AmTruth:
If only some of them know the sacrifices some of our relations have made in contributing to whom they married, they would even prefer marrying them to us

They should know now, unless their own relations never made meaningful contributions in their lives.

Ezeanna:
Hey guys,

If you know you are not dropping at least ₦50k per month as cooking expenses for your household( of not more than 4 people), don't come here and start talking rubb.ish about your relatives living with you and your wife.

Many wives have turned to book keepers; calculating, balancing, adjusting and rechecking household budgets just so there can be food on the table, month after month.

When you want your relatives to visit or stay with you long term, make sure you have the financial capacity for such visit; don't just say my brother/sister will be coming to visit for 2 months; ask madam what the extra cost for those visitors for that time period will be, and provide it.

We all are sentimental about the people that helped raise us to who we are currently, but it does not mean we should not try to build our own families, away from them.

If you, as a married person, sincerely feel that your extended family has got your back more than your spouse, then I truly feel sorry for your situation.

Sounds fair and reasonable to me.

Reading through this thread I now understand perfectly why Nigeria is still like this and we are where we are
(1) selfish interest

So before you marry a man as a lady you always go to his house and probably be Happy seeing his friends and family around and after marriage you don Optimus prime?? Wow just wow

Before marriage you were cool with your husband Family coming to his house sometime even do wetin concern me after marriage you turn sanwo olu? Wow just wow


I give up on Nigeria women really...most Americans are always cool with even their boyfriend Family and go spend time with their siblings of the guy they know and stop by the guys mom house to say Hi they take the kids to go see Grandma or make them Hangout with the husband siblings.....


Las Las ehn no be all ladies go marry because of their character and some marriage go break also ( no be cause na fact ) be there forming privacy but just pray to God I mean PRAY to God nothing warrant you needing the help of those people you say they should not stays or visit your husband....that when you will know life is real outside social media.... nonsense

visijo:
Instead of buying him gifts on Valentine’s Day, just give him the money let him pay the people he’s owing.

You made my night. Lmao

Off point comment like this just always put a smile on my face.

Especially when most people are just blabbing funny things and I am trying to pick one or two thing out of the blabbing.

There is always a nanoscopic sense in people's nonsense. Simple.

pocohantas:


Oga na poor people problem be this. Every time such topics come up, what is the leading issue? FOOD!

Did MamaP leave Aso Rock to go stay with that her daughter. Abegi! Poor people too dey disturb. Rich people stay in their houses. If they are looking for vacation spots, they travel out. Na the poor relatives dey find way to come to their own house.

Na why I no wan marry poor man from a poor family. Once inlaws are unengaged, they will start looking for their employed brothers house to go! If I check my husband's pocket, I will check all his siblings own. The more comfortable they are, the more peace I have. They will face their homes and leave my husband for me!

I don't know about poor people and food. Visiting people isn't a bad thing just because they got married.
Some siblings are very close, some parents very close to that extent. Some do not mind a sleepover for days. I have seen people who visit even when married, that is what the guest house attached to the main house is for.
Once they are not a drain, they are not an issue. I don't think it is in any spouses place to disrupt that special bond between family and create some needless boundaries just because they think marriage means alienation and jealousy. A spouse cannot replace other platonic relationships, so what is the war. It's only people who have been lashed by poverty who think the world is after what they think they have. They are always the hateful in marriage

seniormallam:
After pushing will barrow in the market, my younger brothers sold pure water tire, my sisters Hawks bread, they were all gathering the money together for my school fees as the first son..........but we thank God today, we can now build houses and afford to buy a car..........one woman will now say those people cannot visit or stay as long as they pleased in my house..........dear wife, na you go commot go your papa house las las, it's our father's that actually marry wife.........what we have now are family breaker's, where were you when my mum was grounding pepper in the market to feed me and my sibling's.

you are a man,not these sissies that sulks when a woman closes her legs.

Meeyankee:
People like Bukatyne will not like this thread.you married to a weak man who will allowed his family to visit him because he has taken one over used lady from the street that is not even a Virgin. You guys should take not of this lady with this moniker Bukatyne she is a very bad wicked lady.who doesn’t allow her in-laws to visit their brother because of her own selfish interest.

hmmm

NOTED

BRATISLAVA:


I don't know about poor people and food. Visiting people isn't a bad thing just because they got married.
Some siblings are very close, some parents very close to that extent. Some do not mind a sleepover for days. I have seen people who visit even when married, that is what the guest house attached to the main house is for.
Once they are not a drain, they are not an issue. I don't think it is in any spouses place to disrupt that special bond between family and create some needless boundaries just because they think marriage means alienation and jealousy. A spouse cannot replace other platonic relationships, so what is the war. It's only people who have been lashed by poverty who think the world is after what they think they have. They are always the hateful in marriage

Visit and go back to your home. Ahnahn! Is that rocket science??! Go back to your house!

Allow a young couple be. If you are too lonely, go start your own family. Stop deceiving yourself, it is a cold world out there- most people are after what you have.

I wonder why no one goes to live with the uncle in the village, only the one in town with a flat, DSTV and running taps. Toor!

Mizwisdom:



You're a sensible man, don't mind those kids that's why many will be poisoned all in the name of trusting family wholeheartedly

abeg swerve team home breakers

AshiraWealthy:
To come and stay as what? Do these relatives not have their own homes? I for one find I difficult staying with couples or another family.
We should respect other peoples privacy. I dont like people invading my privacy even as a single talk more as a married couple.
Come visit and go that very day. If by error, you stayed till late, by next morning you should be off.

hmmm

Too Protective

It actually depends on the personalities of everybody involved.

A peace-loving relative and an accommodating wife will have a different experience from a nagging wife and a relative with bad intentions.

Its a fragile situation; as human beings its not everybody you will like or who will like you. I would try to be objective and see which relatives I can get along with.

Sometimes you think you are being wronged but you actually have a giant blind spot that is beclouding your judgement; for example the lady today who was so agitated about her soup, her spoon, her yam etc but had never actually told the younger, student brother-in-law of a guy how she feels.

I really couldnt believe somebody could bring such stuff here without even confronting the person first. Even when guy man said "this spoon don spoil" she had nothing to say about it but sat inside the room boiling and complaining to the husband.

Passive-aggressiveness sucks. If somebody is irritating you, tell them so that they know how to adjust themselves instead of fermenting issues and fighting battles in your head.

That kind of "auntie" would be driving people away from her husbands house without realising it and the man would feel awkward taking a side

Youngzedd:



You underestimate women. They are naturally manipulators, same goes to telling lies. That's how they are made, you need to understand that and flow with them.

I think you really need to study more to understand women.

Sorry, but something is wrong with your thought patterns.
And because your persistent thoughts will always find a way to manifest itself, women will always manipulate you!

Then you will complain about women not knowing that you created the condition you experience or experiencing.

This is what so many people fail to know. So they end up creating problems for themselves.

The same way you accept and concluded that women are created manipulators, is the same way many people said women are evil. But they want an evil thing to be good to them.

I know how women behaves. So I don't need to study any thing about them.

Women are like children in their parents hand.

Children grow up and becomes obedient to their parents, or rebellious against their parents depending on HOW they are brought up.

Influential101:
See men talking as if the wives don't have their own families that stood by them while growing up too .. Na only una get family ?

Na people wey never marry full this thread.

See them swearing on their lives that no woman will separate them from their families, all na initial gragra. Most men, knowingly or unknowingly, separate themselves from their families. It Is not the woman doing them, but men always find ways to blame women for their own shortcomings.

It is common knowledge that shen men get married, they tend to pay little to no attention to their own families, some women are eventhe ones that bother about their husband's families, when the husband has forgotten them.

But one or two infants will come on Nairaland and be disturbing Buhari's internet with all the big talk he cannot walk. Na one sisi Jemimah go put them for bottle las las.

And please, ain't no man bringing in every Tom, Dick and Harry into my home.

In fact, I won't even marry such a man, because it shows he doesn't have SENSE.

Most abusers are relatives- uncles, aunties, big cousins. You will now be bringing people into my home, where I have kids because they sold wrapper for you. You must be very SILLY.

BecaciaBarbie:

As far as I am concerned, Christianity is the only true Religion in the world

what if ur parents where Muslims? Would u still hold this views of urs? That is by the way though.. Bad behavior my dear don't care what religion u are... If ur personality is fvcked it's fvcked.. There are generally accepted views on life issues and there are life issues that can be personalized equally .. When one does not understand the generally acceptable rule of humanity and always mistakes it for his/her personal view of life? Such a person is fvcked up... I hope you understand.

It wss on this same forum that a woman came to post that she begged her husband to allow her bring her sick brother to come live with them so he could get access to proper healthcare. The husband refused till the brother's health deteriorated and when he eventually agreed, it was too late the poor boy died in within days of relocating him to Lagos. All these accusations of one party not wanting to see in-laws actually swing both ways but as usual the woman is always the demon.

If you're not a slowpoke, how can a person drive a wedge between you and your family? That means the bond between you all was never strong to begin with. Admit it or not, most male relatives are very intrusive and feel like they have rights to lord over the wife. A woman that decides to stand up against their intrusion automatically wants to turn her husband against and his family. They were there for you they moulded you bla bla bla, does it give them rights to flood into your home and make the space uncomfortable for your significant other? Your wife also had people who moulded her to a person presentable enough for you to marry, should she also flood in her relatives to come live with you?

All these messy situations of couple vs in-laws can be avoided if each couple's siblings and relatives respect a couple's space and stay in their own homes.

chihes:
Women must understand that without those people around her husband, there will be no 'he'. These are the people that helped shaped the man's life. Whether they contributed positively or negatively to the man when he was growing...woman, accept them and give advice to your husband tactfully when necessary. I was surprised when I read a story of a newly wedded woman here on nairaland complaining about her brother in law taking food from the pot, breaking spoon, waiting for who to greet each other and so on...haba. I have known a man that divorced his wife just because of this attitude. Pls ladies, be mature mentally before saying I do. Accept them, and whereby for their own selfish reasons they don't like you and wont want you to have peace in your own husband's house, God will surely visit them in anger and fight for you.

very sensible write up

AmTruth:
That's why I said that misunderstanding is inevitable, but women must learn to tolerate it for them to truly have a happy married life.

Are you sure there's no relatives of yours you'll rather have them stay away? If no then you are indeed lucky.

Life before you dominate bring to the tablet

YungJo207:
Reading through this thread I now understand perfectly why Nigeria is still like this and we are where we are
(1) selfish interest

So before you marry a man as a lady you always go to his house and probably be Happy seeing his friends and family around and after marriage you don Optimus prime?? Wow just wow

Before marriage you were cool with your husband Family coming to his house sometime even do wetin concern me after marriage you turn sanwo olu? Wow just wow


I give up on Nigeria women really...most Americans are always cool with even their boyfriend Family and go spend time with their siblings of the guy they know and stop by the guys mom house to say Hi they take the kids to go see Grandma or make them Hangout with the husband siblings.....


Las Las ehn no be all ladies go marry because of their character and some marriage go break also ( no be cause na fact ) be there forming privacy but just pray to God I mean PRAY to God nothing warrant you needing the help of those people you say they should not stays or visit your husband....that when you will know life is real outside social media.... nonsense

Which Americans? Do Americans practice extended family up to Nigerians?

Don't mistake visiting for full boarding. In America, you cannot go to your brother's house and live with himself and his wife, it can never happen. It is only in Nigeria, you see such things. Even the visits, it is only for occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Americans spend more time with friends, than with actual relatives.

So, all the people that go to their husband's family house every December or Easter are from Togo, not Nigeria, abi?

The things some of you say, it's as if you are not living in Nigeria, you are living in

pocohantas:
I agree with you OP.

You don't want to know how much I love my dad and only brother. These are the two men that have supported me every step of the way. I can't imagine one FOOLISH husband saying they shouldn't visit or stay in our house or even thinking he comes before them.

It is my father first, mother and siblings, my kid, before my husband.

You can always get another husband, but never another family.

A father is the only man that will spend on you without asking for submission or anything.

My dad reigns supreme in my heart. I can take a bullet in the head for that man, but NEVER will I attempt it for a husband. You see how much I love him?

For that reason, he can come live with us. All my siblings can come, alongside my husband's own.

One big happy family.

Well, expressing your love for ur dad, siblings and kids is highly welcome but placing ur hubby as ur least in rank is the peak of insensitivity and stupidity. See, you own ur body and u can choose on whose behalf you want to take a bullet. In a healthy marriage, ur spouse comes first but that doesn't mean one's family are less important. Na brain u go use.

Don't just come here and drop a lengthy piece of shits for likes.

Anyways, I support the op's view on this issue. Ur in-laws are ur family. Treat them as urs.

safarigirl:


Na people wey never marry full this thread.

See them swearing on their lives that no woman will separate them from their families, all na initial gragra. Most men, knowingly or unknowingly, separate themselves from their families. It Is not the woman doing them, but men always find ways to blame women for their own shortcomings.

It is common knowledge that shen men get married, they tend to pay little to no attention to their own families, some women are eventhe ones that bother about their husband's families, when the husband has forgotten them.

But one or two infants will come on Nairaland and be disturbing Buhari's internet with all the big talk he cannot walk. Na one sisi Jemimah go put them for bottle las las.

It is online they are always taking care of their brothers and sisters. If they were all taking care of their sisters as they claim- who are the Naija girls begging about in relationships.

Audio Care.

pocohantas:


Burn!!!

Walahi, na unfortunate people dey leave their house go dey disturb person o. Can you imagine Otedola going to Cuppy's matrimonial home.

This is poor people's problem.

Exactly and as a man I have pride, how can a grown man be living in another grown man's house just because we are related. I will stay in my cubicle if that's what it requires.

pcguru1:
A lot of people on this thread dey smoke weed, you will marry and now pack all your family in your house, what kinda nonsense is that.

Omo anything more than 2 weeks the person needs to bounce unless it's the parents. I'm not housing no jobless man or sister for more than 2 weeks not contributing to the rent.

Omo, me I be dey think say na poverty dey cause am. I mean person wey get better work, go leave him work, responsibility, family pack go another person own? No be say, he come visit o.

2019elections:


Well, expressing your love for ur dad, siblings and kids is highly welcome but placing ur hubby as ur least in rank is the peak of insensitivity and stupidity. See, you own ur body and u can choose on whose behalf you want to take a bullet. In a healthy marriage, ur spouse comes first but that doesn't mean one's family are less important. Na brain u go use.

Allow me be stupid. Where was the husband when my daddy was suffering to train me in school? Probably using his small prick to fck all around town and doing YOLO. Nonsense!

vicben27:
no relative is staying in my house for more than two weeks. let them go to their own house l hate Disturbance

But u have stayed or u don stay (I can't come n kee myself with grammar) in someone's House before more than two weeks?
Yes I've seen d full video in HD

Truth is 80% of women hates hubby's family around. They are always dissatisfied anytime they show up.

Mom dies when I finished high school and myself n kid bro had to go n stay in my uncle's house " my dad's brother, full blood". The horrible memories won't First notice was that the wife get spiritual in turning my uncles back at me. The man suddenly hated me till death! The wife would run into her bedroom to touch her tougue with olugbohun to lay curse on me whenever we had face off. This woman did soany unthinkable to wreck my destiny. As a result, I will tame my wife's intolerance n inpatient before we even get married.

My relations must visit or stay anytime any day....the people that will stand when issues arise!

pocohantas:
And please, ain't no man bringing in every Tom, Dick and Harry into my home.

In fact, I won't even marry such a man, because it shows he doesn't have SENSE.

Most abusers are relatives- uncles, aunties, big cousins. You will now be bringing people into my home, where I have kids because they sold wrapper for you. You must be very SILLY.

Don't mind the boys on this thread.

From one uncle, to a cousin, before you know it, brother Jero wants to come and write WAEC, he will be in your house the next four years on top WAEC. You will be exposing yourself to all sorts of dangers and your children as well.

And men are not observant, so, if someone is molesting their daughter or son, they rarely notice. Not everyone who call you brother, loves you.

Some people are in your home to destroy you, but once again, men don't notice such.

Nobody is saying relatives can't visit, but visit and go like a normal human being. Not to come to your house and stay until they are old enough to marry.

pocohantas:


Allow me be stupid. Where was the husband when my daddy was suffering to train me in school? Probably using his small prick to fck all around town and doing YOLO. Nonsense!

Nobody is separating you and ur dad. You can choose to marry ur dad rather than go for a dog as a husband. Why must u see a man which such damning qualites and still go ahead to marry?

for me, it's the other way round,yeah,the bastard my one of my sister married ,a UK born Nigerian based in the same UK never want to any of us at all,that foolish sister of mine really allowed poverty mentality got the better of her becos she actually supported him!well,u see why I am always naija ladies are risky to marry!it's all this wrong orientation that often lead a great many of them into making serious relationship blunder that later results into deep regret!many end up marrying the WRONG kind of person all won't learn that not all that glitters is gold.. I've her she will regret every bit of her actions towards, it's just a question of time.. what goes around must definitely one day, comes around..guy beware,most ladies are the problem, ask Adam,the first MAN...if u can

Blu03:
It's really annoying. Noone should delibrately ruin the relationship of partners with his/her relatives.

before your partner u had relatives always find a balance cos your wife might divorce u relative won't.