₦airaland Forum

this shiiiiiiit is not correct jor: http://www.dss.gov.ng/

All these Yahoo + niggars.............. nothing last forever... Then they are gonna no that HARD WORK pays...

rawwwwwwwwwwwwwbish

Conversation Between a Rat and Man

Rat: (with tiny voice) Hello

Man: Hello, Who am I speaking with?

Rat: Na Mr. John be dis abi?

Man: Yes you are speaking with Mr. John, who is this please?

Rat: So you no recognise my voice abi? Na me your Room Mate

Man: You say what?

Rat: Your Room Mate Rat. I dey your Room now.

Man: I beg your pardon?

Rat: Which yeye beg you dey beg. I never chop since yesterday wey you waka comot. I check that place you dey put food i no see anything. I check kitchen nothing. I even check your Fridge no single food there. E be like say you wan kill me abi? No problem, I just say make I let you know say that your Certificate for inside your wardrobe wey dem write UNIVERSITY OF CALABAR, I don eat the ''CALA'' comot remain "BAR". Let me see which work you go take UNIVERSITY OF "BAR" find. Idiot.


Lol. Good luck in your job search peeps, and please keep your certificates safe.
Have a nice day.

Conversation Between a Rat and Man Rat: (with tiny voice) Hello Man: Hello, Who am I speaking with? Rat: Na Mr. John be dis abi? Man: Yes you are speaking with Mr. John, who is this please? Rat: So you no recognise my voice abi? Na me your Room Mate Man: You say what? Rat: Your Room Mate Rat. I dey your Room now. Man: I beg your pardon? Rat: Which yeye beg you dey beg. I never chop since yesterday wey you waka comot. I check that place you dey put food i no see anything. I check kitchen nothing. I even check your Fridge no single food there. E be like say you wan kill me abi? No problem, I just say make I let you know say that your Certificate for inside your wardrobe wey dem write UNIVERSITY OF CALABAR, I don eat the ''CALA'' comot remain "BAR". Let me see which work you go take UNIVERSITY OF "BAR" find. Idiot. Lol. Good luck in your job search peeps, and please keep your certificates safe. Have a nice day.

#40.6 milla ...............current dollar to naira exchange.

Chisos...............God punish poverty

peerless0012:
this Npower is rubbish... Those that registered for the program early June did not receive the text.. it appears they have lost their data and failed to inform them to re register.... make i just they look sha..

you are 100% right................This present government has lost it since its inception....rubbish

pls the site is totally down oo. How was it in ur area. I'm suppose to have done my Npower test,but alas d site is totally blanked.

WONDERFUL JOB GOOD PPLE

Some village old women sha!
Just greet one old woman in the village and she will summarize the history of your generation in one sentence.
You will hear something like...
"Morning my son... Bia! Are u not Emeka, the son of Akubue from Umunta Kindred, the one who raped two girls before getting married to Ezinne the daughter of Azubike the palm wine tapper from Umudike who fell from palm tree while starring at the buttocks of Amara the village famous prostitute? So my son, you have grown dis big? THIS ☝ PASS MY POWER OO *

SirVintageCock:
I travelled to my town on one of this festivities and was strolling and greeting friends along the way with my earpiece blasting P-square's Omoge mi till I got to the pathway that leads to our compound. I was about negotiating the bend when this guy I know quite well shoot off like a bullet almost knocking me flat on the ground, I managed to peep to know what's after him and there were really something after him, ...... policemen were after him. I didn't bother to count how many they are i just shoot off too and followed the guy by then they were already very close and had their hands around my shirt I manage to wriggle out of their grip, pull it off and throw it into the bush while I was running for my dear life.
By then the guy they were after was already short of breath and felt that since they are after me too he can take a break and catch his breathe. They got him on his shirt and trouser and were dragging him back to their van oblivious of the fact that my guy was unbuttoning his clothes. He managed to cut himself loose again and shoot off, they held the shirt it slipped from his body, the trouser is already at his ankle he lifted his leg and got it out and WAS FREEEEEEEE. He ran like a mo'fucker for his dear life. The policemen were amazed to what was happening to the extent that instead of chasing him they stood there for some seconds before bursting into fistful fits of laughter.
It WAS funny but wouldn't have been funny if they had caught him.
I witnessed from a VERY safe distance.

I suspect you are Lie-mohamed............chai you can lie ooo bros bros

I luv d way u dey lie oo. anyway continue

Does any serious-minded farmer go to farm in white T-shirt,polo facecap and sneakers ? Rawbissssssssssssssssssssssssh

tell that dude to continue deceiving himself by himself...........spit

ds guy deserve to be fed with cockroach dwelling in toilet

360metrosports:
President Buhari and his Vice President,Osinbajo hosted ministers at the Aso Villa yesterday during the Ramadan break fast time.

http://www.metronaija.com/2016/06/photos-buhari-breaks-ramadan-fast-with.html

While Nigerians have been on compulsory fasting since May 29th 2015.......................... contunu until may 29th 2019 when u will knw ur fate and that of ur co-liars.

I pledge to Nigeria my country........

1. Literally what does an erection feel like?
2. What happens when you're feeling Hot and you're wearing jeans? Where does it go? Does it hurt?
3. Balls! What are they good for?! Do we squeeze them? Leave 'em alone?
4. Do you ever feel weighed down by your penis?
5. Do you feel it dangling off your body?
6. Do you have a good relationship with your penis?
7. Are you perennially anxious about size?
8. Do you ever get worried it'll get crushed if you sleep naked and roll over?
9. Do you ever just play around with it? How fun is that?
10. How do you feel about jizz, generally speaking?
11. Can a penis be feminist ?
12. Do you ever accidentally sit on it?
13. Is one ball bigger than the other? If so, do you have a favorite?
14. Why do you love taking so many pictures of it?
15. Why don't you respect your penis enough to at least take ~flattering~ pictures of it?
16. Have you measured your penis?
17. What's the exact measurement?
18. Does deep-Drinking really feel that good or are you into it for cultural reasons?
19. Do you ever get sick of holding it while you pee?
20. Does peeing sitting down feel cool and relaxing to you?
21. Why do you sometimes pretend your penis is a jackhammer during sex?
22. Do you have a name for your penis? If so, why?
23. Do you ever make it move without your hands but pretend it's a ghost who is making your penis move?
24. Do you get generally stressed out about the prospect of having a surprise erection in public?
25. Why do you like building buildings in the shape of joysticks so much?
26. How comfy and warm do vaginas feel?
27. Do you ever just squeeze it when it's flaccid?
28. How squishy is it?

29. (This is technically just a question for my crush) Does your penis like me? If so, why? If not, why?

1. Literally what does an erection feel like? 2. What happens when you're feeling Hot and you're wearing jeans? Where does it go? Does it hurt? 3. Balls! What are they good for?! Do we squeeze them? Leave 'em alone? 4. Do you ever feel weighed down by your penis? 5. Do you feel it dangling off your body? 6. Do you have a good relationship with your penis? 7. Are you perennially anxious about size? 8. Do you ever get worried it'll get crushed if you sleep naked and roll over? 9. Do you ever just play around with it? How fun is that? 10. How do you feel about jizz, generally speaking? 11. Can a penis be feminist ? 12. Do you ever accidentally sit on it? 13. Is one ball bigger than the other? If so, do you have a favorite? 14. Why do you love taking so many pictures of it? 15. Why don't you respect your penis enough to at least take ~flattering~ pictures of it? 16. Have you measured your penis? 17. What's the exact measurement? 18. Does deep-Drinking really feel that good or are you into it for cultural reasons? 19. Do you ever get sick of holding it while you pee? 20. Does peeing sitting down feel cool and relaxing to you? 21. Why do you sometimes pretend your penis is a jackhammer during sex? 22. Do you have a name for your penis? If so, why? 23. Do you ever make it move without your hands but pretend it's a ghost who is making your penis move? 24. Do you get generally stressed out about the prospect of having a surprise erection in public? 25. Why do you like building buildings in the shape of joysticks so much? 26. How comfy and warm do vaginas feel? 27. Do you ever just squeeze it when it's flaccid? 28. How squishy is it? 29. (This is technically just a question for my crush) Does your penis like me? If so, why? If not, why?

*APC KILLS FASTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE*

tapread:
Full Compilation of Kayode Ogundamisi's ratings for @MBuhari's Ministers so far.

1. Minister of Justice Attorney General – Abubakar Malami ** No radical initiative regarding criminal justice system. Rating : 3 out of 10.

2. Minister of Foreign Affairs @GeoffreyOnyeama largely more visible than his predecessors No major reform in Nigerian Embassies 4 out of 10

3. Minister of Finance Folakemi Adeosun shaky start, very visible, speaks well but yet to deliver on Economic Turn around. 4 out of 10

4. Minister of Defence Mansur Dan Ali, @HQNigerianArmy doing well, quiet, but increased Human Rights Violation concerns under him 6 out 10

5. Minister of Education Adamu Adamu ahhh! if he’s not SACKED by @MBuhari then something is wrong. No new policy initiative. 2 out of 10

6. Minister of Industry, Trade & Investment Enyinnaya Okechukwu Enelema yet to feel the impact, no sign of increased T&I scores 3 out of 10

7. Minister of Labour and Employment Chris Ngige Flamboyant came with a lot of promise but more rhetoric than action so far. 4 out of 10

8. Minister of Federal Capital Territory Mohammed Musa Bello will need crash training from @elrufai no radical change in FCT 3 out of 10

9. Minister of Science and Technology Ogbonnaya Onu such a honest, gentleman but is he still a Minister in the Republic? Scores 2 out of 10

10. Minister of Solid Minerals @kfayemi laid down a number of reforms in Solid/M Ministry @ early stages then went quiet. Scored 5 out of 10

11 Minister of Interior Abdulrahman Bello Dambazau 4 a former Army General with a PHD in Security. Performance is disappointing 3 out of 10

12. Minister of Budget and National Planning Udoma Udo Udoma supervised repeated BUDGET PADDINGS & but 4 VERY vigilant Nigerians 3 out of 10 ft

13. Minister of Power, Works & Housing @tundefashola Everyone wanted him to succeed but so far it’s all motion without movement 4 out of 10

14. Minister of Agriculture and Rural Development Audu Ogbeh He actually is a surprise. Trying hard & outlining long term goals 6 out of 10

15. Minister of Transportation @RotimiAmaechi Seems to be bugged down with some ‘Moral Burden’ feels like a Reluctant Minister 4 out of 10

16. Minister of Health Isaac Adewole Ahhh! He should GO! @MBuhari made a mistake with this appointment, lacklustre & confused. 2 out of 10

17. Minister of Women Affairs @SenAishaAlhassn should be SACKED. Mama Taraba is a huge disappointment, anyway she’s ELOPED. 1 out of 10

18 Minister of Niger Delta Usani Usani Uguru Misfit, still wonder why we have @Niger Delta Avengers? Wrong appointment, does not engage ND 1 out of 10

19. Minister of Information Lai Mohammed even when he’s saying the truth,3so discredited even APC members don’t believe him. 3 out of 10

20. Minister of Environment @AminaJMohammed SHINING STAR of @MBuhari administration. Bright! Purposeful 8 out of 10.

21. Minister of Water Resources Suleiman Adamu Kazaure gone missing, if you find him please contact @MBuhari 1 out of 10

22. Minister of Youth and Sports @SolomonDalung very visible, great potential if he get’s his job description right. Not so bad. 6 out of 10

23 Minister of State for Aviation Hadi Sirika should be renamed Minister for ‘National Carrier’ no major reform in Aviation. 3 out of 10

24. Minister of State for Environment Ibrahim Jibrin whatever magic he’s doing to support @AminaJMohammed should not be disrupted 6/10

25 Minister of State 4 Foreign Affairs Khadijat Buka Abba Ibrahim pls drop her, we already have @MBuhari & @GeoffreyOnyeama as F Ministers

26. Minister of State for Solid Minerals Bawa Bwari Abubakar who is He/She? another reason we should scrap Min-State 2 out of 10

27. Minister of State for Health Osagie Ehanire I am surprised he did not resign working under a Ghost substantive Minister 1 out of 10

28 Minister of State for Niger Delta Omole Daramola should go! @MBuhari should get those close to the ND grass-root. 1 out of 10

29. Minister of State for Power, Works and Housing Mustapha Baba Shauri. 2 out of 10 @MBuhari should let @tundefashola deal with Power alone

30. Minister of State for Education Anthony Onwuka I am generous so I give him 1 out of 10 both Onwuka & his Minister should be SACKED!

31. Minister of State for Agriculture and Rural Development Heneiken Lokpobiri another token appointment, He/She should be reassigned 2 out 10 We could not find his number

31-39. 40 Minister of State for Labour and Employment James Ocholi *Passed (May his Soul Rest in Peace) Should have been the substantive Minister.

41. Minister of State for Budget and National Planning Zainab Ahmed joint supervised the Padded Budget of Shame & should pick up 2 out of 10

42. Minister for Communication Adebayo Shittu VERY WRONG appointment. 2 out of 10. Should have been SSA to @MBuhari

43. Minister of State for Industry, Trade and Investment Aisha Abubakar Who she be? If you find her please contact @MBuhari 1 out of 10

44. Minister of State for Petroleum @IbeKachikwu Confident, faced tough challenges & took ownership. 7 out 10. ‪#‎End‬ .

@IbeKachikwu and @AminaJMohammed are the two most outstanding Ministers
Kayode Ogundamisi

THIS GUY IS ABSOLUTELY FULL OF SHIIT....GIVING KACHIUKWU 7/10....WACK RATING BASED ON MINISTERS WITH D LOUDEST NOISE.

This is my 5th year after graduation i fit be me ooo.........

lesson to "I WANNA MARRY BILLIONAIRE AS HUSBAND" this na ur sister in struggle warning you ooo. She don see wetin pass her power...... a faithful man/woman with a legal source of living is worth more than a billionaire who treats you like one of his/her antiques.

xup PGITES in embryo ? AVICKY I really appreciates ur resilience and selfless efforts on ds thread..................hope u re working seriously on ur form A? I can't wait for ds lazy lecturers to resume.... FREE ADVICE....If ure coming in for ur PGD/M.SC/M.Phil/PhD programme,start gathering course materials used during previous session. cos in OAU hardly change course contents but they usually change lecturers handling those courses frm time to time.....
And I wouldn't advice you to leave ur present job because of this programme(keep ur job) cos u only have 2-semesters to complete ur course work after which if u have nothing doing(job) u will be bored to the bone,and the worst is been financially broke....many times I've be approached by a postgraduate stdnt on d walkway(on my way to buttery)beging for just #100......Peace

Enemies army @ our backyard God have mercy......na them votes chain oooo

adesegun121:
Once again, the popular OAP decided to pass a message to those blaming the president for the herdsmen killings..He says they killed more people under former president Jonathan(who he calls clueless) regime ..


: http://www.gistmelove..com/2016/04/stop-blaming-buhari-for-herdsmen.html

frozen brain has talk ooooo....................na wu his gibberish epp? idiota person AOP my foot...spit on his mic

Mikylopez:
D guy in d picture iz hawt!

na wetin make am "hawt"? assuming he get K-LEG shey he go still "hawt" for ur eyes?

amtaken:
Whenever anyone pays me 10% for land documents I make sure that I give him/her the best legal services.

In fact, I even advise them to pause the transaction and do some search at the Lands Bureau and I make sure that I draft the document exceptionally well and even advise them on how to get the follow-up documents like Governor's Consent, C of O etc easily (though they still have to pay for those);

But if you come to me and begin to offer me anything less than 5%, I may still handle the brief if I need the money but trust me not with much dedication. I will just do what I feel I am meant to do and leave your stingy ass to your faith! LOL.


You paid a whole KOFI N100k and you want him to do a job of N500k for you?

Is it because of his tribal marks or what?


That dude is a veteran in his job and should be paid at least N400k or you will only get a brief appearance!

You said you wanna use the Police to intimidate him because you are connected to a top Police Officer, why? Do you know if he knows the IG?

Assuming you told him your reception is by 1pm and he got there and you were still in the church, were you expecting him to wait for you the whole day?

Stop spoiling people's names!

I will even hire him more after reading this trash! At least I know he knows his worth!!!

Why didn't you call Ali Baba and pay him N100k?

Mxm!!!


[TROUBLE NA MY WORK SHA!!!]



{Sorry brother} {Tongue out!}.

****....................................PLS STOP THIS JOKE OF SAYING 100K IS TOO LOW FOR BOOKING AN MC for wedding not a showbiz or any profit making shitz....a thief na thief either big or small...****

Lilchilz:
I caught a Pastor drinking STAR in a beer parlor and I
shouted! MAN OF GOD; U are supposed 2 be drinking
Malt, Coke or Fanta and not STAR. D MAN OF GOD reply
2 me, where were Malt, Coke and Fanta when STAR
was leading d three WISE MEN 2 see Jesus.

U sounds like Koffi..................I suspect you

BISHOP ABIOYE AND DR DK OLUKOYA(MFM G.O) these two have the dynamism a man of God must possesed in terms of message delivery not like most of these so called "boasters cum fraudsters" dat we worshiped in Nigeria.

From what I see today in Nigeria I am very certain that Muslims would not need to use a violent jihad to islamize Nigeria. CHRISTIANS themselves will be used by Muslims to islamize Nigeria. Afterwards the Muslims will turn against the Christians that helped them. These are the type Muslims call the useful idiots.
Just ask yourself how Muslim nations became Islamic nations? Is there any record of them doing evangelical work? Did they tell people about how wonderful their prophet Mohammed is? How he raped women? How he beheaded nine hundred Jews in one day? How he had sex with a nine year old girl? How he was demon possessed for one year? How he could not perform a miracle? How he is a prophet without a prophecy? How he sold slaves for weapons of war?
If MUSLIMS did not do evangelism how come there are 58 nations of the world Who say they are ISLAMIC countries? Including countries that used to be Christian countries.
They used greedy pastors and stupid Christians. The ones they call the USEFUL IDIOTS. The Bible says, when men slept.....
These same CHRISTIANS were the ones that told us the elections had nothing to do with religion.
***News flash! Buhari just registered Nigeria in the Islamic coalition against terrorism led by Saudi Arabia. The very same Saudi Arabia that is the chief sponsor of Islamic terrorism.
***Newsflash! The first major conference buhari would bring to Nigeria is the INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC CONFERENCE . A conference that pastor vice president cannot attend. While 'clueless' GEJ was convening INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC CONFERENCE at a time of plenty Buhari is convening ISLAMIC CONFERENCE at a time of economic crisis. Now you see where his priority lies.
***Newsflash! Muslims are now using El Rufai Kaduna as a test case to see how they can stop CHRISTIANS from preaching the gospel not even for you to listen to a gospel message in your car. Who knows they may even ban gospel music.
***Newsflash! Other northern states are copying Mr El Rufai's law.
***Newsflash! Fulani herdsmen are sacking Christian villages in the north.
***Newsflash! Ambode sealed over twenty churches in Lagos for noise pollution. Not one Allah Akbar morning yelling mosque was sealed. Ambode is supposed to be a Christian remember? What do Muslims call them again?? Something like useful....
***Newsflash! The chapel at Aso Rock has been shut down and guess who had to explain to CHRISTIANS? Yeah our very own Pastor vice president. Again another I have fact the major very useful..... Who they used to get the Christian votes.
***Newsflash! The only minister to have died under Buhari happens to be a Christian Apologist. I mean a strong defender of the gospel of Jesus. Somehow all the safety features in the car suddenly stopped working. Not one airbag deployed. Remember this is a federal minister riding in a very expensive car fitted with the best safety features. Did I also mention that the driver did not die? He was strong enough to pull out the body of the minister. Issokay.
I hear many Christians say it is impossible to islamize Nigeria. Question is, If they try it today will you pick up arms? What are you doing to make sure it does not happen?
Make No Mistake (copied). We can pray. So let us pray.

C and P .....CONFESSION OF A LADY
"I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I
shouldn't).
When I got to my fiance's place for dinner,he
seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly Darling I have a surprise for you
tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me to
my chair at the dinning table. I took a seat and
just as he was about to
remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He
made me promise not to touch the blindfold
until
he
returned and went to answer the call. The
beans
I had consumed was still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming unbearable, so while
my
Fiance was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and
let
one
go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a
garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap
and
fanned the air around me vigorously. Then,
shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked
cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to
the
conversation in the other room,I went on
releasing atomic bombs like this for another few
minutes. The preasure was
indescribable! Eventually the telephone
farewells
signalled the end of my freedom, so I quickly
fanned the air a few more times with my
napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on
it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of
innocence when my fiance returned,
apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I
had peeped through the blindfold, and I assured
him I had not. At this point, he removed the
blindfold. To my utmost surprise, twelve dinner
guests including his Mum and Dad were seated
around the table, with hand holding their
noses.....If you were in her shoes, what will you
do? Laugh wan kill me ............Wishing all the applicants going for interviews this week success.

ISLAMABAD

jobyyjob:
At the end of this write up I'll need input from everyone but especially from the ladies.

I am the last child in a family of 7. My mom died when I was 8 years old. Knowing the issues with step families, my dad didn't bother to marry until we were all grown up.

Fast forward 8 years, I was 16 now. My dad married his second wife. I didn't quiet take a liking to her but we coexisted nonetheless.

Still fast forward 14 more years, I've now graduated from the University for about 4 years without a job, so I basically depend on my dad and step mom for shelter and food.

Why I'm writing this is to give a proper background so you all can understand where I'm coming from. My step mom is a dubious character - she has a very uncertain personality.

One day, we had a quarrel which didn't end well. So, while handling me my breakfast, she said "here's your food. I don't even know if I put catgher (running nose) in it." I was shocked. I was picky throughout the meal and uncomfortably left it after a while.

Since then, I have been very cautious about my food. Sometimes, when I'm eating, she seems to be a bit uncomfortable as if something wrong is going on. It happened severally and I had to ask if she was putting foreign bodies in my food. Her answer was not satisfactory. I had to ask others, confront her in front of others and generally make a fool of myself without still getting any serious answer from her.

I know I've made a fool of myself. Many people around my area who here the episode quickly tell others and before long, people start looking at you strangely. Some start feeling sorry for me for having eaten saliva or whatever. Some girls that heard the story start avoiding me. The funny thing is that I'm not even sure it's what happened and from all indications, it didn't happen.

I've made a nasty reputation as someone who has injested foreign saliva whatever into his body. Not that it's harmful or causes diseases. No. But, I still feel a kind of stigma from people who know about this.

What do I do about this stupid problem. Please, any reasonable responses will be appreciated.

Hi op,don't bother about ppu avoiding you.That's their problem. Work on yourself and I think @ ur age you should be able to prepare ur own food and stop depending on ur step mum. Also be prayerful and in particular ur prayer point should be against spirit of HATRED placed on you.Finally,go out there and look for job even if the salary is meagre. Sitting @ home would further worsen matter and depreciates ur worth.