₦airaland Forum

Unna for don sort all these before tying the knot.... That's what most marriages are lacking... no proper game plan for the future. To some folks they believe the wedding is the koko after that things will fall in place gradually.... lol.... It's not funny at all.

Godada:





This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

Let her go on "suspension" @ least. Maybe that will drive a small sense into her polluted skull

dre11:
Serious case


Op pls don't over work your emotions on this matter so it won't affect your productivity at your workplace.


Have you had a heart to heart conversation with her about how both of you will handle finances in your home. This would have saved you a lot before you sign the dotted lines.


As of now try as much as possible to speak with someone your wife respect soo much and lay your grievances and complain to him so he can talk some sense to her.....

Marriages is all about helping each other in carrying out responsibilities, it is a joint venture. Two have to agree to walk the race.


Abusing you is a no for me.... I don't condole it since i guess you haven't done that to her.
I preach do to me what i do to you


But don't place the burden on her so it won't ruin the young business.

The op is thinking about the money spent on their wedding . why spend that such ridiculous amount of money on a wedding just to show of .

Believe me this marriage will have a premature death.

She believes her husband is earning so much judging by the money he spend on their wedding even be the wedding how he has been lavishing money on her. So why the sudden change, the woman query. 1 she doesn't know how much her husband is earning, for her husband hidden it from her she will believe he earns much therefore she will be too demanding and will not be supportive on the family affair.

Maobichek:
Baba, we still have genuine women despite all our women do these days. My concern is that he should have been open with his wife from day one.

Any woman who can't adjust during courtship will still not adjust in wedding and you must see the signs. He has spent over 1 million and just 7 months of marriage, this is happening.

In friendship/relationship, ppl can pretend and you will know but in marriage, it's a different ball game, thank you.

During courtship,if he had opened up that shop for her..mayb she wouldnt have married him...alot of women cannot handle financial frredom...

Tge thing is the woman is not ready to compromise and be submissive...if she loves her marriage she would

paulos8:
Leave her...there is no love and understanding in the relationship. People just jump into marriage without counselling. Both of u are at fault. There is no harm in telling ur wife how much you do earn...she is also supposed to tell u how much makes, how she spents, how much she is saving and how she can assist in the home.Who pays the store rent doesn't really matter if all is discussed. you can't be married and be hiding stuff like this from ur partner... marriage is both partners coming together to become one. If both of you can't reason as one then there's no point marrying one another for it will only end in disaster

Hmm I have once or twice disclose my salary to my wife then maybe it was because my salary was very poor then just 30000 or there about and then when the money finished she will start from where I stop.

But I don't know if it is really proper to disclose ones salary specially if it is a good one. You know the way women behaves.

Your views are heavily biased and one-sided in favor of the rebellious wife. I hope you are not one of those they call simps.

chatinent:
Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?


Your wife probably thinks you earn ₦600k when you earn a few thousands.

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.

Hmmm...
Matter arising , both need to talk ok items very important, both don't need to be foaming Rambo cos the both are one now. But if she continues then u need a " Plan B"

They are so many good women out there to wife without giving you any troubles.
Why some problematic once na ogbaje dey worry them

EndRape2:
They need talk sense into the head of the man and the woman also, the two of them need help not only the woman.

may you be raped soon since you dont want to shut up

jantman:
Pour water for her face, she will wake up and come back to her senses

What if her brain goes blank and couldn't remember the past due to slap they fainted her after she wake up?

I feel your immediate pains and discomforts.
Sorry to say this bro, she is not your wife.

Bola146:
This is so deep, you saw the red lines but you ignored it. If you have told her to choose either to use money for the wedding or shop Why spent that much on a day or two days wedding when you still have many things to use money for You need to tell her siblings or parents how everything thsat happened, if she doesn't want to be submissive or abide with your earning, then let her go and learn more lessons from her parents house she should be able to afford the rent na!!!! Must wives put heavy loads on their husbands She shouldn't have shouted, she can do daily or weekly contributions to pay for the rent Please don't ever argue nor fight with her, just pick one of your dresses and find a place to cool your head. It's too early to have hypertension jare

What a lady!

Frankly the signs were evident while you dated, but you chose to turn blind eyes to them. Relationship was meant to be a precursor that determines whether a man and woman would marry, but love blinded some and they now endure their marriages. A union or relationship should have the basic understanding, respect for each other, but it seems your wife never had such for you to have sent money to another man while you even needed such. Some women even go as low as male friends returning their own personal chats with their husband, partner, bf. One just need be careful to enter marriage, when the signs are evident, just never ignore the warning signals. Cindy222, come in here ..

Romanoff:
This Red pill you people are swallowing, I hope you know the side effects?

People spend so much time during courtship or dating doing irrelevant things like having sex and galavanting all over the place, leaving aside important things that should be discussed like Finances, number of children, splitting of bills and chores, child care, faith, goals and ambitions, etc.

Your wife is earning enough to pay her own rent and as a fellow tailor, there is a maths to how much you charge customers which includes materials, operations cost and profit.

If you know you can't handle the financial burden on marriage, you should have discussed splitting bills with her, how much to save for projects etc.

You didn't discuss it, now she feels it's your right to pay rent for her shop while she pockets her profits and still claims you don't support her.

First error is not letting her know your salary. The positives of a woman knowing your salary outweighs the negatives if you shined your eyes and married a prudent woman.

A woman can better plan her life if she knows how much you earn factoring in your yearly rent, monthly feeding allowance, child care, savings and upkeep for both of you. You earn 100k but refused to tell her. She prolly thinks you earn over 500k and she prolly even earns more than you but since you're both not open about your finances, you're playing the blame game.

Una never know wetin marriage be, if not, you'd both be open about your finances. It's not about having joint account or she submitting her profits to you, it's about planning the little you both earn to benefit your family.

Make adjustments sir.

I beg to differ. Telling your wife your monthly take home does not always result in prudent planning.......do you as a genuine lover, committed wife, productive business individual and a prudent spender need to know how much you'll earn at the end of the month to spend judiciously and share what you have with your family ?

The way anyone spend 1 naira won't be much different from how he/she would spend 1 million......the only difference is what he/she can afford .

Bottom line is she is selfish, entitled and lack common sense.

The op married the wrong person.......

How much does she contribute to her husband productivity for her to be demanding the information about his pay ?

One thing I can deduced from this one sided story is that she married him because of his stable job else she would still be on the street fukking every dicck and harry......and if op is slightly out of job.....the marriage won't last a month.......so what's the essence of the union ?

CharisEleos:
Lol... I don't know why this story is making me laugh out so loud.
Wait... You shouted at her and she fainted hahahahaaaa.... Are you odeyssey or a lion? Lol..

Well, first and foremost, you need to vomit that red pill you swallowed because that is the number one cause of your problems.

Then, if you have the money, renew the rent for her. You're her husband for crying out loud. Or why would you go and bring a lady out of her parents house and be maltreating her with your redpill baldadash?

Remember that pills have side effects. So this might just be one of them which could have a very bad outcome in your marriage if you don't spill it out now.

Oyen Redpill.

Modified:

All of you mentioning me to say spew trash, Im not surprised because its typical of most nairaland men to want a woman who will be sharing responsibilities with them. While out there, it's a different ball game.

If you know you can't cater for a woman,
leave her alone. You can't stay without a woman yet you are not willing to do what it entails to keep a woman.

For all of you, it's better to remain single than coming here to sound like a broken record. Minus OP though because OP is even still better than some of you.

Redpill kor, green pill ni. Yet they won't let my DM rest.

Tkor!

Bullshit.

sh shouldn't be hiding anything from you since you are both married, maybe you didn't study yet we'll when you guys are courting, I've been married for close to 10yrs now, my wife ATM is always with me. we support each other, if I don't have, she will support. thou ladies like it when we pay the rents and bills. but d part that she sent money to a guy, it's a no no for me. If na me, I won't take it easy with her.

chatinent:
Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?


Your wife probably thinks you earn ₦600k when you earn a few thousands.

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.

Which idiot pill did you swallow oga?

You started the whole thing, how can you hide your earning from your wife to be.you should have told her then watch out for the red flags.
Sending her away is too early bro

kazyhm:
I beg to differ. Telling your wife your monthly take home does not always result in prudent planning.......do you as a productive business individual and a prudent spender need to know how much you'll earn at the end of the month to spend judiciously and share what you have with your family ?

Bottom line is she selfish, entitled and lack common sense.

The op married the wrong person.......

How much does she contribute to her husband productivity for her to be demanding the information about his pay ?

One thing I can deduced from this one sided story is that she married him because of his stable job else she would still be on the street fukking every dicck and harry......and if op is slightly out of job.....the marriage won't last a month.......so what's the essence of the union ?

If y'all don't know how much you earn individually, it is not a marriage.

You both should know how much you earn so you both can plan your lives.

Take it or leave it.

If you open your eyes and marry someone who isn't prudent, it doesn't mean you both can still not plan your finances. The most prudent amongst you will just be in charge of the finances.

....Nawao. This nah small matter.
Op send her back to her parents house and let her stay there until she is ready for marriage.

As a redpiller,you dont need to bring this little issue here.

Romanoff:
If y'all don't know how much you earn individually, it is not a marriage.

You both should know how much you earn so you both can plan your lives.

Take it or leave it.

If you open your eyes and marry someone who isn't prudent, it doesn't mean you both can still not plan your finances. The most prudent amongst you will just be in charge of the finances.

You would put in charge of your finance someone husband who gifted his ex part of his first earning while quarreling you about the disclosure of your monthly earning ? Even though you provides his basic daily needs.

kazyhm:
You would put in charge of your finance someone husband who gifted his ex part of his first earning while quarreling you about the disclosure of your monthly earning ? Even though you provides his basic daily needs.

That's why I said the foundation is faulty from start. This is what should have been discussed during courtship. And it shouldn't be that both have to submit all their salaries. A simple joint account for family projects, who pays what bill, etc will sort things out.

Each person can still have personal savings, only that percentages will be put in the family account and each person has what bill they are paying.

Note that chores should also be shared.

That's why I said a lot should be discussed in courtship before marriage to avoid conflicts and resentments.

She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card.

U don enter one-chance my brother. Those whose wives support them financially in the home don't know what God has blessed them with. I really do appreciate my wife and she's reaping the reward now.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

U don't mean it?

Memoirs of an average Nigerian girl. Add no value and demand the world! Little brats (both ajebo and kpako) that would have been chopping correct beating if they were married to Pete edochie

generalwo:
..... No..... Why

There is more to marriage.
Some guys can't even keep relationship at the past... But want to keep marriage.

It's so complex you can't advice if you are not in marriage..

If you listen to the other side of the story you will be surprise

The guy is just saying all this to get sympathy..

CharisEleos:
Lol.. I'm telling you. The way he first mentioned the swallowing of the red pill cracked me up.

I pray he doesn't realize too late.

A common shout LMAO. He thinks we're all red pill/alpha male toddlers. The lion roared and all the animals fell back. Kikiki.

With the way he's responding to red pill comments on the thread, he doesn't want to hear anything. He's swallowed it and he doesn't want to shît it out. Serious constipation.

I see nothing wrong with you helping out with the shop rent...especially since you didn't pay the initial rent. It should be a way of paying her back for letting her family pay for it when you couldn't. Believe me, that shop start up is the cause of your problems. Just pay the rent this one time and she may start contributing to the family needs. Every woman wants to be taken care of. It is how they're wired. It's too early to send her packing.

daddytime:
I'm certain her selfishness cum entitled feeling to her money stemmed from his initial refusal to set a shop up for her until her family did so.

If he had refused to swallow the red pill and cut down on the wedding expenses to set a shop up for her and she still turned out this selfish, my submission here would definitely had been different.

But she's should be able to pay her own shop rent now if that's how you saw it. The man lavished over 1m naira on a wedding but he committed a crime for not joining the wife's shop rent too? Haba!

Olodo24:
I see nothing wrong with you helping out with the shop rent...especially since you didn't pay the initial rent. It should be a way of paying her back for letting her family pay for it when you couldn't. Believe me, that shop start up is the cause of your problems. Just pay the rent this one time and she may start contributing to the family needs. Every woman wants to be taken care of. It is how they're wired. It's too early to send her packing.

You are defending and at the same time expecting too much from someone who refused to apply for atm card, who couldn't give her husband 1k, who collects daily transport money from him, who collects money to buy tailoring materials. Your opinion is funny

Romanoff:
That's why I said the foundation is faulty from start. This is what should have been discussed during courtship. And it shouldn't be that both have to submit all their salaries. A simple joint account for family projects, who pays what bill, etc will sort things out.

Each person can still have personal savings, only that percentages will be put in the family account and each person has what bill they are paying.

Note that chores should also be shared.

That's why I said a lot should be discussed in courtship before marriage to avoid conflicts and resentments.

You're just justifying her unruly attitude.......what happened to her working on her marriage to gain her husband's trust ?

You're assuming marriage is very easy for men.....you spend fortune to marry someone that won't want to sacrifice nothing but want everything on a platter of gold......you want to trust some that the only discussion she ever initiated was how much is your salary......and your refusal to disclose it is resisted with maximum malice and quarrel.

Let me advice you on something's;

1. Know a woman's body language before you marry her, does she love you from her heart,
2. Did you flaunt wealth to her face
3. Was she in love/ or relationship before you marry her?
4. Did you had councilors before you married her?
5. Did you observe a certain character from her mum before you married her?
6. Did both of you fall in love in love before marriage.

If you can't answer this question, your not in a marriage but management.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

..

The signs where there to drop her but you ignored it.. You are red pilled? does ur red pill tell you to throw her out? boy its time to refocus on urself... leave her, find another place to stay for one month and see what she does!!!. if she misses you, den its fixable but if she doesn't miss you then its not fixable.. she wanted to get married, she got married. now see the real her