Pemivy01:
Dear OP I am also a mother like you and I can tell you with all sincerity that your son is your responsibility and therefore must stay with you.
These children have been given to you by God to nurture and train in the right direction, if you fail in your duty as a parent God will judge you, But if you train them in the right way God will bless you.
And please I beg you don't put the boy in a boarding school, most of the problems we have with the youths today started from some of these boarding schools.
Take your son with you, he is your own and that is the most important thing.

Thank you my sister am going to pick him up on Sunday

Vyvyanvyvy:

He traveled to Italy and abandoned me with the children I shouldn’t waste my time waiting for him because he had move on and I’m also free to move on with my life

Italy? Don't worry ur God will fight for you
Corona virus will soon send him back to his home town.
Same Italy corona virus send Ronaldo back to his home town.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

if your hubby had 2 kids outside will you allow him to bring them both in? You single mothers want to be accepted but you treat your stepchildren like animals. Your son has gone rogue and he did right by not allowing him near his own children. If he pain you divorce him

letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

thank u....the woman is not serious or she is lying

eallstar:

Italy? Don't worry ur God will fight for you
Corona virus will soon send him back to his home town.
Same Italy corona virus send Ronaldo back to his home town.

Amen ooo

Vyvyanvyvy:

Please go through all my replies to my post you will get the answer to your question because I don’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. I’m 6 months pregnant even if the pregnancy was 2 weeks I will never abort my child I have done it before with my 2 children and will be fine with 4 because even now That im married I still see myself as a single mother there’s no different from before and now

Why not quit the marriage and live with your 3 (4) kids.
It saves all these back and forth.

But did the first husband actually marry you?

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

and you want to force your son on him because of that? Gerrout

franconian:


Though I really don’t believe your OP (because it’s near impossible for a woman to get pregnant again for the same man after 6 years and not know his people), but if your story is true and you eventually resorted to divorce, I’ll advice you abort the pregnancy if it’s still safe to do that. Don’t allow another baby suffer single parenting.

Could be for two different men

eduman365:


Would you allow your own son marry an "after 2" ... Independence kwa? Even those who don't have kids are praying for good husbands. Accepting to wife a single mother is a very tough decision for any man... Don't bring that independence talk here... She for stay single na.

They will be forming woke but I bet she wouldn't want her son to marry one.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Wrong!,marrying a woman means sharing in all her pains and joy,that's why every woman needs a man.
What has he done for her that he has done so much,is it by accomadating and feeding her daughter, was he not aware that every woman is emotionally tied to her children. Most women do quit their marriages because of this act of irresponsibility of some husbands.
If,in future that boy becomes somebody, he now call him his son.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Madam, you are the failure here not ur in-law. How can u be alive and well and let ur blood live with someone else. How can u claim to foot 70% of the bill yet ur own blood is starving. Yes, you need happiness and love in your life so I can't be against you for seeking for it. But u should be ashamed that your child is suffering when u are alive and happy. You can't choose anyone above your child.
And don't blame that man, he can't be forced to accept duties of an another man. Blame yourself for all the failures ur son is going through.
Now go and get your son, apologise to him for failing as a mother. Don't u dare bounce him off on another person not even his biological dad, that boy needs his mom. As for ur husband, u have to chose, I pray u make the right decision

Jman06:
This is why men should marry virgins!

But some shameless men (mmeee) would not listen. They'll go ahead and marry a lady who is already 2 points ahead and still expect to play a draw or win the match. Mumu men everywhere!

That’s why the Islamic state people like doing what they do.....it’s nt easy to find virgins around these days so pple settle for what’s available.....

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

You are wrong sister.
The boy was already living with the woman's brother wen they got married.
The woman was living with daughter before she got married.
The man married her and accepted taking in the woman and her daughter.
Now, the woman did not just requested that they take in the boy before the boy had a problem where he was.
The request came when the boy was accused of a crime of stealing which made him to be beaten (probably mob action)
The woman took the boy to her own siblings and all of them rejected the offer.

Now the woman want to bring the boy to the man that has already taken her in and her daughter.
I believe the man was saying no because of the bad name attached to the boy and for the fact that whatever made her wife's siblings to reject the boy is strong.
I see reason with the man, but the wife should do better by talking into and through the man's heart. Women have that power. She should not just get angry and bone the man up in his house.

**********

Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you

You are wrong here. Problem with women is that they will always leave the major issue and want to distract it with trivial.
Just like the woman in this thread. The man was coming from the area that may have a long time damage to the family...that is influencing the other kids negatively and giving the whole family bad name...while the woman was focusing on the fact that she was the one handling 70% of the family bills. She never knew that money can leave anyone at any point and move to the next person.

My sister, men don't hate independent women. They only want them to be more rational than emotional.

oodua1stson:
if your hubby had 2 kids outside will you allow him to bring them both in? You single mothers want to be accepted but you treat your stepchildren like animals. Your son has gone rogue and he did right by not allowing him near his own children. If he pain you divorce him

It’s not by force to marry a man or woman with kids . They are single men and women out there Na why did he not go after them ? I was with my children I didn’t call him to come and ask for my hand in marriage if he knew he wasn’t ready to be a father to my children then he wouldn’t come with fake promises that he loves them and they are his children he will take care of them like his own

1StopRudeness:


That’s why the Islamic state people like doing what they do.....it’s nt easy to find virgins around these days so pple settle for what’s available.....

Virgins can still be found if people search well

After one and two matter hard o.
It takes a good man to tolerate baggages of such women.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

My sister! Who do you see being there for you many years down the line? This man or your son? God forbid, you have medical problems, this type of man will not be there for you . Don't fail this boy, you're all he has!

Honestly, I wonder what on this earth will make me so foolish enough to marry a single mother, talk less of mother of two?

Their baggage is out of this world. Some men dey try.

And when the run a way scum is back, she may start fukcing him secretly under the pretext of taking his children to see their dad.

Single mother? God forbid!!!

oodua1stson:
if your hubby had 2 kids outside will you allow him to bring them both in? You single mothers want to be accepted but you treat your stepchildren like animals. Your son has gone rogue and he did right by not allowing him near his own children. If he pain you divorce him

you are wise

Vyvyanvyvy:

It’s not by force to marry a man or woman with kids . They are single men and women out there Na why did he not go after them ? I was with my children I didn’t call him to come and ask for my hand in marriage if he knew he wasn’t ready to be a father to my children then he wouldn’t come with fake promises that he loves them and they are his children he will take care of them like his own

Why did you accept his proposal? You should have said NO and live your life with your kids till they are mature.
But no, you wanted to answer Mrs.
#selfishwoman

Lifecanbeamazin:


My sister! Who do you see being there for you many years down the line? This man or your son? God forbid, you have medical problems, this type of man will not be there for you . Don't fail this boy, you're all he has!

My son will always come first

Onyi, maka why?
The man loves the lady despite having children that is not his, he still chose to marry her.
What kind of love can he demonstrate that will be more than that in contemporary Nigerian culture?

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Ndi feminist

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Let me just make this as simple as possible for you. You have always had two options to choose either, YOUR SON(child) and A MAN(husband). Obviously you made your choice (Husband). This is the part where you live with the consequence of your choice. Your Husband is human, so you can't be surprised by what is playing out now. And you can't blame the man, he just feels a bit threatened and insecure. The decision has always been and will always be yours to make. YOUR SON or YOUR MARRIAGE. And now the Choice is a bit more complicated now you have children with him. That is how the life works, not many people get the chance to eat their cake and have it. PEACE and GOODLUCK!!

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

Keep pleading with your husband. At 12 he still needs parental guidance.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Madam let's be sincere here. If u knew ur husband had 2 kids for another woman ,would u have accepted to marry him Lets say u agreed to marry him despite having kids outside wedlock, would u have allowed those children to stay with their dad,ursef and their step siblings . Let's assume u allowed them stay, wud u have loved them
unconditionally like ur own without discrimination
I won't ansa those above questions for u cos u know them already in ur heart .
Humans are selfish by nature. However, most women are selfish, wicked and inhumane when it comes to reversal of roles in this same issue. They treat househelps with disdain and inhuman tendencies let alone the children of their husbands from another woman: those ones are dead already.
Women always want to have their way all the time. Let's call a spade what it is; madam even if u were the richest woman on earth ,ur husband did u a great favor marrying u and even accommodating of ur children .
You hurriedly came to NL to condemn him and garner sympathy. If u like pay 100% of those children's bill, I don't care.

The greatest,honest,most sincere ,best and most responsible thing u can ever do for ur children espply you son is to locate his biological father or his relatives. I don't mean to sound judgemental but u shud cover ur face in shame.
Except u want to be totally elusive to ur responbilty as a mother or u want to be overtly stupid, how wud u open ur legs to conceive for a man whose relatives u don't anything about Then u come here and pass judgement on ur husband for even allowing u to bring home one of ur kids ..
All u wud be doing now is playing mind games on that man, denying him sex or food etc. God wud judge u if u do that : I no curse u o,na the truth I tell u so.
Go find the relatives of ur ex husband. Go back to where he used to live. People know him there ,his friends ,his work place etc ..so many ways to search for him... His tribesmen..Somone close wud know his village..
That is the best thing right now u can do for dose children.. Not threatening ur current husband that u want to leave the house to go and protect ur son out there .And u will think when he comes home someday ,he doesn't meet u 1st day , 1 week u yet to return ,then he wud be forced to tell u to come home with him.. If that happens ,it just dey plaster over the cracks on a pillar holding the building of a house. One day he go collapse again and u go to square one..

Many of us here just dey talk selfishly. Ask her about her first marriage ,that's if she even did any proper wedding sef.
U claim not to know ur in-laws whereabouts and ur 1st 2 children's father travelled out. That means u didn't do any traditional rites to say the least. Cos if u guys actually did, his people wud come/ go over to ur family house to do the custodial things..Both families wud get to know one another and the rest is history. That's where the foundational problem emanated from. Not until that is solved forget it, nothing u do now wud profer a lasting solution.
Your story is not complete madam until tell us about ur first affair with the oda man.. U can't tell us that u guys don't communicate @ all... Ur husband try sef.
From history ,most women tend to still sleep with the father of their children from previous marriages whether he is the country or not. When he comes back, things go still happen normally like they used to..

xyz123456:

Men, you see your life.... Some of us are mumu. Real mumu. You see the thinking of most women, it's their children first. Not husband. And some men will be taking their wife as first abandoning friends & family.
Some Men are real mumu.

So she should leave her child in danger because of marriage? You are still a child. The children is for both of us so what's the fuss.
Go and ask ur mother who comes first in her life.
The love for a husband is diff from that of children.

Jman06:
Virgins can still be found if people search well

U go wake tire ooooo....unless u go to the village and marry an illiterate... in the city?? People only get virgins by luck, especially when I want a mature girl...it’s that bad.....why do U think guys settle for less... nobody wants a lady several men has slept with... but 99out of every 100 has a body count of at least 3...with cascades of abortion as collateral damage

[quote author=AroOkigbo post=87405311]
Why did you accept his proposal? You should have said NO and live your life with your kids till they are mature.
But no, you wanted to answer Mrs.
#selfishwoman[/quote
Have accepted because He convinced me with his sweet words and actions at that time and I taught maybe God has answer my prayer and has sent me a man that truly loves me and my children like his own that my marriage will be joyful but no I was wrong and regretting now. I’m ready to leave the marriage for my children sake

yesloaded:

Ndi feminist

Yes o

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Rather than being angry with him, you should have channel that energy towards doing everything possible to make him see reason with you e.g, crying, begging him at night, making concrete promise that you will ensure your son don't pass negative trait on your children, pretending not to have eaten the whole day because the issue of your child suffering outside gives you concern. With all this in place, he might reason with you if he truly love you but now you chose the wrong way.
Why do why thing you should have adopt those steps? Because the way you love you son and doing everything to protect him, that is the same way he loves his children too and is fighting to ensure they are save from negative trait and no good father will do that base on assumption or gamble his responsibility to ensure his children safety. So I will advise you go back and talk to him. If need be, call someone you know he will likely listen to in a situation like this to help you talk to him. Success

if ur husband response is this.

(I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children.)

u can suggest some form of discipline to him which can make him change his mind
- put him in a boarding school which he can be visiting after end of session.
-or after school he come over to assist you at your store, which can help you keep eyes on him.

those are my suggestion which I know it may not work for you, but deciding on proper measures to curtail the behavior with your husband will solve lot of problem both now and in the future