Do you want him? You like him already.

You already called your boyfriend EX, so what do you want us to help you do now.

I just saw that you like heated argument, it could lead to a slap oh.

Do what makes you feel better abeg.

PS: Any party today, feel like eating that party jollof rice, so yummy!

JONNYSPUTE:
. Since after that incident I ve not touched her again in fact the funny thing is that when we want to argue she will jokingly tell me that I should pls go Nd that she doesn't want to receive that type of slap again Nd we will laugh over it Nd forget the argument.

This is because you have exerted your authority and now she knows her limit.

That misbehaviour from her can never happen again, not in this lifetime.

You are a man and you have taken full control of you home, congratulations.

If a woman does not respect you, just leave the marriage.

alexialin:
Well av not been beaten up sha and I don't hope or even expect to be.

No one will ever beat you up, At least for no reason.

Stay away from beastly and emotionally unstable people.

Most importantly, play your cards well.

Daboomb:


Let him relocate her to Europe/USA and then he will realise that the woman has been "lying low" all these while.
She would put him in jail faster than he can count one-to-five.

Until you live with your wife, for at least five years in those places and she still behaves herself, until then can you say you truly have a wife.

Well, they are in Nigeria and he handled it well for now.
Some couples will never travel out.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Exactly bro. All this weak men hiding under don't lay a hand on a woman. Let me tell u a short story. When I got married newly back then Nd mywifes does anything I don't like,I simply take my car keys Nd walk away but it got to a point I laughed Nd gave her one resounding slap that changed all her bad attitude. She even invited her parents over Nd I walked all of them out of my house,made them realise that am the man Nd since then she Nd her family members does not utter a words when am talking. I luv her dearly,bought her a car Nd make sure she is comfortable ,pet her when I can but I made sure she knows her boundaries Nd Neva to cross it.

This is what we call stick and carrot approach... You flog with the stick, you pet with the carrot.

I have always said this, most women are like children... You cannot keep walking away everytime... You will soon walk out of your respect and control of your house.

my Bros, just imagine you that you are always walking out... Can you imagine the state your marriage will be today?

Some will say, if he slaps me, I will leave because he will do it again. But you are an example, have you touched her again? NO I BELIEVE.

Me, I can never let a woman grow wings on me, and I will never walk away. Either we behave like adults or we roll it like kids.

Riko2:
I bet d decease will be one of those guys dat will tell u Real men don't hit a lady,na see waiting d thin don do am Rip though.

He must have been the leader of the movement.
A slap would have prevented his death, I guess he was always pleading and walking away till she started to see him as nothing.

pocohantas:
Nawa!Violent people everywhere.
Where is the guy that created a thread saying all men are violent. Come and see woman.

Violent women are worse by my observation.
A man might give punches, but when they want to do their own...they go for your life, knowing they can't match you physically.

Stay away from abusive people
Walk away from fights.

RIP to the youg man.
It happened in an organised country, I am sure justice will prevail.

It was actually vice versa.
I am here just shaking my head in pity, wondering what this guy must have done.

How are you today?

kingofcasting:

Wicked you are!

Blackfyre:


Most often than not, women gravitate to such even though they may say otherwise. I mean what else does she need

Hopefully, we are both on track.

This is a man in whom I am well pleased.

Thank you for the illumination

Blackfyre:


I am no boss, 'Bro' will suffice

That's if you can't keep the emotions out. What am saying, it's absolutely not needed to deliver what a woman needs. Adding emotions to it is just setting yourself up to a very unpredictable field which women have time and time are adept at (why that is so,i don't know). This i believe is because, it's just not a man's thing and when that happens, wife beating, killings and all such craps happens.

It just doesn't look good on a man.

I do not follow that last line, how can it not survive from a female perspective in what sense?

Okay, brother. A bit clearer now.

Stick and carrot approach. Be in control of your emotions and the woman will tag along.

The emotional sphere is where the woman dominate, so forgetting this to work, the man has to move base to that of logic and reason and leave no gateway to the land of emotions.

Am I in track?

charlsecy:
Same as you shouldn't see any reason why a woman should hit a man no matter what.

Your comment is the type we call... BALANCED EQUATION.

lalasticlala, help us out here.
NwaAmaikpe, your sarcastic brilliance is needed here.

Blackfyre:


You need not marry her for love but for the qualities you looking for in a woman. Like you are looking for a suitable genes that will be competitive in today's world. If you look at it from that angle, it's not about love but breeding, at least that's how i look at it.

Speaking of, don't cheat on her, be a responsible man, husband and father. Consider her dreams, aspirations, concerns and fears. Basically make her feel secure, i don't see how you need to cut your heart out to achieve all these as far as she too knows what she is looking for and game for it.



Babymamaism doesn't connote a responsible man or woman, hence this doesn't apply. Contract marriage, well, a series of Q&A as well as her pasts should reveal what you may be facing up to.



Boring in what sense? Random trips to places, seeing a movie together, sex life? I still don't see how emotions or attachments are necessary to achieve these. Please point it out or create a scenario.

Sadistic spouse, same as above, plus courtship should give you an idea the sort of person you dealing with. It's like you will beating, cheating or abusive to her, why will she be sadistic after marriage?


My point is, do not invest or create expectations as we are all humans no one is infallible. It's from this premise that emotional outbursts or irrationality can be expunged.

Damn, more wisdom, knowledge and understanding fall on you boss!

This is the kind of engagement and enlightenment that I crave.

Do you know that as simplistic as this comment is, you just cracked an age long Morse code?

In lay man terms, you are saying whatever the relationship, do not let emotion control you.

But my boss, we know guys can handle this "Blackfyre hypothesis", how can it survive from a female perspective where emotion is the strongest point?

biggace:

Brother, I think they can also adopt the husband as a baby, then nurture him till adulthood and marry him.

Fyi0:

Nonsense. Try rubbish with me and I'll beat you.

Brother, why you Vex na?

No Vex again oh.

majekoam:


NO problem Bro. I was once the same and someone corrected me.
Its good where your mind is. Educate people. Its the only way we can all improve.

I wanted to ask one thing. Do you think there are ladies out there who see the signs of a woman beater before the relationship becomes serious but still continue?

Yes,

- When a man is trying to be overly controlling especially in situations where the lady knows what she is doing and want, i think that is a red flag but some of them call it love.

- Some mistake obsession and fanatism as attention and concern, it will backfire.

- Some ladies see how the man acts towards others and his quickness to anger but she feels she is safe, only a matter of time till he turns on her.

- Others stick because of money and material gains.

It is common, though some men really change for good, it is just a microsm.

ZandhaZaraZ:
Are you changing the subject? I thought we were talking about wife-beating and domestic violence? Where does "survival instincts" come into that? How have the women being battered threatened their husbands' survival instinct? I'm a living thing who know's he's not long for this world if he spends most of his time smelling the roses, so I understand reality quite well, and know when I'm supposed to defend myself and fight for my survival.

But beating a woman for "running her mouth", impaling my ego, or hurting my feelings is insanity to me. There's no reason why I should hit my wife, or anyone at all when she, or they haven't physically assaulted me, or made any such attempt.

Striking back in self-defence is not wife-beating in the real sense, so I wonder what that has got to do with this.

Your argument was that ALL men are potential animals who may beat their wives for flimsy reasons that have done nothing to threaten their "survival instinct", and the point of that post was to prove you wrong.

The post was not about wife beating in that sense, it was about correcting a common saying "real men do not beat their wife".
Read my disclaimer first, every man can beat a woman(romantic or not) and i highlighted your own reason why you will not do that.

all in all, i feel you have aired your view and their is no point flogging it.

Blackfyre:


I don't know about anyone else or you, but i strongly believe you can do same in relationships and marriage. As far as you are dutiful as a partner and you do all that to make her/him happy. I see no reason how emotions or attachment are needed to achieve these things.

Personally, i will be honest, i just came to this resolution so havent tried it out in any relationship yet. But i tried it out on a close fam, which is as close as any man can get and it's very useful, illuminating and stable and far more in control. Plus if you can do it to your fam, someone born of another woman should not be hard.

I just love the way we have created a sub discussion.

I feel it will be hard to go emotionless in a relationship or marriage, will it not be best if it never materialize?
You need to love your partner na dget attached, right?

To me, this is the principle on which the recent wave of "babymamaism" and contract marriage is borne.

I will try this experiment of yours, i am only worried of the long term effect like a boring marriage and a sadistic spouse.

What do you think?

majekoam:
Prec1ous:

I wasn't going to read the text because of the generalization you made in the title but i thought for the sake of objectivity let me go on.
If all men are potential wife beaters then aren't all women potentially husband beaters? it just takes the right situation.

Firstly. I have personally had situations where some friends and I, both male and female were at a lounge and a female came to join us. We got to talking and for some reason she said I bet you are the kind of guy that can lay his hands on a woman. I am a broad guy (Sports player type), so maybe she assumed because of that that i would be a wife beater, fortunately i didnt have to defend myself. My female friends their were the ones who defended me...I didnt say a word. To top it all off she started to slap me on the head (Ridiculously ironic)/ whether playful or not I told her that I dont like it and she should stop but she kept on doing it. My female friends sat watching because they knew that i dont like it as we have discussed it before and I feel if a man shouldnt do it neither should women. Once again they came to my aid and told her to stop. Only then did she stop. So why did she continue to do so when i asked her openly to stop?....There are so many double standards so if you are going to write up something you should be thorough.

"There was also a post that reads like this:
A woman hitting a man isn't cute at all
I really don't support that

All am trying to say is that hitting a woman is unacceptable
Men are physically stronger than women..So men should learn to walk away"
"
Check the tone of the different paragraphs. The first paragraph (against women beaters) is a slap on the wrist ("I DONT REALLY SUPPORT THAT" ). The second against men is a total condemnation ("HITTING A WOMAN IS UNACCEPTABLE" ). They are both Unacceptable.


Secondly My Guy, If all men are potential wife beaters then there is no need for a classification system.

Thirdly:
"- A man who loves you too much to the point of obsession and jealousy will hit you, because he wants to correct you.". I personally disagree. He will hit you because he is possessive. He sees women as an object he owns. There is no correlation between violence and love. If you're thinking about the relationship between parents and children then it differs. That is discipline because the children might not be able to understand what the parent is trying to communicate with them.

To be fair you have written many good points. There are clearly major problems in society with domestic abuse but please dont generalize. Its better you say "Characteristics of men who may become potential wife beaters". Many women who may have had a negative experience or are naive may feel all men beat their women black and blue. That is not the case. You may affect someone's destiny....
Just my opinion.

TRUCKLOAD OF RESPECT!!!!!!

I LEARNT TOO

THANK YOU

ZandhaZaraZ:
Absolute nonsense. My dad never raised his hand on my mum, for as long as I can recall, let alone beat her. Not all men are like you.

From primary through secondary school, I've been offended by many of my female classmates in numerous infuriating ways, but I never touched any of them. My sister, my cousins, I've never beaten any of them, because I have a natural aversion for physical violence, not only against women, but against anyone at all.

So, I consider it IMPOSSIBLE for my girlfriend, or in the future, my wife, whose sparkling eyes are enough to make me weak in the knees, to be physically assaulted by me. I base this assertion not on some fantastic wish, but on an INCONTROVERTIBLE FACT of my own life that I have observed throughout my growth, and is never going to change any time soon.

So, OP, you're wrong. Not every man is a potential wife beater!

This is your rreason "because I have a natural aversion for physical violence, not only against women, but against anyone at all."

Pray you do not meet nyone, male or female who will test your survival instinct!

Blackfyre:


Pardon me but the remedy to all this brouhaha is simple. Do not develop any emotional attachment or investment in any female/male. Do not see a female/male as indispensable. Above all, expect the worst and hope for the best.

Is my assessment wrong? Because 'emotions' 'feelings' 'expectations' seem to be the common denominator.

Exactly, the lesser the attachment and investment, then there will virtually be no expectation.
Thus no reason for anyone to hurt another.

Your assessment is the BEST SOLUTION ACTUALLY!

But in relationships and marriage, there will always be attachment and investments.

This then raise another argument, is marriage worht all this hassle?

pocohantas:
There are lots of people with plenty self control.
I would never hit a man, except in self defence, even at that...he has to be armed or fully out for me.

It'll take more than aslap or words to bring out the beast in me.

It's understandable if some of you are not like that.
You'll get thee...just don't kill anyone before you attain that level of self-control. Kirikiri isn't a nice place to be, neither will this article help that person.

As ususal, very apt and objective!
One of those who see things clearly.

I told a friend, I see no reason why hot tempered guys should marry.
When they get angry they feel wrecking havoc is the next best thing.

Kirikiri too far na, that is if bullets have not dug holes in him!
Ladies need to beware of their partners too.

Thanks

crismark:
u better shut up if u av ntn to say.... Maybe because u successfully wrote an informal letter or composition for some pry 3 pupil, u started tinking u re brilliant enough to write dis... Please u re nt qualified to write on a very sensitive issue like dis.. jst shut up nd stick to other less sensitive issues..

k

Peachess:

Sorry o, if I judge you wrongly. But I just had to say something cos some abusive/ "prospective abusive" men reading this will take this thread as a justification of their actions.
Walking away is easy, like my parents taught us from childhood how to walk away no matter how provoked we were. Cos if you fight and they find out, it won't be funny at all. It takes practice but it's not impossible.
So no cry again eh

You and i know that a very normal man will not hit his wife, he will happily walk away.
If nothing, but freedom to drink beer for that day

The crazy ones are those doing the beating especially when unprovoked.

If a man sees this post as a validation for misbehaving, then he has gone mad!

Thank you, i don clean my eyes now

hisgrace090:
Don't generalize! For I in particular will never lay my hand on a woman.

You still do not get it ...

It is not that you cannot hit a woman, you only said you will never
Two different things!

BJ0SE:


Why should he leave the Anglican church. Just give me one reason.

I only gave a suggestion, it is left for him!

ndubueze92:
By inference, that's inevitable hence, they're advised to attend martial art classes? Nairaland and inferential generalizations eh!.... I wonder. Am not married and still got 3-5 more years to prepare for it.
I don't know what happens in the future, but don't want to be a wife beater........ Here are some reasons that will bring problems;
1, calling my mum a witch or whatsoever.
2, barring my siblings from coming to the house .
3, Stopping me from disciplinary actions on the kids.....

Ladies, more reasons are here already.

Instead of them to learn, they see this as some sort of insult which baffles me.

Everyman has principles, you cannot keep destroying his standard and yet expect him to walk away everytime.

Know your man and stop scratching for issues.

Thanks for your input!

TheSonOfMark:


Emotional-blackmail-laced hogwash.

Any woman who initiates physical assault on any man should have her limbs broken if it comes to that.

Curse me out, nag if you want to, I'd take it without flinching but if you hit me, I'd leave you bleeding.

It's self-defense after all.

Unprovoked attack to a woman is a way to know a mad man..

But when a woman is attacking a man physically with or without a weapon, she must have seen them as equal in strenght.
She is obviously ready for a fight, thus should the man still walk away?

I just do not know why they keep up with the emotional blackmail.

Peachess:
What happened to walking away? That's the best thing you can do. The truth is that most people needs anger management classes. From the way you talk (type) it's obvious you're abusive and you're trying to generalize the issue just to make you feel good that all males are like you. I've seen males faced with worse situation than the one you mentioned but they never raise their hand on anyone, they just walked away.
Females are not puppets or toys you own and can mishandle it. That's why I'd always advice female to attend martial arts classes for the purpose of self defense. Remember there's a this line between life and death, you'll know walking away is the best option when you beat someone daughter to death.

This is what i was trying to avoid. Can we not just read things straight up and not trying to be judgemental, you are actually judging me. This is not a MAN VS WOMAN thread, if for anything, it is simply correcting a misconception.

Everyman is a potential wife beater including myself but SELF CONTROL while other positive factors are a constant is what keeps most people in check.

Apart from experience, people write based on observation and that was my motivation for this. You cannot just point fingers at me when you do not even know my first name. That is not fair, i am a social scientist and observation is my way of gathering knowledge.

You keep talking of walking away, as if it is that easy. I stated above that, apart from the wife, this men are facing some other challenges, they are 2 minutes away from snapping. You skipped that and picked the one that tickles you the more.

Stop the emotionally induced response(Did you eeven read the disclaimer?), you are bringing me to tears.

coolh3ad:


"Any man who tells you that he will never raise his hands to touch you is a full blown liar. I do not have time for all the hypocrites and beta males that will flood this thread, deep down they know what i am saying is the fact!".

Mr Oga - I say that all the time and I mean it because it is a vow I made never to hit any woman. I grew up seeing my dad hit my mum like 5 times in a week. It was something I hated with a passion. I boiled with rage anytime it happened. So I made up my mind never to do that I would rather walk out on the lady.

My younger sister (the last born) still uses this against me anytime I use style tell am say "I will give you a dirty slap" out of annoyance. She will tell me jokingly " I know you can't hit me jor".

Don't even say I have not been "over tempted" or dared to do that. I have been pushed to the limit oo but If it's a lady, Bros - I walk away oooo.

I don't know of other guys o but for me oooo. I can't and I will never do that.....NEVER EVER......

We are still saying the same thing.

It is not that you cannot hit a woman, you only made a vow not to because of experience. Which has increased your level of self control and extended your elastic limit

blizard44:
You actually made sense.

A rational man or woman would remain sweet until pushed.
That he's not all hell on you is solely because you have been sweet on him.

It's human nature.

All those folks shouting 'real men ' upandan are simply delusional.

My brother, I really got tired of that anthem.

Fake men everywhere, where are the real ones then?

You stated it already, you have to be sweet to also get a sweetheart. Garbage in garbage out.

Respect

Mhizkel:

Some women are actually wolves.

I can bet something for certain!

Some people will come for your head just for stating the simple truth.

It is great to see a lady thinking logically and not emotionally.

Mhizkel:
And what if it's the case of self defence?
I'm not saying it's right for a man to hit a woman, but some women use that as an opportunity to explore.
You see them making use of sharp objects whenever an argument occur between them and their partner.

If you noticed, I actually did not want it to be a man against woman issue. Emotions will run too high. Feminists and self righteous individuals will have a field day.

This is why I came in from the male perspective.

But my sister, in the case of self defense, blood MUST flow!