₦airaland Forum

Mizwisdom:
95% of Nigerian marriages are going through similar turmoil. Nigerian men are not raised to be good husbands, even you will still raise your son to punish his wife and cling to your Apron. That's what it is here so whatever you see in your marriage, take it like that

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

kestolove95:
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̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅t̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅o̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅y̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅.̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅.̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅.̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅n̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅o̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅ ̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅t̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅i̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅m̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅e̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅ ̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅m̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅e̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅n̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅ ̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅a̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅r̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅e̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̫̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅̅ 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Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that [b]I sacrifice everything [/b]I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

Kingarthur21:
we sabi that trick...when a man is poor he has to use bible to attract ladies...
I don't know when you ladies will learn. So you girls still take the words of men serious?take advice from people expert in the game of dating you will not hear word,you will listen to feminists and manginas.
Ambitiousness(talking of future projects and goals to proof to you he will not be poor forever),spirituality (church-church),and Effemination(washing,cooking,etc)are tools broke men use to get women. This men usually asslick ladies and act like the special man singled out of the rest of us "toxic men".

I would personally take the royal walk from such a situation but our cases are similar. You probably don't have the funds to move out and start life afresh and you have 4 children.
The low self esteem of a typical African woman that will not allow her put her happiness first above her kids and husbands will not let you go back to your parents home or squat with a friend...just keep praying and/or apologising.

Cc:pansophist ,mrbrownjay1

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

Julietsim:
This is true especially for most marriages. Because the man brings alot of money to the table,he will start forming boss. Start saving because the men of the days hmmm. If they are 90%breadwinner, they will be unappreciative. They want their wives to worship them and when the woman is the breadwinner, they become intimidated and start saying the woman is no more respectful.

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

Jullima:
My dear you have described most Nigerian marriages. We see it here a lot on NL. Keeping malice and Nigerian husbands are 5&6. You are not allowed to express your feelings, it’s called talking back. You’re also supposed to apologise for something you were a victim of. If the husband is not 100% the breadwinner, even worse, any body language or words are interpreted as “you don’t respect me because you are contributing”

P.S our NL favourite matron will come in and blame you for not choosing right, even though he presented himself as a godly man or you must have done something to change a godly man.

Sis, it is well.

imam07:
Truly from your story,I can see I have ego. By telling us here you are the spending on him when he has nothing. I don't even bother to finish reading your story since I got to that spot u mentioned your husband had nothing. My conclusion is go and change your ways because a man will never accept u are right.

nnamdibig:
̷Y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷ ̷̷a̷̷r̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷h̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷m̷̷a̷̷n̷̷ ̷̷d̷̷e̷̷a̷̷r̷̷ ̷̷m̷̷a̷̷r̷̷r̷̷y̷̷i̷̷n̷̷g̷̷ ̷̷h̷̷i̷̷m̷̷ ̷̷a̷̷s̷̷ ̷̷y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷r̷̷ ̷̷w̷̷i̷̷f̷̷e̷̷.̷̷
̷̷s̷̷o̷̷r̷̷r̷̷y̷̷ ̷̷a̷̷b̷̷o̷̷u̷̷t̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷h̷̷a̷̷t̷̷.̷̷
̷̷
̷̷B̷̷u̷̷t̷̷ ̷̷o̷̷n̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷h̷̷i̷̷n̷̷g̷̷ ̷̷I̷̷ ̷̷w̷̷i̷̷l̷̷l̷̷ ̷̷a̷̷s̷̷s̷̷u̷̷r̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷ ̷̷i̷̷s̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷h̷̷a̷̷t̷̷ ̷̷i̷̷f̷̷ ̷̷y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷ ̷̷d̷̷o̷̷n̷̷'̷̷t̷̷ ̷̷l̷̷e̷̷a̷̷v̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷h̷̷i̷̷s̷̷ ̷̷m̷̷a̷̷n̷̷,̷̷ ̷̷y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷ ̷̷w̷̷i̷̷l̷̷l̷̷ ̷̷m̷̷o̷̷s̷̷t̷̷ ̷̷l̷̷i̷̷k̷̷e̷̷l̷̷y̷̷ ̷̷d̷̷i̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷b̷̷e̷̷f̷̷o̷̷r̷̷e̷̷ ̷̷y̷̷o̷̷u̷̷r̷̷ ̷̷t̷̷i̷̷m̷̷e̷̷.̷

Iffffffy:
At some point, I thought I was the one doing this narration, it is well sis.