₦airaland Forum

If God were a woman - by women themselves
an extract of comments made if God were a woman



The bolded is telling

Shona Sibary, writer
All women would look exactly the same. Beauty may be only skin deep but I think most women would admit that it is the cause of the majority of our anxieties, self-esteem issues and deep-rooted envy.
I can’t be the only woman whose life has been blighted by insecurity about how every other female on the planet is either slimmer or prettier then me, or has nicer legs or a smaller bottom.
So, if God were a woman we’d all have the same hair, same figures and same face.
Essentially we’d be clones and would know that men really were picking us for our personality — and nothing else.
Although they’d have to be able to tell us apart in some way so they didn’t accidentally sleep with our sister.

---

Libby Purves, writer
She would not tolerate any nonsense about whether Her priests should be men, women, gay, straight, transgender, married or celibate: only their actual qualities and deeds would matter.
Any sect leader ordering women to hide themselves in veils, refrain from driving or kowtow to men just because they were male would fall victim to highly embarrassing plagues: boils, sudden balding, itchy lice.
As to the general management of the planet and the universe, it would probably not be much different, since it works pretty well.
Though being female, and keen on keeping things moving, She might spin Earth a bit faster. And be kind to middle-aged knees by knocking a fifth or so off gravity, thus making us all that bit lighter.

---

Jaci Stephen, TV critic
She wouldn’t have sent Her only son to sacrifice himself on a cross.

---

Tamasin Day-Lewis, food writer
She’d make sure men loved going shopping. That they remembered the list. Remembered to take their wallet. Remembered that bullet-hard avocados take a week to ripen and that pillow bags of crisps and tortilla don’t go into children’s lunch boxes. Realised that they should never, ever ask how much something cost and even less say it was too expensive, while buying gadgets and electronics and CDs.

---

Tanith Carey, author
Men would have to pull their weight and give birth, too.
In an outrageous piece of sexism, which could only have been dreamt up by a man and would today result in a giant class-action lawsuit, God had the cheek to declare in Genesis that because Eve took a sneaky bite out of that forbidden apple, every woman would suffer agonising pain when giving birth.
How is that fair when the worst agonies men have to endure is getting their dangly bits caught in their zips from time to time?
So they too would know the sensation of squeezing a small melon out through a tiny orifice — and then being made to feel guilty for asking for pain relief.
But then I bet if a female God did grant my wish, before long Caesarean sections would be handed out as a matter of course on the NHS, no questions asked.
I’d also wager that a cure for stretch marks would miraculously appear, and maternity leave would be extended to a decade — on double pay.

---

Diana Moran, the Green Goddess
A female God would be kind, compassionate and understanding of the failings of us human beings, whether we are male or female. Perhaps a female God might even be able to understand the failings of men better than a male God?
Some men might honestly declare and share their real worries and concerns with Her, which they never do with another man! And most importantly, a female God would enjoy dressing up in elaborate frocks, cloaks, hats and jewellery like the male clergy have done for centuries!

---

Erin Kelly, author
She would engineer a more equal society using her ultimate weapon: biology. Around his 20th birthday, every human male would find himself temporarily transformed into a woman.
This would last for a year — a bit like National Service, but with boobs and periods instead of military training.
He’d experience 12 months of being catcalled on the street, groped on the bus, patronised by mechanics, overlooked for promotion and being paid less than his male counterparts, not forgetting having to wear an underwired bra even during a heatwave.
We’d have gender parity within a generation.

---

Sam Taylor, journalist
There would be a rational reorganisation of the days of the week. At the moment, as any mere mortal woman will tell you, there are just not enough.
So the seven-day week would become the eight-day week. This would allow all the extra time needed to properly compile comprehensive daily lists of things to do and to explain at leisure to the other members of the family the dire consequences of not completing the tasks on the list.
A female God would also make it mandatory for husbands to stop the car and ask someone, anyone, for directions.

---

Jenni Murray, Woman’s Hour presenter
Men would menstruate and have breasts that produce milk so night feeds would be shared (and they would all look like George Clooney and enjoy gossip and personal revelations during conversation).
Houses would clean themselves. Shopping would be delivered as a result of thought transference and cars would be made redundant as everyone would have their own ‘Beam me up, Scotty’ machine for instant transportation.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3108477/If-God-woman-Church-feminists-say-God-wittiest-wisest-writers-imagine-world-higher-female-power-helm.html#ixzz3c0mhXdMK

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/06/03/01/294DB76300000578-3108477-image-m-14_1433291766964.jpg

Christian feminists The most deluded of all

Jesus says I and my Father are one

Prepare for the Lords Prayers to become "Our Source" and all references to God the Father be removed



https://womenandthechurch.org/news/news-round-up-let-god-be-a-she-the-national-conversation-about-a-god-without-gender/

[size=18pt]God is neither "she" nor "he" says Watch, a group which represents women in the church.
[/size]
The organisation has been accused of trying to "rewrite" Christian doctrine by encouraging people to use the female pronoun when talking about God.

Rev Jody Stowell, vicar at St Michael & All Angels Church in Harrow, says she was "dismayed" by recent reports.

"This is not about making God a woman. This is about creating those proper, Biblical images of God," she explains to Newsbeat.

The ideas surrounding which pronouns to use when talking about God were discussed at a committee meeting in Lambeth Palace, according to Hilary Cotton, chair of Watch.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/32958213/god-is-neither-she-nor-he-say-anglican-priests

https://womenandthechurch.org/news/news-round-up-let-god-be-a-she-the-national-conversation-about-a-god-without-gender/

coogar:
i saw 1-3 when i was in primary school. i am sure the VHS tapes are buried somewhere in my father's storage.

i will watch the latest one this weekend if time permits me.

Cool


Once I'm thru with thisone..then I'm ready to see fury road

Coogar

Have you seen mad max 3

Damn...Tina Turner was super

All I need is the repeat of the scoreline
Spain vs Italy (Euro 2012)

2 for Messi
1 each for Suarez n Neynar

A ten year old rãped a man ?
How

njokusboy:
There's this thing I don't understand aabout Thiss bleaching business....
I always thought it's for "not so good looking girls" who feel being light would improve their appearance, this days even the tight ones do it... the girl in dat picture looked ok to me...
I have always loved dark pretty girls, every girl now looks brighter than her future

I tire

coogaluta:
Oh please
Do you need me to get you some toning creams?

Nope

SemuhleB:
What does that have to do with anything? Am I not allowed to comment because of that

And on which authority do u have your assertions


Have u only dated Nigerian
Did they cheat on u or were u d side chic
Are u just parroting what u read online

coogaluta:
it they do it right, what's bad in it?

Ok

I hear

coogar:
but what if the images on the right is her natural colour & the one on the left was when she didn't have enough to take proper care of herself?

Girls of nowadays are bleaching n toning likes it's food

You need to check everything about your babe o even before you met her

See...

SemuhleB:
'I'm going to be inside you as long as you let me. U know this is your heart. I know you do. I always come back. We just have to be more careful.' so he felt no remorse and actually wanted to continue with this.

It serves him right. If you cheat be prepared to face the consequences. On a serious note is there a Nigerian man alive that does not cheat smdh poor Leila.

I thought you were south African?..

coogar:
i will check it out.
there have been so much shootings in america lately i have lost track. it's a 3rd world country.

Lol

coogar:
never heard of it....
the only waco story i know was the david koresh guy that had one strange church in his yard & defied the law.

they had to send a SWAT team to his place. himself & his church members opened fire on the SWAT team & america did what they know how to do best. they killed women & children in that church.

you should watch the documentary - it was shocking!

This was just three weeks ago

I know of koresh...mad man

Will look for the documentary

Dominique
Sissy3
Ishilove
lalasticlala


Please can you help lock this thread

Any other comments can be made on the official TEHN thread

https://www.nairaland.com/1315227/e-helpers-network-tehn-official-thread

coogar:
i still remember the scene when max's wife went to get ice cream & nightrider intercepted her and licked from the cone. she kicked him in the groin & ran into the car. then the bikers started squealing like rhesus monkies - i knew it was over for the babe right there.



david koresh?

Yes...you know it was over for her

Did you know they assaulted the couple sexually in the beginning that ran off

See how they destroyed their car


Nope..a biker gang shootout

coogar:
raincoats have side effects too. many of the chics are allergic to rubber.



i was in my primary school when i saw the original version. mel gibson versus nightrider. good old memories......

The night rider was mad too
Such a psycho

I can imagine how many joy riders n bikers were inspired by this film

Did u hear of d Waco disaster

TV01:
Is it in two parts? Na Nollywood production . Abajo!
Abeg, review it here - book/film reviews were always part of our mandate here.


TV

Just finished part 1
Max is a highway cop in the world of the future where biker gangs run riot
They kill his partner
He loses interest in the job and proceeds on a vacation with his wife and child

On a stop along the vacation to get spare tires, she drives ahead to get icecream for her child, the wife runs into the biker gang who want to r@pe her
She hits the gang leader in the groin and runs off to get max

the gang track them to her aunts place and she is forced to run off with her aunt and child
the car stops along the way and she makes off on foot

She is sadly run over and the child dies with her on ICU

Max gets Mad ("Mad max" and goes on a revenge spree driving them off the road

About to start part 2

Timbuktou:
Read a review along those lines also, which begs the question, why not give the movie a different title? Feminism and historical revisionism go hand-in-hand.

Cc: Pickabeau1

Well I guess I have to see the new film

Will watch part 2 tonight

cococandy:
the point of the thread is/are
1) ladies need to lady up and demand fertility tests from their prospective husbands just as they demand from them.

2) TTC couples need to understand that the man is as much a culprit as the wife so the pressure needs to be reduced on the wife.

3)general education of the public. Just that many of them may not read it or be on NL. But this information needs to be out there like polio vaccination. The ignorance is high.
We always hear about barren women but hung like that for the impotent men. Even when the wife is fertile and the man is sterile, she's termed a barren woman. The local person out there needs to know that anyone could be responsible for childlessness in a marriage

Should I continue?

Fertility tests....how many people actually ask women for this..i know of hiv tests...
I guess if a woman is subjected to such..a man should be ready too
It may be his fault

2. This is obvious

3. You guys can form an NGO

TV01:
Read that Charlize Theron is the real star of this film - Max is portrayed as the sidekick - i.e. the film has been given a mythical female superhero.

TV

Interesting.. have u seen the original 3 films
Im halfway through part 1

cococandy:
it means "shebi una don see why I like xynerise"

I Hope you understand pidgin sha. Because I no fit speak English pass that one again.

I get.. his insight was ok
i still dont know what the point of the thread was anyway

telling us that males contribute to infertility is not world changing
Maaybe the magnitude of male contribution at which point research methodology and sampling techniques come in.

cococandy:
How did I even malign you?
Ok I'm sorry

your comment on age of biden being the reason hilary is better..
apology accepted

no issues... already u hassle me again... is there anything wrong in asking for translation

ok o...

damn..i loved the way kai's neck was chopped off

that guy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying

maybe men and women were really not made to live with each other...

maybe the ancestors knew this

impregnate and move on.. marry multiple wives.. etc


i mean see all this gender battles.. it will get worse..

5minsmadness:
In Nigeria, divorce rate have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century, and especially since the 1980s. Some experts contend that the availability of divorce laws has helped weaken the strength of marriage making it difficult for couple to work out the inevitable difficulties that arise in marriage (Browne and Hamilton, 1998; Snyder and Sickmund, 1999; Mezieobi and Okpara, 2007; Edinyang, 2012a). This is evident considering the numerous divorce laws available. But, is divorce truly the answer for family instability? This question is what this research work seeks to explore.(http://www.aessweb.com/pdf-files/ijass%203(3)-772-782.pdf)

Still the U.S. divorce
rate remains high when compared with the rate in
earlier eras and in other societies (Whites 1990).



Number of marriages: 2,118,000
Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 total population (44 reporting States and D.C.)
CENTRE FOR DISEASE CONTROL http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm


In the United States, couples marrying for the first time have approximately a fifty percent chance of divorcing. (amerian psychological association http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/ ). With all the modernisation and enlightenment, I wonder why.

crackhaus:
What you can't understand shouldn't bother you.

well thats another way to look at it though

xynerise:
It can make you jealous

Why so...

Say it

Xynerise or anyone else

Pls can u translate the Igbo stuff on.the thread

cococandy:
Ok so what do you have to say about these dangerous sperm destroying habits of our young men these days.

What's your advice for them

rather than accept u maligned me.. you switch the topic..ok

yes STIs affect male fertility...we know the solution.. abstain or safe sex

crackhaus:
We watching...

she has a solid chance..



@ thread starter
what you call derailment is a way of keeping life in an already dead on arrival thread
You are not telling us anything new

cococandy:
lmao. So Hilary will only beat him because he's old? Nice way of trying to undermine her evident victory. Pls........

nope..i meant his chances are hampered by his age..u need to stop reading meanings into peoples posts..

ask

however you have no say in whether joe or hilary come forth

this will be settled at the DNC n she is the front runner

who has seen the new mad max


just got the three original films to get the whole idea

can you believe how young mel gibson was
im halfway thru the first film

https://d1oi7t5trwfj5d.cloudfront.net/0d/df24a084aa11e1bcc4123138165f92/file/five-things-you-might-not-know-about-mad-max-on-the-33rd-anniversary-of-its-release.jpg