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 Jobs/Vacancies › Re: After Getting Her A Job, I Was Abandoned by peclint: 1:58pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
Sisi_kill, just for your self preservation, I have modified my post. But looking back to the ratio of guys to girls, the guys had a better record. It doesn't mean that there were no girls who still continued the friendship as it is. I would want to believe that there are some girls I can call if I need some help and they will come to my rescue |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: After Getting Her A Job, I Was Abandoned by peclint: 1:38pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
peclint: In life, I have learnt some big lessons. I used to get angry sometimes as I always go all the way to help people, but when it comes to someone offering me help, no one does, and the most painful part was usually the ones i helped, would not even lend me a helping hand.Someone might say the rules are harsh, but after personal experiences from helping friends, at a time I gave a girl half my months salary to help her out of her bad predicament , when that was a disappointment , I decided to help a male family member, with another half salary to get him on his feet, and I got the same treatment, I just concluded that humans will be humans. |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: After Getting Her A Job, I Was Abandoned by peclint: 1:30pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
In life, I have learnt some big lessons. I used to get angry sometimes as I always go all the way to help people, but when it comes to someone offering me help, no one does, and the most painful part was usually the ones i helped, would not even lend me a helping hand. So I made my rules 1) when you decide to help, help with a blind eye . Never expect anything in return 2) when it comes to financial help, don't give more than you can afford to loose, even if the person terms it as a loan 3) don't do unto others, what they can't do for you ( this applies to those I have helped in the past) 4) ignore rule if it is a life or death scenario. 3 Likes |
| Family › Re: Help: My Boyfriend's Mother Extorts Money From Me by peclint: 7:44pm On Feb 26, 2013 |
sunshinemi: I am presently in a relationship that is a little less than a year old. My boyfriend introduced me to his mum a few months back. She seems to like me and i call her often on the phone. My boyfriend and I both work with different oil servicing firms, so we earn good salary. My first visit to his mum, i gave her expensive fabrics and simple jewellery as gifts. This i did out of courtesy because my boyfriend lavishes money and gifts on me, so i felt that i could as well show a little love to his mother. She really appreciated them.The above sounds like a typical Nigerian Girl, didn't know mothers now do the same. Simply tell your Bf that you gave the mum so so amount and you normally send her recharge cards, but do this stylishly without Nagging or allowing your Bf read a negative meaning to it towards you. Then call his mum and chat with her, then tell her you don't know how her son found out you sent her money, that he wasn't happy about it, that you guys almost fought and you will not be doing it again |
| Romance › Re: When Your Partner Feels You Are Too Much For Him? by peclint: 2:36pm On Feb 07, 2013 |
@poster, you need to look at the 2 sides of the coin. Why does he say this 1) is he insecure? 2) Do you give him reasons to say this because of your actions? 3) Is he the less aggressive type who views money as just a means and not necessarily fulfillment. 4) Is he looking for ways to break up with you without hurting you? You have to figure this out yourself. As personal examples: I have a friend whose long term boyfriend broke up with her as she decided against his wish to go for a masters as he was yet to graduate (This is hearsay cos i don't wanna believe this). But honestly when i heard it, i was like the dude is an i.d.iot. I would gladly marry her if we were compatible. I have also met girls who are high flyers, drive expensive cars and live expensive lifestyles, and we start chatting, they start mouthing off about their job and status and their lifestyles(in my mind, they are empty barrels), i just tune off , smile and continue my search , because in the long run, those things are inconsequential. Someone who doesn't know me, might say it is insecure, on the days i feel like having a laugh, i reel out my credentials, and you need to see how a high flyer mgbeke girl becomes humble. When going into marriage, i believe that it doesn't matter who brings in the most money. What matters is that you guys work hard and share what you have. In the business world, you are just a tool, a number i see in my excel sheets and calculations. no matter how far you fly, when the business doesn't need you, we throw you out. What happens to you after you have chased these things and retired, then what next? We need to look at old folks around us and learn 2 Likes |
| Romance › Re: Can You Date Your Ex Again by peclint: 10:42pm On Jan 16, 2013 |
Some people come up with stupid slogans to justify their stupidity/immaturity. Who are you to label your fellow human a VOMIT. People part for a reason, sometimes later when they are more mature and probably forgiven of the past, can decide to make up and not repeat past mistakes. And others make a decision that the person they just Ex-ed does not satisfy the requirement they have for the future and don't go back. It is simple Logic, and does not warrant calling your Ex a name. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Divorce Settlement And Child-Support Be Introduced In Nigeria? by peclint: 11:48am On Jan 15, 2013 |
birdman: Before you take someone's advice you should see how well it has worked in their life. Do we really want a society with >50% divorce rate, generation after generation growing up in single parent homes, trying to stave off depression, loneliness and anxiety with record number of pills? The only thing poor African countries have going for them is a stable family culture. That is why as bad as Nigeria's situation is, we are still producing stable, well brought up and well educated people, making their mark all over the world. Contrast that with our brothers over the atlantic who have >50% divorce rate. At this point, only a miracle can heal the damage, and even they know it.WE WILL DESTROY OUR SOCIETY WITH A HIGH DIVORCE RATE LIKE THE WEST. WHAT WE SHOULD BE PROMOTING IS A STABLE FAMILY, NOT SINGLE PARENTING AND AIDING IT BY DEVELOPING LAWS THAT WILL WILL FAN THEIR PROGRESS. THOSE WE CALL CELEBRITIES, HAVE STARTED IMPORTING THIS NONSENSE IDEAS, AND THAT WAS HOW IT STARTED IN THE WEST, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, EVERY TOM ON THE STREET, WILL THINK ITS A WAY OF LIFE 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Divorce Settlement And Child-Support Be Introduced In Nigeria? by peclint: 12:47am On Jan 15, 2013 |
[size=14pt]WE SHOULD STOP IMPORTING WESTERN CULTURE, IT IS KILLING THE AFRICAN SOCIETY.[/size] I have lived in the UK enough to know that this system has not worked. It breeds a society based on greed. The Nigerian society i grew up in, is one that both parents do their utmost best to create a stable household for their kids. Before you get married, you have the choice to choose who you want to live with, but when you marry and breed kids, then you loose that choice, the kids become a priority. There is nothing deterring ladies or guys from sleeping around(apart from religion), but there are things deterring people from getting pregnant, because you know that if you do, you know you've just entered one of the most difficult phases of your life. If you bring all these support nonsense, in trying to solve a problem plaguing less than 10% in the society, you create another that ravishes 90% of the society Sometimes, i catch myself looking at the people in the tube in london, and they look miserable, I look at their hands, most of them with no rings.They feel they are living the dream, but in reality, they are not , end up drunk and they feel cool being drunk. The basic fabric of every society is the family and what we should be fighting for, is how to keep it and not create monetary gains that we know would be misused by a large percentile of the population who are looking for ways to overcome poverty. [size=14pt]What makes you think that a girl who is looking for a job and can't seem to find a way to make ends meet, will not become a baby mama for 4 different men when she knows she will get a child support of 20,000 each from them every Month [/size] |
| Romance › Re: He Doesn't Call Anymore. What's Wrong? by peclint: 1:37pm On Dec 11, 2012 |
Hmm, this reminds me of myself many years ago. Yours is 2 weeks, we went 3 months, when she was tired of her shakara, she will call and we will pickup from where we left. When I look back at those wasted years, I just get angry, and we still talk about it . She was so proud, I was the one always saying sorry and it got to a point I just felt I was the one giving 90% and the funny thing was I asked her that in all honesty, what she felt the contribution in the relationship was, she started from 60/40 to her saying at least she gives 20%. I told her then that the ball was in her court and she is messing me around, that a time will come when that ball will be in my court, and yep I was right. She didn't change her attitude, we broke up, but we were still very close friends, we both loved each other, It's funny that we still chat over the phone till 2am, Jump forward 12 years She has done her marriage introduction, and she is still trying to convince me that we should get married and how we will find out in the future that we married the wrong people. Do I love her, yes, but am I ready to live in the same house with a woman who will not talk with me for weeks in the same house,and whose idea of relationship is I, me and myself, NO. (some will say that she won't do that when you are in the same house, that was what I thought, until she did it in a cruel manner, even the guys that have been her advocates, when I tell them one episode, they are like :- guy you've made the right decision) The moral of my experience is that when you love someone, don't be an i@diot about it. Enjoy the whole experience and reduce the drama( drama gets you no where, it pushes the other party away), it doesn't matter who calls who, swallow your pride, and don't make the other party feel taken advantage of,else you drive them away. 5 Likes |
| Romance › Re: After 1 Year, She Said Yes But....... by peclint: 12:33pm On Nov 28, 2012 |
@poster, the answer is simple. It is the simple woman nature. The first girl doesn't like you, she just wants you as her possession. She would rather have you than her friend Stick with the second girl. Tell the first that you are no more interested in her, that you like her friend. This stuff is just a mind game. cat and mouse , chaser and runner. One thing i will bet you, is that she will be the one now trying to convince you to go out with her (run.... as fast as you can) |
| Romance › Re: My White Wife Wants Me To Dump And Forget My Wife And Children In Nigeria by peclint: 9:45am On Nov 22, 2012 |
@ Poster , this is what you can do 1) Make your decision on who you want to live with, the oyibo or your Nigerian wife 2) Get it on tape or CAM, that your Oyibo wife knew that you were married before she married you, in that way she is a co-conspirator. Just get your laptop in recording mode, have a heart discussion with the oyibo wife, get her to admit she knew all along, and encrypt and save the tape for a raining day(this is going to be your life saver). 3)Go back to Naija, and confess your sins, and decide with your wife on what to do. 4)You are lucky that Nigeria has no good recording system, you can delete and trace of your previous marriage, Then You can go ahead divorce your oyibo wife, then come back and marry your Naija wife, in that way it is now legal. The advantage you have is that Oyibos can live many years and have kids without marriage, so you can claim she was your partner. 5)You are definitely going to pay child support to the oyibo chic if you live in the country (the question now is how much), you would need to decide what to do with your naija wife. But it is important that you take care of all your kids, they are the innocents in this whole charade. 6)If you are going through route 4&5, delete every trace of the tape in route 2. 7)Am guessing you are posting on Nairaland via your computer, delete every trace that will trace these posts back to you. If you need to format your system, just do when you have decided, and before that, never leave your computer open or save nairaland password on your browser, infact make the password very long and complex. 3 Likes |
| Family › Re: Marrying A Girl From A Broken Home...does It Really Matter? by peclint: 12:42pm On Nov 11, 2012 |
@Poster, it all depends on the character of the girl and the condition of her upbringing. My uncle married a wife from a broken home, and his home is perfect. But the lady in question was a christian and wasn't raised in an environment bashing men. And i have another relative from a broken home, I will be honest with you, i can't introduce her to any of my friends for marriage except if i really hate and want to punish him. The divorce was a bad one and she was raised by an ANGRY MOM. Her Idea of what a family is, is heavily distorted and i know it will take a miracle for her to make a good wife, let alone keep a family. Shine your eyes, put her through tests, get to know her mom. Some people here are saying if you love her, marry, but the honest truth is that many people who have married because of love have ended up hitting the rocks, why do you think there are so many divorces. You must have the right foundation, then with love, you are bound to have a happier home and reduced rate of divorce. If you marry someone that you love whose background is based on that any man is dispensable and she can live without a man like her mom, then when the marriage hits a storm like all marriages do, then the ship is highly likely to sink. But if you marry someone from a broken home, who says that i went through a hard phase and i would never want my children to go through what i went through, then she is more likely to work with you to make a good marriage. 2 Likes |
| Romance › Re: Are Male Bankers Really Stingy? by peclint: 4:54pm On Nov 06, 2012 |
This topic just reminded me of when i was working in the Bank, Many girls/guys used to say am stingy (I kept wondering if they thought i was their father , dangote or money doubler) , and when i asked what they needed money for, it was always something ridiculous like going to drink away or having the most talked about party in town. i did have this Gf who i met in the bank doing her IT, she said i was stingy and i remember saying to her that we would see how it goes when she starts earning real money. Now when we talk about it, she just laughs it off cos now she knows what it means to earn money and also to lose a job. The truth be told once you become a banker, you somehow become an economist , you don't give out money because someone wants money, you give because someone NEEDS it. Even your colleague will not want to lend you cash. And to be honest i used to try to understand the rational of some of my banker colleagues taking loans to buy cars, rent houses , even having a Marriage. I remember my boss always asking me of when i was going to take the car loan Many of the bankers you see are in net debt cos their lifestyles are sustained by loans. I remember a colleague saying that the bank cannot sack him cos the amount of loans he owes, it would be a loss to the bank to sack him. Don't get me wrong though, loans are good if they are invested to yield profit and in assets (and i knew some who were doing this) |
| Dating And Meet-up Zone › Am Searching For An Old Friend "Omolara Okeowo" by peclint(op): 10:13pm On Oct 26, 2012 |
I have been searching for a friend since i left Nigeria, it seems she just dropped out of the map. The number i have for her is being picked up by a different individual, probably the number has been recycled. her name is Omolara Okeowo, the little i know of her is she went to Assanusiyah college of education for a while before moving to kwara state college of education in Ilorin, her family used to live in Umuahia where her dad was a policeman. I think she went to one of the girls college in Umuahia too. Met her in Ipetumodu in osun state during my NYSC. Please if this description matches anyone you know please let me know. Thanks |
| Romance › Re: Reasons Black Guys Prefer White Girls!!!!! by peclint: 7:35pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
@Poster, i would agree with you with most things even though most are misleading. If you get a good white girl, you would live your life in peace. But there are many crazy ones running around It got to a point i and my friends call them Ogbanje, because that is how most of them behave in terms of bedmatics, there are little or no restrictions, but the average black gal feels she is doing you a favor, and some styles shouldn't be tried because she feels she is being used and cheap. If a white Chic falls in love with you, it is genuine and would go the extra mile for you, but once she snaps out of that love, you better start running in the opposite direction. Most white chics are generally subtle while insulting you , while the black ones are aggressive. The white ladies understand the meaning of being independent and don't front it, but the black ones will be the ones saying " I am an independent woman" yet want you to pay her taxi, meal, etc bills 2 Likes |
| Romance › Re: Way Forward For A Me In A Marriage Of Lies by peclint: 7:21pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
@poster, the assumption that a man that sleeps with another woman hates the wife is totally false, and we all know it. Many years ago, when i was serving in the bank, i just couldn't figure out why these men were sleeping with university students and yet are so passionate when they talk about their wives I just couldn't reconcile these things then. Now i know why, a wife is a WIFE, that is why you married her, and the Slut is a Slut whom the man uses to gratify his sexual desires. Though am not married, i have learnt a lot and pray that i don't get myself involved in this mess. A drastic measure, would be probably to get the Blackberry off him, and ask him never to buy one if he truly loves you, as i have found that these SLUTS all have BB's and their hands are so swift at pinging, you just need to see them pinging, so annoying |
| Romance › Re: Way Forward For A Me In A Marriage Of Lies by peclint: 7:10pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
@poster, before looking at the divorce route that some people are spewing on here, look at their posts history in this forum, that would give you an idea of the quality of your advisers. Any action you take, is no more about you, but will affect your kids for life. From what you have said, your husband is not a bad guy judging by the standards of men we have now, the only problem he has is with his weakness, which is the weakness of all men (some men however can control this weakness, some due to religious reasons, others as a matter of principles). You alone can decide on what is best for you to do, either you pray and take precautions during sex, or you sit him down and make your stand on his behavior. One thing i tell you though, is that finding a man with the combination of good qualities you have described is very very difficult. |
| Family › Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by peclint: 3:11pm On Oct 15, 2012 |
@poster, it is a 2 way coin, what you need to do, is sit down with her and create a budget, and based on that, try and send some cash to her mum. Also, you need to know if she has siblings who are working, they also can contribute so her mum can be comfortable. What i wouldn't want to support, is the mentality that because she lives abroad, she has to show her level and outshine her siblings. I for example, do not send monthly allowance to my mum, but i do to my grandmum. The simple reason is that my mum runs her own business and the little cash i send will just finish in a day, but my grandmum needs it and it makes a difference.I just stick to sending gifts to my mum. |
| Family › Re: Pls Help, My Marriage Is Killing Me. by peclint: 4:52pm On Oct 13, 2012 |
The best advicer so far is from othenok and she is married woman experience |
| Family › Re: Pls Help, My Marriage Is Killing Me. by peclint: 4:12pm On Oct 13, 2012 |
Chaircover, you need to start a thread for all these half baked ladies on the importance of due diligence before marriage, and what marriage entails. I have yet to come across an old man who has been married for over 20 yrs that wouldn't give you the same advise. Marriage is a great deal of patience, patience, patience and endurance, it has loads of ups and downs. It needs a lot of team play . There will be disagreements, how we handle it is what matters. When the lady starts running her mouth, the man must learn to walk away and when the man gets into a fit , the lady must learn to keep shut and say what she has to say when the tension has died down. We are busy copying the western idea of what marriage is, unfortunately , it is not working for them, the society is growing more dysfunctional as the days go by. The basic unit of any community is the family, once we break that up, then we have messed up the society. |
| Family › Re: Pls Help, My Marriage Is Killing Me. by peclint: 9:06pm On Oct 12, 2012 |
redsun: I think happy single women are better than being enslaved in what some people call marriage,like in the case of the poster,that is if the story is true.That is the reason why people should not rush into marriage, you need to do your due diligence , don't marry someone because he is rich or she is the most beautiful in the neighbourhood. Once you marry, it is no more about you, you have made your choice, now it is about the kids that came about as a result of choices. The western world have been telling us how to run homes, but the truth is that it is not working, they are producing a morally derelict and selfish generation. The lady is the first one who is selfish, what does she do with her money, who is she keeping it for?? She feels paying for her kids hospital bill as a chore What does she contribute to the relationship?? She might be a nice person, but let us be honest, if her husband sees her as a leech and unsupportive , then there is now way he can be happy with her And the house would be a house,not a home |
| Family › Re: Pls Help, My Marriage Is Killing Me. by peclint: 8:34pm On Oct 12, 2012 |
Also, I have seen many people come up with rubbish about how it's better you leave him so that you don't train kids that will hit their wives. The truth be told, why we have a dysfunctional society is because of loads of single parenting. I live in the uk and I always pray that our society doesn't degenerate to what I see everyday. The most dysfunctional ladies I have met are people from these types of homes, and what baffles me is they have this highly opionated image of themselves 2 Likes |
| Family › Re: Pls Help, My Marriage Is Killing Me. by peclint: 8:24pm On Oct 12, 2012 |
@poster To be honest with you, reading through your post, the major thing that is the cause of problem here is MONEY. You have certain expectations from your husband, you probably believe the man should take care of all the family bills The Man also has some expectations from you. Your cooking and doing some house chores and to contribute to the home upkeep since you are working. Your husband at the moment doesn't see you as being supportive, he sees you as being selfish, he is probably wondering what you are doing with your money. There is no excuse for your husband hitting you, but let us be honest, you husband didn't see you in the room and went hitting you, you must have started on him with emotional and mouth abuse. Solving your problem is simple, you understand your husband , you know what gets him angry , avoid it, and don't let money break your marriage, and the most important bit, is to make him feel you are supportive and not a torn in his flesh. Plan with him how you want your family to go and if it needs financial commitment, go all the way and show him that you guys are in this thing together 2 Likes |
| Romance › Re: What Should I Do? My Boyfriend Said He Needs More Time by peclint: 2:30pm On Sep 10, 2012 |
@poster, pls stop wasting your time, look for someone else and allow the guy to plan and face his future. You obviously don't love the guy. Why would you marry someone you don't love :--erm because he is the one available, hence becomes your desirable  if you feel that supporting your "husband to be" will make you the husband, what happens if he loses his job for 5 yrs when you guys are married. You still don't understand the concept of marriage , which is all about sharing 1 Like |
| Romance › Re: Does Family History Matters A Lot When Choosing Your Partner? by peclint: 5:35pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
I think the history is a big factor, cos you are a product of your environment. The girl is more likely to do the same things her mom did because majority of ladies build their characters from their moms and the guys the same There would be exceptions and those are in the minority Research has shown that people from divorced homes are more likely to have a divorce sometime in their life ( don't ask me for quotes, Google is your friend) Our fore-bearers were not stupid but so wise to investigate the family a girl or man comes from before agreeing to a marriage proposal. When i was younger, i used to hear them saying things like you can't marry that person because she is not from a good home, now i understand. 1 Like |
| Romance › Re: My friend and my feelings.... by peclint: 4:51pm On Sep 04, 2012*. Modified: 5:12pm On Sep 04, 2012 |
@Poster, honestly depending on how concentrated his Christianity is, he won't see your red light no matter how glaring they are. That's why in school those days we were called Jew Men. Your exposure and experience determine how you interpret the red light. Now i can spot any red light in a dark room, but some years back i couldn't. You can Imagine now when i chat with some of my female friends and they tell me they were waiting for me to ask them out then. I think old school and don't think a lady should ask a guy out, but there is a way you can hint it. Simply get him to promise to be honest with you and tell you the truth, once he does, ask him or say to him, hey "his name" i think you are in love with me, are you? based on his response, you would know. You can put a bit of pressure on him by saying a brother was asking you out, and you wanted to be sure from him cos you would be upset if you entered this relationship and he tells you after you've entered it. And from what i understand, when a christian brother wants to marry, they pray about it, and based on who the spirit leads them to, they marry. I hope this helps |
| Romance › Re: How Many Girlfriends Can A Nigerian Guy Have (Men Replied) by peclint: 8:19pm On Sep 03, 2012 |
| Romance › How Many Boyfriends Is A Lady Entitled To by peclint(op): 8:04pm On Sep 03, 2012 |
ok guys, i saw this today and i was like what https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw3uAqT2iQE What is your own opinion on this? |
| Family › Re: Should I End My Marriage by peclint: 11:09am On Aug 20, 2012 |
Simple Solution Go on the internet , look for a draft of divorce papers. Print it,fill it and put your reason for divorce as irreconcilable differences expressing the fact that you were deceived and you have high mistrust for your new partner as her word is never her bond put it in a brown envelope, address it to yourself, seal it and unseal it(like an opened package). When leaving for work, forget it on the dining table; When Mrs sees it, she will get a reality check. She would most probably confront you, stand your ground and tell her that a marriage that is built on lies and deceit and I-syndrome cannot stand, it is better you leave early now and even if she had a kid, you would still leave that you can't imagine living your life with someone as selfish and deceitful as her. She would want to make amend, and you would simply tell her to keep her promises, and that solves this issue. I just think the OP falls into the category of the Mr Nice guys and the woman just took advantage of you sometimes you need to show you are mean to check her |
| Romance › Re: Can A Man Love A Woman And Still Cheat On Her? by peclint: 5:42pm On Aug 06, 2012 |
The answer is a big YES I used to ask myself how possible that was; to love someone and still cheat on them, but i have grown older to know its a big YES. What many people get confused with is COMMITMENT and LOVE. If you love someone and you are so committed to the individual and you are disciplined, then you will not cheat. If you love but not committed, then you will cheat if you love, committed and not disciplined, you will cheat. and to get newbies confused the more, you can be committed, disciplined and not in LOVE and will never cheat. 1 Like |
