mrmislim:
Lmao, my dad left us when we were young and now I am married.

I just cannot imagine my husband telling me then that he wanted to go look for my dad, bro , you will go to my state and look for my dad to ask of his side of story as to why he abandoned 3 children below 5 years old?

I will leave you in that relationship with my dad as such a person can never be trusted, as that is a red flag and you’re an aspiring deadbeat husband and dad. God forbid bad thing.

I wish I can see your fiancée and tell her to run as far as her legs can take her away from you.
What nonsense.

According to these nairaland men, your mom must have poisoned your mind against your dad.
Men are never wrong.

And your mother lied to you.

1Sharon:


According to these nairaland men, your mom must have poisoned your mind against your dad.
Men are never wrong.

And your mother lied to you.

Lmao, don’t mind them, most of them are dundees, dem dey think with their an*s.

As an akwa ibom man I would advise you meet with the biological father, for tradition sake.

Kobojunkie:
A sperm donor does not a father make. Science has more than made that abundantly clear to us all at this point in time. You are not a mother simply because you donated an egg or carried a child to birth — women who work as surrogates can attest to this. Again, science has shown us that on numerous occasions. It is now up to us to update our individual cultures to account for this wisdom or continue to wallow in the ignorance of the past pretending we fulfill some sort of righteousness in our foolishness. That is my opinion.

Nobody likes or respects your opinion. You are living in a fools paradise.

Boy, tell them that if you don't meet the father you will not marry her. Simple. My brother it will be criminal for the step dad to play the role of a father without express permission.
I have a young girl entrusted to me by the father to play a fatherly role to her . That doesn't mean that if she wants to marry I should abandon the dad.

You want to meet the person your soon to be wife has told you left her as a child and probably has years of abandonment trauma over. Who are you? Sherlock?

Great start to a marriage mate 👍🏾

Women are very dangerous and highly manipulative, I will advise u locate her biological dad and accord him that respect and also hear his side of the story. I bet u will be shock to see how things will turn out! Don't be caught in the middle pls else u will not like yourself. Also take your time to observe ur mother in-laws attitude and body language towards this issue, You will be able to understand what is really going on. Most times when a woman can't have her way with a man she will tag him bad and then manipulate the kids to hate their father, just look for the biological dad and the truth will surface but that shouldn't stop u from giving total respect to the step dad.

If you want to marry her, marry her and forget the complicated adoption of a forgotten era.

abimbola74:

Meet with her father. Had same issue as yours so that’s what I did. Though the man didn’t even show up for the wedding but he asked us to pick a date before the wedding to come see him and bless us. Shikena. I Dey even call him to say hello sometimes.

So why didn't he show up for the wedding?

Sirtee19:
Think of it this way, what if in the future, something health wisely that is life threatening happens to your wife that requires the blood of the man for your wife to survive?

Won't the blood of the mother be suitable aswell? Do you guys think at all

Stop cooking up nollywood scenarios. Grow up. It's not real life.

It seems there's an issue of trust in this relationship of yours, your wife to be told you her story but you (in your infinite wisdom) think you have to confirm her story from the Dad himself? The same Dad she told you abandoned her when she was young and didn't bother to make up with her at any other time?

Isn't this an indication that somehow at the back of your mind, you ACTUALLY don't believe her story and you're kinda scared she might be untrustworthy?

A certain popular man's daughter got married some years back and she didn't invite the man because he was a deadbeat father to her and her siblings, he abandoned them and the Mum for years and never went back even though he was quite popular. The Mum remarried and it was the stepdad that raised those girls as his own.

Imagine how the man, woman and the daughter would have been so hurt if the fiance was someone like you? Don't lose your babe(if you value her) because you want to dabble into what's not your business.

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

dear young man, it is your own time to set up a family and you need a well brought up girl as a wife.

well brought up include a girl that recognize her father and mother and the extended families on both sides. according to the bible every marriage require witnesses, it is these witnesses that confirm the marriage.

how can you marry a girl brainwashed not to recognize the biological father in her life, that means she is halfbaked human and she is a suitable marriage partner.

if she truly want to marry let her directs you to the biological father and mother extended family. please don't waste your life on a free loading woman because she will dump you too as soon as you are useless and can not meet her demands anymore. this could happen under two years.

also note that you will still recognize the current father she is parading and situate him as a responsible father to your wife. but you MUST meet the biological father even on a sick bed or possibly grave side. marriage is not a simple matter it is both physical and spiritual and all sides and conditions must be satisfied as there repercussions for any missteps.

take your time and do the needful. seek for your own father input too. don't do it alone as you will likely fall into very wrong people.

your number four statement is very important but you have referred to it casually. you said that the repercussions will be on your wife and the mother only as long as you have paid the bride price. not true, that is just the lure, satan lure into your life and the children coming out of the wedlock.

maybe because you are trying to save money and time you want to jump over into the marriage but that jumping over correct procedures and actions will be sweet for a very short time and afterwards you will probably experience what happened to the real father of your wife. life goes in circular motion as we are just acting out our roles in life.. you can not be smarter than other people. the big eyes are watching.

luminouz:


It's just sad cuz you be Yoruba guy like me. We are known to be way smarter and Alpha that you are behaving. How can you bear Gboyega and be behaving like a simp on any woman related topic. Shuuu!!!

No go kill yourself on top my matter ooo. Live your life, leave me make I leave my own. If I SIMP, e no concern you because your women bashing makes you no alpha and your whining/nagging makes you worse than a beta as I no sure say dem get class for your type.

This is 2023 guys!
Biological father ko, abadon your child and comman be waitin 4 benefits. Una go learn by force!

ibkayee:
You want to meet the person your soon to be wife has told you left her as a child and probably has years of abandonment trauma over. Who are you? Sherlock?

Great start to a marriage mate 👍🏾

He is a legend of the truth seeker
I wish the fiancee all the best in dis marital adventure. *sigh

HajiaNotu:

He is a legend of the truth seeker
I wish the fiancee all the best in dis marital adventure. *sigh

😂

OP, you want to marry a woman from this kind of background? Father abandoned (separated from) Mother. Mother nursed daughter with bitterness and hatred for the father. Saint mother raised daughter with another father. Mother may not even know the relative of the father. If care is not taken, there was no bride prize paid by the former father or current father.

Bro, at least do a spy background check. Am sure the gul is not far in character than the mother. You will soon see the mother in the gul. Don't come here years later to start thread with a topic: HOW MY WIFE ABANDONED ME WITH MY 3 YEARS SON.

Before I read other people's comments, here's my advice. It's not your business whose fault it is that the mom and dad broke up. Your woman has told you her biological dad isn't in her life and not part of it. In fact, she's told you expressly not to contact the man. Don't force a relationship that's older than you. If you want to make it your business to reconcile the lady and her dad, proceed cautiously with such steps after you're married. For now, the man she points at and says, "that's my father" is her father. It's the man who raised her and trained her for you to come and marry.

Tutu82:
You sound like a peace loving man who wants to do the right thing at all times,but the woman has showed you who raised her and who she calls father that should be enough for you.

Yes there are two sides to a story but you are not a detective,plus you are not part of the story why she did not live with her biological father so respect her wishes and do not get involved.

Precisely! You are not a detective and dem no call you come judge matter! So, I don't understand why the majority think it is the plan of this one who only wants to marry a girl to decide on issues that probably happened when he was in diapers. The gull of some Nigerians ehn... LOL

1Sharon:
This is why I believe that thing they call bride price should be abolished!

Women need to do away with that nonsense completely abeg!

Even the step dad is meant to advice you to meet the girls biological father, God forbid something happens in the future and its required of you to bring her father, how do want to meet the man after denying him of his right before marrying his daughter, truth here is you don't have to even pay the bride price to the man but you have to accord him that respect as the father of the woman you intend marrying by taking a wine and informing him , he could just say a prayer for you.

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

Oga, no matter what you do, you need to see the biological father.

Leave women with their drama. Things are likely not as your mother-in-law and wife to be paint it.

You be man o, no let women wear you like pant. If there is any time to put your feet to the ground, it is now.

The worst that can happen is, marriage no go work, which perhaps even saves you from something much worse tomorrow.

Stamp you authority as a man, insist that the right thing has to be done, culturally. Whatever misgivings they have against the man, should remain between they and him, and that they should keep you from it.

Have a talk with your wife to be, without her mum. No be she you wan marry. Your wife to be should be able to understand your viewpoint, otherwise she get very big problem.

Women are fond of doing things to alienate Children from their fathers whenever there are issues. She wan carry another man pikin give another person? What is the place of reconciliation and forgiveness in this world sef? With all the Church wey people dey go upandan?

I appreciate you trying to reach out to him but its best you listen to her.
If he hasn't been there for his daughter up to this minute then he has no business been at the wedding.

GboyegaD:


No go kill yourself on top my matter ooo. Live your life, leave me make I leave my own. If I SIMP, e no concern you because your women bashing makes you no alpha and your whining/nagging makes you worse than a beta as I no sure say dem get class for your type.

Gboyega, na me you dey talk to like this?

Obaje sha....am I your mate?

thinkmoney:

Ok, ur intellectual capacity, comprehension ability and honesty have been clearly shown now. It will be unwise for me to continue with u again now

Well sir, I've followed your interactions, and you've actually been missing the point.

ibkayee:

😂

Beech 😡

Hhansome:
Trust me, they're all lying against the man. Woman has filled her (daughter) up with bitterness and you should be worried.

Trust some women at ur peril

Foodqueen:
Make sure you see her dad.

Egg xatly 😂

1Sharon:


So why didn't he show up for the wedding?

He said he was ready to sponsor the weeding only if it will be done in his state of residence . Though on a norms , I knew he wouldn’t want to show @ the other man’s place. The second issue was he wanted to decide on the wedding date which the other man wasn’t pleased with cos he was like he took care of her since when she was small so why is it now that he want to have a day when he didn’t bother all this while .

Micheal56:
Una still Dey marry
Where Una Dey see money Na

Join us in APC and enjoy life.As long as you hate us,you go peme.No bi small thing oo!