slimmy05:
doesn't make your life better than his, so don't sound like you won. The happiness of today can still turn sour tomorrow. Doesn't mean he won't also meet that super woman who might be your role model. Since you're married why not release him from the picture rather paint him a devil who wasted your time

God bless you Sir.

madridfc:

Hmm, all these ones na wash o 2sexy. All these doesn't make a man a 'husband' material.
I seriously support the user that said "a lady that hopes to get married shouldn't be in a relationship for more than 6months" to avoid stories that touch.
The bad part be say people like us no get hope be dat LOL
Bottom line: Don't date Your age mates.

sure... But it depends.

Lol @ agemates... No b lie sah. Me no fit date my age mate o.

My close friend used this trick and she got engaged in 4 months or thereabouts... She apoke to her mother who inturn spoke to her father who called on the man personally to have a heart to heart talk with him on the "plans" he had for his daughter. He saw the seriousness on the bride's family side and landed her a pretty huge rock.

FavourGee:


Thanks but I tried making him give me definite answer, he began to talk as if I'm lying and pressurizing him to get married to me.

LEAVE HIM... among d other five... Pick one and start loving..... Love who u marry, it is not always love who to marry....

Lovethlovesmike:
OP thanks for opening this thread. You made my day. I'm so ready for marriage. My bf and I are age-mates and I think that's where the main "disconnect' lies. We love each other and are both working engineers. I have 3 guys on my neck too (2 which I met on FB) and 1 in Church. I got "close" to the one in Church and somehow, my bf could feel the difference in our relationship. He started asking questions like if I'm considering leaving him for someone else that he feels like I'm slipping away.

Anyways, I told him everything and how I feel like he's using me to pass time and I need commitment. He's been pleading, buying gifts, etc but I still don't feel any vibe of commitment or seriousness on that level. Although he stepped up tremendously, another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame. So how long will the wait be?? My "heart" says stay, but my "senses" wants to leave.

whats your definition of commitment ? have the other guys shown commitment or would you say they are committed because they are promising marriages . we have seen cases of our nice dudes turn to beast the next minute they get married , if you know your boyfriend loves you with his heart , if he is worth it , you should talk to him and dont like men you barely know kill the vibe in ur relationship.

I am in a similar situation, my girl friend and I dated way back in the university . Am a graduate and also working with the state government but the money I have is very very small and my lady is pressurising me and sometimes accuse me of not putting her in my plan. Sometimes I get confused.

Babymama1:


Sounds like you are ready for marriage
Let me be frank with you,Women have a window of opportunity to get their best pick
You better open your eyes now and pick one serious suitor now they are all around seeking your hand.
If you let this moment slip by,it may not come again and marriage will become a prayer point
Leave that small boy alone
The woman he will marry may still be in SS1
Don't waste your time

How old are you btw?

so she gets married to a suitor after 2 months of dating and then the guy turns out to be something else and what will you advice her to do then ... endure I guess , this is where the problem starts. the op sounds like a desperate lady , giving the young man ultimatum . no dude like that . she is the only one who has known her reasons .

FavourGee:


Thanks but I tried making him give me definite answer, he began to talk as if I'm lying and pressurizing him to get married to me.

That is the real problem. Sometimes, some girls use this tactics to push their guys into marriage unprepared. Having said that, I want to believe that u are just one of the girls among which ur guy will choose from wen he is ready to settle down or probably has no plan to settle with u. If he has, he would have been talking about how to identify with ur family officially. My sincere advibe: If u're ready for marriage, open ur heart & accommodate those suitors. Then, ask God to direct ur step.

alutacontinua:
The elders have spoken
The truth is you don't need 100 years to know the serious ones, even if he's not ready, he'll give you more than enough reasons to stay

my thought exactly. My issue with the OP is whether she is just dating the guy or they are engaged to be married. if a guy is not ready like u said, he will give her enough reason to Stay. Except they are just dating.

Lovethlovesmike:
OP thanks for opening this thread. You made my day. I'm so ready for marriage. My bf and I are age-mates and I think that's where the main "disconnect' lies. We love each other and are both working engineers. I have 3 guys on my neck too (2 which I met on FB) and 1 in Church. I got "close" to the one in Church and somehow, my bf could feel the difference in our relationship. He started asking questions like if I'm considering leaving him for someone else that he feels like I'm slipping away.

Anyways, I told him everything and how I feel like he's using me to pass time and I need commitment. He's been pleading, buying gifts, etc but I still don't feel any vibe of commitment or seriousness on that level. Although he stepped up tremendously, another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame. So how long will the wait be?? My "heart" says stay, but my "senses" wants to leave.

Seriously suitors on fb ?

Babymama1:


Good girl
You tell women they won't listen
I always say that any girl that wants to marry and is ready should not spend more than 3 months with any man
Within 1-3 months you can tell a man who is ready,you don't have to do a thing to make him come to that conclusion
From the first few dates,my hubby was already talking about us and a future with me in it
People think it is when you wash clothes and clean house and play wife that he will wake up one day and have a change of heart
No way
You could sit and gist all day without boiling him an egg ,if you are the one you are the one
I didn't even know how to cook till I was married,that's how pathetic I was n the kitchen department
He taught me how to cook many things
Even till this day,I ask him questions regarding kitchen stuff
I cooked with water leaf for the first time a few weeks ago
He was the person that told me it needed to be sliced and to lay easy on the water while boiling the meat/ have all the water dried up or the soup will be very watery

oh , thank goodness your own story is great , you were lucky to meet this loveable man , you cant tell what kind of relationship he was coming from . bottom line : dont conclude because it went well for you , it may not go well for others . there are ladies crying hell because they made the kind of choices you made . I have a brother who still sleeps with his married exes , I know them . they were faced with the same situation the op is and got married to the so called suitors , but what is happening today . The OP knows his dude and the kind of person he is , dont give advices if you have not heard the part of the dude .

ma daughter,you have came to the right place;just take Flage-E tablets two in the morning after breakfast and two in the evening after supper.dont take it with water or any liquid o,or you shall run mad!continue for the next 10 years and you shall get what you seek. call me mporku! Yes the eyes of the oracle that sees what no mortal can see.

Lovethlovesmike:
OP thanks for opening this thread. You made my day. I'm so ready for marriage. My bf and I are age-mates and I think that's where the main "disconnect' lies. We love each other and are both working engineers. I have 3 guys on my neck too (2 which I met on FB) and 1 in Church. I got "close" to the one in Church and somehow, my bf could feel the difference in our relationship. He started asking questions like if I'm considering leaving him for someone else that he feels like I'm slipping away.

Anyways, I told him everything and how I feel like he's using me to pass time and I need commitment. He's been pleading, buying gifts, etc but I still don't feel any vibe of commitment or seriousness on that level. Although he stepped up tremendously, another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame. So how long will the wait be?? My "heart" says stay, but my "senses" wants to leave.

sis I was in ur shoe,mine was that he is older than me wt 3yrs,when I was doing my Msc he was in his final yr planning for his NYSC,he loves me somuch I love him too,suitors were coming bt I refused,until his parents made it known to me point blank that there son isn't ready for marriage yet cos his elder sis is in her early 30s yet unmarried,I took to my heels now married wit a kid,he did his POP last oct.he went about telling ppl that I left him cos he doesn't have money

coogar:


what if he's broke?
some guys genuinely want to take the leap but they have no funds to carry out their desires thus the wait......

guys are not always at fault in this. sometimes, you women often date your agemates thus the disconnect. at 25, most nigerian women are ripe for marriage. 90% of nigerian men aren't ready to marry at 25 cos they are still struggling.

you get protein inside your brain. @25 men are still struggling unless you come from rich family. some times self you see 30 years old man still living under his. parent.

Lovethlovesmike:


I understand your point, but in OP's defense (because I'm in a similar situation), there are more serious guys out there willing to commit and have already made their intentions to settle down, known to me from the get-go without my "entertainment". Maybe that's why she refers to them as "suitors". Thing is, it's not easy to jump from one relationship to the other especially when you're already in a drama-free relationship with a great deal of understanding. My own issue is that he's slow as a snail!! I keep dropping men out of my life when I'm not even sure where this relationship may end up.

OP, sorry I took over your thread, somewhat.

oh sorry , you are delusioned ,it will be best for that dude if you leave him ... if you can compare someone who loves you to a snail on a public forum and you think you really lov him . you are living in infactuations. one reason it isnt adviceable to listen to just anybody on here.

Lovethlovesmike:

Answers:
Question 1: At a certain age and with certain accomplishments, most men will expect marriage next on your to-do list. Which is, in my case. God has blessed me with everything else.
2. How do they know? Hello ... I'm not ugly and I've never posted any guys pics on social media. They ask and I simply tell them that I'm seeing someone else.
3. Simply put, my understanding of commitment is personal dedication and some sort of assurance (which may fail) by words or actions that I'm in his long-term plans.

On comparative analysis, I can't help it. You're right about that.

my sister , wake up to reality marriages fail OK. infact they are begining to fail more than relationships.

Ma'am..I'll ask you to pray and seek God's counsel as regards this. Prov 19:21. It takes more than love and what is obtainable physically to choose a partner and for marriage to work. 1 sam 16:7

Inquire from God, his will for a husband. You can trust he gives the best that will make rich and add no sorrow. Whosoever among them your husband is; you'll find true peace and happiness being with that person.

@ We are both working so I don't ask him for financial assistance; I envisage Miss Independent. No matter what you earn, a man is should still cater for you to an extent. He's the head, let him assume that role in all ramifications, coupled with your support.

FavourGee:
Hello everyone!

I have been dating this guy for a year now, both of us have jobs so I don't ask him for any financial assistance.
for sometime now I have been getting suitors, they are five in number now asking for my hand in marriage but I keep turning them down because I am hoping on my present relationship though the stuborn ones are still disturbing me with marriage proposals.

I decided to let my boyfriend know about them, the response I got from him wasn't satisfactory. From my own understanding he's not ready to settle down any time soon neither did he tell me to wait for him nor propose to me.

I am confused right now, I don't know if I should wait
for him till when he's ready but my fear is what if he never propose. I really love him and I know he loves me too.

Matured advice please.

"Please don't mind my typing skills I am typing through one kpalasa phone"

FavourGee:


I no dey give anyone ultimatum, If you have ever experienced this you will understand what I'm saying. What will you do when you want to work things out and your partner doesn't?

if this is the case , you can move on .

Flyingngel:
I am in a similar situation, my girl friend and I dated way back in the university . Am a graduate and also working with the state government but the money I have is very very small and my lady is pressurising me and sometimes accuse me of not putting her in my plan. Sometimes I get confused.

[color=#990000][/color
Guy no be only u o, me self dey d same situation, I work with the state government nd the pay is barely enouf for me self, ma babe don they talk marriage and says her pastor wants to see me. I don make up ma mind sha , I no dey see any pastor.

another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame.

Some men self (or should I say boys), does he realise you are someone else’s sister too?

When some people are not ready or willing to do some things they will always find something to justify their position. If it wasn’t his sis, it would be his niece. What biz of yours is that? If he loves you and he is committed to committing himself to your relationship / you for a longer time, he should not connect you happiness and desire to whatever his sister does or does not do.
What if the sister is not the marriage type? Or she will not be ready for it in the next 10 years? And there is the aspect of biological clock to consider here too. hmmm.. Abeg, make him take time o. lol. But seriously..that is some crappy reasoning (excuse my being blunt)

You couldn't have said it any better. At 22, I won't start dating a guy of even 23 even if he has a prospective means of living, when I know my time view for marriage.

Waiting and long relationships doesn't work for everyone, know what works you. I don't wish for someone to marry me out of pity.

coogar:


what if he's broke?
some guys genuinely want to take the leap but they have no funds to carry out their desires thus the wait......

guys are not always at fault in this. sometimes, you women often date your agemates thus the disconnect. at 25, most nigerian women are ripe for marriage. 90% of nigerian men aren't ready to marry at 25 cos they are still struggling.

By refusing to commit he is indirectly telling you that he is not going to marry you. You don't collect money from him, and you guys have probably being sleeping. He sees you on the cheap! He sincerely feels he has nothing to lose! I'm just being honest with you. This is your time; so make hay while the sun shines.
He has proposed or even told you to wait for him, that would have been a different ball game. I'm a guy, and so I know what I'm talking about! His silence on the matter is a warning sign for you to move on with your life. To be foretold is to be forewarned!!.

Now I understand better.

FavourGee:


Hahahahaha! my dear na idole soap #250 . You dey suspect am ni

madridfc:

Hmm, all these ones na wash o 2sexy. All these doesn't make a man a 'husband' material.
I seriously support the user that said "a lady that hopes to get married shouldn't be in a relationship for more than 6months" to avoid stories that touch.
The bad part be say people like us no get hope be dat LOL
Bottom line: Don't date Your age mates.

this is just the Nigerian thing ," dont date your age mate " age is not a function of success please . dont date someone who is not upto task .

Some men are just constantly falling our hands anyhow.
How would one even go after a girl for marriage that is in love with another guy?
Some boys are just making these girls to feel important.

FavourGee:
Hello everyone!

I have been dating this guy for a year now, both of us have jobs so I don't ask him for any financial assistance.
for sometime now I have been getting suitors, they are five in number now asking for my hand in marriage but I keep turning them down because I am hoping on my present relationship though the stuborn ones are still disturbing me with marriage proposals.

I decided to let my boyfriend know about them, the response I got from him wasn't satisfactory. From my own understanding he's not ready to settle down any time soon neither did he tell me to wait for him nor propose to me.

I am confused right now, I don't know if I should wait
for him till when he's ready but my fear is what if he never propose. I really love him and I know he loves me too.

Matured advice please.

"Please don't mind my typing skills I am typing through one kpalasa phone"

Change that your "kpalasa" phone and wait for three days and see if he proposes to you. If it doesn't happen, give him another two days seven hours and 3 minutes, 12 seconds. You may want to wear only color purple during this period. If he still fail to do the needful, pm me asap for the next line of action.

This piece of advice has worked for girls in the Bahamas, Cayman Island, and a whooping 41 states in the USA.

It is still being tested in 6 other states. It failed to work in South Carolina and New Jersey.

It is banned in the whole of China and some parts of Japan.

It is awaiting regulatory approval in the UK.

amunkita:


Luv this, don't allow som1 convince u to double date..

@topic.. In such too, though am d guy.
Yes, she seez mii as doin gr8 cous of my job buh seriously am broke nd nid to step up my game b4 settling down cous I nid d best 4 my family. I neva told her last year Feb. Kept som 7 figure fund wiv my broda 4 d purpose buh issues came up nd it was used.

Buh cous of d way u re goin abt it now, d relationship had a very big crack, still luv her buh since shez bcoming desperate I pray her magic man comes buh if I sort my sef soon might go get her back but not all guyz wuld do this...

Am sure dis dude bu Nwa afo cous its in us..

Hmm,this your story ehh

AreaFada2:
.

My brother I was wondering o. She made friends on fb and in church and got cosy with them enough that all want to marry her. Hmmmm......

Do you just meet a strange lady and want to marry her without some water first passing under the bridge?

The story get as e be. Might your boyfriend be sensing that you're continuously on the look-out and therefore doubts your commitment?

We men might be oblivious of many things but we're not blind as a bat as some women think.

It might even benefit both of you if you walk.

I wonder oo my brother . the problem is with these ladies , you see them in a committed relationship yet they still give out their contacts , not all men are the type that welcome such , it gives me a doubt you are not even a serious person in the first instance so how would you expect me to be committed.

FavourGee:
Hello everyone!

I have been dating this guy for a year now, both of us have jobs so I don't ask him for any financial assistance.
for sometime now I have been getting suitors, they are five in number now asking for my hand in marriage but I keep turning them down because I am hoping on my present relationship though the stuborn ones are still disturbing me with marriage proposals.

I decided to let my boyfriend know about them, the response I got from him wasn't satisfactory. From my own understanding he's not ready to settle down any time soon neither did he tell me to wait for him nor propose to me.

I am confused right now, I don't know if I should wait
for him till when he's ready but my fear is what if he never propose. I really love him and I know he loves me too.

Matured advice please.

"Please don't mind my typing skills I am typing through one kpalasa phone"

...if you love this your guy,why not discuss your feelings and future with him?if you don't love him,you can keep assuming.ask him the most important questions about his intention on marriage towards you.should his response be negative,do give him sometimes to think through your mind.should he still have his no marriage plan thing,pls adjust to the new world order.all the best...

Interesting thread. Singles have a lot to learn here. For those asking how a lady can have five suitors without dating/bedding them. Where i come from once you clock 24/ or get to final yr/nysc most aunties/mummies will be on the look out for u. So you can meet a man for the first time in your father's house and he is a direct suitor. He is not interested in dating,just say yes,bride price will be paid in 1-3months and wed in 6. Some even do everything in 2weeks esp the abroad guys. This happen a lot during festive season. However you cant trust them,the man may be a criminal but you will not know. So OP if you have concluded on leaving your bf,then choose a suitor in wisdom and prayers. But take time to study him too(3months at least). Goodluck.

Well said but you're totally hillarious. Reminds me of what our teachers told us in high school that our spouse were already in Uni (not for everyone though).

Babymama1:


Sounds like you are ready for marriage
Let me be frank with you,Women have a window of opportunity to get their best pick
You better open your eyes now and pick one serious suitor now they are all around seeking your hand.
If you let this moment slip by,it may not come again and marriage will become a prayer point
Leave that small boy alone
The woman he will marry may still be in SS1
Don't waste your time

How old are you btw?