I believe this should be discussed before marriage takes place. If you do not agree for desire to stay at home and take care of the children, than you should let him know prior to marriage. If a husband is going to ask a wife to do this, he should provide her with the assurance that he, alone, can financally substain ALL the finances and expenses of that family.

However, if a woman has invested years in earning a degree and does not want to merely dedicate that much time in the home, she should be honest how she feels before she gets married. If a woman will not be happy to simply make her husband and children her world, and put her dreams and desires on the back burner (so to speak), than she is not ready to make that type of commitment.

As a woman, first of all, you should be true to "YOURSELF". If you cannot live like that, than do not get married to a person who demands or expects you to do something that you are not ready to do now in your life.

[b]Actually, when we were told those facts (that slavery was first practiced in Africa prior to white men ever stepping foot on its shore) was totally surprising to us.  I took African History as an elective, which I feel should have been a required course, but I wanted to know more about Africa.  Now I do not remember the African History book that I was taught out of, for I graduated form college in 2003, but the professor still teaches it at the University where I received my degree.  I can ask him about it, get the name of the book and author and get back with you.  I do not know how soon I will get a reply, for that depends on how soon he responds.  But I "never" forgot that statement and fact.  Slavery was indeed practiced by many cultures, but I was addressing the statment that was made by another about white men brought slavery (practices) to Nigeria.  When indeed slavery was already being practiced, according to what I was taught, within Africa before a white man came on shore.  If we look in all the practices of all of our culutes, we will see facts that we are proud of and not so proud of.  I also rember how Shaka Zulu was given credit in the history books for being way of ahead of his time strategically in that he had the brillance to bring tribes together.  He took a Zulu tribe from a small clan and formed a nation that reigned over a large part of Southern African between Phongolo and Mzimkhulu rivers.   Of course, some of his methods were cruel, but he strategically formed a strong alliance and invented many strategic battle moves, which gave him many victories.  If something is a fact, than it is just a fact in history  unless it can be proven to be false.   We have our history (Slavery in America) as well, which is hard to digest at times or accept, but it is a fact.  [/b]

[b]One more note in reference to the white man bringing slavery to Nigeria.  I have a B.S. Degree in Business Administation, and I am a teacher (Business Education).  In one of my courses, African History, we studied where slavery was originally practiced first by Africans--not white men.  Slavery was taking place in Africa way before the white man ever stepped their foot on its shore.  Some tribes would capture Africans from other tribes and sell them (not to white men, but to other Africans).  I am a product of when white men brought  the FIRST slaves to Charleston, South Carolina.  Although I am African American, I have Blackfoot Indian, Irish (white people), and actually white people in my family.  Maybe that is why I am not anit-white, even as an African American, for many cultures inter-mingle and marry within other cultures.  I have one brother married to an Italian girl, and one brother married to a Jamacian girl.  I have mixed (white and African American) nephews.  I married a Nigerian man, so our family is very diverse.  The white man crutch is getting old.  What you do or accomplish as an individual, no matter what your culture is what is important.[/b]

[b]I have a right to my OWN opinion, and who are you to tell me what or what not to say?  I have watched a lot of movies, American and now African, and my eyes can tell the difference between dynamic special effects, and an industry that has outstanding story lines (African movies), but need much  . .much improvement in the area of screen presentation.

If you read my comments, I was extremely tactful (giving praise to both industries), and I am a grown woman that has a mind to think and feel for herself.

Your rebuff is very interesting!  I am an American citizen, but I will be the first one to say we have a lot of good things going on, but we are not the experts on every subject and we could improve in a lot of areas.  I find your comment, which if I was not mature could get greatly offended, to be immature and just plain rude.

My statement and opinion holds . .great movies . .but they are lacking much screen presence (modern technology, special effects, outstanding stunts)!  It is my opinion, and I won't TAKE IT BACK!!  How can any industry or country grow, if they are not willing to accept the opinions, thoughts, and input from other cultures?  What does the "white man" have to do with the film industry? Please focus on what my comment was about (quality films, whether they are movies that have dance steps in them or not). You cannot or will not grow, if you cannot take anyone's opinion other than YOUR OWN! [/b]

[b]I am African American, and I married a Nigerian man. He and my stepson will be joining me in the states next month. I got married in Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria. Since I have come back to the states, I have ordered many African movies.

In my opinion, rather than focus on movies that incorporate "dance", I believe when a film producer can produce an African movie that matches America's "screen brillance", such as: great special effects (like in Spiderman 3 and many of our movies), that film producer will be BIG in Africa.

African movies are way behind in respect to quality on the screen. Whether it is a movie that has dance or not, when African's technology can match the Movie Technology in more modern societies, than that will be great!

I will say, even without great quality, I still enjoy watching the movies (they are different)!

And, yes, African dances are much different. I notice that African movements are concentrated greatly on the bottom half of the body, whereas American dances incorporate the entire body to show expression. Different cultures, but there is beauty in both of them! [/b]

[b]Giving us the full story does not excuse the physical abuse this woman has experienced. Under no circumstances should a man "beat up a woman or slap her". There is no reason for that type of behavior. If a woman is getting on a man's last nerves (so to speak), the best thing for him to do, especially if he knows his temper or anger is getting the better of him is to walk away and remove himself from the potentially dangerous relationship.

Why would you need confirmation that you do not want a man to slap you around. Just think about how it made you feel when he did it. Now picture that feeling and pain over-and-over again. . .are you willing to live years with that type of abuse. . ? It is not what we think that matters, but it is what you are willing to endure that matters. Can any good quality that he possesses outweigh the pain he causes each time he hits you? Of course not! If he cannot control his anger now, what will he do when the "real pressure of problems" escalates.

My life, and yours, is precious. And life is too short FOR ALL THAT DRAMA! Just move on! [/b]

[b]Sometime you just connect with a person. A telephone number does not mean she is saying you are welcome in her bed. Perhaps she liked the way it felt when she talked with you, for there was something between you two that she wanted to pursue and did not have to "play games". Perhaps she is just a real person (you know genuine and good in heart).

What was her personality like? I mean did she act cheap, talk cheap, or suggest something that seemed cheap? If you know you heart, know you are not playing games, and just want to see what this person is all about, why not give him your number immediately. Maybe she had the time to talk to you at 2 a.m. in the morning, for she was just that impressed with you and with what you were saying.

We really can not tell you if a woman is cheap, for it is by your own personal standards (likes and dislikes) that you will ultimately judge her and decide whether you want to pursue her further. This is a new day and a new season. Women (especially American women) are bold and know what they want or do not want. Time for games is over; let's all be for real.[/b]

[b]I am an African American woman, and I married a Nigerian man in Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria on January 4, 2007. He and my stepson have just been approved through Immigration, and I am waiting for them to come (prayerfully in June). Now when I returned to the states, I have ordered Nigerian movies on a regular basis. I just assumed since Nigeria is predominately black that was the reason I never saw another ethnic culture in a movie. But then I have not watched all the movies out there, so I do not know if not allowing other cultures to star in a movie is intentional or not.

However, here are my thoughts about Nollywood (which I find the name a little funny since we have Hollywood in the states).

I enjoy the movies, but they are definitely different from ours. Our movies have modern special effects, which are very much lacking from the Nollywood movies. I would compare the quality of Nollywood movies to that of a few of our "home-grown" movies, which means a few people have broke into the profession by picking up a camera and shooting it raw without the thousands of dollars investment for special effects, stunt doubles, etc.

The acting is different too, for many of the actors and actress over exaggerate their lines. There are a few actors and actress that I have seen that seem natural when they are acting, and I really enjoy the believability of how they portray the charactger. I am not criticizing them, but the acting seems somewhat "over the top" with gestures, emotions, and exaggerated lines and actions.

Nollywood has much ground to catch up in reference to special effects, and toned down acting, but I really love watching them, for they are different. . .I thought perhaps the way many of the actors and actresses overstress most lines is just a part of their culture when they talk and interact with one another.

Nollywood is very far behind in reference to modern societies, but to say they do not have the financial resouces that we have, they do produce interesting story lines . . . [/b]

[b]Your personal preference is your choice, so I will not comment on that.  I am an African American woman, and I recently married a Nigerian man (he is wonderful by the way).  One thing I can say as a woman, and from America is that "FIRST IMPRESSIONS MEAN EVERYTHING".  If your English is not that polished, you will be perceived as not being intelligent, and therefore, just looking for a "lay" for the night.  No, you do not have to sound as though you are a professor teaching a law course, but one thing is true is most women sum a man up in a few minutes by what he says and how he says it.  Broken English will not do.  If you have been living in London for 7 months now, you should have observed how men (of various cultures) approach the type of women you are interested in, and see what works and what does not work.  Find out who "YOU ARE".  Do you look neat, polished, and can you hold a conversation on quiet easily without using broken English.  I love to hear a Nigerian man's accent, but I do not like to hear Broken English . .no matter what his accent.

My husband is just perfect, for I actually flew to Lagos, Nigeria to marry him.  . . . .he was approved by the Immigration Office just last week, and soon he and my stepson will be coming to America to me.  He was caring, kind, intelligent, and spoke English, Ijaw, and Yoruba very well.  Your English skills must be very good!

I know you asked for a guy's advice, but I thought you would not mind a woman (married at that) giving you a little advice.  My family and friends did not want me to marry a Nigerian, but he was the only man for me.  I am not questioning your preference for "white girls", for that is your right to be attacted to whoever you are attracted to.  Just be very polished . .  Now if you only want a "lay" than well . .what can I say to that.[/b]

Trust is a "must" criteria if any relationship is going to last. Please answer this question. Now that you have found out that he kept that important information (having a child) from you, do you feel you can completely trust him to be honest with you in a marriage? I would confront him in a rationale manner (not hostile), and see what he has to say and how he reacts. After you talk to him, see his expressions, and are honest what your heart is feeling as he speaks, ask yourself the question again, do you feel you can completely trust him in a marriage if he is ALREADY keeping secrets in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationhip. He has layed the foundation for an [color=#990000]untruthful future.[/color]