₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
I'm not talking about people pretending to like step kids to get married.

I'm talking about you making a case of women who don't get along with their step kids as if it is an evil thing even when we know many men can't accept step kids let alone try to get along with them for the mother's sake.

You didn't even waste time before you started your Nigerian women bashing thing.

Once again...be real

Let me explain it to you maybe it will stick this time


A man will not over think how a step kid will mean his wife will not love his own kids

If a man does not want baby daddy drama..he moves on

He will not pretend to like d kid to get the ring


Those who do this are a minority



Its more common with you females


Do you understand now

bukatyne:
I have not read anywhere on This thread where he said women are helpless appendages but again I cannot claim to have read all the posts on This thread.

He thinks men should pay spousal support for a while irrespective of the wife's earning capability

You think men should only pay for housewives

You both are entitled to your opinions

What do u think

Fhemmmy:
I can see you just want us to stay on that line, but no need to, i have made my point and you made yours, make we leave it at that, if you see the scenario of 100K$ per year and 35K$ per year, analyze it and see where my stand is . . . I never said give without reasons, or she milk you..... Chairman, i beg, lemme go and sell some cars and phones jare . . . .

No wahala...

More power to your elbows

Ewuro4:
Gotcha...

But you know some people are just naturally wicked and irritant to things that aren't theirs? That's my point all along, these ladies mind are hardenedly conditioned to be mean. They only have their eyes on the man and nothing else matters.

See how they treat their domestic helps for example. We read that here every time.

Good we are clear
Hence I use the word matured or exposed

They rise above the average mindset

carefreewannabe:
I sincerely hope you will learn something from Fhemmmy.

Lol...story

Fhemmmy:
There is NOTHING for Fhemmmy to learn from . . . NOTHING, i have given you scenario and you refused to understand, i am not supporter of laziness

You don't support laziness uee you want a modern woman to be kept even though she is working

Ow Kay

cococandy:
It is not a just a women's thing.
How many men can marry single moms? We know their numbers are far fewer than that of ladies who will marry single fathers.

And we all see how single moms are more marginalized than single dads.

Men have a worse time dealing with the constant reminder that another man had his wife first.
doesn't even want that constant reminder that you've been knocked up by another man before.

All these sly 'Nigerian women mindset' talk ain't fooling no one.

Who came up with the 'after one' slang used in addressing single women who have had a child before marriage?

I guess it is ok to cuss people out for not accepting conditions we wouldn't accept if we were in there shoes.

Hypocrisy everywhere.

You've started again with your absurd theories

Do you see men pretending to like a step child to marry the woman

If they do..what's the ratio to women who have smiling faces but hate the kid

Continue ranting about hypocrisy

When u come to the real world..u can contribute

Ewuro4:
Not sure I get your point there.^^

You mean matured and exposed women are not crafty ? just asking

I mean someone who is not threatened by the step child but knows that the kids are her hubbys and treats him as a human

I may not love this kid but I will not maltreat her
Its not a natural thing

lolababe331e:
It's one thing to have jealously issues, people are not judging you for that but you seem to have a lot of bitterness towards the child's mother and you are transferring that to the child. Why won't she have a picture of her mother in the house Saying the child will be an agent speaks of your paranoia .


My husband had 2 daughters before we met and the first thing I decided is I must respect their Mum and have a cordial relationship with her so the girls won't feel awkward around me. When she licks them up I offer her lunch and we talk about the kids and their new hobbies and vice versa. I know he will love any child we have as much as he loves the girls. In fact I wouldn't want him to love my child more, why should he They are all his children and I want him to love them equally.

The first thing you need to get rid of is this beef for the mother, that's clouding your relationship with the child and if you can't do that please let the child stay with the mother . Don't pick a side and label her a witch based on what your man told you, it's not that he is lying but we all know when a relationship fails many people will only tell what the other party did wrong and not their own part.

Thus buttresses my point

A woman has to make a conscious choice to treat her step kids as humans or equal to her own kids

Yes some may say men don't also accept but they don't lie and pretend

Women pretend to land the man

Ewuro4:
Lol.. Oh I see what you mean.

Her post although honest , came across very brazen and cold. I feel sorry for the little girl already.
Never witnessed such from my friends who had a stepmom growing up.

But she is being real
Thats why I said matured or exposed women are exempt

Ewuro4:
I lived in another planet then.

What older ladies? For starters..What's your definition of Today's Ladies?

Lol....planet ewuro or euro
My phone always auto corrects to euro


I'm saying what she is saying is normal for a woman who is not mature or very measured.
Women are possessive

I'm not sure its limited to today or any era
Women are women

Ewuro4:
oropesije

The dangerous mind of MOST today ladies.. Hence the numerous Calamity in marriage that are unheard of.


Eeshh

Not only ladies of today but even the older ones who maltreated their step sons

She is being real expressing what most women internalize towards their mothers in law, step sons or anyone not connected by blood

bukatyne:
I also do not support employed women leeching off their hubbys or requesting for spousal support during divorce

Good

MAYBE Fhemmmy will learn one or two things from this since he sees you women as helpless appendages who need hubby support all their life

LOL

bukatyne:
Simple

Some wives behave like employees

Some husbands behave like employers

And so....

How does that link to women hating other kids by their hubby

bukatyne:
Thank God you said it is mostly a family decision.

If God forbid they divorce and they are to leave with What they brought; What are they leaving with?

Those are traditional marriages
I support traditional means of support

Not empowered working women still leeching off their husbands

The man should support the spouse

bukatyne:
The truth is that the natural person wants to eat their cake and have it

A lot of guys say they used and dump a girl when after sleeping with her and ending the relationship

Why didn't the guy think he and the girl enjoyed it?

Why do parents warn that their daughters should street clear of boys and not allowed themselves to be used by boys?

Why are female virgins celebrated when they marry as virgins?

We can't continue to shift grounds when it suits us.

We need to have a collective view towards sex...

And what is the thrust of your post
We are saying women think men enjoy sex more yet youre talking of virginity

kimco:
I mean PAIN/PEIN not nagato. The one that was hit around like a doll by the 6 or 7 tails.

Ok

bukatyne:
Like the husbands don't behave like employers

I don't understand your point or post

OK..good to know you have paid

Leave it here for a while

Also be quick to hear and be slow to speak to posters here

It makes you defensive

Also be truthful above all

And ensure you make that push into 2 1 as you spoke about

donpeey22:
As far as I am concerned, the belief that children belong to the man is one of the so many erroneous believes held by the Nigerian society.

Children belong to both parents.

Exactly just as sex is suuposed to be pleasurable to both parties not a service to be presented by the woman for money or marriage entrapment

bukatyne:
And I know a number who did not

@bolded: Did they leave voluntarily or their husbands asked them to?

Some Of their own volition

Mostly a family decision

These guys work in remote places so someone has to be home

Some of them eventually open businesses

Others do courses and get qualifications

Others settle in well well

I know a lot of people who had this before marriage

Most ladies leave their jobs to be housewives

Come to the Niger Delta and see women who have built office on top their marriages

bukatyne:
How many men have houses before they get married?

How many have cars

How many ladies marry without having a means of earning?

How many ladies who married without means of earning still stay after marriage without earnings (except hubby requests them to)?

At the bolded.... Thanks for that

Yet if you see the way naija marriages and men are maligned by these same posters

donpeey22:
Why do you make reference to standard Nigerian society only when it suits you?

Have you forgotten that standard Nigerian society also demands that you totally submit to your husband, including handing him your paycheck at the end of the month for him to decide what the money is used for? Would you do that because standard Nigerian society demands that from you?

Let's assume that the child ownership according to the Nigerian society is reversed, and we now 'pronounce' that the woman owns the child, would you be happy if almost all you have worked for in life is taken away from you and given to the man for the upkeep of those children of yours?
I put the word pronounce in quote to emphasize that though the Nigerian society says that the child belongs to the man, in reality it is the women that actually owns and benefit more from the children.
I will use my late dad as an example. While he was alive (may his soul continue to rest in perfect peace), he worked so hard to see us his children through schools. Took all manner of risks, toured from East, West, North and south to ensure that we had good education. Lo and behold, while he was getting old and about to retire to at least start receiving some cups of cold water from his children, death struck and took him away.
Now, my mom is the "mama engineer" , "mama Doc" and "mama everything" with the benefits of regular cash deposits to her bank account and regular change of wardrobe etc.

Note that I am not in any way against my beloved mom, of course she still remains closer to my heart than any other woman on earth, I just had to say all the above to make you see that the man does not actually own the children like the " standard Nigerian society" would want us to believe.

moca:
How?
I just read d story.
Can't go tru d whole pages abeg b4 I get headache.
Mean gals dey o
Infact, let me close my mouth.
Go to schools in d east and interview medical student why they want to marry "abroad" guy.
U will be shocked!

Exactly

The girls are innocent and cant do any evil

You are justifying murder

That was what mutter said and she was crucified here

Ewuro4:
LOL

No be so?

Madam

Your post can be interpreted as a justification for murder

moca:
See, d way a cool and rich(maybe averagely rich) guy who proposed to a lady will be milked by this guy tru pride price(cos they don see mugu) is d way an away husband to some families is a potential milking machine.

I've seen lots and lots of this happen.
Especially d illegal and uneducated ones. Most times they will like to go for d educated ladies .go to pharmacy dept or nursing/midwifery in schools in d east u will find out most of them r married to foreign based niggas mostly uneducated ones. And in some cases, it doesn't go as planned hence we start hearing all manner stories
And our gals, being who they r, dont investigate and make inquiries. Once we here"abroad"we throw all caution to d wind and expect magic when we reach there. No courtship, nothing.
When it happens, we start blaming d devil.

SAMBARRY:
I am as disgusting as my post. i accept its mounting that sets my disjointed brain aright. I will shut up and quit ranting.

Sorry o

Fhemmmy:
Yippeee . . . 1920, here i come, and your idea of marriage is done, "out of MY house" is 22nd century . . .Lol, i just dey enjoy you jare.

NO wahala bro


Your idea of marriage has no place with our modern women

rman:
The bolded is what your entire engagement with Fhemmy is about. What is logical is different from what is good or sentimentally correct.

Simple

Logic and morality are not always aligned

mizzochocinco:
i am the one who is hopless and frustrated.May God take away my unnecessary bitterness towards life and may someone sensible look my way,i pray this year before my ovaries turn to mush..
i say amen.

it is well, dear
Sorry

Fhemmmy:
You are so funny, are you aware that you looking after the kids while she is out is no more an option, she now have to get a baby sitter to make sure the kids are well and fine, when she is running late from work, she now have to call someone to pick them up from school or daycare, cos now the duty is ALL her . . . Chairman, it is NOT easy and your money is NOT all that is important, if you could make yourself available at her calls to look after the kids, then, no wahala now.

Bro.. you still dont get it
Its about choices and options
The millenial woman is empowered and equal to the man
So why should u be patronizing her and treating her as an appendage...

She is capable of taking care of herself without any man's help

Your idea is so 1920s

rman:
I love the way you make your points man.

nice points too .. bro




i get his points are rooted in sentiments and a throwback to an era where men were heads of households
In this millenium, all are equal

Fhemmmy:
If you were logically looking at the scenario, you would see that, it is not about the fortune, it is about the right and wrong which is what law is all about..... the woman is not parting with no fortune cos 100k $ a year is no fortune.... they probably still paying mortgage, car finance, kids still in school. .. bro, that money is nit enough to be called wealth.
so the logic here is, in that scenario, she will need more than what she is making to make ends meet and look after YOUR children, or should she take up second job?

At the bolded.. i rest my case
She does not see the kids as hers' but the man's

Simple

You know i respect you too bro.. Thanks for the hailing

You still dont get the point

This is the fundamental issue here

You are talking of sentiments and what sounds good
I am talking of what is logical

afterall modern marriage is not about what is nice but based on logic

You are saying a working woman should still be placed on crutches because she had the fortune of marrying you
She is equal to you

That is insulting to our empowered ladies

Except you now say you believe in male headship in marriage
Then i support you

Fhemmmy:
Chairman, I am not here to impress NO one, I have a mother and the only boy in my family.... I dont wanna raise my son to thinknit is fair to kick his wife into the cold with nothing, and if you are worried about losing the house you built before marriage, sign a prenuptial agreement BUT pal, I just gace you a scenario and your response tells it ALL, she has income of 35k $ a year compared to the man who is making 100k$.
like i sail, I hail you..... AGAIN, I dont go fpr cheap publicity, but I stand behind what is right and fair.....
U know you one of people I respect on this forum and trust me, it wont change.... only that I won't allow anyone I cared for to marry you...., but still love and respect you.

bukatyne:
Answering my question with another question?

it is your right to answer or not