pcguru1:


Exactly and as a man I have pride, how can a grown man be living in another grown man's house just because we are related. I will stay in my cubicle if that's what it requires.

How do they even do it? Pack your bag and go live in someone's matrimonial home. Haba!

Waterview:
Stick to anything related to asslicking CR7 but not intelligent discussions like this.

Although you're entitled to your own opinion but I'll still have to tackle you on this........

I see no reason why my lovely extended family (my sweet mum, lovely siblings and most importantly my Grandma) shouldn't stay with me.

In this era of conditional love ( people only get married because of what they'll get, especially women), one shouldn't ignore those who stood by him during the trying times for a wife ( probably a non virgin who decided to settle down after exploring all sexual fantasies).

I will always treat my wife and extended family equally.

The era of true love is over.

everyone got their preference, I cannot allow family members stay in my house, they have their house. you can visit and go, but coming to stay in my house permanently, for what? If you are coming to visit, its fine, you can come spend holiday and go, come visit and go, stay 3 days and go, come for omuguo, no problem but staying in my house permanently, why now?

AmTruth:
That's why I said that misunderstanding is inevitable, but women must learn to tolerate it for them to truly have a happy married life.

You sir, have you learnt to tolerate? Women remain in abusive relationships because of stupid mentality like this. Women must do this, women must do that. What about you? What about her feelings as a human being?

All those of you shouting money and food cause issue I don't understand....how many of you know timaya younger brother stays in his house? Mind you his baby mama also stays in the same house too...his mom visit also and them no born anybody well make they do her anyhow....

Larry gagaa younger sisters visit his house all the time and can stay for as long as you are tired even his old friends too.

See Davido too people always full house even he's around and not and chioma is cool with everybody.

See when you get money as a man or you no get you should be able to let you wife know look this is my FAMILY fam me that ain't no joke, woman fit leave you tomorrow but you FAMILY and GOOD FRIENDS will always turn up for you....also let you friends and family know Yo this is my wife respect her like you will respect me.

So I see no reason why a woman will get angry over your husband siblings eating food in the house without you approve like come on Food? Wetin you go chop go toilet in 2hours expect another issue dey her mind wen she no wan talk but if it because of food ooo then sist you get problem.

AmTruth:
For me I think women always get it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This sends a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I defined it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confesses that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

Nobody is saying relatives shouldn't come and visit, the issue is the mothers or younger siblings coming to LIVE with you and your spouse for months or years. It is not right!!!
Marriages don't have peace because of that, they always try to meddle in the lives of the new couple.

pocohantas:


It is online they are always taking care of their brothers and sisters. If they were all taking care of their sisters as they claim- who are the Naija girls begging about in relationships.

Audio Care.

It is daughters that care for their parents in old age. Sons are unreliable on that part. They are only good for carrying on useless name, and what concerns you with your name, when you're dead?

Some of these guys will not give their sisters money when in need, but they will rush and borrow money from their sisters to call babe, or to send babe airtime. Na real audio care

bigiyaro:
OP u are very correct, after ur blood family have finished raising and molding u, one woman will enter and start forming 'my husband' while she was never there in the beginning. some migth even leave when the going gets very rough but ur blood family will still be dia for u, they were around when u have nothing and will still be around when u have everything, a woman was complaining about soup in one thread because of the Hubby's brother, what if it was her own Darling junior brother? Let us beware of such stingy and self-centered women.

Please who is supposed to bring him up and mold him before? The doctor? Upbringing is not a favour.

Family interference in marriage should be minimized, from both sides. At least the wife too has family. If she also brings like 1 or 2 relatives to stay, it will be a problem.

Inlaws should be managed. Though there are some that come and want to be treated like royalty

sainthumble:


U r one of Dem.
I know u, very wicked

I am. Stay away!

Ryan03:
everyone got their preference, I cannot allow family members stay in my house, they have their house. you can visit and go, but coming to stay in my house permanently, for what? If you are coming to visit, its fine, you can come spend holiday and go, come visit and go, stay 3 days and go, come for omuguo, no problem but staying in my house permanently, why now?

If your siblings first you get money then get married you went to his house and he tells you this your comment how would you feel?

pocohantas:


The same reason he thinks he can pack his family to the house. As long as I tolerate them, we should be fine.

Do you know any male virgin you can point me to? Seeing that you call sexually active men, who are the majority- dogs.

Obviously If I were to to be a woman, I won't marry a man with your husband's qualities as you stated earlier. It's people like you that will still want ur husband to make u his top priority.

Not even sure you're married. Your talks shows you have little or no experience abt marriage.

pocohantas:


Visit and go back to your home. Ahnahn! Is that rocket science??! Go back to your house!

Allow a young couple be. If you are too lonely, go start your own family. Stop deceiving yourself, it is a cold world out there- most people are after what you have.

I wonder why no one goes to live with the uncle in the village, only the one in town with a flat, DSTV and running taps. Toor!

U r one of Dem.
I know u, very wicked

ITbomb:
No one, not even my brother and sister should put hand in my pot of soup and take out meat, it is courtesy and family ethics.
For someone like me brought up with this mentality, I can't even stand it be you who

Guy it all depends on the level of relationship. It's not a big deal.

A family that has self respect will not try to be an imposition on their siblings. But most Nigerian families ain't got self respect. Most wait until their brother is married before transferring themselves to his house, expecting to be waited on hands and feet by the wife and if she dares to resist, ah! heaven don fall.

A relative can visit, but not live with a couple. The visit shouldn't be prolonged else it will definitely result in problems.

Reading most replies on Nairaland on family issues makes me realise why the Nigerian woman is getting worse. They are backed into a corner by these type of senseless preference over siblings and family. Make a woman feel unwanted and unimportant then everything she does will be for selfish and ulterior motive.

engrchykae:
not always true,the women blackmail their husbands threatening fire and brimstone to have their way.
My wife once told me not to travel home during Xmas because she knew I would spend on my parents,I refused citing that Xmas is the only time I can spend with them due to the nature of my work,she started denying me sex from that day till she finally packed her things and left.
This is what many men are trying to avoid not knowing that this type of women ruin men.
My uncle's wife turned my father and his brother into enemies and last December she left to marry another young man after 8 kids,two of her children have married oh.
My point is never try to patronize them.
If they want to go,let them go.

The question is; when your wife left you, did you die? Don't give your power away to women. If you try it, they will rubbish later and faster!

Sorry, but it is your uncle that doesn't want his brother around. It wasn't his wife. Your uncle just pretend so you guys will think that it is his wife.

You will agree with me that your uncle has all the power in this world to stop his wife from trying rubbish. But he failed to use that power. Why did he fail to use that power?
At the end, didn't his wife left him?

You must understand how to handle women early on before they turned to something else

I think I will create a thread on how to follow or handle women so many people will know that women are very simple. But they can be very frustrating if you don't know their codes

safarigirl:


Don't mind the boys on this thread.

From one uncle, to a cousin, before you know it, brother Jero wants to come and write WAEC, he will be in your house the next four years on top WAEC. You will be exposing yourself to all sorts of dangers and your children as well.

And men are not observant, so, if someone is molesting their daughter or son, they rarely notice. Not everyone who call you brother, loves you.

Some people are in your home to destroy you, but once again, men don't notice such.

Nobody is saying relatives can't visit, but visit and go like a normal human being. Not to come to your house and stay until they are old enough to marry.

hmmm

you must be a STINGY type

Those Women that don't want anyone to eat their FOOD

safarigirl:
Which Americans? Do Americans practice extended family up to Nigerians?

Don't mistake visiting for full boarding. In America, you cannot go to your brother's house and live with himself and his wife, it can never happen. It is only in Nigeria, you see such things. Even the visits, it is only for occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Americans spend more time with friends, than with actual relatives.

So, all the people that go to their husband's family house every December or Easter are from Togo, not Nigeria, abi?

The things some of you say, it's as if you are not living in Nigeria, you are living in

You can't live in your siblings house in America says who abeg? Is it from what you know or what you have seen?

Cause I know of about 2-3 couple who at least one of their family stays with them.

I know a guy his brother been living with him since 15 the guy is 25 now that 10years mehn hommie just rent a house and guess what the older brother wife( African American ) was crying he was leaving cause of the bond the family has.

The other lady I know ( white in her 50's ) her sister lives her mom since their mom passed and if my guess is right it been more than 5yrs since 2012.....so I don't know where you getting those mentality from....

Again saying American spend time with their friends Instead of their family is false...if I talk to bae now I give her 30mins is either she's on the phone with her mom or hanging out with her elder sister or some cousin.

YungJo207:
Reading through this thread I now understand perfectly why Nigeria is still like this and we are where we are

I give up on Nigeria women really...most Americans are always cool with even their boyfriend Family and go spend time with their siblings of the guy they know and stop by the guys mom house to say Hi they take the kids to go see Grandma or make them Hangout with the husband siblings..

I see your point but you cant really compare the US family system which is based on a nuclear family model with African families which are centred more around extended family and wider support networks.

The expectation of families in Nigeria is different to that of America and the responsibility and burden on a wife is also different.

Not to mention the fact that there are no school fees over there which is what actually causes most people in this country to keep wandering and perching everywhere

ruffDiamond:
for me, it's the other way round,yeah,the bastard my one of my sister married ,a UK born Nigerian based in the same UK never want to any of us at all,that foolish sister of mine really allowed poverty mentality got the better of her becos she actually supported him!well,u see why I am always naija ladies are risky to marry!it's all this wrong orientation that often lead a great many of them into making serious relationship blunder that later results into deep regret!many end up marrying the WRONG kind of person all won't learn that not all that glitters is gold.. I've her she will regret every bit of her actions towards, it's just a question of time.. what goes around must definitely one day, comes around..guy beware,most ladies are the problem, ask Adam,the first MAN...if u can

Leave your sister alone, she's being a virtuous submissive wife. Direct all your bitterness at the husband that doesn't want you in his house. If you people keep going there and the husband kicks her out, she'll be the one that will get blamed and mocked for not keeping her marriage. Go and start your own family and feel free to choose who you can allow to come into your home or not

AmTruth:
For me I think women always get it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This sends a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I defined it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confesses that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

I know this counter thread will come out.

I as the man don't want relatives coming in and out of my home. None of them will see my bedroom. None.

midnighter:


I see your point but you cant really compare the US family system which is based on a nuclear family model with African families which are centred more around extended family and wider support networks.

The expectation of families in Nigeria is different to that of America and the responsibility and burden on a wife is also different.

Let be honest with ourselves cutie we both know there is no burden any where...you can't satisfy everybody no doubt but you see those ones a lady knows the man is very close to before marriage I see no reason why they can't come to stay after marriage or say a man brother/ sister stays with him and after marriage you want them to leave like WTF is that even fair at all?

As long as your family members don't interfere in your marital affairs, it's fine by me. Some would begin to claim "this is my brother's house, I can do what I want " is totally wrong and should be discouraged.

mumumugu:
two strangers who have never cohabited should spend first few years alone .......much later, relations can come.


some relation can scatter family earlier

What Is family without relation. My father Is my grandfathers child. he has siblings. Don't confuse marriage and relation.

TruthHurts100:
I as the man don't want relatives coming in and out of my home. None of them will see my bedroom. None.

This is uncultured, you are now a married man and your wife needs privacy.

YungJo207:


Let be honest with ourselves cutie we both know there is no burden any where...you can't satisfy everybody no doubt but you see those ones a lady knows the man is very close to before marriage I see no reason why they can't come to stay after marriage or say a man brother/ sister stays with him and after marriage you want them to leave like WTF is that even fair at all?

Of course its silly for a woman to expect a man who was so close to his people before marriage to suddenly abandon them.

But you need to acknowledge that what often transpires in some marital homes is not fair at all and it is a direct consequence of our African familial systems and attitude to women which can sometimes place unfair burdens on the wife.

America does not expect anybody to accommodate any sibling or whatever. Once youre 18 you are OYO so if youre living with somebody on their hospitality, you will take it as a privilege and not a right since technically, nobody understands what youre even doing in somebody else's house in the first place. You will naturally respect yourself or be ready to be kicked out

That has never been the case in Nigeria so bringing America into the discussion has no basis.

AmTruth:
For me I think women always get it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This sends a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I defined it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confesses that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

I used to be like that till this evil sister in law came on board. I will never try it again.

H

Olaniyimubarak:
I av an elder brother his a multi millionaire he build house for is inlaw bt neva build for is biological father and he neva want to meet any of is family member

Hmmmmm..something dey there.. No be clear eye.. Check again

The most important thing is to be upfront when you are coming and leaving. I think it is because of staying longer than necessary that's causing the problem.
Really, it can be inconvenience both financially and emotionally to visit unplanned or staying long. You just have to be thoughtful of the other person.

Sprumbaba:


I used to be like that till this evil sister in law came on board. I will never try it again.

Share your story pls so others can learn...