₦airaland Forum

That's also a possibility but I dont want to assume

shantti:
Have u considered the fact that the wife might naturally be a wicked and bitter person

Mom007:
I never insinuated that by my statement. I just shared something that may or may not be common knowledge. I didnt add that after giving my son these "profound" words of knowledge, I proceed to give his sister a spank or two for her nautiness.
Who is the op really punishing by continuing the cycle of wickedness of the wife? Its too bad even Christians do not follow the tenets of the bible any longer. I can bet all of you challenging my comment, including op himself will claim to be Christians yet the bible says return evil for evil to no one. Who knows it may be the kindness of the op that will shame the wife and make her deeply remorseful for her hostility towards her late mother inlaw.

funny you lots. And the wife that acted towards a elderly woman old enough to be her parents is not a Christian ? Or that’s how she was trained both by her parents or the Bible you made reference to ?
Love your neighbor as yourself isn’t in your Bible talk more if mother in law ? Has she asked for forgiveness? Is she remorseful ?

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What's wrong with some people sef?

You don't want to see your husband's people around your home, but have no qualms packing your entire community into someone's home. A home you don't pay for or own, nor provide the running cost, yet you sit and issue orders.


God knows I won't tolerate such nonsense!
If you're not ready to accept my family as I'll accept yours, then I don't think we should be married.

ozalogbo:
Again, I want to thank you all for your comments and reactions. Some of you are justifiably enraged that 'I sent my mother away". I perceive that the majority of this reaction is from men. However, it seems that many mostly ignored the further information that I supplied: That I did not send my mother away. No! When I insist that my mother goes nowhere, she says, no my son. Instead of you to have quarrels in your home because of my presence here, I better leave. And she would quietly go, against my vehement protests. In fact, one one occasion when she visited, before I came, she quietly left and later called me that something came up suddenly (not in my home anyway) and she had to leave to attend to it. But I perceived that my wife suffocated her away with attitude. I understand the kind of mother I had, a peace lover and a peacemaker. Years ago, something happened. That was before I got married. A guy was rude to my mum. She did not tell me or my siblings because she knew what my reaction would be. It was some days later that I heard of the event. I confronted the guy and if not for the people around who came between us, it would have resulted in serious blows. I did not bother to ask my mum before I accosted the guy because I knew she would strongly and firmly disapprove. Of course, when she heard what I did, she was not pleased with me.

Shut up Mr simp. If your wife had respect for you,sh wouldn't dare say it. Seems she is the bread winner in your home that's why you are here saying rubbish without action. Shame on weak ass men like you.

dangotesmummy:
so just because you want to get even,you will allow an old woman to die avoidable death just because it's family rules? Sometimes you have to BEND THE RULES to fit in to certain situations.we are talking about a human being here not cockroach or rat.all this do me I do you philosophy is why the world has gone chaotic.a home should be the first place where husband,wife and children experience genuine love, forgiveness and tolerance of each other's inadequacies

And ops wife could not bend the rules? Is it only men that should be bending rules?

The gut your wife has to even suggest that!


Most humans can’t take half what they dish out.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Don't allow her mum come over, remind her what she did to your mum. If you don't value my mum I won't value yours , I don't care if we are married.



Most women think they are smart when it comes to issues like this.

shantti:
I hope u know why I seemed to ignore this, cos u didn't handle my point at all. U cleverly downplayed a reality even u yourself know is very glaring for the sake of arguing. When u stop being sentimental, then we can have a discussion

I know. If I don’t agree with you, then of course I’m being sentimental. Been there done that

madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

your advice could be misleading. Marrying another woman isn't the solution to marital issues. Stop misleading people please.

May the spirit of your late Mum not allow you people to rest if you allow her bring her mum to live with you, Amen.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

You are a witch..woe betide any man who marries you.

Mrbllymer:
funny you lots. And the wife that acted towards a elderly woman old enough to be her parents is not a Christian ? Or that’s how she was trained both by her parents or the Bible you made reference to ?
Love your neighbor as yourself isn’t in your Bible talk more if mother in law ? Has she asked for forgiveness? Is she remorseful ?

Remove the log in your eye first before removing the speck in another persons eye.

Darammliveth:
Kill that suggestion before it arrive! This case is very simple. Your wife should know better. What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! How can you be hostile to your mother in-law.

Let her mama stay with any of her eldest siblings. Thank God she's not the only child. Then you can send her money monthly for her upkeep. Lobatan.

Your mother in-law should stay with any one of her other children. Make regular financial contribution towards her upkeep. You're still taking responsibility. Women need to start getting a dose of what they give.

Mom007:
Remove the log in your eye first before removing the speck in another persons eye.

Have you removed yours ? Funny lots I guess that’s part of the Bible you were preaching earlier, from Bible to where now. Funny people.
Preaching not working any longer ? resulted to been defensive and quoting nonsense when the Bible you quoted is no longer applicable.

ozalogbo:
Again, I want to thank you all for your comments and reactions. Some of you are justifiably enraged that 'I sent my mother away". I perceive that the majority of this reaction is from men. However, it seems that many mostly ignored the further information that I supplied: That I did not send my mother away. No! When I insist that my mother goes nowhere, she says, no my son. Instead of you to have quarrels in your home because of my presence here, I better leave. And she would quietly go, against my vehement protests. In fact, one one occasion when she visited, before I came, she quietly left and later called me that something came up suddenly (not in my home anyway) and she had to leave to attend to it. But I perceived that my wife suffocated her away with attitude. I understand the kind of mother I had, a peace lover and a peacemaker. Years ago, something happened. That was before I got married. A guy was rude to my mum. She did not tell me or my siblings because she knew what my reaction would be. It was some days later that I heard of the event. I confronted the guy and if not for the people around who came between us, it would have resulted in serious blows. I did not bother to ask my mum before I accosted the guy because I knew she would strongly and firmly disapprove. Of course, when she heard what I did, she was not pleased with me.

I perceive you are a gentleman and a peace loving man just like your mother...however, you also strike me as one who lets his wife gets away with things all in the name of "let peace reign". It will shock you to know that most decisions and attitudes from your wife was gotten from her mother and immediate family.

You dont let women get away with things and from what I also perceive you wife is probably doing better than you financially..If you know you MIL seing her grand kids would help her, why dont you also think it would be best for your mother citing that you were the closest to family and home she has, I feel very very sad reading and typing this, in all fairness you contributed to the untimely death of your mom.

YOUR WIFE: he who goes fro revenge must dig two graves..in this context I mean, your home will never remain thesame again whether or not you allow her mother in for treatemEnt and care...your wife is not a good woman and you know. She will deal with you in future. hence you must make that plans ahead. Your wife is wicked and hearTless and you know, I also perceive your mother must have warned you about her as well as your siblings.

I fear for you but in all.NEVER LET HER MOM IN.

ozalogbo:
As I read some of your comments, I smiled. Let me provide some information about my mum: she was a born again Christian, a genuine one. She belonged to those holiness preaching denomination. She was a peaceful person. When I stamped my feet and said no! she would be the one to say no, my son.
She would be the one to say, 'What God has joined together, let no one put asunder'. And she would quietly take her leave, against my stand. That was a big problem. She would say, instead of there to be trouble in your home because of me, I better leave. She was TOO peaceful

sHUOOOO

NA EVEN DELTA MAN.. URHOBO OR ISOKO AND WHICH TRIBE YOUR WIFE BE?

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

But the husband didn't accuse her when his own mother died in loneliness.

You and the entire 16 people that liked your stupid take should receive thunderrr

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

OP there is a consequence for everything in life.
Look at how everything played.
Fate has brought her own consequence.
Don't hinder it.
She will try to blackmail you emotionally.
Her family will beg etc but stand your ground.
Do not let that woman enter your house, your wife is the last of four in their family. Did she have empathy when your mother had only you in the country??
Now she wants to give her mother special treatment and drag you into it.
If women treated their mother inlaw the wah they treat their own mother's, they'd be no problem.
Oga don't fall for the emotional blackmail. Stand your ground, your poor mother who catered for you when you were little and sick, who displeased herself for you, who loved you unconditionally, who gave you her all was sidelined by a selfish manipulative woman when she needed you most and she eventually died.
OP you can give your little support to her, let the older children take the most responsibility. If your wife sees you're not in to be blackmailed emotionally or manipulated, she will begin to apologise and beg, but still stand your ground because your dear mother is watching you from heaven knowing if you will also disregard her in death.

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

@OP,I can only imagine how disappointed your mother must have felt that time!!

Kai.
His mother died in pains.
A child she nourished, loved unconditionally, stayed awake all night when he was very sick, prayed for him with all her heart, fed him and expected nothing from him in return, but when she needed him most, he abandoned her.
She must have felt dissapointed, sad, lonely till her last breathe.
Only God knows what his poor mother felt prior to her dieng day.

shantti:
Aunty pls die this talk
He shouldn't let her in his house period.
Remember that marriage is between a man and his wife, no third parties

Lol
Women are just drama queens

When you want to pay her back, she sees it as being bad but she did same thing to him

NaBanga:
Bringing a maid into the home would have caused further confusion in their marriage. The wife would have felt the husband was getting too close to the maid, because of his mother. It would have bred insecurities that were not there before. Having his wife care for his mother would have put a lot of stress on the wife, who was likely caring for young children at that time. By this point in caring for her own mother, his wife would have been like a broke down horse.

Would I personally let her bring her mother into our home, maybe. However if it began to cause stress I would help her find a maid and a place nearby to house her mother.

What he should have done was to rent a place nearby to house the mother and the maid. In that way, he and his family could have visited his mother regularly to make sure she was being well managed. His wife is likely in a better position to care for her own mother due to her children's ages. In addition, it is her mother and she is taking on the responsibility. The husband would not have been in the position of taking care of his mother. It would have always been on the wife to do so, even with a maid helping.

There's no way you can try to justify what his wife did.
I don't blame her for refusing to have his mother come and live with them permanently , but I blame her for thinking her own mother deserves that privilege.
It's unfair on all levels.
The wife also works, so likely can't be 24/7 carer for her mother. She will likely still need someone to stay with her mother in their home.
She could have accorded her husband's mother same privilege.
If I were the man, I won't agree to the plan. He's human too.

EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to your wife and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

The marriage is only between the man and woman. Was that not what the wife wanted?

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

You are very correct,
That's why the man who owns the house too should have the final say because they will Iive under his roof and his provision.

Look at your name, cococandy. Girls with such weird names are not for the keeps, they always have weird takes. You see them arguing on Facebook about blessing CEO, Dr Dean Justin and his divorced wife.

shantti:
How does this related to the story op just told. Did he tell you that his old sick mother troubled his wife. Why r u painting mother in law's black. Aren't there daughter in laws that are demonic and evil.

This is why I never take advise from females, u lot are too sentimental. And I hope u don't find a problem if the op decides not to let his mum in law stay.

That's not a problem, I was just talking about common mother in law problems

If truly all you wrote are correct presentation of what happens between you, and your wife over your blood mother who gave you life.

Then you asking for what to do is absurd.

If your mother couldn't stay with you during her life challenging period, then if by chance you peemup her mother to stay, then history won't be kind with you.


Beside, I want to believe that she learned such attitude from her mother and as such what goes around have comes around.


You shouldn't allow her mother a visit kel alone spending days

frozen70:
I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come but then, let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

Let it react to another thing. you men of these days are too weak i swear, no wonder these Nigerians oloshos are using you all to play ping pong.

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

@OP,I can only imagine how disappointed your mother must have felt that time!!

Correct let their be no peace. didnt she consider your peace before she did such nonsense with your mum. Dont give her peace, give her violence back. OP is a big simp.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

make thunder fire one or two things op no gree una wey be woman dey two selfish.😏

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

and the man's mom won't be willing to die for him abi when I said y'all women thinks alike some would say i don't know what I'm talking about just read wetin you write again then siddon think am If na your son e go sweet you for where you dey life after😏

Zaynmax:
and the man's mom won't be willing to die for him abi when I said y'all women thinks alike some would say i don't know what I'm talking about just read wetin you write again then siddon think am If na your son e go sweet you for where you dey life after😏

That’s exactly why it’s his responsibility not his wife’s

Zupay:
I am very certain I won't remember you just as you won't remember me.

Haba, your go to solution is "marrying a second wife", one would ask how does that solve the issue on ground? If a man is tired of the marriage, let him end it and work out providing for their children, if any and should have a clean head going into another relationship.

Marry 2nd wife and inherit the burdens of 2 in laws not one oooo.... One self fit kill

cococandy:
That’s exactly why it’s his responsibility not his wife’s

I see this as a good problem.... It is just like both of them have 2 mums each.... The woman out of love can help out including her son and a helper can also be employed for mama even in that house( teenager or mature woman).

Only time there should be doubt for the wife to take her mum( in law) into the house is only if the mum was evil.

Love comquereth all....Vanity upon vanity....

We too will grow old one day.