₦airaland Forum

See brain just to extort people? GHM(God hav mercy)

Pls Otuxk::: how many ways can one get admission into Uniport...

Jamb and which other ways?

Jenni_angel: Gudmrning house, how was ur nyt?

A nyt without u! what do u think?

Sanguine: For Y'all asking ''what are my
chances of being admitted?'' Is there any
admission officer here to answer that¿ ¿
I'd rather you guys wait ''patiently and not
eagerly'' for the eventual release of the
lists... The only thing that's impossible
is...NOTHING!
**Que sera sera**.
Splendid Morning!

Gwizatasie: hi babe u really sound interesting and fascinating..are u on 2go?add me up..gwizatasie.

****Strong Face****
U should understand what that means by now!

rkarang: Your result is out OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How sure are u?

THE AWKWARD TRUTH ABOUT NAIJA HUSBANDS.

There was a group of men gathered at a church conference on how to live in a loving relationship with your wife. The men were asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All the men raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your wife you loved her ?" Some men answered today, some yesterday, majority didn’t remember. The men were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective wife: I love you, sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange phones so one can read the other wife's reply to the love message..
Here are some of the replies:
1.Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then,not now:
3.You wan borrow money abi??
4.What did you do again, I won’t forgive you this time !!!
5. Meaning??
6. Is that a new song??
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today!!!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking!!!
10.Abeg na who be this?
Lol

THE AWKWARD TRUTH ABOUT NAIJA HUSBANDS.

There was a group of men gathered at a church conference on how to live in a loving relationship with your wife. The men were asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All the men raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your wife you loved her ?" Some men answered today, some yesterday, majority didn’t remember. The men were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective wife: I love you, sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange phones so one can read the other wife's reply to the love message..
Here are some of the replies:
1.Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then,not now:
3.You wan borrow money abi??
4.What did you do again, I won’t forgive you this time !!!
5. Meaning??
6. Is that a new song??
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today!!!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking!!!
10.Abeg na who be this?
Lol

I don't understand the picx. Someone pls explain to me...

Why should someone choose to want to marry and Bleep with an 11yrs old.. What! its unheard abeg talkless of marrying

Rochas for Me.....Imo.4.Life

Sanguine: Now I'm wondering why y'all are getting all so worked up here! Sitting by here and calculating composites and worrying about all what not ain gon' solve no problem(s)... Y'all bera take chill pills and relax...
Que sera sera!

Splendid Sunday....

Babe! U are @ it again:***winks**

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm




























End time things!

STORM2: @planetuzor u will not kill us oh! Abeg!!!
Ehen I sent u an email oh....reply na....

Happy sunday folks!!! Have fun

Wad up storm, the mail u sent it to is the mail I registered nairaland with and I don't often use that particular mail.. But can u do a favour. Send it to the SAME EMAIL Name but this time @gmail.com..... Meaning end it with @gmail.com instead of @yahoo.com......... Yahoo is just not BB friendly at all.. Abeg grant my wish! Send it to Gmail account I check this almost every 3hours.

MUST READ! HOW TO BECOME RICH OVERNIGHT IN
NIGERIA
If you want to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian
blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I “wiki-
leaked”this highly-classified national secret to you.
With only some 50 years of independent national
existence, Nigeria is a country reeking with “new
money.” The overwhelming proportion of the
millionaires and billionaires in the country are
“nouveau-riche;” they became rich literally
“overnight.” We are talking of people whose wealth
does not go beyond a generation. Indeed, the fantastic
wealth of Nigerian billionaires like Femi Otedola
scarcely goes beyond ten/fifteen years. Not only does
Nigeria’s wealthy few have a short history, they often
have a short future as well. The money comes
“miraculously” and goes just as “miraculously.”
In my youth, S.B. Bakare was the celebrated Nigerian
tycoon. Highlife stars and juju musicians eulogised him
in their records. But ask a young Nigerian today who
S.B. Bakare is, and I can bet my bottom dollar he has
never heard of him. S.B. has fallen off the radar and so
has his wealth. It is not identifiable by any major
industry or enterprise. His descendants may still be in
litigation over the dregs of his estate, but undoubtedly
it is nothing to write home about again. Certainly,
nobody is singing about S.B. Bakare today. There are
now new pretenders to his throne.
New dawn
Time was when wealthy Nigerians built something,
developed something, or made something. At that
time, the rich were truly captains of industry. Alhaji
Sanusi Dantata made his fortune in the era of the
groundnut pyramids in the North; buying and shipping
them for export. Sir Odumegwu Ojukwu had Nigeria’s
largest fleet of inter-city “mammy-wagons.” He also
imported “panla” (dried fish) on a large scale. Sir
Mobolaji Bank-Anthony had a tanker fleet and a
pioneering charter airline. Emmanuel Akwiwu, hauled
oil-rigs and supplies for British Petroleum. Chief
Timothy Adeola Odutola produced bicycle tires for the
growing army of Nigerian bike-riders.
But thanks to oil, much of Nigerian wealth is no longer
the product of such ventures. Yes, we have billionaires
like Ibrahim Dasuki and Mike Adenuga who can still be
rightfully described as highly enterprising. But even
more significantly, we have tycoons who came into
wealth through “wuru-wuru” and “mago-mago.” These
men are hardly Nigeria’s Bill Gates. On the contrary,
they don’t have a clue what to do with their dubious
wealth, and they are ignorant about wealth-creation. As
such, they add little of value to the Nigerian project.
Their praises may be sung today by their horde of
parasitical hangers-on, but they will not be
remembered for good when they are gone. As
mysteriously as their wealth materialized, so will it
vanish.
These men became rich through some of the following
tried and tested methods, which can be relied upon to
lead to one’s inclusion in the Nigerian Book of
Irrelevant Rich Men. If you want to get rich quick, here
is the Nigerian blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I
“wiki-leaked” this highly-classified national secret to
you.
1. Rob a bank
This strategy has gone through some transition. Bank-
robbers used to be men of the underworld who held
banks hostage at gunpoint and then made off with the
cash. However, it was soon recognised that this
approach has distinct disadvantages. You might get
arrested and jailed. Even worse, you might get shot. It
also became apparent that banks carry limited
amounts of cash.Therefore, a successful bank robbery
of this violent kind might only land you perhaps 50
million naira tops, which is not even enough to buy or
build a house in Banana Island. There is a better way to
rob a bank with far limited risk. Simply establish a
bank.
When you establish a bank, you can rob the bank every
day without a gun. When people deposit money in your
bank, they don’t know that they are handing over their
life-savings to a thief. You then rob the bank you
establish in a number of imaginative ways. For
example, you can lend money to your bank and then
charge it a very high interest-rate. Better still, you can
borrow billions from your bank and simply forget to pay
it back. Or, you can use the money deposited in your
bank to buy houses and then rent them out as
branches to your bank at exorbitant prices.
This approach is guaranteed to make you a few billion
naira until the EFCC policemen come calling. When
they do, you can quickly fall sick, spend a few months
in Deluxe Hospital Hotel and then relocate to your
village to enjoy your wealth, never to be heard of again.
2. Join the PDP.
This one is a sure banker. As a member of the greatest
party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-
card to spend Nigeria’s oil wealth. If you are not getting
enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise.
Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call
Buhari an idiot. Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should
not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there
should be a constitutional amendment to make him a
life-president. This is a tell-tale sign that you are
hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to
“come and chop.”
As a distinguished member of this great party, the
opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are
considerable. For example, you can start collecting
billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import
any petrol whatsoever. You can get the government to
change all car license-plates nationwide; and then
become the sole supplier of the new license-plates. You
can ask the president to make you the sole importer
and distributor of diesel for the entire country. Of
course, this might also entail that you become the
chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you
duly make a handsome contribution. Alternatively, you
can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.
Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of
months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three
houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai. You
may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-
old “Suzie” befitting your new status. You have arrived
as one of Nigeria’s celebrated rich men. But keep your
eyes on the ball. Don’t get distracted or carried away.
The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your
enemies.
3. Start a mega-church
This one is pure genius. Peradventure you lose your job or fall on hard times. Don’t go into depression. Just start a church. Make it a purpose-built church. Think of something that men need. Tell them you have the anointing to provide it. Tell them whoever wants to be a billionaire should come to your church. Start a few of your messages with “Thus says the Lord.” Then teach your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing and reaping.
Make sure they understand that if they really want God to bless them financially, they first have to give you as much money as possible. Create a special prayer group for millionaires and billionaires. That way, if they get any new government contract they will attribute it to the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big into your bank account. Tell everybody to give you their “first-fruits.” That is a code word for their entire January salaries.

4. Become a mule
There is high demand for this job. There are many
politicians and men of timber and caliber looking for
>a>mules; men who can keep stolen money for them,
or smuggle it to safe havens abroad. This is a highly
lucrative job because for every ten billion naira you
smuggle, you can pocket one billion. Don’t get greedy and come to the conclusion that you can make off with the entire loot. That is a sure way to have assassins on your tail. Before they kill you, they will first break your legs. If you are caught while smuggling money abroad,
you can easily escape and come back home dressed as a woman. Then you can get a national merit award.
If you are a mule for a president or a governor, you are set up for life. You will get 24 hours military protection so that no petty thief can come near you. You will get to travel all over the world. You will get free medical check-ups, so that you don’t just fall down one day and die.

That would be disastrous, especially if your sponsor does not know exactly where you kept his loot, or if he does not have the password to the secret account you opened for it in the Bahamas in the name of Ali Baba.

Obituary I remember the story of a former Nigerian Head of State who allegedly kept a billion dollars with a mule.

Then the mule had a stroke. Every effort was made to get him to say just a few words, namely the number of the account where the loot was stashed; but to no avail. After a few months, the man died. This “national” calamity has prompted the review of the conditions of service of mules. There are now two new, strictly prohibited, clauses. Mules must not have strokes, and under no circumstances should a mule presume to die.

If he does, his generations yet unborn will suffer for it.
(P.S./N.B. If you have perfected other Nigerian
approaches to quick wealth than these, don’t hesitate to let me know. I promise to keep the matter strictly confidential.------Written By Femi

MUST READ! HOW TO BECOME RICH OVERNIGHT IN
NIGERIA
If you want to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian
blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I “wiki-
leaked”this highly-classified national secret to you.
With only some 50 years of independent national
existence, Nigeria is a country reeking with “new
money.” The overwhelming proportion of the
millionaires and billionaires in the country are
“nouveau-riche;” they became rich literally
“overnight.” We are talking of people whose wealth
does not go beyond a generation. Indeed, the fantastic
wealth of Nigerian billionaires like Femi Otedola
scarcely goes beyond ten/fifteen years. Not only does
Nigeria’s wealthy few have a short history, they often
have a short future as well. The money comes
“miraculously” and goes just as “miraculously.”
In my youth, S.B. Bakare was the celebrated Nigerian
tycoon. Highlife stars and juju musicians eulogised him
in their records. But ask a young Nigerian today who
S.B. Bakare is, and I can bet my bottom dollar he has
never heard of him. S.B. has fallen off the radar and so
has his wealth. It is not identifiable by any major
industry or enterprise. His descendants may still be in
litigation over the dregs of his estate, but undoubtedly
it is nothing to write home about again. Certainly,
nobody is singing about S.B. Bakare today. There are
now new pretenders to his throne.
New dawn
Time was when wealthy Nigerians built something,
developed something, or made something. At that
time, the rich were truly captains of industry. Alhaji
Sanusi Dantata made his fortune in the era of the
groundnut pyramids in the North; buying and shipping
them for export. Sir Odumegwu Ojukwu had Nigeria’s
largest fleet of inter-city “mammy-wagons.” He also
imported “panla” (dried fish) on a large scale. Sir
Mobolaji Bank-Anthony had a tanker fleet and a
pioneering charter airline. Emmanuel Akwiwu, hauled
oil-rigs and supplies for British Petroleum. Chief
Timothy Adeola Odutola produced bicycle tires for the
growing army of Nigerian bike-riders.
But thanks to oil, much of Nigerian wealth is no longer
the product of such ventures. Yes, we have billionaires
like Ibrahim Dasuki and Mike Adenuga who can still be
rightfully described as highly enterprising. But even
more significantly, we have tycoons who came into
wealth through “wuru-wuru” and “mago-mago.” These
men are hardly Nigeria’s Bill Gates. On the contrary,
they don’t have a clue what to do with their dubious
wealth, and they are ignorant about wealth-creation. As
such, they add little of value to the Nigerian project.
Their praises may be sung today by their horde of
parasitical hangers-on, but they will not be
remembered for good when they are gone. As
mysteriously as their wealth materialized, so will it
vanish.
These men became rich through some of the following
tried and tested methods, which can be relied upon to
lead to one’s inclusion in the Nigerian Book of
Irrelevant Rich Men. If you want to get rich quick, here
is the Nigerian blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I
“wiki-leaked” this highly-classified national secret to
you.
1. Rob a bank
This strategy has gone through some transition. Bank-
robbers used to be men of the underworld who held
banks hostage at gunpoint and then made off with the
cash. However, it was soon recognised that this
approach has distinct disadvantages. You might get
arrested and jailed. Even worse, you might get shot. It
also became apparent that banks carry limited
amounts of cash.Therefore, a successful bank robbery
of this violent kind might only land you perhaps 50
million naira tops, which is not even enough to buy or
build a house in Banana Island. There is a better way to
rob a bank with far limited risk. Simply establish a
bank.
When you establish a bank, you can rob the bank every
day without a gun. When people deposit money in your
bank, they don’t know that they are handing over their
life-savings to a thief. You then rob the bank you
establish in a number of imaginative ways. For
example, you can lend money to your bank and then
charge it a very high interest-rate. Better still, you can
borrow billions from your bank and simply forget to pay
it back. Or, you can use the money deposited in your
bank to buy houses and then rent them out as
branches to your bank at exorbitant prices.
This approach is guaranteed to make you a few billion
naira until the EFCC policemen come calling. When
they do, you can quickly fall sick, spend a few months
in Deluxe Hospital Hotel and then relocate to your
village to enjoy your wealth, never to be heard of again.
2. Join the PDP.
This one is a sure banker. As a member of the greatest
party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-
card to spend Nigeria’s oil wealth. If you are not getting
enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise.
Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call
Buhari an idiot. Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should
not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there
should be a constitutional amendment to make him a
life-president. This is a tell-tale sign that you are
hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to
“come and chop.”
As a distinguished member of this great party, the
opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are
considerable. For example, you can start collecting
billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import
any petrol whatsoever. You can get the government to
change all car license-plates nationwide; and then
become the sole supplier of the new license-plates. You
can ask the president to make you the sole importer
and distributor of diesel for the entire country. Of
course, this might also entail that you become the
chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you
duly make a handsome contribution. Alternatively, you
can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.
Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of
months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three
houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai. You
may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-
old “Suzie” befitting your new status. You have arrived
as one of Nigeria’s celebrated rich men. But keep your
eyes on the ball. Don’t get distracted or carried away.
The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your
enemies.
3. Start a mega-church
This one is pure genius. Peradventure you lose your job
or fall on hard times. Don’t go into depression. Just
start a church. Make it a purpose-built church. Think of
something that men need. Tell them you have the
anointing to provide it. Tell them whoever wants to be
a billionaire should come to your church. Start a few of
your messages with “Thus says the Lord.” Then teach
your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing
and reaping.
Make sure they understand that if they really want God
to bless them financially, they first have to give you as
much money as possible. Create a special prayer group
for millionaires and billionaires. That way, if they get
any new government contract they will attribute it to
the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big
into your bank account. Tell everybody to give you their
“first-fruits.” That is a code word for their entire
January salaries. Then come up with imaginative
offerings to collect, such as “prophet’s offering,” (you,
of course, being the prophet); “Father, Son and Holy
Ghost offerings;” “Jesus will do it offering.”
Very soon, you will be flying your own private jet to
preach your gospel in Ilesha; you will be wearing white
Armani suits and jerry-curling your hair; you will be
collecting gate-fees for new years’ eve services;
billionaire thieves and robbers will be queuing up to
see your private-secretary on the Lagos-Ibadan
expressway; and you will be inviting Bill Clinton to
open your multi-billion naira Tower of Babylon in
Osapa-London. In short, you will be living large. For
good measure, you will also be slapping demons out of
poor bewitched damsels with impunity.
4. Become a mule
There is high demand for this job. There are many
politicians and men of timber and caliber looking for
>a>mules; men who can keep stolen money for them,
or smuggle it to safe havens abroad. This is a highly
lucrative job because for every ten billion naira you
smuggle, you can pocket one billion. Don’t get greedy
and come to the conclusion that you can make off with
the entire loot. That is a sure way to have assassins on
your tail. Before they kill you, they will first break your
legs. If you are caught while smuggling money abroad,
you can easily escape and come back home dressed as
a woman. Then you can get a national merit award.
If you are a mule for a president or a governor, you are
set up for life. You will get 24 hours military protection
so that no petty thief can come near you. You will get to
travel all over the world. You will get free medical
check-ups, so that you don’t just fall down one day and
die. That would be disastrous, especially if your sponsor
does not know exactly where you kept his loot, or if he
does not have the password to the secret account you
opened for it in the Bahamas in the name of Ali Baba.
Obituary
I remember the story of a former Nigerian Head of
State who allegedly kept a billion dollars with a mule.
Then the mule had a stroke. Every effort was made to
get him to say just a few words, namely the number of
the account where the loot was stashed; but to no
avail. After a few months, the man died. This “national”
calamity has prompted the review of the conditions of
service of mules. There are now two new, strictly
prohibited, clauses. Mules must not have strokes, and
under no circumstances should a mule presume to die.
If he does, his generations yet unborn will suffer for it.

****More is coming. Watchout***


(P.S./N.B. If you have perfected other Nigerian
approaches to quick wealth than these, don’t hesitate
to let me know. I promise to keep the matter strictly
confidential.---- Written by Femi.

Baba Iyabo all the way!


He stole as a sign of END TIME


*****End Time Things*********

See Madidu (mama they do u) on display!

Na God go punish them all

JST PASIN..
----oooO----
----(----)----
-----\--(--
------\_)-
-----------Oooo ---
-----------(--- -)---
------------)-- /----
------------(_/ -
****Never New we got pastor here mehn!******

#Though i walk through the vally of NL mods i fear no Evil for fineboi is my paddy, oluwababs use to be my schl mate and richez is ma foot_tool..

Dankylove: for the Interest of Others,u can reach me thru 0806.6.2.5.
Dots(.) :- are 6,3,6,0
i've 2go account but i barely use it.
u can add me on FBK:- Daniel Dk,i dont use whatsup because my Phone is Old Model-Samsung B-3410 Slide

Bros, whats ur full name.. It seems we share the same surname

Rubbish... What about them politicians?






**Igebyin Aye Things****

Igbeyin Aye things

Let's see who takes over the world power after this strike and counter strike

Heheheheheh



End tym tins

Homguy: I was hanging out with my frnds som days ago when a teenage girl came nearby to buy 2 satchets of alabukun,immediately she left,they started laughing,on asking i was told she most like bought d drug to prevent conception. I was shocked,as a pharmacist am well aware of every effect aspirin has on the body and it isnt remotely close to what these pipl use it for...really,do pipl really use dis drug as a contraceptive and does it work?cause dere are several good,safe drugs for this purpose.

Tell us the safer drugs?

Afam4eva: Did the other thread inspire this one?

Boss, u would have shamed the devil and say first to comment na..since ya the first to comment.

Yes it did!

Lordave: Nice move by FG

Don't get it twisted its all propaganda from FG... They never release any N100B

JST PASIN JARE!!!..
----oooO----
----(----)----
-----\--(--
------\_)-
-----------Oooo ---
-----------(----)---
------------)--/----
------------(_/ -




******** how s u guys doing here**********

omodave: how una dey

JST PASIN JARE! OMORAVE I C U!!..
----oooO----
----(----)----
-----\--(--
------\_)-
-----------Oooo ---
-----------(----)---
------------)--/----
------------(_/ -




********End Time Things**********

Kologie: It is difficult to be comfortable in situations like that, bt you have to allow it considering the importance of the examination to your health.
I had a friend who needed to be operated on because he had Hernia, and as part of preparation for the surgery there was need to shave off his pubic hair. Much to his displeasure, the doctor in charge directed a female nurse to carry out the task. Na so the very pretty nurse grab my guy 'john thomas' to give am clean shave. The discomfort, according to my guy, was further heigthened by the nurse asking: 'bros why u dey shy na?'. 'shoo, see ur thing dey raise o!'

LAUGHTER WAN KIL MEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO