₦airaland Forum

To start with this OP tried ooo.
As for me j can't even meet your parents if we haven't had sex. There's what is called sexual compatibility. We must be sexually compatible to marry. My desire for sex might be much higher than urs and vice versa and that poses problem in marriage.
As for Op, ur wife is not a virgin. Again, u have paid her bride price, wedding is secondary. Not everyone that does wedding. She's denying u of ur right because of her lies. She knows ones u Wed her it wil be difficult for u to reject the marriage. She's not a virgin. Same thing happened to my guy. Exactly same thing. Man up bro.
Take her to a virginity test in a government hospital. If she's a virgin, go on with the wedding, if she's not then you've been scammed.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Bro, the best advice illd give u is not to make a fuss about her stand.
Just sit her down and ask her to tell u in earnest if her stand has got anything to do with something shes hiding from u
Tell her if it is, its better to talk about it and resolve it now, that it would not be good to find surprises after the wedding.
If she insists nothing is wrong n assures u, go on with ur plans to get married, u will not die for the few months u have to wait. Well except the truth is, u are not ready for a white wedding yet but want to be enjoying her till u are ready.

igwegeorgiano let me get this clear, are you both living under the same roof like husband and wife and she still insists on white wedding? If that be the case then something is wrong somewhere . A typical religious fanatic will not even agree to live under the same roof with you until after wedding atleast for the ones i have seen.

I am only keeping my fingers crossed that more underlying problems are not attached to this just make sure you conduct virginity and fertility test before anything else. All i can say is goodluck.


But i dont know why Africans are like this tho, whoever brainswashed these people to think God is interested in white wedding? Some mumu people will do traditional, do registry and still go
to church for so called white wedding ,smh.

White wedding is the traditional marriage of white people ,when will Africans have sense?this is appalling.

iyke0280:
This is not a big deal...but if not handled properly, it can become one...it's just a little misunderstanding. What i see...
1) You both discussed it and she told you no sex until tje wedding night (in her head that means white wedding).
Your mistake was thinking she was joking...so all you have to do is do the needful... Afterall you've come this far.
2) she has a misconception about what "premarital sex" is... Right now you are both married...both traditionally and in the eyes of God... White wedding is just an embellishment of what has been done traditionally...that is why even in church weddings, some pastors will ask the girl's family... "has he done the traditional rights"?
So church wedding is more of just A dedication of your marriage to God.
FACT: You can have a traditional wedding without a church wedding... But you can't have a church wedding without a traditional one... At least in this part of the world. So that should tell anyone which is more important

You have a Good Point but u crumbled the Whole thing when you said she has a "Misconception " about pre-marital sex.

Any Real Bible Believing and Practicing Believer will not Not have any sex until the Church Wedding is Done..

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

So many comedic counselors on nairaland. Of all you said here, one phrase summarizes the ignorance of the two of you. That phrase is "her pastor".
Who's your own pastor? Do you have one? What did your pastor tell you about marriage and sex?

Truly your wedding is fully completed after the traditional wedding, but as long as both of you have agreed to church wedding too, the ceremony is not complete yet.
It is apparent that the two of you are not on the same page on what you believe, and that's a good recipe for disaster in your marriage.

You had better calm down on this till your church wedding. Some people here don't know the psychological impact of her having sex now before the church wedding day.

It is normal for you to feel being denied of your right, but it is caused by either both of you or your pastors.

Meanwhile,that sex will soon tire you o! You had better calm down. By the time you reach 55 now, na she go dey beg you make you come do now!

bro it's very simple issues while in church pastor always use d word dat go and do d traditional marriage before u come to d church and do d white marriage, u have right over her body,pls u need to call her parents and urs to table dis issues.

but for d other hand both of u have make agreement before marriage u will have sex but u didn't tell us which of d marriage is it white wedding or traditional marriage. but my bros Just go to ur Bible and read 1cori 7 to d end.

peepydelano:
You are having a very good lady as your wife,count yourself very lucky.Why not fast forward your white wedding and have free access, and its not a big deal if she turns out not to be a virgin,appreciate the fact that she's God fearing. Respect her Godly wish and wait for the abundant blessings that follows,she is blessed amongst women

what if at d end of the day, she had some alterior motive...

The op is not man enough. If you agreed to wait till after white wedding, which is odd if you are a normal functioning man then you should wait hope and pray she is not hiding something from you. You are a mumu man. I had one girl i was dating we were banging anyhow till we broke up,an area guy that knew of our frequent banging dated her thinking of banging his soul away, the girl didnt allow him till they broke up. My point is either the op girl is truly a good, tear rubber girl or hiding something cynical or she is not attracted to you sexually, she just wan marry. I promise you if she meet correct guy. Na she go use cookies kill the guy. If you are sexually active than her, baba would have side pieces. As you agree marry and do.

salt1:
Thanks so much! I blame the girl for accepting to marry someone who doesn't share her godly principles. I guess she was desperate to answer Mrs.
See him exposing her and her value system to ridicule.
I hope this is a fake story. But if it's real, she will learn a bitter lesson on how not to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.
My spouse and I chose to honour God by waiting until after we have stood before God, said our vows before God and man, and received the blessings of family, friends and the elders of the Church. We have a very happy home.

show me the place in the Bible that backs white wedding and denounces traditional

Polyurethane:
Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

I need a well detailed evidence of your claim.

Op, it seems you are confused. You knew all along that she wouldn't compromise her stand. Sex is a little thing dont delay your marriage bcoz of it. In marriage you will be tried of it self. Show some understanding and maturity. I want to believe that you are real man not a boy

All this virgin news na scam... Laslas, her well hidden bad behaviour will be worse than the pant you are so eager to shift sef..

You go see behaviour dt will even make you forget Shift key + P.. Shioor

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

go ahead with the wedding

Though it is biblical to have sex after the wedding ceremony with your spouse but in these scenario she is keeping something from you and i bet you will not see it after the wedding night and after much pressure she will have no choice but to yield to your incessant request and you won't experience a smooth journey but an aura of backdated rubbish experience of past life experience of either having an acute abortion that she can't conceive again or she was harass emotionally by a close family member that she is emotionally stuck now.

Put her on the mode by insist in taking a shower together to know whether she is a lady or a man like you. Make excessive advances after that to know whether she will knock you out of the ring or not.

Don't wait until the wedding night else you will have yourself to be blame forever.

Mommadd:
Nairaland is not just the place to seek some kind of advice from as it will leave you more confused at the end end of the day.
The first issue I see here is you both that have same belief, note I do not mean you both are not Christians, while your wife is a born again christian who believes in the chastity of marriage, you on the other hand are probably just someone who goes to church and do not take Christian doctrines seriously, the Bible said "marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled". For someone who truly knows God and understand the scriptures, until your marriage is sealed in God's presence, you are not yet married.
My advice is, if u know you cannot continue to respect her faith in God, is better to find someone who does not see anything wrong with sex before marriage so she can also go to someone who believes exactly what she believes in. Mind you, if this is not sorted out properly and you go ahead with the wedding, issues like this will continue to arise, so is better you both handle it to your satisfaction before going ahead.
The singular fact that she told you from the very beginning should have made calm down
Truth is, not every girl who said am a virgin is scam at the end of the day.

show me the scripture in the Bible that backs this

Take her for virginity test now now

dochenaj:
I can't believe you cannot wait for few months till the church wedding is done.

Your wife is a virgin and that is a goldmine in the society today, appreciate that.

If you want to have a great sexual experience with your wife for the rest of your life, wait for the wedding night. If you coax her into doing it earlier it is tantamount to rape and she will never enjoy sex with you ever again. Do you want that?

Though I blame your wife for agreeing to marry someone that did not rigidly share her biblical views on premarital sex.

define premarital sex

People commenting and taking side with d lady amazes me.Tradional wedding is all God wants from an African man b4 he can have sex with his wife.now I begin to see why many people now looses interest on church nd its people...

The point is that she told you beforehand.

Respect what you agreed to and do the right thing. You'll be alright �

[color=#006600][/color]

scaramucci:
So instead of you to fast track the wedding to the next available Saturday in order to get to shift her pant you decided to put it on hold, right?

You sound like someone that can be easily be manipulated.

Polyurethane:
Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

this is the second most stupid statement have seen on this thread

The wedding ceremony Jesus attended in the bible was it in the temple.

She still day enjoy one bad guy sweet cucumber

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Her stance is correct and I really respect her. marriage is a covenant. She understands that when that covenant is cut before God they way it should be, he backs up the covenant. As it is, the covenant you have is cut before the tradition of the girls'people, it is up to you to decide who the 3rd cord that binds your marriage should be. God or the devil.

Mogambo123:
If she's not a virgin then you av been scammed.

she's surely not a virgin and that's what she's hiding.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Bros, you don't have to put the wedding on hold. Next tomorrow is Saturday, call your pastor, or her pastor explain everything to him, and tell him you are coming to do wedding this Saturday, all expenses shouldn't be up to 50k, no church member, no reception, tell them you've done that during the traditional marriage and when ur first child is born they can come and eat! Walai by this Saturday night you will be a very happy man that has disvirgined his lovely wife, thank me later

[color=#006600][/color]

chrisifeanyi:
To start with this OP tried ooo.
As for me j can't even meet your parents if we haven't had sex. There's what is called sexual compatibility. We must be sexually compatible to marry. My desire for sex might be much higher than urs and vice versa and that poses problem in marriage.
As for Op, ur wife is not a virgin. Again, u have paid her bride price, wedding is secondary. Not everyone that does wedding. She's denying u of ur right because of her lies. She knows ones u Wed her it wil be difficult for u to reject the marriage. She's not a virgin. Same thing happened to my guy. Exactly same thing. Man up bro.
Take her to a virginity test in a government hospital. If she's a virgin, go on with the wedding, if she's not then you've been scammed.

Op challenge your wife to show you where it is written in the bible that you must do white wedding before you can sleep with your wife.
The only thing God demand from us is that must pay the bride price before anything else which you have dutifully done.
Me I think your woman is hiding something.

Do that white wedding to your own condemnation.

Your woman is a classless and sinful hypocrite. Why is she cohabiting with you before that "glorious" unbiblical imported rubbish called white wedding?

You're a weak man sha and more so, you don't seem to know the bible. Ask her to show you one incidence of a white wedding in the Bible or leave your house.

Sirvingeo:
op you got a good wife. She has the fear of God that is why she wants you to do the church wedding which depicts God's involvement. You better don't loose a good woman because of sex o. I promise you a lady that could go this far for God will never cheat on you after wedding .

I wish you happy marriage life and I pray I get a godly wife like her. Amen!!!

Church wedding is the western version of our traditional marriage. Bride prices are not even paid at church weddings so, the AUTHENTIC MARRIAGE is the traditional marriage.
That's the marriage Jesus attended at Canaan. Once bride price is paid, the MARRIAGE IS SEALED.
The girl lacks knowledge

Na wah for you o
"I promise you a lady that could go this far for God will never cheat on you after wedding"
So na you dey see wetin wan happen for future abi ? Clap for yasef.

Sirvingeo:
op you got a good wife. She has the fear of God that is why she wants you to do the church wedding which depicts God's involvement. You better don't loose a good woman because of sex o. I promise you a lady that could go this far for God will never cheat on you after wedding .

I wish you happy marriage life and I pray I get a godly wife like her. Amen!!!

Marriage is a risk virgin or NO virgin.

What I see here is that, this is the kind of attitude you get from her onward guy.

Weather virgin or big hole, you said both of you love each other.

So love will make the marriage to last long.

You love her that is all my guy.

There are more, funny, stupid, crazy actitudes to come your way as couple.

Women character is worse than children.

NB. Unless she committed an abomination on the process and your love for her have disappeared.

Just make her happy because that is the most happy and best day for women. Her faar is that you might not conduct the white welding again if you have access code now.

My advice is:

Both of you should sit down together and get things sorted out now/today and decide conclusively.

Maybe you can get one or two words from my mouth.

Good luck

AleAirHub:
I need a well detailed evidence of your claim.

na lie why in church ur pastor dy tell d both to go do d traditional marriage first