Even Tupac said it in his song '"finally understand for a woman it ain't easy to raise a man"...

when I stayed with my sister, I found out the first and all the sons get easily controlled when their dad gets angry.

The mother-child relationship often eliminates fear, yet you wouldn't have it any other way. It's the father that offer the balance between fear, respect and love.

Try to push them to some of their uncles you think are responsible

Chimeluv:
They don't have any financial responsibility that's why they are behaving anyhow, they should get their own place since they want to come and go as they please and also remember that they are no longer the little kids you knew besides your late husband people failed in their duty to protect their own.

You said, her late husband family failed in their duty........ nigerians and their yeye entitlement mentalities........so it is the responsibility of the family to take care of the kids abi?

I know how you feel madam, my prayers are with you

abbeynism:
You have made monsters.
They do not get here overnight, but you ignore the little signs.
Ma'am, it is obvious you can't handle them yourself again, if you have a male neighbour that can handle them and/or a relative, please report them.
Then, Set your rules, set a target, engage them more.
If there is no difference, RUN.

Let her just RUN. These children don spoil already. Let her leave and not allow them know where she is while she keep praying for them. Hopefully, they would change.

This is a lesson to some group of people. Now you know the relevance of a father in your children's life. There is still time change before its too late. Men are scum group, I greet

UpInTheSky:
Are there any decent, responsible males in your family who can
talk some sense into them/put them in check + serve as a mentor for them?

Or better yet, call the Police on them and maybe even have them spend 2-3 days in jail.
You'd want to show them that that's where they will end up if they don't start behaving.

We don’t have a responsible police force In Nigeria. Don’t even try this.

You also don’t try to beat kids of such age. You talk sense into them. You have to keep telling them of the consequences of the path they have chosen, including the possibility of being kicked out if they are not prepared to abide by your rules.

Iree1:
This can be so worrisome! Firstly, I will advise that you make a report to the police regarding their suspicious moves, that I will help anything otherwise occurred, look for some one to talk to them, them take a short break and rest! Hope you nva over pampered them while growing up? I pray they change

it’s just as a result of over pampering

Nothing much,many single mothers have trained boys successfully

She might have over pampered them due to the fact that they lost their father earlier

When your children are teenagers it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
keep talking sense to them, be patience and be prayerful.
time will fix all your problems

holsconcept:
This is a lesson to some group of people. Now you know the relevance of a father in your children's life. There is still time change before its too late. Men are scum group, I greet

Oga, there’s nothing stopping a woman from raising responsive children. Stop sounding like a prick.

Madam, your last option seems wonderful, but they will turn out a bigger monsters since they are already being monstrous.
My 1 cent advise to you is to take them to God by visiting a Bible believing church, and in this case, Jesus Christ Temple Ministry is the only church I will recommend to you. Give to me inbox and let's talk.
God bless you.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Cutehector:
The very reason why a child needs a father is to put him/her in the right direction in the teenage years.


Single moms just need to put their egos aside and get their kids a father figure.

. The sole reason I don't fancy baby mamas or single parenting. Sole reasons I will never consider a single mom for a relationship. It doesn't always end well only a few cases.

You and I know you can’t take them to their fathers village.



Meanwhile I see you having a big problem in the future… like continua problems as these kids will put you through hell.



My Neigbour is close to 61. A woman that was an engineer on her prime and did well for herself but her 3 children are giving her hell on earth here and she keeps carrying on because na her children/blood.


All of them are always on various drugs incliding the daughter that just gave birth, and for the fact that she’s breastfeeding as she don born for her mama house, the drugs dey affect her baby boy tooo. Very agile kid because of the various drugs he innocently induce through the moms breast.



My neighbor is learned but when me and her have a heart to heart talk and she start tell me about her children ehen, bro the woman dey suffer.


You have to make some strict decision on your boys if you want their future to shape up because one of them go soon carry pikin come house for you.

So granny congrats in advance ….

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Do they have any male role model or mentor e.g an uncle or somebody quite senior they respect/admire or can respect.

Having a father figure they can emulate will probably help.

They are currently being wrongly influenced by their peers

Cutehector:
The very reason why a child needs a father to put him/her in the right direction at teenage years.


Single moms just need put ego aside and get their kids a father figure.

Very deep

It's late to met out any form of physical discipline on these ones right now. Best you can do is befriend them. Become their friend, talk to them gently and give advice. Get any responsible male/woman in the family or church to talk to them.
Summon two of them and tell them of your love for them and the sacrifices you have made for their wellbeing. You refused taking them to the village so that you could remarry thereby denying yourself that pleasure of love and companionship, all for them.

Parenting in this age and time is not a walk in the park, even with both spouses involved. So many things to imbibe and teach our children before they are finally launched into the world. Parents need to top up their game and even early enough. Our value system needs to be revamped totally, otherwise issues like this is just getting to begin. Parenting begin with You(the parent).

Go out and look for a military man that is known to have a good reputation around, explain the situation to him and ask that he helps you with mentoring.

Then look for a religious leader that is also of good reputation within the environment, do the same thing.

What they lack is a male energy while growing up, so they went out to get unrefined ones in the streets.

Act fast and now before they either kill you or bring shame to your lineage.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

This looks more like a confession to me.

That growing up, you left them to the discipline of the street with little or no input, now its time for them to live out the street you seem not to be happy about it. You reap what you sow, it obvious you did not bring them up in the way you would like them to thread and they chose a path for themselves.

Commit them to prayers if you are prayerful, molding them to what you want now means you would break them them start the process of remolding.

MrBrownJay1:
its way too late to try to educate these misbehaving kids young adults. as you did your best, let them know that if they cant abide by your rules and respect what you say, they should GET THE FUKC OUT YOUR HOUSE. dont let these boys run your house as they please. anyone who believe they are too big to follow your rules, should go and get their own house and do as they please!

dont you have a brother/uncle who can tell these boys what time it is?!?!

Agreed! but she should wait until they turn 18yrs of age and then kick them out!

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

It's almost too late

DKM123:
The problem with not raising up a boy child properly is that they will show you pepper physically when they come of age. They will sell your house and steal your properties, beat and even KILL you.

That's why raising a boy child requires serious effort. I can't say you did poorly just because you are a single mother afterall those armed robbers and ritualist usually have fathers and I have seen boys who choose not to follow "wicked trends" cos they pity thier SINGLE MOTHERS who suffered to raise them.

In any case, what your boys need is TALK, TALK, TALK. They are too old to be beaten by the way. How can you raise your hands on a 17year old boy? All the beating you have been doing obviously didn't work. Infact, from the age of 12, you shouldn't be flogging them. You should be doing more of talking and advicing on a daily basis. Use every story you come across to advice and teach.

Don't take them to the village. Pretend to have HBP and pretend to be bed ridden for two weeks. Don't bring a dime. Insist that they caused you to be that way and that. Work on thier conscience but not in a quarrelsome way. Sting thier heart and let them know they need you and should change if they don't want to lose you.
Let's see if they will change.
Let's see

This is the advice you needed

chukwuibuipob:
There’s even one that snapped his mum unclad pic and save it.The 2 boys beat their mum if she dare talk.If there’s no money to steal,they’ll sell her pots etc to play Bet9jA. May God nor give us misfortune children

Chai ,things dey happen for this world oo
Selling pot to play betnaija?
They have not only grown wings,they have gone wild and taming them is difficult
Those boys have got no heart
Truely every parents pray for good children but don't leave everything in prayer.
Inculcate in your children good moral
Shout-out to every model parents

It's late to met out any form of physical discipline on these ones right now. Best you can do is befriend them. Become their friend, talk to them gently and give advice. Get any responsible male/woman in the family or church to talk to them.
Summon two of them and tell them of your love for them and the sacrifices you have made for their wellbeing. You refused taking them to the village so that you could remarry thereby denying yourself that pleasure of love and companionship, all for them. Do this while praying for them

When you refused to be a friend to your kids. You get situations like that.
Time and culture has evolved. You try and evolve with them.
What's wrong with dreadlocks?
I'm a mum and I have dreadlocks. Instead of always bickering why not genuinely admire that dreadlocks. Tell him it fits him.
You can jokingly say, I wonder if it will fit me, should I do it?

That way you have opened a chanel for conversation and that youngster will start opening up, leaning towards you and eventually want to please you.

The time of our parents using harsh words on kids have come and gone.
Make them your number one friend and confidant and you will get boys that will love you forever.
Boys hardly fight their mum

Change your parenting style.


And nope, you chose not to marry on your own not because of them

I'm sure u say that to their hearing. That's guilt tripping.

You may end up a very jealous MIL when they eventually marry cos you will claim that you put your life on hold cos of them. Psychological manipulation

I feel your pains the 2 boys misbehaving none can even correct the other to see the suffering of their mother? Please don't take them to the village but look for a trade/business person you can register them with in different places to learn a vocation before going to school, but it's in the village their father's family's are let one go make sure they're separated. Be prayerful it can really make a lots of difference, God's with you!

getting soldiers to discipline them might help, but I'd like to hear from others as well.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Hmmmm!

I can feel your pains madam! It's quite challenging to be a male or female single parent. Parenting is a job meant for two people, mother and father.

Painfully, you lost your husband 10yrs ago, and you decided to nurture tboth of them to adults. Kudos to you ma.

It's not a tea party to go the route you took, but your rewards are on the way.

Now, listen to me.

This generation isn't the same as yours, so they will never think like yours. When you're aware of this and ready to believe it, your troubles are half reduced.

Next is that you didn't have your fingers on the fundamental principle of parenting, many of us don't have it. We do parenting like our parents did it, and that's why we seem to be failing. You need to calm down ma.

There's a way to relate with your child according to their age range.

Ages 0-5years You should handle them with the iron hand of a parent, most of us miss it here. We believe they're babies who don't know anything and we condone their excesses, and this is the best time to clip their wings. The wings are still soft but we mostly loose the chance here. You've gone past that stage with the two boys. Meanwhile, keep following me.

Ages 6-12years, you're supposed to be the commander in the garrison. You roll out the rules of the barrack and they don't have a choice but to follow. You can even flog them to line here.

Ages 13 - 20years, you're a friend to your teenagers here. No shouting, no threatening. But this is what you're trying to do. So calm down, call them for family conference and explain your pains to them. It is not an overnight business o! This will take time, but if you're consistent and truly relate with them like a friend, you'll succeed. Do you also know that they missed a father figure over their lives? You're trying to play that role, but it's not the same thing. Empathize with them on this loss of a father.

From 21 upwards, you're just a mentor. Your advice will be sought when they need it. If you miss the mentioned stages above, you might be unprepared for the mentorship role in their twenties upwards.

Now, call for that conference and stop assuming anything. Be real, they'll be real with you. If you're humble in doing this, those two guys will cry before your presence for hurting you ma.

Above all, call on God all the time for His help in enjoying this stage. If you do it quickly, they might settle down, and Then you may be having a suitor coming your way for a new life.

No serious man will want to marry you with your tensed life now. Calm down with the boys, and your new fiancee may play that fatherly role in their lives.

Wish you all the best sister.

chukwuibuipob:
There’s even one that snapped his mum unclad pic and save it.The 2 boys beat their mum if she dare talk.If there’s no money to steal,they’ll sell her pots etc to play Bet9jA. May God nor give us misfortune children

May God not give us misfortune children. Sometimes the way some children treat their parents mothers in particular I imagine how she carried pregnancy for 9 months, went through labor, give birth clean and wash poo for 3 years plus carter for them till they come of age. I don't blame some people who don't want to have children.

Woman u created this problem for urself cos u fail to bring them in d way of the Lord, u are more interested in material things. The bible says bring up a child the way he should go n when he grows up he will not depart from it. Send ur phone no so that i can talk to them n this will be when all of u are together. I pray that two of them will be useful to themselves n to u too in Jesus Name. Amen. My phone no is 08024776217.

Its too late to try and correct them, how you want take straighten smoked fish?



Personally, I think everyone has their life to live , good up bringing or not, as a widow who has sacrificed all she can to bring them up, if they can't have that compassion for you and use it as a motivation not to cause you stress ,then they are not worth being called sons.People have grown up in terrible situations and still turned out fine.


Since a 19 year old is man enough to have a girlfriend and a 17 year old is independent enough to go anywhere and come home at will. Madam it's time to leave them to fend for themselves.

Find your square root now while you still have time.Go and be on your own. If you die today won't these children survive?


Even if their father were alive ,they would have turned out bad ,if they wanted to ,that I can assure you of. Parenting has become so tasking these days especially with the internet and this yahoo yahoo virus spreading everywhere. I feel for people with teenage kids. The other day I heard kids ,the eldest should be 14 talking about client and bombing.




So madam , don't go and die because dem fit nor even do yearly remembrance for you sef.

the nurturing was faulty from the beginning but not late to get them back on track. get someone they respect - uncle, neighbour, church member etc. or a counselor to take consistently and constantly talk to them. pls ma, pay attention to your health cos if any thing happens to u(God forbid) they will go on with their lives
to all parents: we really need to teach our kids real african/family values. this western training is killing our kids.