oyatz:
The Nigerian society doesn't support a successful eligible bachelor marrying a single mother whole heartedly.

When I was a bachelor, there was one nice lady that loved me and I was about returning her affections, then she told me she had a son already.


About a month later, at a re-union of our old friends, one of them asked me what I was doing about getting married and I was giving him my options of ladies with their merits and demerits.
Immediately, I got to that of the single mum, he just said I should forget her immediately.

If you are a graduate from an educated family and you bring a single mom home, your mother and sisters will be the first to kick against it and your friends will make gest of you like kilode.

You and your single mom fiancee will be a butt of jokes.

2buffagain:


It's called good looking out.
Obviously you forgot yourself and they had to remind you.

A single mum has EVERY reason to try to present herself as a perfect angel.
And you were falling for it. She might as well be one, but She has a lot to make up for, and you have a lot to think about.

It's not just love, becoming a step-father involves A LOT of pre-thought. You should never just jump into something like that based on "ooo she gives me feelings". Any relatively attractive woman can give a man feelings if she really wants to.
If you are so open with your heart like that as a man you will always lose this game, and whether you like it or not you are a player in the game. You have to take your eyes above all that emotional stuff and logically think about your legacy:

1- Can you draw a circle around whats yours?

2- If something were to happen, can you go into debt for that child that isn't yours?

3- How deep can you sacrifice for it, knowing that this child carries nothing for you...but instead carries something for another man who has left you to do all the work....probably laughing at you like the ubunjas of this forum.

4- How at peace are you with the fact that, at any point in time, that ubunja after becoming an old man, can simply walk back into his ready-made adult child's life and "re-introduce himself" to the child and after some time that child will for sure start calling him "dad" because at the end of the day, despite all your sacrifices, blood is thicker than water. Will you not feel like a fool?

5- How fair to you will it be when the mother has all the ROI knowing that all the care you are showing is furthering HER generation/legacy, but not yours? You get no real ROI from that step-child....at least not the ROI that matters. Your name is not coming up in that child's family tree.

6- After all the above gives you concern/anger and you decide to make her create children for you to give you some peace of mind, how will you relate to these 2 classes of children? One yours and one not yours. Do you think it will be easy to see them as both the same?

7- How at peace would you be with the fact that this all could have been avoided if you just uncomplicated your life when you had options by marrying an untethered woman and both of you start your own legacy together clean & clear?

My guy, phuck feelings.
They only lead to short term decisions, not long term ones.
You have failed as a man (especially with women) if you cannot think long term...because you will either get the manipulation or the blame at the end of such failure.

i heard someone say what if you marry a fresh woman who cannot give birth. Then at least with that one if you both decide to adopt, it is BOTH of you experiencing step-parenthood...not that you the man will be the only one chopping L's like a mugu.

The single mum thing is only for single older men 40+, single dads, or men that have very deep problems.
Anything outside of that, is questionable.

PoliteActivist:


You make sense, but what if the single mother has her own money or even richer than u? That kinda negates most of your points. The rest is same as a lady marrying a single or plygamous father

2buffagain:


Will she want to have more children for you?
If not, you are just a piece of meat being used for the time being.
Which is fine. Most guys don't mind this at all. And that is why I say if you get with a single mum, she needs to equate the balance by at least being wealthy.

Most women in this position who are richer than the man won't want to carry his seed.
As far as women are concerned, that kind of agenda-less emotional thinking is encouraged only in foolish men who fall for it. They themselves are smart.

PoliteActivist:


You have a point, but I don't think it is because they are being intentionally smart. It is simply because women are wired to fall in love with men more successful than themselves - men with power or money or status, or such. They are.also wired to eventually realise they r no longer in love once the money etc is gone. But just because the love is intertwined with those attributes does not mean it is not genuine. With men being physically attracted to u is number one thing in order to fall in love.

2buffagain:


In other words, SMART and full of agenda.

palmshots:


U Dey mind them.. Abeg which football match starts with 1:0?

Joystark:
Because some of them do not have sense.

Funkyswagzz:
I just get put off once I hear u have given birth

pcguru1:


Bro I think that's a wrong approach to life mehn, sometimes you meet people who make you happy, I mean I see nothing wrong with a single mother or father as long as they treat you well and with respect. Do we say single ladies should avoid single fathers too ?

hayzed1090:


As much as I don't see my self settling with one... I don't see any thing wrong in it especially when you are ready to love her regardless of her past. Furthermore , some single mother will be a better wife than even marrying a virgin

ubunja:
men will do anything for a secure source of sex.


That gives us impregnators the assurance that the women we impregnate will find losers who'll save them. So it's not all bad.

My goal is by this time next year to have 3 more babymamas. There's no shortage of step fathers out there.

yazga:
The ones you following have aborted, they (single mothers) decided to keep theirs

frozen70:


Of which you are going to be one of the loosers

Myde4naija:
i got married to one and I appreciate hell fire than her.

yazga:

Jiang:
Actually I really don't mind dating single mothers, but they must not be a product of divorce. Assuming her husband passed away, no biggie I go marry her & take the kid as my own. of course the kid should not be above 10, be ready to call me daddy & carry my name as his surname



Infact, in d near future I plan to anonymously take care of several orphans without them knowing who is sponsoring them.

RyanD147:
Speaking from experience
Dating older women or single mothers has been the most interesting relationships I’ve ever had. They know what they want, and love genuinely.

You see all this our age mate dem, they’re still confused about what they want.

I am open to dating older women/single mothers.

Toks2008:

Because most of them will pour their responsibility on the man.

I hear many single mums say anyman that will be with them must be ready to take care of her n her child..n I wonder where the father of the child is.

Secondly they tend to put too much emphasis on the child and less focus on the man....i can go on and on but I don't mind a hot looking single mum that is not too demanding.

I remember writing a thread about single mums.

https://www.nairaland.com/2532999/8-words-advice-unmarried-single

Ugosample:


your first paragraph tho

It is the culture of encouraging men to be irresponsible that is to blame for the shithole behaviour prevalent in NiggerArea.
Assuming men are mandated to pay child support for their "irresponsible act of getting a lady preheat that they are no married to" for example

all these talk won't even be popping up in the first place

I wonder wfy people think it's okay for a single dad to be not responsible for his child
it's just weird how people think in Nigeria

degamemaster:


Not all bro, pls be careful cos so many of them are manipulators and emotional blackmailers. Take it easy and check very well. Good luck...

AkpaMgbor:
Dated one, it was the most debilitating and emotional tormenting relationship I've ever been in! She even took our relationship to nairaland! Heck she took her baby father's case to the entire cyberspace! Single mothers have one thing in common....INSECURITY...try as a hard as you may, you will continue to hit a brick wall...

Bridget95:
It is called 'maternal instinct ' .A single mother's child is all she has and must protect he/she.Mothers are generally emotional attarched to their children.

eni4real:
More reason why a young ambitious man should stay away...
Allow single mothers to marry single daddies or become a second wife in an established family...

By that, everyone will exercise their maternal and paternal instincts in peace.. Nobody will be deprived of love...

A young ambitious man should not marry a lady he didn't make a woman!!!

ubunja:
here's the thing; what do you want from a single mother that a single girl can't give you?

Sex? [b]Single girl gives it better cause that punay is tighter and sweeter cause no big baby head went through i[/b]t

Love? Single mother only loves better cause she's doing it to get you to support her calf.
And if a woman with another man's child can love you nicely, imagine then, how much sweeter and nicer will be the love of a woman whom YOU give a baby.
Your own babymama. She will love you to bits. Forever.

MisterKings:


Truth is single fathers are scarce

yazga:
Read about Vagina elasticity

Brock1:


Why didn't you marry ,the father of ur child? Most single mothers have skeleton in their cupboards.

Powersurge:
Small pikin dey grow breast she dey happi. She no know say na wetin go pursue am commot her papa house be that!

I know that people are been pushed by Western philosophy. But if you are a single guy, I will advise you to THINK TWICE before going for a single mother. I am yet to see a single mother without a nasty attitude deep within.

it's a baggage you might not be able to carry on a long run. One thing is sure above all else. The woman will always place her child above you in priority.

I don't have space for all the story that comes with it. But I strongly advise against it. But it doesn't mean that there are no good single mothers out there who became victim of unreasonable men.

yazga:
Haba!, are you talking from experience?

yazga:
Have you heard of death?