stayed in the old house he would just pay renewal and not cost of renovating and cleaning up, No cost of agency, agreement , He wouldnt have been mandated to pay 2yrs rent like its expected of new renters.

Unexpected expense include Renovating the new house, cleaning up the new house, agreement, agency, legal fees and mandatory 2 or 3yrs are costs that come with new rentals that dont apply to rent extensions.

The Op was in the know about all these expense and didnt even complain about it, she just want him to miraculously go and find the money from somewhere for the wedding

And yet again none of what you have posted is unexpected. He knew that he was going to renew a lease and all these comes up with that. If he knew that the plan was going to change there should have been a sit down discussion with future wifey about what is up with the finances. Smaller house (rental) and a wedding that they are comfortable with. Not go out and spend money knowing that was not part of the plan. If it was me or any of my friends in the US I would wonder what the big deal was but this is NIgeria that you people feel like when you marry the woman she is now property hwo can you then say that it is okay for the man to tell his bride to be that the only choice they have now is for her to pay for the wedding all by herself. The man is shamelss or even worse not interested in the wedding preparations or even marriage.

Fhemmmy:

According to the woman, it is the house that they will live together.
However,if you are now saying the woman dont wanna invest into what she is not sure of, that is a different angle and why shd the man now invest into what he knows that the woman is not sure of . . .
The evil that we fear always have a way to show face.

I don't understand this. Was he not aware that the lease was going to be up in september. None of this was a surprise. Weddings are usually a big deal for the average Nigerian. The house in question is even a rental not one that is owned by the man or the woman. The idea that it was an unexpected expense that came up is ridiculous. he knew that he had no plans for the wedding. Would it have been better had she come here and said it is a few months to the wedding and I am finding out that I will be footing the whole bill. It is irresponsible to say the least. None of this is a surprise. If it was an unexpected burial expense or such I would understand. It was not. The man knows that after spending 5 years with him and a wedding date has been set he is ready to show his true colors. The man just seems sneaky. She needs to find out if that house is truly a rental because he sounds like he is hiding something

Analytical: I still don't understand whoever gave them (or rather him) the August deadline that cannot be shifted till he has enough to reasonably foot the bill! I think every man should be proud of being able to provide and meet his obligations. Yes, the unforseen has happened, then the plans should be flexible enough to be adjusted.

Borrowing is a no-no. So I am on the side of the man on that. On the other hand, the attitude of the OP is off-key. Couples should derive joy in being there for each other. Howver, if it means the bride has to carry major part of the bill, then wisdom calls for a shift in the wedding date. I definitely won't be a happy husband, knowing that I couldn't meet my obligations during my wedding. Ego won't allow me.

---

It actually does happen! Some shylocks of landords will collect 2 years' rent upfront for a yet-to-be-completed building with a promise to complete it before the tenant moves in. But once money has exchanged hands, you may have no other option than to renovate/complete by yourself due to delays etc. It happens a lot in this country.

That would still be a matter of irresponsibility on the part of the tenant. Why give your money up when you know that landlords do this all the time. Like you said though there is the option of shifting the wedding forward

Honestly I can almost understand if it were an american coming with this train of thought but the average Nigerian man? Please get the heck out of here. In fact tomorrow it will be the mans sister that will insult her and say you paid for my brother to marry you. I don't understand how one day we are full on Nigerians and the other we are full on something else. You cannot have it both ways. I contributed to my wedding and have no problems with it but also the man I married knows that the day he walks into the house and says "pack ya load" he will likely be theone packed in a box LOL.

Okay I am still trying to understand why you rent a home and spend that kind of money to renovate it. What were the renovations he had to put into another persons property that had to compromise the funds they had set aside for the wedding

The "cabal" hunters are getting bored again

Onye ara part 1 and 2

jennykadry:

Who wants to get too close to a yaba left inmate like you? they all carried their bathroom slippers on their head and ran 4-40 the minute they saw you log on. Even my wonderful Outstrip left her hair fertilizer in the Italian salon and went to rescue her lactating goat and CD from your preying eyes.

Onye ara. BB don't mind her. Now the goats are lactating abi. You really know how to remove the romance from the situation. The goats are grazing and Andre is singing live not on a cd player.

When I see the names of all these recycled materials I get irritated.

jennykadry:

Ehn me sef, I just finished my own work, so I get time.



Preach Sister-italian-side-Andre-Boccelli

Leave me and Andre alone. he sang to me in the car just now and he will sing to me again before I go to bed. I think we will have Italian for dinner sef LOL

REALITY101:

What do you mean by "He's not Michael or Kobe" Just curious

He is not as good or charismatic a player. He will never make their kind of money playing ball. He will never get their kind of endorsements

doctokwus: Serves him right.Reality shows& sports dnt go together,bc it affects ur training,concentration,scheduling;d only pple dat benefit frm reality shows are film/entertainment/movie people.He was used by Khloe,now she is smiling to d bank& her fame has increased bc dats d only line of work she is involved in,but see him now,he may evn b sacked frm d mavericks,what a disgrace,just bc one fame loving family wt their stupid ladies are ready to do anything to achieve dat fame,evn at d expense of a married man's carrier

You definitely do not believe yourself. I think you just want to type just so you can read what you are thinking. During the lock out most of those players were shopping for shows just like Lamar has only because he is married to a Kardashian. How many years does the average NBA player play and even more how many of them go broke within the a couple of years of retirement. lamar can count on the dollars to keep rolling in because he is on a reality show that he would not have been in had he not married right. he is no Michael or Kobe. If he is smart he will capitalize on reality tv

She simply did it because she could more easily rule out many of the "entitled" unruly people that would have showed up simply because they are "relatives" or long lost friends. The wedding gprobably cost less by doing it there. Also it was not the first wedding for her. She did this for herself. At my sisters wedding despite asking everybody to RSVP and letting it be known that NO CHILDREN ALLOWED people still showed up with their 7 children. Unfortunately for them we had a paid police man bouncer. Yep and people were bounced. My poor mom still has people that are mad at her. Stephanie did it for herself. The people that are upset are teh people that would probably not have been wated had it held in Nigeria

So after the man knew that his mother was trying to kill his wife he still paid for a room for her. SMH. Don't worry tomorrow she will come back and say she is born again, the whole family will say old things are passed away and the wife will now be the evil one. I am waiting for the first person to come here and say that the DIL should kill the mil with respect and love. The fact that this dil was suspecting something shows that this mil did not start being a devil today.

I don't believe in this nonsense of rewarding bad behavior with praises. That is just rubbish. I understand where the poster is coming from but the womans husband just died and I am sure this is a scary time in her life. Let her come for a few months. I am sure you are overwhelmed. Get someone to help around the house who will come and go everyday. This rewarding people when they behave badly is why you see some elderly people in Nigeria that are so stubborn you almost believe that their stubborness is supernatural. Everybody should respect each other. Give people the respect you wish to be given.

jennykadry: There is a serious issue in Nigeria which is really getting worse. Married couples are supposed to be partners but nooooooooo! Instead, a wife working and making money on her own, ties her money to herself while she believes her husband's money belongs to her. Even in cases where the wife is making more money than her husband, she still expects her husband to feed and pay all the bills in the house including her own bills.

Some wives will even wait till their husbands get back from travels before collecting money for feeding the children while the ones they made on their own are pocketed. Situations where some wives buy properties or cars in their own names while their husbands buy properties with their names like Mr Jude & Mrs Princess Okere for property title documents but same can't be said of most 9ja women.

The best you will get from most 9ja women is borrowing which always leads to fight and insults if the husband failed to return it on time.

Now my question is - is this fair to guys or husbands in this society? Why will a woman pocket her own interest funds while she spends the token her hubby makes claiming her money is hers while his money is theirs? What the hell is the meaning of this? Smells like day light scamming....

Guys, is this fair enough? Your wife spending from your money while she keeps hers without even letting you smell it?
Ladies, can your money be shared between you and your husband's equally like men do their wives (note I said husband not boy friend)?
Ladies again , if you are making money more than your hubby, will you be kind enough to relieve him of some major burdens in home expenses without collecting it back claiming that you only borrowed it to him e.g. paying house rent without asking back even if he's not that broke?


Marriage is supposed to be a partnership thing, to show love and support not a choking life decision. What do you think?

Did not read the whole thing becasue I am reading and sleeping I totally understand where you are coming from. But we cannot really compare ourselves to these women who live under a culture like that. Even as she is hiding her money I can guarantee you that she does not know what happens with her husbands money either. I am sure that if you saw $1000 removed from any accounts you share with your husband it will not surprise you because you know exactly what it was removed for. It is not the same with the typical Nigerian marriage especially in Nigeria. For some reason it makes sense to most people to plan a future together but that future does not include them being on the same page for things like money for rretirement etc How can you know what you are planning for when you do not have all your money pooled together.

For those of you who say you use your children, God forbod if something were to happen and your children are minors is it not the same husband that has control of the money until the children become adults?? It is never a good idea to make your children your next of kin or beneficiaries. You can set up a trust and make the trust your beneficiary

chaircover: The tragedy of this story is that the fun and excitement that she was looking for in Sokoto was actually in her Sokoto. SO basically she had an affair with her own husband thinking that it was another man more exciting than her own husband.

Na wa ooooooooo

True. The thing is human beings are never satisfied. Also the woman probably told the man that he is not romantic enough so now the romance he could not give his "real" wife he decided to find when it was time to trick her. Imagine if there were no games and they both were treating each other the way they really could have. Human beings sha

Actually both of them should stay together. He is no better honestly. He is also scum. Why should they separate and then go and be other peoples wahala.

So you have been walking around for three years angry. Anyway to each their own

SweetiePie30: You are very ignorant!!

You should have started by not telling lies. You are Nigerian. What is the point of lying about it.

Rather be ignorant than a pathological liar. NEXT!

If she wants to believe that then she can go right ahead LOL

SweetiePie30: people are so mean and rude on this website. Instead of viewing the root of the problem i am told i am uneducated and a interpeter is needed. When individuals post on this site its to receive some type of feedback and not to get torn down in the process. If you were standing directly in my face i dont think u would say such words to me. Have a Blessed Day!!

You should have started by not telling lies. You are Nigerian. What is the point of lying about it.

May their souls rest in peace

Wipes. Unless it is running water as in water running right in between your crack there is not way it could be more hygienic

Beaf:
I think its just a new craze for people to act silly these days. It leaves a sad feeling when it is realised that these are the people the nations future depends on.

The collective mental state of the country is in no fit state for development. It looks like the entire scope for creative thought has been thrown out the window, even worse, dignity and pride in humanity have been thrown out as well.

How can a nation in this state ever hope to develop? Most people who might not be that bright and who have never ever left their home states or Nigeria (even to Burkina Faso) might not be able to grasp how human society can function at much higher and productive levels than the bestial World that obtains in Nigeria. If anything, this thread shows that the depth of work that needs to be done to raise our people is mind-boggling (though not insurmountable).

Nowadays I am mostly frustrated with Nigeria. Nigeria has truly broken my heart. You almost wonder if people just like it the way it is. Nobody wants to make the small sacrifices not to talk of the big ones. Honestly mostly I don't care. Not for me anyway. I just cannot deny my children that part of them. When they are old enough they can decide how Nigerian they want to be. With Nigeria for me right now it is just observing.

cotton101: can someone please explain to me what responsibility a husband has to make his wife happy - all i am reading is how you should watch ur husbands mood, correct your behaviour, lose weight, dress well, be submissive, don't get a job, don't shout, cook his fav food , give him mind blowing sex upside down, but apparently all a husband has to do to prove his love is buy a bag of rice and job is done - so what my father told me about married life was all a lie,


it take 2 people to make a marriage work, I always thought both parties had to be happy in the marriage.

Please read between the lines. Just because she said bag of rice does not mean it is only rice. How do you know he does not also buy bags of beans, Yams and imported assorted biscuits. Does she have to spell it out. LOL. Abeg I no fit laugh

shymmex: Sitting on my bed, as I inhale, and exhale my cigarette smoke - I reminisce how I used to view Nigerians as the same people. I was never raised to believe my tribe was superior to my “bredrin’s” tribe. We were all raised as Nigerians first before anything – and we all used to verbally defend Nigeria against our Ghanaian peers – and fist fight our Caribbean peers. That seems like a long time ago now – because tribalism is now rife among Nigerians in diaspora, and on the virtual World Wide Web. It seems we were all young back then, and we were living in denial – and probably tribalists on the inside, but Nigerian on outside.

I noticed every time I chat to my friends now (most of whom have never been to Nigeria) – they are always quick to point out their tribes. My Igbo friend told me the other day, that his sister got married to one of ‘my people’. I was shocked when he said one of ‘my people’ – and I asked him what he meant by that. He then explained to me that his sister got married to a Yoruba guy. My Urhobo/Edo friend has now imbibed the habit of always reminding that “those are your people” every time there are Yoruba names on TV. To be honest, I’m not comfortable with this new trend. It seems everyone in the diaspora has now been infected the tribal consciousness virus. We never used to be like this – we used to be proud Nigerians back in the days – when we used go to African parties, and jam to Sir Shina Peters and King Sunny Ade together as Nigerians. Where did it go wrong?

Today, I went on youtube to check SBTV (a UK urban music video channel on youtube) – and I saw an acoustic performance by the great Nigerian singer, Nneka. As I scrolled down to read some of the comments under the video – I noticed some youths posted comments like: “she is Igbo, that’s my tribe”, “big up Igbo, Igbo for life”, “repping Igbo hard” etc. I was baffled because this is a music video channel visited by mostly youths raised in the UK – and I was expecting the Nigerians on there to big up, Naija – and not their tribes. This new trend of tribal consciousness is becoming problematic, and we need to put it in check before it consumes us all – and destroy our future generations.

We’re all still Nigerians, pending our disintegration – which is not happening in the foreseeable future. The older folks among us need to stop promoting tribal sentiments – and start raising their kids as Nigerians. The Nigerian diaspora is already divided along class, and country of residence lines – we shouldn’t divide further – what’s already divided.

I know Nigeria is in a sorry state – but we don’t need to write the country off. I believe in the population, and the diversity Nigeria brings. I believe in the Nigerian people. If china can go from being a hellhole, to being a superpower – I believe Nigeria can also do the same. Nigerians are a unique group of people, bond together by the Confluence of Niger & Benue River – and we shouldn't break the natural confluence, which binds us together. Nigeria is Africa – and the future of Africa depends on Nigeria. If Nigeria can rise to its full potentials – I believe Africa definitely has an opportunity to turn the tide – but if Nigeria fails, Africa is going to be exploited forever.

Nigeria is Europe’s mistake – but a blessing to mama Africa. The future of the black race depends on us – we can’t let our race down.

N/B: Some may want to claim that I'm also a tribalist - but the truth is that I was infected with the bug on NL, and I have since rid myself off the silly bug.

I did not know that tribalism was such an issue in Nigeria until I joined nairaland and I lived most of my teenage years in Nigeria. My mom is Igbo and my dad a bendelite. It was not only in recent years when I have asked y mom directly about the war that I even comprehended that Biafra in the minds of many was a country. My mom does not hate Yorubas. My cousins give their kids Yoruba middle names. It really pains me when I read how much we hate each other.

taryour:


my God am loving this.

@op. Let me teach wot works for my family. Eact time my hubby is mad at me, i simply keep qiute,listen to him,say less,pretend am not angry,at d end i apologise even it am not wrong. All d while i was quite i was takin good note of all d complains so i dont repeat them. I cant stand my hubby anger so dats wot ido,i predend am not angry cos i also av a bad temper,now imnagine i reply or argue wen he is angry n corecting me,ofcourse he will get more angry more n my own added to it will simply bring down d roof on my head and i will eventualy get more bitter. If dis should go on in a marriage will destroy d love n peace i dat home. So i av learnt to keep quite,listen,takenote of his point,pretend am not angry.
Ater his anger must av gone down,he is more relaxed after a warm bath,i serve him his meal. After eating i bring up a joke or we plane our ps2 together, while d joke is on i simply in a very humble n respectable way ask him " baby dont u thgink u were to harsh on me wen u were angry ?" while i say this,i watch out for d expression on his face,if i read any signs of anger coming up again,i keep quite n change topic. D rest will b solved inside d bedroom on our bed as usual. Some times i dont even raise d issue untill he goes out,then ui invite him for a chat were we iron it out online cos we chat alot. We as women could make our man apologise to us even if they did not ofend us. I can proudly say since i got married,i an never shouted ,argue,talk back e,t.c at my hubby n it as realy help me. D onky pple dat feelk my anger are those outside my home.

You project the anger on innocent outsiders. I am sure the housemaid chops multiple slaps for no apparent reason. You reasoning and advice is dangerous.