₦airaland Forum

Sexytemi:
To All Ladies Out There, I Say Please Have A Side Boyfriend!

After reading toke makinwa's book "on becoming" I'm of the idea that if toke had had a back up plan, a guy she could count on if her boyfriend at that time maje(later ex husband) was in his usual act of cheating then maybe he would have taken her serious and respected her more..

I've been there where I gave my all into a relationship and was very loyal to my guy and yet after 5yrs of dating he decided I wasn't good enough for him, and left me stranded, it wasn't funny because I saw the signs but like every other girl in love, I ignored the signs and also ignored guys that would or might have made me more happier than he ever made me.

A friend of mine started dating a guy, and she got to realize he was cheating on her, and not only was he cheating but with a girl so young, when my friend confronted him, this guy practically lied and denied everything even he knew my friend saw all the evidences he still blamed her, and she asked me what she did wrong, all she ever did was love and give him all of her, she ignored all guys because of this guy yet he threw her love to the dogs.

Then another of my friend met up with a guy and ohh she fell for his charm, this my friend has had a fair share in the heart break department, her heart has been broken not once, twice and not even thrice. when she chatted me up and said"babe I've met a guy and he loves me with his all, babe he wants to marry me and babe thank God for me" I got to admit I was happy for her and in fact I thank God on her behalf and used her case as a testimony of good things to happen, I tap into her good luck and believe someday I'd also meet a guy who would love me as much as her guy did, little did I know the guy was nothing short of bastard, a guy who makes ladies curse other guys, a guy who is a disgrace to other guys...this guy impregnated my friend and made her father chase her out of the house, with nowhere to go she moved in with him and got to know who he really was, this guy still went after girls, cheats on my friend even in her condition, lodge in different hotels with different girls, and whenever she confronts him he denies it to her face, and in my friend's voice"babe, I'm so scared of him, he lies so much that when he greets me good morning I go out to make sure its really morning", and I'm sure we all know its wrong for a pregnant lady to think, but oh my friend is always thinking and sad all because she fell in love with an ahole and was loyal.

And this makes me wonder is it wrong for ladies to be loyal in their relationships?, is it a bad thing to fall in love and give you her all?, is it a crime for ladies to do all just to please their guys?, and why can't guys just be faithful to their ladies?. and my answers to these questions is just for ladies to have side boyfriends, with a side boyfriends you won't have the fear of the main guy waking up one day and leaving you for another girl, you won't have the heart attack of thinking of what your boyfriend is doing at the moment, and you won't be so involved in the life of your boyfriend for him to tell you you are choking him or think less of you.

the truth is, there are guys who are still faithful to their woman. Since I met my ayomide, No side chicks and I have always love her

Just look at the trash this wayward girl is spilling here... why should Nairaland allow such grace fp why?

when they tell them not to engage in premarital sex, they won't listen

after sleeping with over 10 boyfriends in the past, you expect one guy to stay loyal to a remnant.. I mean who does that

From a guy's perspective, you don't deserve any value or respect cos you're just like every other girl in any brothel

stan241:
Abeg leave this romance matter, biko this business on your signature,i would like a detailed explanation of how it works

Okay dear, are you on bbm? I could drop my pin

Sexytemi:
All men aren't cheats, but 90% are.

All women are angels sent from heaven to bless the earth. They are flawless, loving, caring, sweet, romantic, faithful and in short, they are godesses with no traces of sin.

Benita27 you have sense jare.. omo re bi iyan

you won't marry a cheat like that second hand OP by God's grace Amen.

what makes her think she has an opinion sef

Laveda:
Well, you're right... Cheating doesn't change anything.

Tho I'm not trying to justify a man's cheating ways, we should be faithful to our partners..

Babe, are you taken? Because I'm single and ready to mingle, I cute too, not afonja or flat head, I no cheat. I take a blood oath to prove my love to any girl when go love me and ready to marry me later on

ButterFrost212:

Most girls know this, and also do have them.
And maybe I'd eventually read that book, cos every girl that has read it swears that there are great lessons to learn from it

There's nothing in that book that we ladies don't know already.

There's nothing new at all.

don't just put your life in a man's hands. don't depend on him for your happiness.

If it's not working, move on, then take your time, rediscover and invest in yourself and a man that's worthy of you will come along.

much ado about nothing really.

agbonkamen:
English teacher ride on. it was intentionally written because wise cows like you will definitely stop over for correction, anyways i hope you got my message?

hahaha, i dnt knw y edo galz alwayz luks u gly. btw, i only argue with beautiful galz of which u no qualify!
o daaro

At this point in my life, I'm just having fun, going on dates and observing.
wetin concern me with man wahala

Pls im free to be a side nigger... To as many chics as possible. No time oo

Let me correct you. Many of the men who cheat NEVER EVER want the people they are cheating on to cheat on them. What do you call that?

Billyonaire:
After spending ample amount of my time to understand lustful love and the trail of heart-breaks it wrecks on its flow; I have come to a conclusion that monogamy is not a norm. Monogamy is a construct of mankind to regulate and control a person or persons they cherish and keep them in constant dependence on them for everything. We work so damn hard to keep marriages, when it is effortless to have plural lives and mate as other Organisms. We call ourselves Organisms yet we are not compelled to live organically.

Organically, lusty love is too huge to be channeled to one person, it was meant to be utilized to cherish the whole world but we focus that love energy on one human being, creating frictions, pains, hatred and emptiness here and there. In order to fill the void in our love for our partners we buy him or her the world. Do every godamn undo-able things in and out of the bedroom to please and keep the person and fill the void. It can not completely be filled. Because monogamy is not natural norm. I want to see a sincere married person, who has been married for over 30yrs that hasnt slept with someone else. This is a challenge.

Yes, OP, I agree we must train our hearts to accept that a woman needs a sidy-boy and men also need a side-chic. Gradually, we will come to live organically and fucck who ever electrifies us with e/rection.

I salute!

SycophanticGoat:
All women are angels sent from heaven to bless the earth. They are flawless, loving, caring, sweet, romantic, faithful and in short, they are godesses with no traces of sin.

na so


shine that butt very well, I want to see my face through their ass

Sexytemi:
am not saying she should love both, all I'm sating is she should have some one somewhere who she can relay on when the one she loves messes up, someone who can keep her busy with the attention she craves, I ain't telling her to sleep with the guy(we girls know how to play our girls in that dept) all I'm saying is we ladies need to stop putting all our eggs in one basket.

I pity who ever will marry u.

Well, i think it is an inborn girly palavar. If a lady give all her love to a guy and the guy also reciprocated it, as a girl you will find another problem with, like he's too clingy, he is this he is that. Another thing is, i think ladies love the thrills of handling a cheating boyfriends, thrills of bad boys hoping bf will change one day. Men is polygamous in nature, even the Bible says in Isaiah 4:1 ( For seven women will take hold of one man in that day,
saying, "We will eat our own bread and wear our own
clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away
our reproach!".

The solution i see is, if you notice your bf is cheating or behaving waywardly, call it quit girlo, fvck love, compatibility matters.

Then op forget that stupid Toke Makinwa, her story stinks, you knew your bf had another lady, even Toke herself always want to measure up to the other lady, and yet Toke force herself on top the guy, and married him. Forget that Toke abeg

Kyllahmc:
Pls im free to be a side nigger... To as many chics as possible. No time oo

you are not alone buddy

godoluwa:
hahaha, i dnt knw y edo galz alwayz luks u gly. btw, i only argue with beautiful galz of which u no qualify!
o daaro

Satan get behind me

Joavid:
There's nothing in that book that we ladies don't know already.

There's nothing new at all.

don't just put your life in a man's hands. don't depend on him for your happiness.

If it's not working, move on, then take your time, rediscover and invest in yourself and a man that's worthy of you will come along.

much ado about nothing really.

Right? No need wasting my time for something I already know.

Laveda:
Okay dear, are you on bbm? I could drop my pin

No BBM, tried sending you a mail though,maybe check your inbox

deathcomestoall:
Let me correct you. Many of the men who cheat NEVER EVER want the people they are cheating on to cheat on them. What do you call that?

Selfishness.

Joavid:
At this point in my life, I'm just having fun, going on dates and observing.

wetin concern me with man wahala

it will concern you someday.

agbonkamen:
Satan get behind me

walai i don begin to love u

This concept/ belief that all men are the same and all men are emotionless beings keeps and will continue to ruin relationships, quite a senseless thread if you ask me.

Kenshinmunac:
Babe, are you taken? Because I'm single and ready to mingle, I cute too, not afonja or flat head, I no cheat. I take a blood oath to prove my love to any girl when go love me and ready to marry me later on

p e r v e r t alert!

So are you ready to be my side girlfriend? Rejecting my offers means you didnt mean what you said

Sexytemi:
To All Ladies Out There, I Say Please Have A Side Boyfriend!

After reading toke makinwa's book "on becoming" I'm of the idea that if toke had had a back up plan, a guy she could count on if her boyfriend at that time maje(later ex husband) was in his usual act of cheating then maybe he would have taken her serious and respected her more..

I've been there where I gave my all into a relationship and was very loyal to my guy and yet after 5yrs of dating he decided I wasn't good enough for him, and left me stranded, it wasn't funny because I saw the signs but like every other girl in love, I ignored the signs and also ignored guys that would or might have made me more happier than he ever made me.

A friend of mine started dating a guy, and she got to realize he was cheating on her, and not only was he cheating but with a girl so young, when my friend confronted him, this guy practically lied and denied everything even he knew my friend saw all the evidences he still blamed her, and she asked me what she did wrong, all she ever did was love and give him all of her, she ignored all guys because of this guy yet he threw her love to the dogs.

Then another of my friend met up with a guy and ohh she fell for his charm, this my friend has had a fair share in the heart break department, her heart has been broken not once, twice and not even thrice. when she chatted me up and said"babe I've met a guy and he loves me with his all, babe he wants to marry me and babe thank God for me" I got to admit I was happy for her and in fact I thank God on her behalf and used her case as a testimony of good things to happen, I tap into her good luck and believe someday I'd also meet a guy who would love me as much as her guy did, little did I know the guy was nothing short of bastard, a guy who makes ladies curse other guys, a guy who is a disgrace to other guys...this guy impregnated my friend and made her father chase her out of the house, with nowhere to go she moved in with him and got to know who he really was, this guy still went after girls, cheats on my friend even in her condition, lodge in different hotels with different girls, and whenever she confronts him he denies it to her face, and in my friend's voice"babe, I'm so scared of him, he lies so much that when he greets me good morning I go out to make sure its really morning", and I'm sure we all know its wrong for a pregnant lady to think, but oh my friend is always thinking and sad all because she fell in love with an ahole and was loyal.

And this makes me wonder is it wrong for ladies to be loyal in their relationships?, is it a bad thing to fall in love and give you her all?, is it a crime for ladies to do all just to please their guys?, and why can't guys just be faithful to their ladies?. and my answers to these questions is just for ladies to have side boyfriends, with a side boyfriends you won't have the fear of the main guy waking up one day and leaving you for another girl, you won't have the heart attack of thinking of what your boyfriend is doing at the moment, and you won't be so involved in the life of your boyfriend for him to tell you you are choking him or think less of you.

Sexytemi,

Firstly, on behalf of all responsible, honest men all over (although we're not many) I apologise to you, and all your friends who have had the misfortune of running into the wrong guys.

Having apologised, I have a few things to tell you. You might have heard them before, if so believe it, if not just learn it now.

There are good men out there. But they're so very few that only God can bless you with one. And when you see one chances are he's so taken that you can't lay a finger on him except in your dreams. But then again they are out there.


Something else I have to tell you is that the advice you are giving to your fellow ladies to keep a side boyfriend is so wrong and very much childish. Let me explain to you...

Women are very emotional, and that means they're not exactly better players than men. Because of their emotional attachment to things they easily breakdown or they are easily caught in a lie.

A lady having multiple dates can be equated to "having one football and multiple players in the field, every player wants to get a kick at the football in the direction that will benefit him the most."

In the above scenario, the football is the lady the players are the multiple guys she's keeping. What do you think will happen when both the main guy and the side guy finds out they're both dating the same girl? In my own opinion those two guys will stop taking the girl serious and just bounce her around, and when they get tired the look elsewhere. This is how guys function.

The only valuable advice you can give your fellow ladies is to invest in themselves, there's no better backup plan than yourself, (and not a backup boyfriend). Nothing scares irresponsible men like a responsible lady. Guys who stoop so low to cheat and play stupid games are usually cowards, so they target weak women.

So you need to re-evaluate your thoughts on how to tackle irresponsible men, and come up with a better plan, because they're ubiquitous, so many in number, and they come in different forms, complexions, age, class etc. They are here to stay. And they are a big disgrace to men.

As I said at the beginning, there are good men out there, the good ones are just lost in the sea of the bad ones. You might be lucky someday.

hummm cheating.. well; itz actually hard to find a guy that doesnt cheat..bt as a lady cheating should nt be ur game..having a side bf cant help bt rather it will complicate the issue.. u cant love them both the same way.
if u ave a cheating bf nd the signs are clear to u..just walk away if u cant cope..nd if u think he can change just sit down nd watch tinz unfold itself

Many of you social media generation females are beyond silly.... In your misguided misinterpretation of 'gender equality', you essentially yearn to stand and pee in a urinal, disregarding the obvious mess you would make of yourself in the process.

What exactly is the benefit for me - or any self-respecting and normal man for that matter - to be a full time guy for you rather than the side guy? Of course we prefer to be the side guy! Who needs to keep you with all your drama and emotional nuisance, when we can simply have you on the side for the periodic sex romps and fun social encounters!

.Please, all of you should have side guys. I don't mind being a side guy to many of you at the same time....Without ever needing a full time nuisance with unrealistic expectations of faithfulness and an overbloated sense of entitlement. This side business is just perfect.

Men this ladies had it coming.. u fools fall in love with words n not the truth or reality.. ladies see good guys as fools n bad boys as mr charming..for example i gave a girl my all, not expecting anything back(like she even had anything to offer).I even went as far as accepting a no sex relationship wit her while she was fing one cultist bad boy she called her ex.all she did was make fun me.because I showed her my true intention. Men f u ladies, na lie u girls like.my lesson..a street dog will always remain a street dog, n never save her if she don't want to be save.fighting for her love will only get u in trouble or maybe injured in the process.. imagine another one choping my money n when her friend confronted her she said him put suger for my mouth Shay make I no leak.brag about a guy I known didn't give a f about her, even told me she was going to invite me to their wedding. Well i bet she got married in her dreams cus that guy she was talking about is on season 7 n her roll ended in season 1..u ladies get what u deserve

Sexytemi:
am not saying she should love both, all I'm sating is she should have some one somewhere who she can relay on when the one she loves messes up, someone who can keep her busy with the attention she craves, I ain't telling her to sleep with the guy(we girls know how to play our girls in that dept) all I'm saying is we ladies need to stop putting all our eggs in one basket.

And that side guy somewere wouldnt have anoda side bae,.?

Men this ladies had it coming.. u fools fall in love with words n not the truth or reality.. ladies see good guys as fools n bad boys as mr charming..for example i gave a girl my all, not expecting anything back(like she even had anything to offer).I even went as far as accepting a no sex relationship wit her while she was fing one cultist bad boy she called her ex.all she did was make fun of me.because I showed her my true intention. Men f u ladies, na lie u girls like.my lesson..a street dog will always remain a street dog, n never save her if she don't want to be save.fighting for her love will only get u in trouble or maybe injured in the process.. imagine another one choping my money n when her friend confronted her she said him put suger for my mouth Shay make I no leak.brag about a guy I known didn't give a f about her, even told me she was going to invite me to their wedding. Well i bet she got married in her dreams cus that guy she was talking about is on season 7 n her roll ended in season 1..u ladies get what u deserve

stan241:
No BBM, tried sending you a mail though,maybe check your inbox

I just replied, check your mail.

Sexytemi:
To All Ladies Out There, I Say Please Have A Side Boyfriend!

After reading toke makinwa's book "on becoming" I'm of the idea that if toke had had a back up plan, a guy she could count on if her boyfriend at that time maje(later ex husband) was in his usual act of cheating then maybe he would have taken her serious and respected her more..

I've been there where I gave my all into a relationship and was very loyal to my guy and yet after 5yrs of dating he decided I wasn't good enough for him, and left me stranded, it wasn't funny because I saw the signs but like every other girl in love, I ignored the signs and also ignored guys that would or might have made me more happier than he ever made me.

A friend of mine started dating a guy, and she got to realize he was cheating on her, and not only was he cheating but with a girl so young, when my friend confronted him, this guy practically lied and denied everything even he knew my friend saw all the evidences he still blamed her, and she asked me what she did wrong, all she ever did was love and give him all of her, she ignored all guys because of this guy yet he threw her love to the dogs.

Then another of my friend met up with a guy and ohh she fell for his charm, this my friend has had a fair share in the heart break department, her heart has been broken not once, twice and not even thrice. when she chatted me up and said"babe I've met a guy and he loves me with his all, babe he wants to marry me and babe thank God for me" I got to admit I was happy for her and in fact I thank God on her behalf and used her case as a testimony of good things to happen, I tap into her good luck and believe someday I'd also meet a guy who would love me as much as her guy did, little did I know the guy was nothing short of bastard, a guy who makes ladies curse other guys, a guy who is a disgrace to other guys...this guy impregnated my friend and made her father chase her out of the house, with nowhere to go she moved in with him and got to know who he really was, this guy still went after girls, cheats on my friend even in her condition, lodge in different hotels with different girls, and whenever she confronts him he denies it to her face, and in my friend's voice"babe, I'm so scared of him, he lies so much that when he greets me good morning I go out to make sure its really morning", and I'm sure we all know its wrong for a pregnant lady to think, but oh my friend is always thinking and sad all because she fell in love with an ahole and was loyal.

And this makes me wonder is it wrong for ladies to be loyal in their relationships?, is it a bad thing to fall in love and give you her all?, is it a crime for ladies to do all just to please their guys?, and why can't guys just be faithful to their ladies?. and my answers to these questions is just for ladies to have side boyfriends, with a side boyfriends you won't have the fear of the main guy waking up one day and leaving you for another girl, you won't have the heart attack of thinking of what your boyfriend is doing at the moment, and you won't be so involved in the life of your boyfriend for him to tell you you are choking him or think less of you.

This is my own story below. PLease read

motherfucker:
he has point but didn't word it well. Let me tell you what he is trying to say by using my own self as an example.

There was this girl I loved so much back then and did the best I could with the little I had. Was still an undergraduate but shared whatever I have with her.

Mind you, I love her and felt love was all about sharing by making her feel happy. So, I often did what she wanted. I hardly said know. Even if I didn't have, I will tell her "I will try"

Guess what she did. She decided to become cunning. She started using the love I have for her against me by being manipulative--when she needs money, she will flash (knowing I will call) and then say something nice, sweet, like "baby, I am missing you" "I was just thinking about you and wanted to hear your voice", she will say these things but at the tail end will be a demand for money. I will still send it to her.

I had no idea what was going on because I didn't see her as someone that will do such. But after a while, she started cheating on me with another guy and even had the guy forked her, while I never did. The guy deflowered her. She came back to complain, saying she didn't know how it happened, this was even after she had promised to cut ties with the dude after I caught her. She said she wanted to see me. I still hustled for money to invite her but she committed an even bigger insult right before my own eyes by inviting another guy at the hotel where we lodged.

I had to cut so many things off to save space. But the issue is that TRUST and EGO was bruised! What was the effect of that on me?

I HATED girls for more than 3 years cos her action. I started seeing every girl as nothing but fork tool like you see some Nairaland guy scream-- don't blame them, something happened to them and that's why they act that way.

It took me more than 3 years to finally let go off the pains (I can't really confidently tell you it's all gone now because once a while, the memories flood me) She has begged, apologised, even offered me sex ( after 3 years), wooed me ( few months back) but the damages has been done already.

I am someone who hardly forget or forgive if I trust you but you decide to play on my intelligence, take me for fool.

Till date, she has no idea why I can't take her back despite the pleading. She has no idea the damages of her "I am smart" attitude. Frankly, if not for sake of God, I should have done some really bad things to that girl. She is the first person in my life I couldn't easily forgive. She is the first person in my life who made me felt fire all over my body when I realised I was being taken for a fool, an idiot. I had my life replay before me and saw all the mistakes I made.

Some of us are not wired to forgive people whom we once loved so much and it takes the grace of God not to harm those who betray us.

This thing is highly psychological than you can imagine and it has ripple effect at the same time. Maybe it's because mine happened when I lost my mum which made is double catastrophe.

It's just maturity that has helped me control the anger and live life like a normal human.

The strange thing is that she still held on to my old self, the nice guy. She would give ANYTHING to have me love her again BUT that's dead and buried. My eyes don too open for sweeter beauty (which lacks). She didn't realise she was much at disadvantage when she carried out her plots on me.

I didn't know she went stalking me on facebook until she told me I now look fresher and more handsome it's just God's work!

I do hope you now see clearly how that girl needs to let the past go? I mean the OP.