₦airaland Forum

Tell your wife you guys will rent a place and hire a care giver / provide the medical care for mama. Other siblings should be contributing no matter how small.

Mama visiting yes, you guys visiting yes - permanently living - not a good idea.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

You are just a Sisi. The time you would have stood your ground, you didn't, now you want to stand your ground on revenge, no. No old parent should be abandoned to die lonely, this is our African tradition. You allow your wife to have her way instead of you to call her bluff and give her ultimatum in the marriage. Don't allow the remaining old woman to suffer because you are the cause of the first incident

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you
of one thing or the other.

Your suggestion is very laughable

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.
Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Na today accusations start?

What a useless son. It’s not your wife’s fault you don’t value your mum. Let her teach you how children should treat thier parents. You reptile

okunwaye:
useless yamlegg foooool

Pls can we dash that girl to your tribe. We r tired of her. Pls take her

Rejecting her mother isn't advisable cos her mother commits no sin against u but ur wife, if u ever allow her mother to come in, don't forget to ask ur own mother for forgiveness, forgive and forget for God knows the best reward for all.

Mom007:
Return evil for evil to no one. Especially not your wife Oga.
Look, there is something I always tell my son whenever he comes to complain of his younger sisters behavior of not playing fair during their games and such. I tell him that ladies are not nice. He should never hold a lady to the same standard he will hold himself, he should always be the bigger person. Besides he is older. Truth is, We ladies are mean especially to our fellow gender. Sometimes we don't even mean it, its just how we are wired.
Be the bigger person bro.

Wonderful. I support this.

Wait till you are raped and robbed and when the perpetrator is caught, he begs for forgiveness and begs you not to press charges. Be the bigger person.

madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

Is marrying a second wife the solution on ground, how are you sure that the second wife won't be worse than the first wife and do you think that it's every man that knows how to handle polygamy.

Well if he's capable of taking of his two wives , he should go ahead since he has money , if na me sef I go marry rich man wey get money too.

madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

You're are very right. Op, remind her that marriage is between husband and wife and not with families or your mum's spirit will not forgive you. What goes around comes around.

Stay wicked

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Please pay evil with evil. I was once a nice person but people pushed me to the wall to be wicked.

Op you failed urself as a man, failed ur mother who brought u to this world and failed ur father because of ur wife. I can only imagine how ur mother felt when you sent her away. Now to rob salt on injury you want to bring ur mother in law. Oga are u the man of the house or his your wife the head. Ogbeni don't agree and remind ur wife she did the same thing to your mother. If she insists oga send ur wife to go live with her mother and file for a divorce

Jamesbiodun:
Give her the treatment she give to you selah

SELAH 😂😂😂🔥🔥

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

First of all...No body on earth can treat my mother that way before me .
Whoever tries it shall never go unpunished.

shantti:
All the same his wife should rent a place for her mum to stay. She should then proceed to pay someone to look after her mum.

I actually agree. As there’s already tension based on what happened with his mom, it might be detrimental to her health to be in that super charged environment

orion7:
What a useless son. It’s not your wife’s fault you don’t value your mum. Let her teach you how children should treat thier parents. You reptile

You nailed it.... Let her bring her own mother and teach you how responsible child should treat his or her mother. Shebi nah him no value his mother

You are not a wise man....

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

and if the her Mom comes to live with them , who is going to bear the medical bills and other financial costs ? The expectation is that the husband will bear it. Now ask yourself , is that fair?

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

Aunty is your head paining you. Who told u the op can't employ someone to cater for his mum . Why would his wife have the final say on who comes to the op's house, as per what, na she build the house? Na she buy the land. Well, u said it's you personal opinion sha. So it doesn't matter

EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to her will and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

You and kings Solomon i don't know who has more wisdom.

People like you makes my love for nairaland unending

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Was your mother in-law informed of your wife's action against your mum? If she knew, what was her reaction? Your late mum(may her soul rest in peace), is over there, watching to see how you will react, but I know she was not happy how she was denied the one last thing every parent wishes. I am not God, but I can assure you that, she would have lived longer if she had stayed around her grand children.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Give her back what she gave u so that she will have sense...if u don't, she will disrespect u more

MrBrownJay1:
if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

God bless you.

Poster...if you allow her to live with you. Just know that your wife already knows she can do anything she want and you won't so anything about it.

Learn to send a strong message that it's not going to happen and don't even give a reason.

If you don't.. Your wife will perceive you as weak and will do it again in other matters in the future.

FYI - you will be a disgrace to your mum if you even allow her own mum to your house.

What is good for Bisi is good for Gbadamosi too.

i had to comment guy if u allow her mother live with u,u are the d dumbest dumb cow in history...i mean u neglected and sent your mum parking and u are even considering letting her mum stay no be juju be that...guy wake up...what goes around comes around..

DUKEOFIBADAN:
Please pay evil with evil. I was once a nice person but people pushed me to the wall to be wicked.

I totally Agree with you. It an Eye for an Eye.

Exodus15v11:
You were your mom's only child left in Nigeria, hence she should have stayed with you to take better care of her and show her love during her remaining years, but you sent her away because of your wife, knowing fully well that she was not only ill but she was lonely. You did not do right by the woman. I can only imagine how she must have felt.

Yes, the same rule should apply to your wife's mom. You two can find someone to go stay with her and look after the finances involved. Or one of her siblings can go stay with her. As her siblings are there in Nigeria, she has a lot more family support than you did, which makes it even more baffling that she wants to be a hyprocrite and have her mom stay with you when she denied your mom of this same treatment and was hostile towards her.

Great......

All I can say is if you allow your wives mother stay after sending your own mother that carried catered and cared for you Away you are a bastàrd son of a thousand fathers. if your wife doesn’t love and understand your mother she doesn’t love you bro and that’s facts when you fall sick she will mistreat you too

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Women and selfish advice...Op, pls don't ever take this advice

This your story get as e be ooo.. But its simple, sit your wife down and ask her if she remember her stand when it was your mums turn. Educate her and try pretend you wouldn't be allowing her mother too. See how she'd react. Her reaction should guide you. Las last, you must still accept her mother