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stop deceiving yourself, men and women can't just be "friend's". all these besties in most cases are just beta orbiters hoping to Bleep you someday!

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

just shut up abeg
All these girls with terrible IQ points sef, if they put your brain in a bird, I'm certain it will fly backwards.
Men and women don't have anything in common to just be "friends" .
All these besties are 99% in most cases beta orbiters hoping to Bleep you someday.
And it's girl's with low self esteem that keep alot of men as friends.

Romanoff:
Are you saying that every man that is friends with a woman is going to sleep with her? I've had male friends that I could talk to about my relationship to get a man's perspective on things. I have male friends who are my movie friends or male friends who are my friends from school, mostly post graduate school. I have male friends from church who are even married and they help me pray and grow, especially now that my wedding is coming up.

A friendship can't just end tomorrow, you know this too. I'm sure you still have friends from your primary and secondary schools. Why haven't they ended?

A wise woman selects her crowd. If you have to keep pushing her to make better choices about the crowd she moves with, it's either she's not ready for where you're going, so look for another woman or that kind of crowd is exactly what she likes.

Choose someone who shares the same values as you do. Only God is the potter that can mould man. I've Seen people who try to "mould" their spouses into who they are not regret it terribly.

Pick someone whose values aligns with yours and who you can live with bases on their character or flaws, not based on how you would like them to be.

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship

Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

BestAccessories:
To certain extent, I agree with you but also disagree on some point.

Like the moniker immediately above my comment stated Compatibility is key.

If you don't socialize excessively and your date does, you're seconds away from distater.

If you don't like or desist parties, clubbing, drinking alcohol or smoking and you date someone that does, you're a step away from distater.

Habit is one of the most difficult thing in life to break.

Personality is also key. Some people believe in NOW and others believe in building the FUTURE.

The NOW person, want to have fun, want everything to happen now because he/she believes he/she mightn't be here to witness tomorrow. He/She isn't interested in building anything for the future and if he/she ends up dating someone who believe in building the FUTURE, problem will arise with FINANCE, SPENDING & WAY OF LIFE.

To be sincere, most of the people dating today, don't know or understand their self enough before they start accommodating other in their life.

A person that doesn't really understand himself or herself can't understand others. If you don't know what you want, how do you get it.

You can't change people except they personally opt to change.

A major mistake we guys usually make is believing you can change a lady.

You can't command or get the respect of a lady you don't understand or trying to change when she isn't ready for the change.

A guy that doesn't like party or drink alcohol can't successfully date a babe who love to party and drink lots of alcohol.

Such a girl already had an habit which is hard to break, except she is truly ready to change many things like peer groups, friends, environment etc she mightn't be able to successfully stop drinking alcohol or attending parties.

Allow like minds find and date themselves instead of advising people to stop being themselves because of a man or woman.

When you stop being yourself because you're dating someone, you are actually pretending/faking it in the relationship.

You can't keep pretending because everyone have a breaking point where they will eventually burn out and their real self start manifesting without them even knowing.

Be Yourself, Do You, Be Real in your relationship if you want it to last.

Designerdollars:
[
stop deceiving yourself, men and women can't just be "friend's". all these besties in most cases are just beta orbiters hoping to Bleep you someday!

Designerdollars:
just shut up abeg
All these girls with terrible IQ points sef, if they put your brain in a bird, I'm certain it will fly backwards.
Men and women don't have anything in common to just be "friends" .
All these besties are 99% in most cases beta orbiters hoping to Bleep you someday.
And it's girl's with low self esteem that keep alot of men as friends.

zexy2030:
But this Romanoff sounds religious sha...well I understand ur points, when u r married its advisable to do away with d male besties, men can be animals a times as women walk around with fish brains and ever dynamic feelings.

Acidosis:
Yes, when you open your legs for him. That male bestie will sleep with you when the opportunity arises. So think again, is he really a BESTie? A man that will take advantage of you when the opportunity arise?

Dyonne:
It's not necessarily because the guy doesnt trust the woman, sometimes its because he doesnt trust the male bestie.

Many of those people you call besties are just waiting for an opportunity. #tradesecret

Romanoff:
So what kind of a woman will open her legs for a man that she's not married to?

Romanoff:
I am trying to not bring scriptures here. But I guess I'll have to. Me I'm a Christian and I do Christian relationships. It means I don't entertain any appearance of evil.

Romanoff:
So I guess my pedestal of measuring platonic relationships is different from yours.

Romanoff:
The it speaks less of the woman of she gives herself up to be a woman of easy virtue. She might not be worth your time after all.

KevinDein:
Somewhere in their hearts they know this and are perfectly fine with it. Heck they encourage it.

Nice thread, @op.

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

Jara:
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours.

bukatyne:
Good evening my people, how quarantine?

This thread is primarily for young ladies in their late teens to early twenties who are in serious relationships.

Disclaimer:
1. This thread is suited for ladies who want to date/sleep with as little men as possible before marriage. If you are in a relationship for a 'good' or 'fun' time, you don't need this thread as you will naturally gravitate towards men/boys who can provide the 'excitement.'

2. This thread is not claiming that serious minded guys/men are not 'exciting.' They can and do provide excitement in their own way.

3. I am a firm believer of young girls finding a young husband material as quickly as possible. I call it investing your youth in a husband material. I am not a fan of huge age gaps; I rather the young catch the young. . Bar exceptions, I not think building a career and a relationship/marriage cannot go hand in hand.

To the thread proper:

I see a number of young ladies call a serious young man 'boring' because he is not into the fast life. He is more grounded, focused on things that betters the future of you too such as education, mental capacity, emotional development etc. He is that guy that would invite you for a career fair or marriage seminar. He doesn't care about the 'get together' happening in the house of the Yahoo guy that just hammered nor is he interested in clubbing everyday.

He is not seeking for a girl he just wants to sleep with; he has seen you as a wife material he wants to groom to be the best version of yourself. He is the guy that would rather help you with your coursework.

He is seen as boring because he is principled and expects same from you. He is not going to give you drama and would not expect drama from you either. Cheating, collecting contacts from guys, double-dating, hanging out with questionable friends, claiming bestie with guys etc. He expects loyalty and faithfulness. He is not a 'I am just passing or marking my own' guy so he needs you really invested in the relationship. This characteristic of principle is sometimes mistaken for 'strictness' or 'rigidity.'

He would most likely not be the fun seeking type. This doesn't mean you both cannot create the type of entertainment suited to you. He might suggest going for a book fair or GT Bank Food Fair over visiting the new club opening. If you want to dance, get music and dance together. His priorities would also be different; he would pick an future enhancing activity over fluff if he has to choose.

And nope, he is not going to accept the version of yourself you bring to the table just like that. He will encourage and require you to finetune it. He might point out some stuffs about you he doesn't like; your dressing, makeup, hair do, carriage, attitude to classes, interests,friends etc. He is not the anything goes guy because he is invested in your future and naturally wants to protect his interests.

He would be protective of you so don't be surprised if he doesn't want you mixing with a particular crowd or wearing certain clothes or conducting yourself in a certain way. He is not trying to stifle you or keep you from enjoying life; he just wants his woman to be the best version of herself for him.

Hmmmmmmm, sex; he might have enough self-control to abstain, he might not. If it happens, the sex is going to be with care. Even if he wants to be a ruff rider, it would still be with the consciousness that this is my baby till the end. The way you use aso ebi for one time is different from the way you use lace kept at the bottom of the box.


Jara:
Any man who is fine with everything you do or doesn't have a contrary opinion is either with you for the short term therefore not willing to invest in you OR pretending and waiting till after marriage to show his true colours.

Hence the popular 'men change in marriage'.

I hope this would be very useful to a baby girl about to 'end' that relationship because the bobo is boring or 'not a happening guy.'

bukatyne:
There is a difference between male friends or buddies and male besties. The post talked of male besties.

And I tell you that even after you pick someone with same values (the template) you will still tweak once in a while. Humans change, nobody is static.

Preshieben:
Too long
Can't read all of em

Ellipsoid:
It all boils down to compatibility

Sixfeetbelle:
Correct me if I'm wrong but what I understood from your post is that you are encouraging ladies to get together with a guy who doesn't fly in the same social circle as them.

I have to object. Compatibility is the deal for me in marriage bound relationships. If I'm a social butterfly, a disciplined rigid person can't expect me to suddenly/gradually tone down my outgoing self to match his introversion, likewise, vice versa. If he even insists through trying to 'tweak me' he'll be cutting off something about me that I won't realise is missing now until in near future. By then I'd feel so disadvantaged reconciliation with him would be impossible.

I believe that we should be with who matches our level of free-spirit than with someone we will have to lower or build up ours to match theirs. If I do, in years from now, I'd miss the old me and hubby would be back to his old him and discord would arise.

bukatyne:
My dear, you are wrong.

As stated in the disclaimer, this thread is for that young girl in university who claims her young boyfriend is boring because he is 'not' like others. I want her to know that if it is because of stuffs in the OP she deems him boring, he is not.

I also specified the type of young girl; The one who wants to date as little guys as possible before marriage. Such a girl (when ready) would seek a meaningful relationship. For girls who want to 'flex' with 'feel good' relationships, this thread is not for them.

BestAccessories:
To certain extent, I agree with you but also disagree on some point.

Like the moniker immediately above my comment stated Compatibility is key.

If you don't socialize excessively and your date does, you're seconds away from distater.

If you don't like or desist parties, clubbing, drinking alcohol or smoking and you date someone that does, you're a step away from distater.

Habit is one of the most difficult thing in life to break.

Personality is also key. Some people believe in NOW and others believe in building the FUTURE.

The NOW person, want to have fun, want everything to happen now because he/she believes he/she mightn't be here to witness tomorrow. He/She isn't interested in building anything for the future and if he/she ends up dating someone who believe in building the FUTURE, problem will arise with FINANCE, SPENDING & WAY OF LIFE.

To be sincere, most of the people dating today, don't know or understand their self enough before they start accommodating other in their life.

A person that doesn't really understand himself or herself can't understand others. If you don't know what you want, how do you get it.

You can't change people except they personally opt to change.

A major mistake we guys usually make is believing you can change a lady.

You can't command or get the respect of a lady you don't understand or trying to change when she isn't ready for the change.

A guy that doesn't like party or drink alcohol can't successfully date a babe who love to party and drink lots of alcohol.

Such a girl already had an habit which is hard to break, except she is truly ready to change many things like peer groups, friends, environment etc she mightn't be able to successfully stop drinking alcohol or attending parties.

Allow like minds find and date themselves instead of advising people to stop being themselves because of a man or woman.

When you stop being yourself because you're dating someone, you are actually pretending/faking it in the relationship.

You can't keep pretending because everyone have a breaking point where they will eventually burn out and their real self start manifesting without them even knowing.

Be Yourself, Do You, Be Real in your relationship if you want it to last.

Sixfeetbelle:
I'm that girl. I'm in my twenties and I want to date as little guys as possible before marriage but I don't see how two people who are on different sides of the spectrum can be compatible. Being ready for marriage does not involve toning down flexing. I've seen couples who are as flamboyant as ever marry each other. I've also seen a couple who weren't very social marry. A flamboyant lady and a 'boring' guy won't work out well. That's my point.

Designerdollars:
just shut up abeg
All these girls with terrible IQ points sef, if they put your brain in a bird, I'm certain it will fly backwards.
Men and women don't have anything in common to just be "friends" .
All these besties are 99% in most cases beta orbiters hoping to Bleep you someday.
And it's girl's with low self esteem that keep alot of men as friends.

bukatyne:
Brother,

The thread is for a certain demographic of ladies; (young ladies at a point when they are still 'forming' habits).

Also habits are difficult to break; yes. However, habit takes a while to be formed. Also our elders say you can not mold a dry fish. I can flip it to say you can mold/bend a wet fish.

A girl who has been to the club once at 19 is easier to break off the habit than same girl at 26 who now lives in the club. A guy just trying out his first stick of cigarette at 20 is easier to wean off the habit than same guy at 30 who have registered in Nigerian Smokers Association.

And everyone would seek to change something in/for their partner in a serious relationship.

EVERYONE.