Why don't the ladies raise the point of not allowing relatives into the home from
the onset? Why not include it among ur numerous demands n criteria?

Hey guys,

If you know you are not dropping at least ₦50k per month as cooking expenses for your household( of not more than 4 people), don't come here and start talking rubb.ish about your relatives living with you and your wife.

Many wives have turned to book keepers; calculating, balancing, adjusting and rechecking household budgets just so there can be food on the table, month after month.

When you want your relatives to visit or stay with you long term, make sure you have the financial capacity for such visit; don't just say my brother/sister will be coming to visit for 2 months; ask madam what the extra cost for those visitors for that time period will be, and provide it.

We all are sentimental about the people that helped raise us to who we are currently, but it does not mean we should not try to build our own families, away from them.

If you, as a married person, sincerely feel that your extended family has got your back more than your spouse, then I truly feel sorry for your situation.

BRATISLAVA:

If yours are comfy, his are comfy, too. No big deal in that. Sounds lovely.

This is not about mine, you think my dad and mum will leave the comfort of their home to come squeeze inside one apartment. Time they will use to enjoy their retirement, they rather go stay with a new couple? Godforbid! My parents are not hungry or looking for where to attach.

makydebbie:
My fiance understands that I'm not letting his siblings live with us, not even his mum. I don't want headache.

Nobody should quote me, you don't know jack about anything or my decision so mind your motherfucking business.

If you don't want to be quoted then close ur mouth and don't spew nonsense

Mariangeles:
These things are easy to accept once you open up your heart.
It's also about respecting boundaries.

People tend to see it as a competition.
He's bringing his, I will bring mine. She's bringing here's, I will bring mine.
It's all about understanding that the person you married didn't drop from Mars or Venus, but from an actual family, and that family is dear to them. If their family want to visit, let them. If they live with you due to college, live with it. One day they will move out. Family is about helping each other. I don't know why people think they live as an island just because they're married. They'll still share their spouse with the cheats out there.

pocohantas:
I agree with you OP.

You don't want to know how much I love my dad and only brother. These are the two men that have supported me every step of the way. I can't imagine one FOOLISH husband saying they shouldn't visit or stay in our house or even thinking he comes before them.

It is my father first, mother and siblings, my kid, before my husband.

You can always get another husband, but never another family.

A father is the only man that will spend on you without asking for submission or anything.

My dad reigns supreme in my heart. I can take a bullet in the head for that man, but NEVER will I attempt it for a husband. You see how much I love him?

For that reason, he can come live with us. All my siblings can come, alongside my husband's own.

One big happy family.

I find this funny, everyone makes a big fuss about family, in life you'll meet people who can cross bridges your family can't.

A lot of people on this thread dey smoke weed, you will marry and now pack all your family in your house, what kinda nonsense is that.

Omo anything more than 2 weeks the person needs to bounce unless it's the parents. I'm not housing no jobless man or sister for more than 2 weeks not contributing to the rent.

pcguru1:


Calm down not all of us want a zoo in the house, my family knows I don't enjoy excess crowd in my house. The thought of seeing too many people in my house is a no no for me. I get cranky and extremely temperamental, even in my mothers house I would make sure I dont entertain excess visitors. My family minds their own business. We are that fortunate

Burn!!!

Walahi, na unfortunate people dey leave their house go dey disturb person o. Can you imagine Otedola going to Cuppy's matrimonial home.

This is poor people's problem.

pocohantas:


This is not about mine, you think my dad and mum will leave the comfort of their home to come squeeze inside one apartment. Time they will use to enjoy their retirement, they rather go stay with a new couple? Godforbid! My parents are not hungry or looking for where to attach.

Who is talking about the comfort/discomfort and "squeezing"? If people want to squeeze then they should consider upgrading their lives. Nothing wrong in a visit. People do that all the time. Some people have close relationships where they wouldn't mind spending a night or two with family. It isn't always about leeching and hunger. Not everyone grew up sharing rooms and hungry and so their family members don't have to "squeeze". Poor people tend to hate in-laws. Poverty breeds needless hatred.

bigiyaro:
OP u are very correct, after ur blood family have finished raising and molding u, one woman will enter and start forming 'my husband' while she was never there in the beginning. some migth even leave when the going gets very rough but ur blood family will still be dia for u, they were around when u have nothing and will still be around when u have everything, a woman was complaining about soup in one thread because of the Hubby's brother, what if it was her own Darling junior brother? Let us beware of such stingy and self-centered women.

And you deliberately refused to mentioned what happened about the soup.

Let any body try that nonsense and put his dirty hand into the soup my wife is cooking, and pick meat and see if i will not drive that person away from my house. Indiscipline has no space in my house.

pcguru1:


Calm down not all of us want a zoo in the house, my family knows I don't enjoy excess crowd in my house. The thought of seeing too many people in my house is a no no for me. I get cranky and extremely temperamental, even in my mothers house I would make sure I dont entertain excess visitors. My family minds their own business. We are that fortunate

@bold:

So so funny!

Jokerman:
This is a foolish write up.... I pity you... Try these and see how your end will be

Relatives can visit but not come to live with you.. Rent a room for them...

A word is enough

you that is wise, playing by the woman's whims and caprices,watch how it fares for you.
Your likes are the ones women hijack and turn your attention away.
My junior bros was playing along,he thought the woman only hates us until the woman changed it for him,he ran for his life.

benzzyno:
how about some of us that are Hindus, atheist, agnostics, Buddhas, traditionalists.. Do we have to obey the "cleaving" theory of Christianity?

As far as I am concerned, Christianity is the only true Religion in the world

alexola20:
Some family are wicked that you don't want to see them around you,not even the wife issue.

Lol. What of that your grand aunt you always talk about. Hope I am not mixing up monikers?

What worked for u might not work for another.... Some siblings derive pleasure in frustrating their brother's wife whereas they wish to have a happy home. I won't stop u from visiting if u want to,won't even mind if u dish food by yourself but don't cross boundaries.

Why is my life and opinion paining people like this. Ahan.

majestique:
hmmm...
very annoying and immature post.
very annoying and immature comments.
so your relatives relocating to your house is a true test of love?
someone creates a topic to express her pain in her barely four months marriage and you create a counter topic, to achieve what exactly? kids everywhere!
thank God for the few mature ones who gave sensible comments.

I won't even be wicked enough to pray for my enemies to have someone like you as a wife.

Ezeanna:
Hey guys,

If you know you are not dropping at least ₦50k per month as cooking expenses for your household( of not more than 4 people), don't come here and start talking rubb.ish about your relatives living with you and your wife.

Many wives have turned to book keepers; calculating, balancing, adjusting and rechecking household budgets just so there can be food on the table, month after month.

When you want your relatives to visit or stay with you long term, make sure you have the financial capacity for such visit; don't just say my brother/sister will be coming to visit for 2 months; ask madam what the extra cost for those visitors for that time period will be, and provide it.

We all are sentimental about the people that helped raise us to who we are currently, but it does not mean we should not try to build our own families, away from them.

If you, as a married person, sincerely feel that your extended family has got your back more than your spouse, then I truly feel sorry for your situation.

@bold:

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Including your siblings?

good question,his type will train his wife's relatives while he will give excuses when his brother or sister demands for help

AshiraWealthy:
To come and stay as what? Do these relatives not have their own homes? I for one find I difficult staying with couples or another family.
We should respect other peoples privacy. I dont like people invading my privacy even as a single talk more as a married couple.
Come visit and go that very day. If by error, you stayed till late, by next morning you should be off.

Madam will you tell your sister who lives far/out of the state, low on budget and has a project of about a month in your vicinity to stay in hotel instead of squat with you?

bigiyaro:
OP u are very correct, after ur blood family have finished raising and molding u, one woman will enter and start forming 'my husband' while she was never there in the beginning. some migth even leave when the going gets very rough but ur blood family will still be dia for u, they were around when u have nothing and will still be around when u have everything, a woman was complaining about soup in one thread because of the Hubby's brother, what if it was her own Darling junior brother? Let us beware of such stingy and self-centered women.

If she'll e just "one woman" to you please don't even bother marrying her.your points are valid but you ruined everything with that.

AshiraWealthy:


I'm not marrying any of you two. So I owe both of you no explanation.

na Dem oh, Jezebel Dem gang

BRATISLAVA:

It's usually women who have hatred for in-laws. Most men don't really care provided they are not a drain on family finances.
Women: what do they want? They scooped my food. They sweated in the wrong place.
Man: how much will this cost?

The reason men don't have a problem is the woman's family always respect their daughter's husband. They treat him with respect and all join hands in caring for his needs.

But what do the men's relatives do to the woman? Complain about everything she does, disrespect her, compete unnecessarily with her and create issues for her where there is none.

bukatyne:


@bold:

So so funny!

I hate seeing too many people where I live. That's my own. My house my rules. Lol when I no be igbo man

I saw that thread earlier today and i immediately know someone will counter it.people are different what you find easy and accepting, maybe a deal breaker for someone.

GraGra247:


Did you even read the entire story? The young man gets his portion of food like everybody else in the house but yet chooses the appalling nasty habit of yet going to dip hands in the pot.

Even the man that owns the house doesn't do this.

My friend its madness and utter disrespect no matter how you look at it. It is not allowed anywhere in decent African culture.

Only rogues and hooligans allow such among themselves and even at that, it comes at a heavy price.

But anyway I know there are people that will even excuse the devil even if the devil fully agrees he's wrong.

it's African culture. But the culture doesn't make sense. How can people actions be dictated by such culture on eating food that's right in front of you? What if they are from a culture that permits that? And see this no pot culture as indecent?

U don't force people to see things ur own way and u definitely don't have to insult them to agree either. There are definitely more matured ways to go about it.

Meeyankee:

I am not happy with that your ideology for real I want you to change your mindset.please it not too big to ask for. Your opinion is different from the fact I am telling the fact.

worworbabe:


The reason men don't have a problem is the woman's family always respect their daughter's husband. They treat him with respect and all join hands in caring for his needs.

But what do the men's relatives do to the woman? Complain about everything she does, disrespect her, compete unnecessarily with her and create issues for her where there is none.

Possibly.

BRATISLAVA:


it's African culture. But the culture doesn't make sense. How can people actions be dictated by such culture on eating food that's right in front of you? What if they are from a culture that permits that? And see this no pot culture as indecent?

Read my previous comment again and again till you begin to embrace reality.

Goodnight!!

BRATISLAVA:


Who is talking about the comfort/discomfort and squeezing? If people want to squeeze then they should consider upgrading their lives. Nothing wrong in a visit. People do that all the time. Some people have close relationships where they wouldn't mind spending a night or two with family. It isn't always about leeching and hunger. Not everyone grew up sharing rooms and hungry and so their family members don't have to "squeeze". Poor people tend to hate in-laws.

Oga na poor people problem be this. Every time such topics come up, what is the leading issue? FOOD!

Did MamaP leave Aso Rock to go stay with that her daughter. Abegi! Poor people too dey disturb. Rich people stay in their houses. If they are looking for vacation spots, they travel out. Na the poor relatives dey find way to come to their own house.

Na why I no wan marry poor man from a poor family. Once inlaws are unengaged, they will start looking for their employed brothers house to go! If I check my husband's pocket, I will check all his siblings own. The more comfortable they are, the more peace I have. They will face their homes and leave my husband for me!

Na real wa


Lots of immature comments, not surprised anyway a sizeable amount of Nigerian men dont believe their wives and children come first before their extended family afterall she's s just a wife.


Relations visiting - yeah for a very short while

Relations staying indefinitely - not advisable (it almost never ends well) especially with younger couples.

CosmicJames:


Do you know the truth of this matter?
No lady can successfully separate her in-laws from her home without the help of her husband.

No women can separate you from your own people except you want it to be so.

I don't blame women that stop their in-laws from visiting or staying with her in her husband's house because I know that it is what their husbands want.

But their husbands are smart pretenders who put their wives at the front putting the blame on their wives to escape the wrath of their families.

Free the women! They are not the problem.
Their husbands is!!

not always true,the women blackmail their husbands threatening fire and brimstone to have their way.
My wife once told me not to travel home during Xmas because she knew I would spend on my parents,I refused citing that Xmas is the only time I can spend with them due to the nature of my work,she started denying me sex from that day till she finally packed her things and left.
This is what many men are trying to avoid not knowing that this type of women ruin men.
My uncle's wife turned my father and his brother into enemies and last December she left to marry another young man after 8 kids,two of her children have married oh.
My point is never try to patronize them.
If they want to go,let them go.