okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs you I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

Virgin deh Owerri?
Hahahahahahaha

kingxsamz:
No sex before marriage is bullcrap.
What if after marriage you discover something which makes you lose interest in the relationship?
It's better to learn about every aspect of your partner before you dive into marriage, before you go go enter point of no return.

Op, your girl must be hiding something from you, and wants to use marriage to trap you.

I disagree with that.
He should fix a day for the white wedding soon, very soon without wasting time. Then we know the truth after that

Being newly wedded.
I think the best way would have been to pay the traditional rites and make the white wedding fall in the same week. Say trad on Friday and white on Saturday... No matter how lowkey the white would be...just to avoid these issues... Op should have trashed out the issue of premarital sex wella b4 agreeing to pay the bride price...
As for the woman ehnn... She's funny oh... Why is she now living with him after the traditional wedding..
She should have stayed in her father's house..
That cookie had better be tight and hot last last or else everybody for nairaland go gather beat am....

My brother I suggest you do d white marriage as promised, but with conditions, go to court n inform them that this marriage is on a trial stage, if any unwanted issues arise that the court should nullify your marriage without benefits, because bro my friend is a victim of such, he went n got married to a man instead of a woman, now they're busy adopting n the adopted children refuse to live, think n act wisely, most women don't worth it

Why do you guys even agree to set ups like this in the first place? what you reward is what will continue. dont you know that there are hundreds of equally or more beautiful women who will sleep with you without much money dropping? as long as you play your game well? but you guys will rather take the easy option because she is the only/first one wey gree for you, and so she makes the rules. The worst is that you may be angry at my response but it is somebody worse than me that is pounding your chastity mama wife-to-be like new yam, when you are at work. You have even done the needful sef, still nothing. Ok what happens if after white wedding she shift am go her birthday or tell u say only once per 2 months. What then? you go vex begin beat am then go pastor. Show leadership. Bible sef talk am. You are the head. You lead she follow. After all u don follow due process. Make dem no de shine ur girl tin for your back. Take what you want. Unless you believe say no be your own. Otherwise another bros go take am for you.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Traditional Marriage is the Main Marriage.

Anyway, we were not there when you approached her, so carry your cross

Op I honestly think you have a good woman that is rare to find...lose her at your peril...you watch another person praying for the privilege you take for granted grab her without letting go...while you keep searching and sampling...and may never find one like her again....
I think the mistake here is from poor planning ab initio...you would have fixed the "wine-carrying" and wedding same day or just one or two days apart...same day as in pay the bride price/ settle everything traditionally quite early in the morning...then go to church...the use the reception for the traditional celebration at the same time possibly....
...being that as if may, you should bear in mind that whatever risk you think you bear by not "tasting"...she bears same...as she doesn't know if you too are upto the task ahead...I don't believe she is frigid...rather the question is can you really satisfy and meet her expectations when you have exposed her to the "deed"?
...meanwhile, I have seen women who true to their words had no sex before marriage...were virgins...only to find out the men in question have irreversible fertility issues...but leveraged on the naivety and inexperiences of these women to carry out their nefarious acts.
...in my opinion...respect her wish...and the agreement you had while dating...and take her to the hospital for "virginity test confirmation" if you don't believe her...or think that is the most important quality or reason for getting married to her...all in all...I wish you the best marriage...and pray God causes you to take the best decision without any form of regret....
...all the best once again...and listen not to naysayers especially if they are "seemingly friends" and close...as they may not have your best interest at heart....

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

Let me speak to you if you'll listen.
Your fiancée is correct.

If your final wedding rite is the traditional wedding, you'll be good to go on having sex and it is lawful for you
However
If you have not concluded your final wedding rite, it is still fornication. QED.

Your fiancée seem to love Gods opinion more than you. Nevertheless, don't worry in a few months time you'll be married.
If you can't hold it, fast-track your final wedding rite.

If I were you, this is the time I'll make her promise to satisfy me with no reservation during your marriage

Mogambo123:
If she's not a virgin then you av been scammed.

If find out she not a virgin it allow you can divorce her

You don’t have a wife until you are married!

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

The marriage could fail if she's not a virgin after all the waiting...
Trust would be bruised...

Eleyi gidi gan .
Reason why its advisable after trad, do white the following day.
Konji has no best friend .
Op na die you dey konji go change your career

Bro, she's a woman of faith. U must see things from her view. No be fight. You have to make her see that traditional rites is more important and God approves even more than church or court wedding. Y'all have done d right thing. Let her speak to the pastor on it, dere sud'nt be an issue. Then if she's still adamant then u have a bigger problem looming you must fact-check sit , agree and talk to her about. 1. Her past (maybe trauma) 2. Blind Stubbornness, terrible for a woman. 3. Check if she's not all does holier than thou... I see more problems after sex. Very soon. U will say ur hungry, she wud say her soul is hungry for God so ur on own... Off she goes to church leaving u hungry @home.(no control) Think, pray and watch. No to Christian fanaticism. Problems go dey!!!!

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

where is church wedding written in the Bible?

Church wedding is simply oyibo tradition copied by Africans.

Drug her and fvck her well

Then cancel the wedding the next day.

And what's wrong with what she told you?

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Chinapepe:

Exactly my thought. We're getting it all wrong as Christians-hasn't the marriage taken place after traditional wedding & bride price paid? it's just the practice that's been in place in the contemporary times and I'll advise that you respect her decision to wait till the night of your "marriage." From the brief description of her ways/actions, one could deduce that she's a disciplined chap. It's well.

More like stubborn.

OP: If you can't respect your wife and her explicit wishes that you already agreed to, why should she marry you? What is the point of marrying a man who can't even keep his word until the wedding? Do you only hear what you want to hear, and ignore everything else?

I don't understand guys who want a "virtuous woman", then complain about same, when they get one.

BiggyB242:


Beside sex, your wife is headstrong, I pray you will be able to cope in future. Being a virgin doesn't make her a good wife; her character is most important and submissiveness.

So standing on a principle she told the OP of before hand makes her headstrong? What do African men really want? You stay true to your words you are stubborn, you give in easily you are a cheap farm tool, she should stand her ground, I personally don't believe in sex before marriage and if its a convenant she has with God then op is free to take a walk someone else who better understands her resolutional belief would come along.

If that lady is not a virgin after all said and done baba just divorce her immediately, cos those kind girls can lie ehn.

martowskin1:


Calm down bro, the only issue I see here is just the agreement from the onset which he is backing out from(to me deal is a deal)

Apart from that, what the hell is church wedding, and who enforced that trash, is it what the bible told us, is there any where in the temple marriage was carried out in the temple?

White wedding is a borrowed tradition.

The young man should calm down and follow the agreed plan. I just hope she is not trying to hide something, because this dude will hardly let go

The issue is not on the propriety of church wedding. He accepts that they will do that.

If the ONLY issue you see here is as you stated, then you too have problem.

Mark this post, in years to come you will understand that this young man lacks principles needed for a successful marriage and he is not trustworthy. Someone needs to tell him that.

Pray not learn from your own mistakes.

Why get married twice?
It is either you do traditional wedding or white wedding.
In directly you are married.

Nothing good comes cheap

scaramucci:
So instead of you to fast track the wedding to the next available Saturday in order to get to shift her pant you decided to put it on hold, right?

And what about the financial implication too

ImaIma1:
You guys are already married. She is depriving you of your conjugal rights. Some people believe that they are married only after white wedding.

Op call a meeting with your family, her family and probably your pastor to settle this matter.

There is nothinq to resolve here. You're telling your family and her family to talk to her or beg her to have sèx with you? C'mon....

Ha OP you no Sabi anything
If I am the one see what I will do
Shebi me and her will sleep on the same bed
I will carefully massage her booby, I will hold the booby with one hand and use the other hand to push down to her center of execellency. I will careless her clits untill she began to call the names of her village people. I will suck the hell out of her boobs and then lower my mouth to wilsonise her p***y and you know at this time she must have agreed that Buhari is the best president in Nigeria. Her body system must have been charged that she must have started saying things like "Oh oh, ah ah baby, baby" at this point I will let out my bom boy which is already standing attention and began to dig the bottomless pit.
Let me run away before they come for my head.

OKOATA:
Bro if you really want a solution just tell her you want to take her for a virginity test, if she's a virgin then you can just chill till the white wedding thing. If she's saying no I am not going for a virginity test then she's a bloody liar.

She may know she's not fertile. Add fertility test to the list as well

SirBrightoc:


If that's the ONLY issue you see here, then you too have problem. Mark this post, in years to come you will understand that this young man lacks principles needed for a successful marriage and he is not trustworthy.

Pray not learn from your own mistakes.

Trustworthy?

Let's look this from another angle.

From his post they are already living together after the traditional marriage.

If she believed she is not married yet, why live with him....

This things are simple, u can't be living with him like a wife and said till wedding night.

Is that not hypocrisy?....

peepydelano:
You are having a very good lady as your wife,count yourself very lucky.Why not fast forward your white wedding and have free access, and its not a big deal if she turns out not to be a virgin,appreciate the fact that she's God fearing. Respect her Godly wish and wait for the abundant blessings that follows,she is blessed amongst women

GOD BLESS YOU

This is not a big deal...but if not handled properly, it can become one...it's just a little misunderstanding. What i see...
1) You both discussed it and she told you no sex until tje wedding night (in her head that means white wedding).
Your mistake was thinking she was joking...so all you have to do is do the needful... Afterall you've come this far.
2) she has a misconception about what "premarital sex" is... Right now you are both married...both traditionally and in the eyes of God... White wedding is just an embellishment of what has been done traditionally...that is why even in church weddings, some pastors will ask the girl's family... "has he done the traditional rights"?
So church wedding is more of just A dedication of your marriage to God.
FACT: You can have a traditional wedding without a church wedding... But you can't have a church wedding without a traditional one... At least in this part of the world. So that should tell anyone which is more important

Ask her if she is a virgin, if she's not run (She might say she was raped lol, most times na wash. Ask for police or doctor's report )

If she say she is a virgin, tell her that after marriage and you find out that she ain't a virgin you will divorce her immediately then look at her reaction... lol wear helmet though before you say so

Lol i don't know, don't listen to me, it's whatever!

[s]

freethesheeple:


am in a similar situation;We have agreed to marry but we make love naked.i suck her pussyyy and watch her moan but she begged me no to put my penis.
Coming to ur case;ur wife is a Pure LESIBIAN

[/s] your Matter has no Resemblance to the Matter on Board