eyinjuege:


There is no difference really.
You cannot shout about evil step mums and how they should allow their step children stay in peace with their father, while asking a step father not to rise up and be supportive of his wife's children from a previous relationship.

eyinjuege:

You can't speak with both sides of the mouth.

eyinjuege:


This child in question doesn't have his father around, and yet a man wants him to be homeless and not stay with the only other parent he has around.

eyinjuege:

We have wickedness embedded in our DNA. Real wickedness. This is worse than witchcraft. When will the needs of a child starts superseding the ego of an adult, my people?

eyinjuege:

Where is our humanity as a people?
My 1st cousin married a woman with a child , and they have 2 children together now. That boy from a previous union looks after his younger ones like a hawk.

eyinjuege:
Nobody from my part of the family (the step dad's side) treats him as an outsider. He comes to their grandma's (my aunt) place with his younger ones, and lives like the prince he is. Grandma is everyone's grandma to him.
He's just a child for God's sake.
Secondly, don't see children as possessions to be taken away at will by anybody.

eyinjuege:

When we start seeing them as human beings, you will stop being afraid that a man he never grew up with will just come and take him from nowhere to claim him.

eyinjuege:

Can't you render help to a stranger, talkmore of a child from your wife.

eyinjuege:

I'm sure you know people who are sending the children of poor people to school, and those children are living with them. I know those raising their house helps, and sending them to good schools. Are they planning to claim those househelps as their possession? Has that stopped them from rendering help, despite knowing the househlep will leave at some point and be 'claimed' by her people?

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

Focusmind:
I pity the poor woman. It seems you don't have love again for the man. You responded to all bad comments about the man, agreeing with all bad things people said about him to the extend you said you want to divorce him if it comes to that..

There is anger in your heart which quite understandable. There is a thin line between love and hate when it comes to a woman's feeling. Your husband's attitude towards your son is making you to resent him which is understandable.

please still plead with him. I feel the emotional trauma that boy is passing through. Children staying with relatives loose greater part of their childhood and do turn out bad.

Cry to your husband and beg him except he has a heart of stone. It is difficult for a man to accept another man's child. Just relates this to what lions does once they enter into a new pride, they first kill the cubs of the former lion king to put the female lions on heat so that he would father a new set of pride. Lions detest cubs of other lions so much.

I wish you all the best - You have a date with that boy on Sunday as you said. Don't fail him

letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

SoNature:
Vyvyanvyvy's issue explains why more and more women are seeking to be empowered to format the brains of many men who treat women unfairly in marriages.

The truth of the matter is that most of our mothers survived abusive marriages because women were not empowered.

By and large, most African men don't treat their wives fairly. That's why women are increasingly pushing for empowerment (feminism).

If men continue with this trend, Nigeria will get to a level where marriages become mere contracts as it is practiced elsewhere in the world.

To Vyvyanvyvy, get your son an apartment if you can afford it. Better still, your husband should support you to do that if you cannot afford it and the boy is old enough to live alone.

Dear men, don't emotionally say yes to a condition you cannot honor just because you wish to please the woman

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest

Dexlomo:


He knew she had the son before marriage and accepted her with the baggage so your reasoning is shallow. He would get peace if he mans up and act like the man he should be.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Sixfeetbelle:


He initially agreed to the two. Why change his mind now? Explain that.

Accept a child out of gesture? What kind of charitable work is that? No child deserves being treated as an extra load that must be carried.


See, I'm even having this suspicion about the man now. I want to believe his family and friends are making jest of him taking care of another man's child, and he's beginning to renegade on his promise to prove he's 'still a man'. If that's the issue here, divorce is the best case scenario.

JayPeeOham:



Observations:
Have you thought of the fact that quitting your present marriage will leave you with 4 kids who have no "Father"??


Besides, quitting a marriage is not as easy as quitting a relationship.


Plus, you make it seem like it's your husband's obligation to house another man's child when the "other man" is still very much alive and can come claim his Son anytime any day. It's his choice to make, however, you can influence his choice to your favor as a woman!

Suggestions/Advice:
>Don't quit your marriage as it will only make your children more vulnerable in the long run

>You need your husband to understand you and you can't achieve that by not talking to him. Massage his ego by using your woman charm, every man has a soft spot that can only be accessed by one woman who knows the way to that spot. And you're his wife here so you should know your husband's soft spot

>Send your child to a boarding school in the interim since you have the funds like you said


>Do not under estimate the power of prayers. Take it all to the Lord's feet by going on your knees. This is key!

Lastly talking about your son and stealing, no offense, but truth be told, there is no justification for someone being a criminal!....just like there's no excuse for failure. Look at it this way, will you see reasons with your husband raping another woman because you the wife starved him of sex....just saying though!

LadySarah:


So she should leave her child in danger because of marriage? You are still a child. The children is for both of us so what's the fuss.
Go and ask ur mother who comes first in her life.
The love for a husband is diff from that of children.

Jman06:
Virgins can still be found if people search well

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest

1StopRudeness:



U go wake tire ooooo....unless u go to the village and marry an illiterate... in the city?? People only get virgins by luck, especially when I want a mature girl...it’s that bad.....why do U think guys settle for less... nobody wants a lady several men has slept with... but 99out of every 100 has a body count of at least 3...with cascades of abortion as collateral damage

I like you . I want to know you

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

Vyvyanvyvy:

I know his people and his family house because I lived with them when he left the country

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

MadeMan01:


I am 42 years and have never had sex with a a virgin. I have had sex with over 200 women and have never met a virgin

Olatara:
How much is Model college boarding school? that she cannot afford? That boy needs a parent in his life, she should bring him close afterward send him to boarding school to avoid issues.
Op plead with your husband, tell him it is just for the main time like a year, then look for a good boarding school and enrol him there till you can solve the mess you are in.

Pusyiter:
Put him in a boarding school
Where to stay during holidays will not be a problem
He can stay with a priest/pastor during hols
My cent.

Dexlomo:


I understand the fear in bold however, as a man who was once a boy, who knows what the love of one's family means, I think he can help rejuvenate the young chap. All he needs is be close to him and become his best buddy. Trust me, he will be happy for it but I have a feeling that his fears are limiting him.

Richy4:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.



Haba!! U are acting as if he was doing her a favor by marrying her.. That mentality is so rustic in my opinion

PinkHealthGroup:


Why do I have the feeling that you are paying for your husband's love because you want to be mrs. Somebody? You make me 70% of the income yet you have no say? Go get your son!! His behavioral issues may stem from a broken family. Also, your son can be m8streated and called a thief because your relatives do not care. Never pick a man over your children. When he married you he should have had enough love for you and your children.

My father married my mother with her two children from a prior relationship. He loved them and us all the same. A man who cannot avcept your son does not accept you. Your children are the future. Stop letting that society use mrs.title to deprive you from being an excellent mother. Go get your son!

Vyvyanvyvy:

He is not in Nigeria

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee