sirjamesjnr:
So I have this conversation with some group of like minds and these are what I could get from our discussion:
On the negative side;
1.Abuse and manipulation
2.Disrespect and devaluation
3.Constant complaints and criticism
4.Feelings of perpetual inadequacy and failure to meet unrealistic expectations (I deal with that enough at work; I don’t want it at home)
5.Being ignored
6.Being cheated on
7.Being lied to about her level of sexual involvement with others (not in the sense of cheating, but potential exposure to STDs)
8.Being unloved, uncared about, and taken for granted
9.Not being allowed to make mistakes
10.Not being allowed to have my hobbies
11. Being treated like a piece of meat
12. Being expected to put up with his/her endless bullshit (which is usually deal-breaker stuff) while simultaneously not being allowed to be human myself
13. Being subjected to skewed perceptions of reality and overreacting to stupid shit
14.constantly wondering when he/she’s going to dump me for reasons that are unknown to me
15. Trying to change or “fix” me
On the positive side:
1.Career- To achieve stability most people opt for an academic path with lasts till the mid-20s sometimes even till the late 20s. Post that, once they get that lucrative job/onsite opportunity they aspired for, they delay marriage. Marriage is considered a potential hindrance to professional success by many people.
2.Space- Everyone seeks independence, especially millennials. Long term relationship requires sharing of this space which people don't like
People are warier and warier of :

3.Compromises- Marriage, by definition, is living with another person. This is bound to require adjustment which isn't easy

4.Commitment - This freaks youngsters today. When you're dating in college, commitment comes easy. But marriage brings along a different set of responsibilities which need a commitment of the highest order

5.The process of arranged marriage- This is a makes to the list purely because it shrouds the sanctity of marriage. Girls seeking millionaires and guys seeking miss universes just disturbs the definition and sanctity of the institution

6.With the advent of feminism, women are more self-reliant than they have ever been. Therefore they too don't seek a partner for financial independence and postpone relationships.

Mine: Career and schooling. My girl still has her masters to deal with.
So ladies and gentlemen, why you are single?
How can we close the circle?

Why are you Married?


Or intends to get Married?

I'm single because of lack of capital to start our relationship, high cost of living, unhealthy competition from other guys, poor infrastructure, attack from other boys, sponsor from sugar daddy, high cost of maintenance.

I have come to realise that women care more about the financial and social benefits of getting married than their actual partners which is why things get uneasy several years down the line.

That's my view for the men anyway.

Sixfeetbelle:


Freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible, yeah, I can see it.

You've nailed it.

They don't want emotional strings or family life (they will tell you how they want to have relationships with their children in their comical fashion). They hate to be told anything contrary to their opinion. How dare a woman try to control any aspect of their lives, how dare she? The thrill of gratituous sex anytime they want it is the secret behind all men who want to stay single.

Typical of the lawless ones who think they're driven. They lack control and so many other things when you look microscopically at their cases. They are the male prostitutes at heart.

It's best they undergo vasectomies or become gay, because anyone who has children for them, and the children themselves, are doomed.

Afterwards they convince themselves it's about money. But even the ones with money have the same issues. Damaged men with unhealthy egos.

Financial problems

Taking their sweet time like me

Being careful to avoid mistakes that they made in the past

Unrealistic expectations

Wrong perception of relationships

Etc

I think the major problem for people being single these days is compromise,many people don't want to make adjustments in their life to fit in other people,we always want to have our own way while forgetting that as we all look different so is our perspective and reasoning.
Getting married isn't the problem but staying married is,that's what makes lots of people don't even consider embarking on a marriage journey they aren't even sure of the outcome.
Marriage requires a lot emotional maturity,which many people don't have,marriage is not a fairytale that have a happily ever after ending,it's real life,many people think marriage is scripted,where they'll just go and act out scenes,and recite lines,where all the actions,emotions,and ending is already known but when they get slapped in the face by reality that marriage is a blank space where you write down your history,then it'll be too late and the high of marriage comes crashing down.
Marriage is the greatest risk of all,and like all risks the outcome is unknown,we need to be emotionally matured in handling our feelings,we should always be prepared for the worst cos come rain or sunshine there will always be the worst,but how we handle it is what really matters.
Finding the right person isn't easy cos your choice might not be the person's choice but I still believe everyone have the one person who is made for them,our problem is thinking life is a fast lane where we want to rush everything forgetting that good things takes time. I just pray we find the one who is made for us on time.

SmartPolician:


Ewu

I am even single, but your attack on the ladies is senseless, to say the least

Give these ladies a break

It's not like we guys are perfect

Every second, you lots are on Nairaland using unprintable words on women like some bunches of jobless orangutans!

They have a point, you know.

Men ain't perfect

But a lot of females in this part of the world are absolute disasters

Bmaster:
I'm just thinking we invite Oga Ubunja over this matter

He might fully have all the answers to every bothering questions of us

You would be surprised ubunja has his own relationship challenges and suffering in silence.

Y'all need to realise that relationship is bigger than everyone and it requires patience, genuine affection, forgiveness, skillset, tolerance and a decent level of understanding of each other.

Above all, marriage is a beautiful thing when you're with the right person.

BRATISLAVA:


You've nailed it.

They don't want emotional strings or family life (they will tell you how they want to have relationships with their children in their comical fashion). They hate to be told anything contrary to their opinion. How dare a woman try to control any aspect of their lives, how dare she? The thrill of gratituous sex anytime they want it is the secret behind all men who want to stay single.

Typical of the lawless ones who think they're driven. They lack control and so many other things when you look microscopically at their cases. They are the male prostitutes at heart.

It's best they undergo vasectomies or become gay, because anyone who has children for them, and the children themselves, are doomed.

Afterwards they convince themselves it's about money. But even the ones with money have the same issues. Damaged men with unhealthy egos.

Well said. It is okay if they don’t want to marry, it is a personal decision I will always respect- but stay your lane, do not bring innocent kids into your drama! You don’t want to marry, but you are looking for women to make babymamas. If you want kids so much, get a surrogate to have them for you. Save us all the babydady/babymama squabbles.

A lot of these guys are not richer than Davido, Tuface and Wizkid, yet we all know the drama they had with their babymamas. Tuface is now very calm, I am sure he would have done a lot differently. Wizkid and Davido will soon reach their own ages of realization. These kids do not deserve the drama their parents bring upon them.

harrwix:
Decent people are very opinionated , selective and vision driven.

Getting married most times for them is beyond physical and sexual attraction

With a highly physical and sexual world we find ourselves today, most often at times they find themselves left behind the phase of things

Finding another decent person that fit their choice is another challenge

I feel decent singles should just create a hangout where they can meet like minds and connect

@bolded,

Lol .

Bad boiz will defo infiltrate, pretend and smash their fragile hearts.

makanma:
So me that's married... I'm indecent? Mr. OP its all about choice.......my husband is not perfect.....me I'm not perfect......but our union is that of two imperfect people that wanna build a perfect life by learning from our past mistakes that made us imperfect in the first place.....dont attach too much seriousness to marriage and you gonna enjoy it

Simple & golden.

Liposure:
as in eee! These days at least two in ten girls is a slut or a onetime hoe one way or the other

So what?

Are you implying that they don't deserve a decent and blissful marriage?

Or are these girls fvckn themselves - why not castigate the men fvckn them too?

blinking001:
As for me I really dont intend to close any circle. The times have changed and men got to change their sexual strategy too. A millennial woman doesnt deserve to be wifed up. Make them your baby mama for your own peace of mind and sanity.
Men being the romantics have always had the wealth and yet the world still remained a better place but immediately the female folks became emancipated they changed everything into this Amoral society we find ourselves today.
Women cannot handle wealth and power so it's better you let them burn into ashes or you save them with the baby mama strategy.

Have you thought about the ill societal impacts of single parenthood or poor parenting? If the world is to be a better place in future, we must get it right at the family level. This small unit begats all the problems of this world.

Jonasbadoo:
I can see that you're pained Olosho

I didn't even quote you when I made that comment, so for you to mention me shows how much my comment hurt you. Truth, they say, is bitter.

I said what I said. Men have been known to propose to a lady they just met and marry her under 3 months. Do you think those men concerned about ladies chastity? Men that want a wife in name and child-bearing purposes don't have time to come and be dating ladies for years on end.

See eh, when a man is well to do and wants to settle down, nothing will stop him from marrying and I mean nothing. Ladies boku. Families that are looking to become in-laws this Christmas yapa. What else does someone like for example Phyno need to get married this Christmas? Drop money and ndi ogbe will find kpocha kpocha wife for you. No stress.

Marriage is/was never a big deal to men from the beginning of time. It is not a priority for them. Go around and ask. Any man that keeps on complaining ladies chastity is why he isn't yet married is not yet ready for marriage. Simple.

RedPhoenix:




You're a wicked soul

Your father

Sixfeetbelle:


Goodness gracious! You are so bitter.

May God have mercy on your dark soul.

Your father

Sixfeetbelle:


I didn't even quote you when I made that comment, so for you to mention me shows how much my comment hurt you. Truth, they say, is bitter.

I said what I said. Men have been known to propose to a lady they just met and marry her under 3 months. Do you think those men concerned about ladies chastity? Men that want a wife in name and child-bearing purposes don't have time to come and be dating ladies for years on end.

See eh, when a man is well to do and wants to settle down, nothing will stop him from marrying and I mean nothing. Ladies boku. Families that are looking to become in-laws this Christmas yapa. What else does someone like for example Phyno need to get married this Christmas? Drop money and ndi ogbe will find kpocha kpocha wife for you. No stress.

Marriage is/was never a big deal to men from the beginning of time. It is not a priority for them. Go around and ask. Any man that keeps on complaining ladies chastity is why he isn't yet married is not yet ready for marriage. Simple.

Ladies are not saints either and married women Bleep a lot
So what are you insinuating ?? Men are not your problem dear ,do what works for you and leave others to their decisions simple

Liposure:
how can you say that. The People getting married do they have two heads?

So what should we do?
People can't keep moping over the fact that they're still single
It hurts to be single,being decent and being in a good relationship is really sweet but we can't keep getting broken with the thought of being single

vanvino:


Why are you Married?


Or intends to get Married?

My fiancee is a known Nairaland. DrFunmisticGlow.

Sixfeetbelle:


Freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible, yeah, I can see it.

If anyone feels marriage would be an impediment to the kind of life they live and enjoy, I think it's within their rights to refrain and remain single.

You have no basis to conclude that it's for the 'freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible'.

Kindly respect their 'Freedom of Choice' abeg.

Lucrativress:

So what should we do?
People can't keep moping over the fact that they're still single
It hurts to be single,being decent and being in a good relationship is really sweet but we can't keep getting broken with the thought of being single

Work on your character, be a bit romantic,dress decent and hope for the best.

NoFucksToGive:


Your father

Say Amen you wayward child. Is something wrong with you? Do I look like your age mate?

Say Amen osiso before thunder will start locating you now.

omooba969:


If anyone feels marriage would be an impediment to the kind of life they live and enjoy, I think it's within their rights to refrain and remain single.

You have no basis to conclude that it's for the 'freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible'.

Kindly respect their 'Freedom of Choice' abeg.

You are right. I do not know why we intend to force our opinion on others it sucks.

omooba969:


If anyone feels marriage would be an impediment to the kind of life they live and enjoy, I think it's within their rights to refrain and remain single.

You have no basis to conclude that it's for the 'freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible'.

Kindly respect their 'Freedom of Choice' abeg.

I said what I said. Whoever prefers baby mama to wife is a cheat in bold letters, freedom be damned. Their so called need for freedom is to the detriment of the well-being of that child cause statistics shows that married men are more responsible towards their children than unmarried niggas.

Brandonx:

I'm not ready to get married because no lady has been able to prove to me beyond reasonable doubt the benefits of marriage.
I think men should only think about marriage when they are above 50 years you know close to retirement so you don't feel lonely later.

That is selfishness. Why will you be a load to someone daughter?

NoFucksToGive:


Your father

Na so e pain you

Sixfeetbelle:


Say Amen you wayward child. Is something wrong with you? Do I look like your age mate?

Say Amen osiso before thunder will start locating you now.

Your useless generation

blinking001:
As for me I really dont intend to close any circle. The times have changed and men got to change their sexual strategy too. A millennial woman doesnt deserve to be wifed up. Make them your baby mama for your own peace of mind and sanity.
Men being the romantics have always had the wealth and yet the world still remained a better place but immediately the female folks became emancipated they changed everything into this Amoral society we find ourselves today.
Women cannot handle wealth and power so it's better you let them burn into ashes or you save them with the baby mama strategy.

For God sake what is this garbage you wrote up there?
Just simply say you like the baby mama strategy and don’t want commitment. Why now start the blame game on women?

anochuko01:
Abeg let the decent single guys and girls connect here jaree.

Personally, I feel decent people always want their decency to be rewarded by being with a fellow decent person. So they're very picky and don't mind being single for so long.


For me, It's hard finding a selfless person around. Most girl want to play smart on you and don't mind trampling on you to get whatever they want. Very painful thing.

Before I met my girl, I have girls who try this with me, but I always have my Exit plans. I can't develop myself and I stoop low for one lowlife.

OB7Foreva:
There's alot of dumb girls this days, who doesn't know what they want.

We have a lot of guys who takes advantage of good ladies

omooba969:


If anyone feels marriage would be an impediment to the kind of life they live and enjoy, I think it's within their rights to refrain and remain single.

You have no basis to conclude that it's for the 'freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible'.

Kindly respect their 'Freedom of Choice' abeg.

tell that to those old gossip loving and scowling aunties who are miserable in their marriage and still want you to share in their misery

omooba969:


If anyone feels marriage would be an impediment to the kind of life they live and enjoy, I think it's within their rights to refrain and remain single.

You have no basis to conclude that it's for the 'freedom to cheat at will and generally be irresponsible'.

Kindly respect their 'Freedom of Choice' abeg.

well said, although the person you quoted didn’t put his word well but the lifestyle of many randy men/women today is that they can afford to be committed to one person l except such person is everything in their dream world which is not possible