So your own mom was a burden hers is precious abi.. Op use ur sense nah.. God allowed this to play out so she could see the pain she caused your mother.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

But most men feel secure around their mother in-law,even if this man accept the old woman in,I bet u the wife can never escape the same treat from is children

What is even the relevance of marriage in a Nigerian guys life. Absolutely nothing.
This guys mum would have been alive if he was still single and had kids from baby mamas

Jamesbiodun:
Give her the treatment she give to you selah

Gbam!!!

Halo22:
Having gone through ur write-up @Op, I just have to be point blank in telling u this; u are just accepting defeat if u finally yield to ur wife's request. How could you deny ur mum such care because of ur wife and now wants to do otherwise because her mum is involved? Anybody that would not make my mum eat the fruit of her labour should leave my side, wife or no wife. Tell her to take her to one of her siblings or bring someone to assist her, while u foot the medical bill ...... Simple.

I won't foot any medical bills as it is not my responsibility. She has other children let them do it together with my wife not me.

As I read some of your comments, I smiled. Let me provide some information about my mum: she was a born again Christian, a genuine one. She belonged to those holiness preaching denomination. She was a peaceful person. When I stamped my feet and said no! she would be the one to say no, my son.
She would be the one to say, 'What God has joined together, let no one put asunder'. And she would quietly take her leave, against my stand. That was a big problem. She would say, instead of there to be trouble in your home because of me, I better leave. She was TOO peaceful

d story no complete!

I need to hear d wife's own version!

Samantha124:
Go ahead and make me leave..😂😂😂

don’t worry after seun is through with tribalism on this forum Na people like you will go descend on....With all your brain 🧠 you can’t even read sensibly...it’s just limited and senseless of you to be asking such question.

CSTRR:

You are only saying this because the husband's mother is dead.

If she were alive to see this injustice, na serious wahala go sup.

True sha. That was why I said, I would have told him to go ahead and do what he has in mind ( revenge) but wetin him go gain? Wickedness..

If only you could stop being emotional and answered my question, we would've moved forward from this.

shantti:


Oh my questions brings out your hypocrisy right.

Typical of you lot to shift the goal post. And if you can't find your answer in that my question, then I fear for your I.Q. cos it must be too low

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Are you normal?

Samantha124:
If he was expecting his wife to be the one to nurse his mother, then that would be very selfish of him.

may your son’s wife do exactly what Op’s wife did unto her.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

So painful that you allowed your wife to dictate to you on how you should treat your mum when she needed you most, I'm sure that could be one of the reasons she died within few years, your mother that took care of you and a you became a person and now karma has found your wife's mother too. The ball is in your court, the only advice I can give you is to ask God to forgive you for treating your mother badly.

Bro I know is hard but clear your mind,I bet you she can't escape such treatment from her children

cococandy:


No I don’t think the mom should have died of loneliness. I’m just telling you what happens when dependent relatives come to live with the family. The only solution is for you guys to be more hands-on in caring for your loved ones instead of seeing it as a female role. If you remove that single reason, a lot of your wives would be less reluctant to house your relatives. They say no because it always always means more work for them. Why not make a change to that mindset?

If that was the issue then the wife should have communicated that to the husband so they can make a better adjustment and frankly what the wife did was Terrible, there are folks that take care of others who aren't even remotely related yet she can't even do an ounce of it yet expect a better treatment to her own mum, just selfish and hypocritical.

Samantha124:
If only you could stop being emotional and answered my question, we would've moved forward from this.

Ur answer lies in my last question. It's not my fault u can't see it. I even thought u are smart

Ebony2King:


And will women also understand that the man is not their blood too and be ready to expect anything as well?

Yes, that is if they have it in mind

soles21:
so who will be taking care of the mother of the lady. If the husband eventually allows the woman to come over.

Or will it automatically become less work for the lady?

No it will not automatically be less work for the lady.
It requires a lot of sacrifice. Someone else’s sacrifice is not something you just expect from them as if you’re entitled to it. You’re not entitled to her sacrificing herself to care for your mom. She can do it herself if she wants to but it’s not something she owes you.

Why are you expecting her mom and your mom to have the same level of priority in her life? Her mom can die for her. Can your mom die for her?

A little thinking please

Until Seun removes me from this forum, y'all should shut your mouths because I'm not going anywhere.

You can shout all you want, but I'm staying..💃💃💃

Aklee4994:
don’t worry after seun is through with tribalism on this forum Na people like you will go descend on....With all your brain 🧠 you can’t even read sensibly...it’s just limited and senseless of you to be asking such question.

EriMma1:


True sha. That was why I said, I would have told him to go ahead and do what he has in mind ( revenge) but wetin him go gain? Wickedness..

peace is never an option comrade!

Nemesis0147:
I can only imagine how disappointed his mother must have felt that time

honestly and she won't say it. You how mothers could be, very tender towards their children.

shantti:


Ur answer lies in my last question. It's not my fault u can't see it. I even thought u are smart

Bros abeg forget that mumu girl . Nothing dey her head.

How can you answer my question by asking me a question?

Does that make sense to you?

shantti:


Ur answer lies in my last question. It's not my fault u can't see it. I even thought u are smart

It is so unfortunate that many of our women are like this...as in hostile attitude when the mother- in-law is around,but their own mama na Saint...@OP,for me...if my mum can't stay,yours too can't ... period

Ultimatesammie:

If that was the issue then the wife should have communicated that to the husband so they can make a better adjustment and frankly what the wife did was Terrible, there are folks that take care of others who aren't even remotely related yet she can't even do an ounce of it yet expect a better treatment to her own mum, just selfish and hypocritical.

They get paid for it.
That’s another angle you don’t see. Lots of care workers won’t do it for free because it’s not an easy job. Why the magical expectation that your wives should be excited to do it?

If she’s expecting her husband to be the one to care for her mom, then that’s hypocritical. But we know that in both cases she’s the automatic caregiver by default.

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

I totally concur with your advice, however, let me lend my thoughts to this topic thus;
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Nothing, again I repeat, nothing would make me send my own mother, my mama, person wey born me out of my house.
Op, make your wife see that you have every moral justification to act to her mum like she did yours, but still let her come due to her age and health status, but let your wife's conscience beat her to seek for your forgiveness. Good evening.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

If you ever allow that my head will never forgive you!

Get someone to take care of your mother-in-law in her house too as marriage is for husband and his wife. If you accept her mum to move in with you , you are not only cheated, they also cheated your late mum and most likely,her spirit may not be happy with you.

I'm sorry if my judgement is harsh.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I truly share your sentiment. I am NOT one to dish out advice but all I would tell you is to sit your wife down and talk to her if nothing else but simply to remind her that one good turn deserves another and vice versa. Let her know how you felt when she was adamant about NOT letting your own mother come to stay with you guys. But now that the tide has turned, how does she want you to feel and act? Depending on[b] how she acts and her response[/b], that would determine your next move. If she expresses genuine remorse and apologizes for recalcitrant behavior towards her mother-in-law, then you should let by gone be by gone! Otherwise, stick to your gun and refuse her mom moving in. Good luck!

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Her mum staying with us will always arouse the hatred and the anger in me cos everytime I see her own mother, it will always remind me on my own mother which she killed indirectly cos she didn't allow me to take care of her till she died . An eye for an eye

Amen...🙌🙌🙌

Anything else?🤣🤣🤣

Mrbllymer:
may your son’s wife do exactly what Op’s wife did unto her.

This your advice does not make sense..what peace?do you know if his mother would have stayed longer if she had allowed her stay?now the man needs to forgive for what peace to return..let the peace go forever if it wants to..let her siblings pay someone to stay with her..if allowed her come stay..what you couldn't do for your own mother then you have failed your late mother.. women always think they can have their way around everything

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.