Babymama1:


This is amazing!!
Incidentally my best friend also married at 23 and says the exact same thing
Yes o,those special calls
Then I will go to NITEL to call him early in the morning lol after he left naija
I got married in Nigeria and then he left for Obodo Oyibo a few months later and I joined shortly afterwards

Lol!

Did the NITEL thing once from school. Memorable day it was because the Okada I was on got chased by a crazy dog from the top of the hill till we reached the bottom. Meanwhile, I was screaming my head off (always had a phobia for dogs) with both legs on the Okada man's shoulders!

Yeah, left Naija, met up with hubby then returned back to Naija barely 6 months later to do both the traditional and court weddings before coming back here again.

The OP is in her late twenties meaning about 28,29 I guess and has dated this man a year
Did she say how old this man is ?

Lovethlovesmike:
OP thanks for opening this thread. You made my day. I'm so ready for marriage. My bf and I are age-mates and I think that's where the main "disconnect' lies. We love each other and are both working engineers. I have 3 guys on my neck too (2 which I met on FB) and 1 in Church. I got "close" to the one in Church and somehow, my bf could feel the difference in our relationship. He started asking questions like if I'm considering leaving him for someone else that he feels like I'm slipping away.

Anyways, I told him everything and how I feel like he's using me to pass time and I need commitment. He's been pleading, buying gifts, etc but I still don't feel any vibe of commitment or seriousness on that level. Although he stepped up tremendously, another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame. So how long will the wait be?? My "heart" says stay, but my "senses" wants to leave.

I'm sorry but by getting "close" to the church guy as you've narrated above, did you mean you slept with him?

Please i'm not judging you as i'm not better than you are, only want to properly decode your narrative. Thanks.

The reality about many Nigerian men is that they consider any person above 29 too old for marriage no matter how old they are themselves.
So I understand why a girl in her late 20s will be concerned about a non committing man
Once a girl gets to 30 ,the average Nigerian man will look away.
Let's be sincere with ourselves
So a 28,29 year old with 5 serious suitors and a man she has dated a full year who is not shaking body is right to be concerned about what to do.After that age it is not impossible but it becomes tougher.
Go to every Church and see women lined up for prayers yet weddings are happening every Saturday.
I double as a matchmaker so I know what I am saying
Women over 30 usually appeal more to divorcees and widowers and polygamists than unmarried men without baggage. The other group hard to sell are single mothers.
A woman is at her peak for marriage in her twenties
That is the naked truth
Girls who see themselves as too young at that age and want to play and do small runz will wake up and find out time has passed
Na dat time dem go enter church begin pray
In your early and mid twenties,you don't need any prayers to find a man ,men will be all over you
That is the time to prayerfully pick one

Babymama1:


Why do you want to know?

I just wanna draw something from it . The OP says she is in her late 20s does it mean she didnt have suitors from her teen age . these are what you should check before you advice her to leave her guy . she may have dated guys that were even way older than her . yet it did not work . people have got different wishes in life , I dont know if you pursued a career before you got married , but I think you did not .your taste is totally different . you may have come from a background that believes in " a suitor is that man that is ready to marry you " but the real suitor means a man that suits you ... that is your taste . if actually the "suitors" are ops taste , she would not come on here to ask for advice I tell you . this is the truth .

Sleekyshuga:
Wow... Quite an eye opener, and a whole lot to learn ..

@FavourGee, it's quite glaring that you and your boyfriend aren't on the same pace.. In relationships, we should learn to watch out for its 'Success/Growth/Appreciation or its Failures/Depreciation'..

Also, note that LOVE alone is not enough to build up a home.. Sacrifices, Commitments, Communications, etc are also KEYS that'll stand the test of time in marriages when love begins to wear out..

I consider you lucky, that in your late 20's, you still have 5 suitors trying to get your attention ...

Women are like flowers, and @ a point in time fades aways..

18-22years: The guys starts making advances but Nkechi still wants to flex, and catch her fun to the fullest..

22-24years: Nkechi becomes very choosy.. 'He must be tall, fair, stinking rich'... 'He must be a prince, dark, have abs', etc..

25-27years: No man looks @ Nkechi again, and everyday, she keeps praying for just a 'Hi' 4rm a brother...

27-30's: Nkechi starts soaking her chaplet in water, disturbing God with prayers , and wishing for anyone, whether short or tall, as long as he is ready..

In all, what I am trying to say is: Search your heart... Make a firm decision, and stand by it.. "Love with your HEAD, and carry your HEART along"..


#My candid opinion...

....hmmmm....Bolt pikin is fast becoming a counselor ooooo...wow!!!wisdom is obviously NOT by age

Babymama1:
The reality about many Nigerian men is that they consider any person above 29 too old for marriage no matter how old they are themselves.
So I understand why a girl in her late 20s will be concerned about a non committing man
Once a girl gets to 30 ,the average Nigerian ma will look away.
Let's be sincere with ourselves
So a 28,29 year old with. 5 serious suitors and a man she has dated a full year who is not shaking body is right to be concerned.
I double as a matchmaker so I know what I am saying
Women over 30 usually appeal more to divorcees and widowers than unmarried men without baggage the other group hard to sell are single mothers.
A woman is at her peak for marriage in her twenties
That is the naked truth

True and that mindset really needs to change.

The pressure to get married is ridiculous. So if a lady who knows what she wants doesn't meet the right man before her thirties, then what next? She gets told to "lower her standards and expectations".

No wonder many men out there feel they do women a big favour by putting a ring on their fingers.

majekdom2:
I just wanna draw something from it . The OP says she is in her late 20s does it mean she didnt have suitors from her teen age . these are what you should check before you advice her to leave her guy . she may have dated guys that were even way older than her . yet it did not work . people have got different wishes in life , I dont know if you pursued a career before you got married , but I think you did not .your taste is totally different . you may have come from a background that believes in " a suitor is that man that is ready to marry you " but the real suitor means a man that suits you ... that is your taste . if actually the "suitors" are ops taste , she would not come on here to ask for advice I tell you . this is the truth .

Be honest here.

Will you seriously consider marrying a lady in her thirties?

EfemenaXY:


Now if this isn't desperation, then I don't know what is.

Why must she plead and beg him to see reason with her? A man who's ready to settle down will be hot on her heels doing the chasing, and not the other way round.

Not really desperation......its maturity on the lady's part.
Ladies have verbal power while men are emotional being.
The good part of this is that if she eventually leaves, there will be no regrets whatsoever cos presently now she dnt knw where she's standing.....and this will give her an express ticket on the way forward and thereby saving herself from an unseen disappointment

Jamean:
Rather unfortunately, I have a close friend in this case right now. I've tried talking to her about it, but she's head over heels in love,and already giving the guy some nudges.

No matter how financially stable some men may even be, they won't still be ready to marry till a certain age. So ladies why not just stay single and live well till it's high-time. Many failed relationships leave scars.

I quoted a guy and told him I'm 22, and won't start any affair even with a 23yr old guy (infact 25 sef), 'cause I have a perspective & time view for marriage.

People should learn to face reality and avoid unnecessary delay.

if your reason for age is settling down , I hope you have a change of thought . I use my personal experiences as examples most times , but it does not mean it is same for everyone . I use just to correct some notion. I have 2 brothers one is about 40 the other about 35 . they are both single . you can say we were born with the " silver spoon " so money is not even a reason . these dudes have great professions and yes I have seen them with babes 4 to 5 younger than they are different times but have still refused to settle. The basic truth is understanding your partner . thats what matters most . that you go out with someone 10 years older than you are does not mean he will be ready to settle when you are.

majekdom2:
I just wanna draw something from it . The OP says she is in her late 20s does it mean she didnt have suitors from her teen age . these are what you should check before you advice her to leave her guy . she may have dated guys that were even way older than her . yet it did not work . people have got different wishes in life , I dont know if you pursued a career before you got married , but I think you did not .your taste is totally different . you may have come from a background that believes in " a suitor is that man that is ready to marry you " but the real suitor means a man that suits you ... that is your taste . if actually the "suitors" are ops taste , she would not come on here to ask for advice I tell you . this is the truth .

I have written about myself extensively on nairaland and this is not about me.
I have given her my candid advise
Give her yours and be done with it

omojoshy:
....hmmmm....Bolt pikin is fast becoming a counselor ooooo...wow!!!wisdom is obviously NOT by age

Lol ... Tnxs sweet rat

coache:

Not really desperation......its maturity on the lady's part.

Is maturity the exclusive preserve of the woman in the relationship? What about the man? Is it too much to expect, for him to act maturely too?

You've got me wondering what exactly is / should the man's role be in a serious relationship.

coache:
Ladies have verbal power while men are emotional being.

Er...last time I checked, men (Nigerian men) don't do emotions. Besides, it's got nothing to do with who's got more verbal "power" or not. This is about a man who isn't keen on settling down, while his partner on the other hand is willing and ready. They're at logger heads and she needs to move on.

coache:
The good part of this is that if she eventually leaves, there will be no regrets whatsoever cos presently now she dnt knw where she's standing.....and this will give her an express ticket on the way forward and thereby saving herself from an unseen disappointment

She doesn't need an express ticket to walk out of a relationship which is heading nowhere. Both players here have got very different priorities.

EfemenaXY:


True and that mindset really needs to change.

The pressure to get married is ridiculous. So if a lady who knows what she wants doesn't meet the right man before her thirties, then what next? She gets told to "lower her standards and expectations".

No wonder many men out there feel they do women a big favour by putting a ring on their fingers.

You know what efe,any woman that wants to marry will marry
I have come to the conclusion long ago that many unmarried girls in their late 30s and into their 40s have a hand in their situation
People may not like what I have to say but remember that I say I do some match making so I am speaking from experience.
There are some women out there that you will never marry if you were a man
I think the longer one stays unmarried ,the more hardened and bitter they become and every man is looked at with suspicion
They carry over pain and hurt from other relationships to the new one forgetting that some of the pain came from their staying on in dead end relationships rather than move on quickly
One girl wanted to see the man's certificate with her two eyes before believing he was a graduate
Another wanted to visit his place of work to make sure he works there
That alone can put off a good guy
Some sef will complain the man placed his feet on their center table or he was untidy and didn't hang up his shirt or mdropped soup on their table while eating,very stupid things


May I go cook yam for Oga
I dey come

EfemenaXY:


Be honest here.

Will you seriously consider marrying a lady in her thirties?

the truth is people are different seriously . yes , I can marry a lady in her thirties . its about what I want in that lady . I have not had girlfriends more than 3 younger than I am thats the truth as I have not found them motivating , perhaps the people I have met or its just my mindset but thats me . like one great man said on here " men marry virtues , boys marry beauty " .... I believe in virtue over age or beauty .... the beauty guys are the ones these ladies complain about because the truth is they will see another chic who is more beautiful tomorrow.

amunkita:


Broz datz wat we go thru, buh its a diff view frm d females angle, african ladies alwayz want an already made man since Cain killed Abel..

Hahaha,you're very right!!!

Babymama1:


I have written about myself extensively on nairaland and this is not about me.
I have given her my candid advise
Give her yours and be done with it

I never said it was about you but its about your advice and the manner you put it and so I wanted to know why you trying to compare your relationship life to that of the OP. yes I have adviced her too . from experience , it is always best to go with your heart because it always knows what you want for yourself in the first instance.The op's heart is to stay and see things through with her boyfriend , how do I know ? if truly she wishes to be with any of her suitors , I mean if they are her perfect match , she would not have thought twice talk more coming on NL .if you are able to secure a better paying job which matches your career expectation , do you come for advices whether or not to leave your present job . you only come for advices when you are not sure what to expect in the new job. thats human for you , we deal with them daily and you know what this is the truth.

EfemenaXY:


Is maturity the exclusive preserve of the woman in the relationship? What about the man? Is it too much to expect, for him to act maturely too?

You've got me wondering what exactly is / should the man's role be in a serious relationship.




Er...last time I checked, men (Nigerian men) don't do emotions. Besides, it's got nothing to do with who's got more verbal "power" or not. This is about a man who isn't keen on settling down, while his partner on the other hand is willing and ready. They're at logger heads and she needs to move on.



She doesn't need an express ticket to walk out of a relationship which is headings nowhere. Both players here have got very different priorities.

I really understand your point here but truth is, in situations like this, its not about throwing blames but finding solutions.
Steps like these are necessary to satisfy the curiosity that might arise later such as; maybe he was planning to propose.That's if she leaves...... or I would have left if I knew he won't propose. That's if she stays back.
So I just believe she has nothing to loose by taking the chance.

Wait do girls just want to marry or they want to marry a particular person? Because from this post all I see is that she just wants to marry

coache:

I really understand your point here but truth is, in situations like this, its not about throwing blames but finding solutions.

No one's blaming anyone here. She wants to wed. He doesn't. So she should move on and find her happiness elsewhere.

coache:
Steps like these are necessary to satisfy the curiosity that might arise later such as; maybe he was planning to propose.

What steps? Whose curiosity? "maybe he was planning to propose"? What does that mean? I man ready to settle doesn't keep his partner on hold while trying to decide on how to "plan how to propose".

coache:
That's if she leaves...... or I would have left if I knew he won't propose. That's if she stays back.
So I just believe she has nothing to loose by taking the chance.

What chance? You mean watch her years roll by while the guy in question dilly-dallies with her?

Amhappy:
Interesting thread. Singles have a lot to learn here. For those asking how a lady can have five suitors without dating/bedding them. Where i come from once you clock 24/ or get to final yr/nysc most aunties/mummies will be on the look out for u. So you can meet a man for the first time in your father's house and he is a direct suitor.

that was my experience too.

OP thanks for opening this thread. You made my day. I'm so ready for marriage. My bf and I are age-mates and I think that's where the main "disconnect' lies. We love each other and are both working engineers. I have 3 guys on my neck too (2 which I met on FB) and 1 in Church. I got "close" to the one in Church and somehow, my bf could feel the difference in our relationship. He started asking questions like if I'm considering leaving him for someone else that he feels like I'm slipping away.

Anyways, I told him everything and how I feel like he's using me to pass time and I need commitment. He's been pleading, buying gifts, etc but I still don't feel any vibe of commitment or seriousness on that level. Although he stepped up tremendously, another time-waster is that his older sister is a pretty 33 year old single. I have no issues with her at all. Now my bf said he won't get married before his sister marries to save her face from shame. So how long will the wait be?? My "heart" says stay, but my "senses" wants to leave. [/quote]

Babymama1:


Sounds like you are ready for marriage
Let me be frank with you,Women have a window of opportunity to get their best pick
You better open your eyes now and pick one serious suitor now they are all around seeking your hand.
If you let this moment slip by,it may not come again and marriage will become a prayer point
Leave that small boy alone
The woman he will marry may still be in SS1
Don't waste your time

How old are you btw?

@ FavourGee.....ur advice here!
@Babymama...I salute o...when I grow up...I want to be like u

Let me share my wt u. A lady i intended to marry has a sister wt 5yrs older than her. We court for 5 yrs bt her Dad want her sister to go 1st. & i took my stand, made her see reasons to quit. After 6 month i saw another girl & we are happily maried wt a kid wtout regret. Is gud u take ur decision now, opportunity come but....

aisha2:
Poster simple truth is that HE IS NOT INTO YOU LIKE HAT.
Even if there is no one else you are not what he wants. You can wait for a month or a year its your time wasted, you will be shocked he will meet a girl he is into and marry her in 6 months men are like that, if he is into you he will be considerate of your feelings and wouldn't want you to ever feel insecure or hurt


Nothing wrong in wanting to marry, I can sugar coat it but women have been lying to each other since 0012bc when eve had a companion lol. Your friends will probably gist you of some girl who waited patiently for donkey years and the man finally proposed they wont gist you about the million others who waited in vain and turned into bitter midnight stripping nak- ed and cursing babes because after years of waiting guy meets a babe who doesn't even cook clean or do one tenth of what you have done and he proposes and marries her while you will waste your youth probably have one or two abortions to keep the freebies he is enjoying going.

I advice you to know what you want, this isn't about other toasters conquer the fear of being alone, you are hanging on because you think at least " I have a man" well, you and your " man" are not working in the same direction.
You asked he has answered you can hang on and around as long as you want he is not into you like that.

Love yourself first no one will love you more than you love yourself. When you love yourself no one needs to advice you on what you deserve. If i had someone tell me the truth earlier in my life I wouldn't have wasted as much time and energy as I did in some dead end relationships.

Cooking, cleaning and acting like a wife wont get him to change his mind.

@ FavourGee...the advise u seek....here again

@ aisha2....weldone o....

Jamean:

I quoted a guy and told him I'm 22, and won't start any affair even with a 23yr old guy (infact 25 sef), 'cause I have a perspective & time view for marriage.

People should learn to face reality and avoid unnecessary delay.

valdes00:
OP is desperate, I understand her worries. In a few yrs tym, she wnt b in form again n by den BF will be eyeing a better chic.... BF is nt ready nw, u dnt nid 2 force him.....sinx u r desperate, jus go 4 any of d 5 suitors --- dats ur best bet 4 nw

touche!

kpolli:
Wait do girls just want to marry or they want to marry a particular person? Because from this post all I see is that she just wants to marry

There is no particular husband
There are tons of men out there with the qualities a woman is looking for
Soldier go soldier come

alutacontinua:
The elders have spoken
The truth is you don't need 100 years to know the serious ones, even if he's not ready, he'll give you more than enough reasons to stay

The point exactly!!! The guy no too dey feel her. He probably thinks he will get someone better; so no commitment so that he can say "but I didn't promise u marriage na"!
The funny thing is he may meet a girl he's into today & June 2015 they are Mr & Mrs while @Op is still waiting.
It is well.

Babymama1:


There is no particular husband
There are tons of men out there with the qualities a woman is looking for
Soldier go soldier come

I like that mentality, valid reason why husbands have girlfriends outside...

Jamean:
Rather unfortunately, I have a close friend in this case right now. I've tried talking to her about it, but she's head over heels in love,and already giving the guy some nudges.

No matter how financially stable some men may even be, they won't still be ready to marry till a certain age. So ladies why not just stay single and live well till it's high-time. Many failed relationships leave scars.

I quoted a guy and told him I'm 22, and won't start any affair even with a 23yr old guy (infact 25 sef), 'cause I have a perspective & time view for marriage.

People should learn to face reality and avoid unnecessary delay.

lol..it is d truth tho

Ojugunrege:


The point exactly!!! The guy no too dey feel her. He probably thinks he will get someone better; so no commitment so that he can say "but I didn't promise u marriage na"!
The funny thing is he may meet a girl he's into today & June 2015 they are Mr & Mrs while @Op is still waiting.
It is well.

The same way if OP is really into her suitors , she will not be on here asking for advices . cant you guys see this. the ops heart does not go with her suitors