Guest007:
If you're Christian then the church is the REAL marriage, the traditional isn't Christian. She's a born again so how does tradition become more important than her church?

Op is the problem.

Tradition is more important. Who did marriage in the church in the bible? It was traditional marriage that people did in the Bible. The only people involved were parents and relatives. There's no guideline in the bible for any thing like "church wedding"

Offpoint:

An African man doing a white man wedding

Please what's the Biblical requirements before one is declared husband and wife?

The moment I pay your bride price and our both parents gives their blessings, we are officially husband and wife.

To Hell with white wedding, almost most of our parents didn't had 'White Wedding' doesn't mean God didn't approved their unions.

You claimed she's 'Disciplined woman's so the guy that obliged to her wish till he paid her bride price isn't disciplined?

What if he can't afford White Wedding?

Thank you!!!.
Some people consider their tradition more inferior to the european tradition. The idea of "church wedding " originated from England.

Polyurethane:
Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

This is wrong! Quite wrong.

Traditional marriage is most definitely recognised by God, where did you get this information??

Solemnising your union in church because of your belief doesn't mean you will abandon your custom. The church marriage also came from somebody's custom

In fact the white gown only began to reign in Britain after queen Victoria used it to wed. Before that they would just wear any bright colour just like we do

wiseone28:
After the white wedding do her a payback..

Starve her of sex for a month lets see who it will pain most

Ahahaha. Do the white wedding, and relocate to Canada the next day.

teemy:
@ igwegeorgiano and @midnighter, the two of you give a balanced look of the whole scenario but I might as well add a few words.

igwe, I suggest using the soft approach to this. According to her sex before white wedding is well, wedding and anything sex before then is called pre-marital sex. Ask her "are we married?", "are we husband and wife?"

An answer of no can easily be resolved using a dictionary to let her understand that a wedding ceremony ushers in marriage between a couple and as such they start being called husband and wife. As her title from then on has been wife and yours husband. No pastor will negate this.



If the answer to those two questions remain as yes but she wants to stick to her previous resolution - which you did not object to, she is right to do so. She might have maybe a vow or self obligation to achieve that. Let her.

There is however the fear that a church wedding is being used as a trap for if she is a non-virgin, infertile or even has a disease. If she takes all tests (which she should have no objections to) to show there is no foul play and come out clean, I think you should give her this with a warm heart.

Wishing you well - Teemy

And if her answer is 'yes',they are husband &wife, what will her legal proof be? Can she officially claim a 'a Mrs' or do a 'change of name' to his without being wedded in a marriage registry or a religious centre where a certificate of marriage can be issued?

TVSA:

Tradition is more important. Who did marriage in the church in the bible? It was traditional marriage that people did in the Bible. The only people involved were parents and relatives. There's no guideline in the bible for any thing like "church wedding"

We're talking about the girl's wishes and you people are talking something else. None of what you said has anything to do with the op. Can you accept an agreement and then go back on your word?

I don't care if she's waiting for Mohammed to marry them... Op is wrong and you people want to chat about everything but this fact...

Acidosis:


Is it possible to do a thing without a reason? I've only asked you to state your reasons.

Oh sorry I don’t have that time...

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

MY BROTHER FIRST LET ME ASK ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN IF YES WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISOBEY GOD, WHAT IS IN THIS SEX THAT OUR GENERATION IS RUNNING AFTER AT THE DETRIMENT OF THEIR LIVES AND DISOBEYING GODS COMMANDMENT
MY ADVICE SINCE YOU ACCEPTED THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS FROM THE BEGINNING KINDLY ENDURE REMEMBER MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE A BED UNDEFILE
SECONDLY ALL THIS PEOPLE HERE TELLING YOU IF YOU ARE SURE SHE IS A VIRGIN IT IS SIMPLE TELL HER TO SNAP HER PRIVATE PART YOU WILL SEE IT VERY CLEARLY
LASTLY I THINK FOR HER BEEN SUCH A WOMAN IN THIS KIND OF SINFUL GENERATION YOU ARE LUCKY YOUR HOME IS SAVE YOUR KIDS ARE SAVE YOU CAN ONLY SEE 1 IN 10,0000 HOLD IT CLOSELY
I HAVE ONE AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TELLING YOU

mignone:

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Here u av it sir.

They agreed "Not to have sex until wedding night" this is the only time the both have an agreement.

"what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious"

He didn't take her serious on the second quote, meaning he wasn't in support neither did he object....

I know what I read and I understand it.

Drkeo:
She's hiding something from you....

maybe bole hole puna

Wiseoldman:


By law, you need a government issued certificate. This can be issued by any Nigerian with such authority, some places of worship have applied and gotten the license and can issue this. Biblically, you need the traditional wedding.

That is why no church will do a ceremonial british traditional wedding without you confirming that you have done the traditional wedding.

Can I ask pls, why then is the traditional rites irrelevant when one seeks to be wedded at a marriage registry?

Offpoint:

They agreed "Not to have sex until wedding night" this is the only time the both have an agreement.

"what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious"

He didn't take her serious on the second quote, meaning he wasn't in support neither did he object....

I know what I read and I understand it.

This issue get cross eyes and legs. The Op needs to stand by his word and honour. A man must stand by his word and must give it loosely. An agreement is an agreement whether its given seriously or playfully. If unsure, he ought to have asked as he won't be flogged for it.

I feel your pain my brother but still exercise patience until the wedding night. Don't make her do want she does not want to do. If you force her for sex, she make not like/love you the way she does now. After all, after the wedding night, you will eat it till Jesus come.
You need plenty patience to work with ladies. (My Opinion)

kunleweb:



Being a while. This issue get cross eyes and legs. The Op needs to stand by his word and honour. A man must stand by his word and must give it loosely. An agreement is an agreement whether its given seriously or playfully. If unsure, he ought to have asked as he won't be flogged for it.

Please Take my identity out, it's wrong for you to do that... kindly edit my name out.

Macon1212:
She is right you just have to wait until wedding it's unbiblical to have sex before you are join together in church. She is not hiding anything. I was unable to have sex with my wife after traditional engagement until after wedding. Be patient man and in no time you will be good

How is it unbiblical to have sex before joining together in Church?

Newguyhere:
Women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas op I'm afraid you are the latter

for this stress she put u through, u will need

5 red bull energy drink
5 black bullets
2 caps of Viagra(100mg)
3 raps of Santana and eguisi soup with dog meat
and finally, one full roll of tissue paper and ice block..lol

Polyurethane:





Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

God bless you. I agree 100%

lovethchioma:
Why are you like this? But what exactly don't you understand? She told you very clearly that she wouldn't have sex until after church wedding. You were silent on the issue, which means you had no issue with it.

And all of a sudden, you're acting confused as to why she isn't allowing you sex after the traditional wedding, and even had to bring it here to seek advice from people who do not value marriage, Over something she already clearly told you.

You're a manipulator. You're the one not keeping to the end of the bargain. Instead of you to bring your wedding date forward quickly, you're acting angry. She should be the one angry with you seriously. Why did you not tell her your stance on this when she told you hers? you thought she was joking? you don't even take her seriously.

If you like take advice from enemies of marriages from this platform and ruin your marriage and a good wife. OK bye.

Chioma your head is there.


May God help this generation have marriages that are free from public counsels and intrusion. Not when hubby or wives turn against one another creating threads to look for validations to backup their own selfish agenda

ImaIma1:


You are so right. She should have stayed with her family till the white wedding instead of living with him as a "half wife".

If she's going to be his wife, she has to do it completely with all the benefits. She can't sleep in his bed as his wife and expect him to free her.

My dear u took it out of my mouth, there is something she is hiding, but if am the guy, I will send her back to her parents, after the white wedding, she can return.

Anytime I fix the date for the wedding concerns no one

Newguyhere:
Women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas op I'm afraid you are the latter

Hahahahahaha LMFAO

marvin905:






show me the place in the Bible that says anything about church wedding..
you guys will just be turning the Bible upside down..
who created church wedding is it God or the British

It seems people here have turned the debate to one abt trad&church wedding. I don't think that's the issue here cos they both agreed dt there wld be a church wedding before which there will be no "consummation" according to the lady in question.

martowskin1:



My dear u took it out of my mouth, there is something she is hiding, but if am the guy, I will send her back to her parents, after the white wedding, she can return.

Anytime I fix the date for the wedding concerns no one

She might actually not be hiding anything but just upholding her principles and views stubbornly.

The bolded could be the best thing to do instead constantly smelling food that he cannot eat.

marvin905:




if you believe this your statement then your really gullible..
if I can dump you when have done the traditional marriage what stops me from still dumping you after white wedding..

Whether u like it or not Court wedding ( if u like add church's wedding with God's blessings) are IMPORTANT especially to a woman. One the marriage certificate is recognized at her place of work, she is not judged by the dictates of her tradition if the man dies especially if she has no kids, the man cannot just take off and many more on top of her head, if you seek to divorce her- u do it legally while the court decides what she gets from u out of the marriage no matter how small ( even if u deceived her)- if u don't divorce formally, u can't just hop on to another woman.

Most people here said my mind @ Op.

Don't force her to make love with her.All I would want you to do is surprisingly take her to the hospital or clinic where you can confirm the validity of her virginity.

I think that will solve 70% of your worries.

Some will ask that 'what if she gets to the hospital and disagrees to do the test?'.If she disagrees,then,be rest assured she has been lying to you and just wanna trap you with that marriage.

More so,if you as a guy has high level of sexual urge and ur wife is the opposite case,then you will be having difficulty in that marriage.Marriage is all about compatibility and not the opposite; reason why knowing each other to the fullest is needed before marriage.

For me oh,even if she miss 9geria,I won't marry her for her policy of 'No Sex Before' marriage.

Most ladies use that these days to trap men,wise up bro.

sharone21:

Whether u like it or not Court wedding ( if u like add church's wedding with God's blessings) are IMPORTANT especially to a woman. One the marriage certificate is recognized at her place of work, she is not judged by the dictates of her tradition if the man dies especially if she has no kids, the man cannot just take off and many more on top of her head, if you seek to divorce her- u do it legally while the court decides what she gets from u out of the marriage no matter how small ( even if u deceived her)- if u don't divorce formally, u can't just hop on to another woman.

can she be dumped..
yes or no..
for your info both parties can go to a registry after the traditional marriage no difference

manontree:
This is very provocative. I keep saying it that the decision NOT to have sex is a moral one and not a medical one

Since she doesn't intend to have sex with you until your wedding night, this is also a moral decision and NOT to claim you two are NOT married. We have three types of marriages in Nigeria..Court, Church/religiois and Traditional. Either is valid. I keep asking why we expend time and money combining them



He may have promised to go through with this but he is human and a man afterall. He has done well to have gone through marrying her already and made a wife of her. If she doesn't take care of her home, she is inviting unnecessary issues into her marriage so early

- What has marrying her got to do with doing well sir? If he doesn't, someone else&prolly better wld.
- Whether moral/medical decision, it's hers&she made it clear to him early enough in the r.ship.
- Why refer to her as foolish or one with a low IQ just cos she's keeping to her earlier stated principles?
... let me just stop

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

please let me ask? Is white wedding the biblical standard or paying of bride price? ND consent of both parents?

ObongNizz:
One Chance.
Oga go and collect your money back.
Never get into a marriage where a woman dictates terms.
You will hate the rest of your life.

Yes now, since a woman is just an object with no alternative than to be acquired by a 'lord' who doesn't even have to know his right from left.

salt1:


Thanks so much! I blame the girl for accepting to marry someone who doesn't share her godly principles. I guess she was desperate to answer Mrs.
See him exposing her and her value system to ridicule.
I hope this is a fake story. But if it's real, she will learn a bitter lesson on how not to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.
My spouse and I chose to honour God by waiting until after we have stood before God, said our vows before God and man, and received the blessings of family, friends and the elders of the Church. We have a very happy home.

You just took the words out of my mouth. I wonder Y she got involved with smone with whom she'll have to drag issues, spiritual principles esp. I fear for her really!
God bless ur home eternally!

ImaIma1:
You guys are already married. She is depriving you of your conjugal rights. Some people believe that they are married only after white wedding.

Op call a meeting with your family, her family and probably your pastor to settle this matter.

You said it all.
It's our brainwashed mentality that says marriage is not contracted until going to church.
This is problem we're into now.
Why can't both be done within 2days if it must be done.
Traditional marriage where the bride's family has collected her dowry is the totality of the marriage. What we call white/church wedding is the Europeans' own traditional marriage that they sold to us through church.
The church wedding can't hold until the Pastor or priests confirms that the bride's family have collected her dowry.
Unless in a case where the family have accepted that church wedding is their total and no need for traditional marriage.
This long held system where we hold traditional marriage one day and wait for months to conduct church wedding is nonsense and wastage of lots of energy and resources.
Even churches are now conducting very low key and week day marriages in pastor's office with only parents as witnesses, not to keep young people suffering because of grandiose wedding plans.
Once the traditional marriage is done, God recognise bride's parents are the full responsibility for her bethrotal and therefore, conjugal responsibility can start.

sykeng:


Good lady as how? Religion extremists is the worst set of human being to be with, they have paid your bride price which is the most important thing what else do you want. These are the kinda people who adore their pastors but disrespect their husband.

You seem to know the lady in person sir.