₦airaland Forum

Digmygold:
Psoul STFU. If na you be the pikin papa and you remarry you will want your new wife to treat your son like a king. Bunch of heartless hypocrites

My dear, you can still make your point without bn rude. I don't understand hw ppl are bn brought up. Make ur point. Don't insult ppl.

Well, back to the topic.
If the boy is my child, I will not reject him nor refuse my wife bringing him back cos he is my full responsibility.
There is no law binding on me to take into my family a child that is not mine. I can only do dat out of compassion or bind to do dat by good morality.

What is my point. I never supported the man not to accept taking the boy in, if you have bn following my comments.
I only said that the woman need to convince the man on why it will be nice to allow the boy live wt them. She need to assure the man that she will be able to transform the boy and make him a better person. She need to douse the man's fear about what he has heard about the boy.

Secondly, I was also of the opinion that the woman should not even be presenting the issue of her taking care of the boys school fees at this point cos, the issue of paying the boy's school fees was not the basis the man was standing to say no to the woman's request. The woman also made a mistake of bn angry and refusing to talk to the man.

I am still wondering why ppl are having problem with this opinion.
The man mentioned why he said no. He talked about that boy coming in to corrupt the other kids including the daughter the woman had in her previous marriage.
I did not see the man as a heartless man as ppl have bn insinuating. The man was just afraid of the recent stories he heard about the boy.
The wife needs to clear the man of that story and I see the man accepting her request.

For a flat.

Miarose:
Log out abeg.. you have filled this thread with thrash. Low voltage brain. A mother wants to take care of her kid who has been rejected by others..leave her alone. There is NOTHING else to understand.

Your high Voltage brain smells.

Please get lost

movement2020:
Thank you. I hope the woman would see this and amend her ways of using force.

She will prefer to listen to those ppl telling her that her husband is wicked and heartless.
Those that will be hailing her and be calling her independent woman.
And to those that will tell her to go and bring in the boy weda the man likes it or not that once the boy comes in, the man will agree by force.
They will fail to tell her the problems that will bring into the family.
They will fail to tell her that the action will trigger hatred from the man to the boy, which will make the man never to accept the boy in his heart even if he allows hin to stay in the house by force.

The woman has already concluded that she will go there this Sunday and bring back the boy.
She thinks it's an issue of how much money she has.

Rejoice5000:
My dear keep begging him ur son needs ur Love and care.if possible start telling ur husband that ur son is a changed person now@12yrs he is still a child maybe he does not feed well there that's what pushed him into stealing believe me if that son is with you that rubbish statement of him stealing u won't hear it again am telling u out of experience.

May God bless you @Rejoice.

Exactly what I have bn saying and ppl are ranting that the man should just accept the boy no need for begging.

I maintained that all the woman need is persistent talk with the man. Making him see reasons why they should bring the boy home. Assure him that she will make sure that she rehabilitate the boy.

It's not a matter of the woman telling the man that she has enough money to take care of the boy. Some men will see it as an insult.
Also, it's not a case of bn angry with the man and refusing to talk to him.

She need to keep talking to the man and at a point, she will succeed in breaking the man, then he will agree with her.

eyinjuege:
It shows your level of exposure and you have had no interaction with a white man. No white man will employ the services of a lawyer ( which will probably be more expensive than having the boy stay in his home) to draft up any agreement.
How much food does the boy want to eat in his childhood? How much clothes does he want to wear? The law understand the parents of the boy should provide this, and in this case it's the mother. She has a responsibility to provide his food, clothing, shelter, education. Who do you want that responsibility to go to? The father is not in the country, so no court can force him to have shared custody. Is it not a person you see that you can talk of custody with?
There will even be no need of convincing anything, in the western country. It's non negotiable for you to ask the woman not to bring in her child to her residence.
The law doesn't care about your ego, or your other responsibilities. The child needs a home and his parent should provide that. Simple. Unless she gives him up for adoption, and them he becomes someone else's child

The more you talk, the more you exposes your ignorance.
You mean to tell me that in ur western country, the law will impose a child that is not urs to u cos the child needs shelter. Chaiiii.
In that of ur western world, have u ever heard of "Authorization Agreement for Nonparent Relative?"
Do you know that there is law for virtually everything over there.
Do you know that there are so many things the law will restrict you from doing for and to a child that is not yours unless you have that Authorization Agreement?

Well, I don't need to school u on this.

franchasng:
don't mind the small boys.

Which whiteman will even agree to take in 2 kids from a woman he is marrying Many whitemen will request to sign an agreement on how the woman's kids will be catered for; how much extra money the woman will be bringing to cater for the extra kids she is bringing in, they will agree and reach a terms before getting married.


Many young white guys won't even accept it, only the older white men with kids can. I don't know how they think things work abroad

Can you imagine what the boy was vomiting. I wonder how some ppl reason oo.
Whiteman this, whiteman that.

It's Africans that are very sympathetic. The whites lack that. They can only do it when laws demand they do it, but Africans will take up responsibilities that have nothing to do with dem.

If the man says no, that he doesn't want to bring that boy to his house especially as the boy was accused of bn a thief, they should not condemn him. They only need to try to talk the man into seeing reasons with them.

franchasng:
lol that is how all women promise to bring in billions to assist their husbands na lol, audio money, wait for their money and die wretched and hungry



She can only bring the so called peanut money for like one month at most and every expenses will fall back to the man by default or indirectly lol, and if the man ever questions why the weekly or monthly upkeep allowance no longer meets the family's needs, he will be reminded of how much $ is exchanged in the black market and how BuharI and bad economy has made price of commodity to increase in the market, all because madam have added her son's extra living cost to the family upkeep, fear women lol


And another thing that will happen is that the woman will knowingly or unknowingly shift most of her attention, love, care to her son because women are biologically wired to want to fix broken things, that is why they fall easily for bad guys that womanize a lot cos they want to change him and win the prize

Don't mind them. When you are involved, you will reason differently.
Everyone is blaming the man cos he said no.
Had it bn that the man accepted, they will be the same ppl calling the man names.
Telling him that he is an asslicker, woman wrapper, not man enough and how can a full grown man accept such a thing.

eyinjuege:
I have lived abroad for several years now.

This is the 2nd Western country I will be living in.

It's obvious many of you are filled with wickedness in Nigeria.

There is a reason you still remain developing, and things cannot improve in nigeria with the kind of mindsets you hold.

A big difference between developed and developing countries is in the way they generally treat their children. The indices are there for us all to see.

You treat children as if they are not human.
Who cares about the perspective of the husband? Is his perspective going to stop a child from being homeless?

I have a young child staying with me now for the past 3 days , brought in by social services over something so trivial but the police have to investigate it.

If you maltreat any child abroad, all the children around you whether yours or your sister's will be taken away from you. If you can maltreat one child, you are not safe to have others around you.
If you're wicked, others shouldnt support you and that's why I will give it to the whiteman someone mentioned up there. Your wickedness will not be condoned by others. This wouldn't have even been a debate at all, when the answer is so clear

You are not making any sense to me at all.
Nobody is talking about maltreating a child here. I don't know how you ppl even managed to pass exams if u can't comprehend simple things like this issue. Maltreating a child is quite different from a man not accepting to take in a boy that is not his child and of which the mother of the child cannot give account of where the father is nor will any of the woman's relative want to have anything to do with the child accused of bn a thief.

I am even wondering the kind of fake Western countries u have bn living in. If you actually lived any of those "saner climes" according to you, I believe you should be reasoning better than this.

Here, we are talking of a woman bringing extra responsibility to a man in his house. A child that is not urs and you need to take care of him and be responsible for his actions till he becomes an adult. Meanwhile, the boy in question has a dent to his name.

As someone that lives in a western country, you want to tell me that a whiteman will readily accept that responsibility?
You want to tell me that the white man will not want to involve the services of a lawyer into this to draft terms and conditions and spell out how that will be handled if at all he was able to be convinced to take in the boy?

This ur western world get as e be ooo.

Expensiverichyb:
So the poor boy should die? Even if hid biological father does not care, can't there be any man who can love his mother and also love him alitte? Nija guys. I greet una.

Nobody is saying that the boy should be allowed to die.
The issue is about someone taking up a responsibility that is not his while he still has his own responsibilities pilled up for him.
Secondly, ppl that are more closer to this kid have all refused to have anything to do with him.

My point is that the woman should not present it as if the solution lies only on the money she will give to send the boy to school.
There are more important thing to talk with the man. Then when she is able to convince the man, she can then be telling him not to worry, that she will try as much as she can to see that she provides for the boys school fees.

eyinjuege:
There's nothing rational about rendering a 12 year old homeless and separated from his mother.
It's a pity you see it as being rational in a Nigerian society.
A real shame, and I truly weep for my nation.
In saner climes, it's not even debatable.
Little wonder we remain a developing nation with our kind of mindset toward children.

My brother sit down quietly biko.
What are u even talking about
Every little thing pple will be shouting "if it's in a saner clime"
Which of the saner climes have u bn to to know exactly hw things are done there or is it cos of what u watch in those movies.
So in those ur saner climes, it is a law that a man must take in a child that does not belong to him. Mtchewwwww

All these rant is just cos u are not the one involved. If u are involved, ur thinking will be different from the way u are thinking now.
Ppl tend to be very emotional and sympathetic when the supposed help is not going to come from them directly. Once, they are involve, you see them coming up wt some certain logic.

How many times have u seen all these little children begging on the road and u take one of them home, Don't you feel pity for them?
Will heaven fall if u take any of them home?

eyinjuege:
We're talking of a child here.
Not an 18 year old boy, but a child who has probably just entered JSS
1.
Come on. He's just 12 years old, and already facing so much tribulations.
His mother should have never allowed him away from her in the first place. He should have stayed with them even in the one room apartment, but I'm sure because of f^ck OP asked him to move so he won't be peeping at them.
Nonsense.

You are bn emotional. The man was bn rational. You can't solve this problem by bn emotional.

PinkHealthGroup:
Fuccccck you and your dull brain. You're a lowly beast who feel women must abide by some stupid egotistical rules of a penis. He does not have to accept her child but her child needs love and guidance. He does not have to do give any to him but he cant stand in her way with his 30%.


Lady if you are reading this...go get your son. He has a lot of potential. Get home, mould him and God will see you through.

Hahahahahahahaha....when one runs out of reasonable logic to argue on, he starts throwing sand.

When one gets tired of fighting,
He starts biting

veykey:
But the boy is just 12. He can be reformed at this age and what he needs now is love and guidance because if he grows older than this with the habit, he'll become hardened. The funny thing is that the woman is the person that will be blamed for his habit and her children will grow up resenting her. Inasmuch as I am against divorce, I'll put my child over any marriage.

The issue is that the woman is placing emotion over rationality.
She should know that the man was not involved in that child's bearing.
So she should apply rational words to convince the man.
She can only apply emotion if the man was the boy's biological father.

The boy needs love, but the mother needs to work harder to make the man see why they need that boy around them.
Women are given the powers to make men do what they wouldn't ordinarily do.
She should do dat, unless if she lacks that potential.

Sixfeetbelle:
This means you didn't read my first comment. There, I advised Op to have a long talk with her husband and find out why he backed out of the deal. I even added she should use people he's close to so they can beg on her behalf.


Let me say it clear now since I've seen you keep saying it as if it is the koko. The boy isn't a criminal until proven so. The criminal part is coming from her brother and his wife and their word of mouth isn't everything here. Some people are rarely nice to kids that aren't theirs.

See, like some people pointed out, what that boy needs is a father figure in his life, especially in a home where he feels welcomed. The next four years in that boys life will be very critical in determining how he'll turn out. He doesn't need a man who is skeptical about his presence. He needs love and warmth and if the man is doubtful, then the woman has to place her kids first.

My dear, what u are saying now is quite different from some of ur comments. I started disagreeing wt u when u was brutally against the man. You cannot make me to believe that the man is heartless by not accepting that boy.
It's not bn heartless. He was trying to be careful. Everyone that is related to that woman refused to have anything to do with the boy. How do you want the man that is a bit far from that responsibility to react.

Secondly, I never accepted that that boy is a criminal, but that was the stigma attached to that boys name and I beliv that was why the man was scared of taking the boy in.

If had also seen my comments, you would've noticed that I said that the woman did not really try to convince the man on why they should bring that boy back home. She was only focusing on that if the boy comes back home sending him to school or feeding him won't be a problem since she has money. Where she was focusing was quite different from where the man was focusing on.

PinkHealthGroup:
You can't label.a 12 year old a criminal. Did he kill someone? He is an abandoned child who may have some behavioural issues. Kids are very malleable and can be reformed. On the other hand, God knows how that poor child has been mistreated by relatives. If her husband cannot accept a child he is fake. He needs to take himself and his 30% somewhere else. I keep forgetting that Nigeria is backwards and stuck in the 1950s

Thank you very much.
I love pple that read and understand words very well the way they are bn used.
Unfortunately, you failed to.
I never labeled that little boy a criminal.
I only said that there was a criminal stigma attached to him.
This does not mean that I have concluded that he is a criminal
It's just same as saying that he was alleged for stealing. It's not the same to say that he stole.

Then, you said that if the man refused to accept the child, then he is fake.
This is woefully thought out logic. It cannot stand any test.
The man is free to either accept or reject the boy. He has not offended any law if he refuses to accept. You can only accuse him of low morality.

Finally, you said the man can go away with his 30%....hahahahahahahahaha. Pathethic. Did you noticed in the Post that the woman does not have a comfortable life or earning before she marries that man? Whaooo....you did not see that.

If she was comfortable, she wouldn't have sent his boy to go and live with someone that was maltreating him.
Did you read the line where the woman said she told her husband that they will bring the boy back when things get better financially. Then he was living with her husband in his one room self content.
From there, they worked hard and improved their finance and was able to get a bigger house.

So you wholeheartedly accepted the 70-30% ratio? Hahahahahahahaha.
My dear, they jointly build that home. Even if the woman is making more money, there are other ways the man was supporting that has really helped the woman more than the financial side, but women hardly recognize this. They only see material things.

Amumaigwe:
Try harder. Your weak argument has not been able to create a hole big enough to wriggle your bulky self out. Next time you want to comment on a public forum, remember that not everyone is tolerant of dumb comments.

Hahahahahaaha.

Exactly my dear. She has bn ranting up and down and now want to counter herself even without admitting that she was wrong all these while.
She is not as smart as I thought she was.

CsRockefeller:
Tears in my eyes right now.

God bless you Sir.

My dear brother, may it be well with you.

Sixfeetbelle:
Don't mention me if you didn't read my initial comment on this thread.

This particular response here is to reply a guy who was trying to be one-sided about the issue. One guy even suggested divorce and I shut him down.

Thank you.

My dear sister, I read most if not all ur comments.
Your response to the guy was that the man abandoned the agreement he had with the wife before getting into the marriage.
Yes, they agreed to bring the boy in when things improve.
The problem was that the boy the man agreed to take in turned out to be labeled a criminal.

You kept blaming the man for abandoning the agreement.
The agreement became null and void by that criminal attachment to that boys name. And the man gave his reason for that.
He has full responsibility on his child and may chose to extend same to other pple's children or not.

Oyindidi:
Oga, what if the boy na your son, you go throway am? I no read your story

If the boy is my son, I will not throw him away cos he is my responsibility.
If he is another man's child, I have the option to either help or not to help.

Do you get the difference now.
Sometimes, you may have seen some children fighting and may be you are in a haste, you decides not to go and separate the fight.
If it was ur child that was involved in that fight, will you say u are in a haste and let the fight continue? No, you will not.

That is the same situation here. When you chose not to render help in a matter that is not ur responsibility, you have not commuted any crime. You can only say that it is not morally right but no the person is not guilty of any crime.

That you have a soft heart to take in a child that is not your should not be a standard for every other person to be judged.

The child is not his and moreover, the child in question has a bad criminal stigma attached to him. The man is not under any obligation to either take or not take in the child.

Dexlomo:
I guess I am a bit different because I do not see much difference except he as the head of the home wants to let them know they are. I have friends whose one parent had kids outside of wedlock and the only indicator in most cases are the different surnames. More so, growing up, we had different relatives who lived with us and I have neighbors in same situation and we do not see ourselves different. For most of my brothers and sisters, people find it hard to understand we are not related but my community was tight and knit. We never learned segregation and I would do all to ensure I do not segregate as well.

Yes, all of us can't be d same or have same character. What u find acceptable might not be to the other man. So, we should also see things from other ppl's point of view in order to strike a good balance.

My wife's younger sister had a baby out of wedlock. Everyone was angry with her and abandoned her. I told my wife that I cannot be part of that. I pressed it on her that we MUST take in the child and the baby. Though the girl ran away to stay wt the guy that got her pregnant. When the baby was delivered, the young boy ran away and left my wife's sister stranded in that city.

I still pressed on my wife that we must go and get them before anything bad happens to them.

The child has bn with me till date and I don't even have any plan of letting her leave my house. She is 9yrs now.
Everyone think that she is my biological child. She calls me Daddy and sees my wife as her mom while her biological mother is an Auntie to her.
She does not know her real story for now.

I love her just the same way I love my own biological kids.
The only difference is that she answers a surname different from my kids.

So, all of us are different. That you can do it should not make u think that the other man that cannot readily do it is wicked.

Oyindidi:
You no be papa yet so you fit come up with silly logic like that one.
Weak men everywhere

Let me shock u a bit young man.

I am 22yrs in marriage. I have 3kids
1st child will graduate dis yr. 2nd is 3rd yr Architecture Student
3rd is just gained admission to study Law.

Then my wife has a younger sister.
Unfortunately she got pregnant. Everyone from the family was angry with her cos the parents are staunch members of Assemblies of God Church.
The girl ran away from the house.

I mandated my wife that they must trace where the girl is before anything bad happens to her.
The parents(my Inlaws) were not interested and even preferred her not bn around.
I insisted that they must trace where she was. With my help, my wife was was able to locate her in another town living with the young boy that impregnated her.
The boy was struggling to live.
I and my wife was providing for them till the girl delivered her child.
The boy abandoned them and ran away.
When I noticed this I told my wife that we must bring her sister back.
She told me that her parents will never allow her to come near the house.
I told her that I will take them to my house.
We brought them back to my house.

We got job for the young mother.
The baby is now 9years.
So many ppl don't know she is not my biological child.
She calls me daddy, my wife mommy and her mom, Aunty.

I have long reconciled her with her parents and all is happy now.

So when we all come here to exchange ideas or to while away time, don't think that all you see here are idle and useless youths. Most of us are responsible fathers. So park very well.

“Asiwaju’s position is clear and that is if the majority of the party’s stakeholders who elected Oshiomhole at the party’s national convention in June 2018 feel that he is no longer capable of steering the ship of the party, then that wish must be respected as no single individual is bigger than the party”.

No politician takes this position especially Nigerian Politicians.
Our politicians are desperate. Once they want you in a particular position, which is always for their own benefits, they will fight everything to smuggle u into that position where ppl want it or not.

When they no longer want you and don't want to come out openly, they will then shift the responsibility to the ppl and tell us that they have to respect pple's opinion.

Sixfeetbelle:
I'm not debating the man taking care of someone else's kids. I even applaud him for doing so. Men rarely do that.

The problem here is that he initially agreed to accept the two and then changed his mind and accepted only one. Why? Do you see where people's opinion about this issue lies?

It reeks of suspicion.

See, the case would be better judged if he didn't accept either then everyone will be telling the woman to find where to send both kids and leave the marriage if the kids were her priority.

You read the post without understanding it's content.

The woman said they agreed to bring his boy home when they are able to improve their standard of living and probably move into a bigger apartment.
The 3yr old give was with the woman and she moved into the man's house together with the baby.

I beliv the man would've still accepted to bring the boy in if not for the latest story he heard about the boy and also how everyone rejected him based on that criminal act.

You girls should know how to handle serious issues. That's why most of you have problems in family.
The woman should forget about who will provide for the boy and focus on letting her husband know the need to provide shelter to the boy.
The need to save that boy from the hand of his tormentors and how to rehabilitate him.
Tell her husband how her mind will be restless if his boy continue to stay with another woman that will prefer to kill him than train him.
Rather she was flexing muscle that money will not be a problem and he should just let the boy come in.

Sixfeetbelle, I was expecting you to reason above emotion and be more rational.

Oyindidi:
You can't confuse me

Have u seen that you have no answer to this.

We always find it very easy to blame, castigate and crucify others and when in that same situation, we do worst that the person we were judging and sentencing to death.

Be properly guided my dear.

Sixfeetbelle:
You reached that conclusion all by yourself. And you know quite well, divorce was not my solution to this case.

The conclusion was drawn from the premise you provided.

Meanwhile, the boy was not living with the mother when the man married her mother. The woman was living with the little girl alone so the man took both of them in.
So what are you trying to say.
Get ur mind out of the trash

Sixfeetbelle:
I love how you made that thought incapital letters. It's like you're reading my mind. I mean, why accept the daughter and reject the son? It looks fishy

This is a very petty thought. Devilish in nature.
Did u read the post at all?

The man never chose the child to accept between the boy and the girl.
The son (12yrs) was already living with the woman's brother while the woman was living with her 3yr old daughter when she got married to the man.

Hw can u insinuate that the man accepted the female child in order to defile her.
This is devilish.

cococandy:
Would he let his own son be homeless because he steals out of starvation?

That is his son. He won't let his son be homeless cos he is the father.
You refused to blame the man that leaves his two kids and wife homeless and you are blaming the man that has tried to take the wife and one of the kids home and made them comfortable. Refusing to take the other in cos of the criminal stigma attached to him.

Can you easily take another man's child in and treat him/her like urs in ur marriage?


Have you thought in this line.
This woman has two kids 12 and 3yrs with a man. That should be a relationship of about 17 to 19 year and she cannot tell where her husband is. She does not know any of the husband's relative. Is this not the highest level of carelessness.
The man has lots of fear.

yvelchstores:
sorry for all you are going through. I don't think it's fair on your part. Your husband is making babies through you, why do i say this? Because you already have a son and a daughter. This would not have been an issue if he accepted them as you both agreed! Now your son is about to be homeless! You were deceived by that man because I know no mother will accept this current situation. Since you foot70% of the bills, you would have been better off with your son and daughter alone. You chose marriage cos you don't want to be alone, now your son is almost homeless. You are bearing even more children for him, my own is this, PUT A CLOSE EYE ON YOUR DAUGHTER SO HE DOESNT EVER MOLEST HER. If her elder brother was in same house, she would have been protected. Madam, do something!

I suspect this two monikers.
If you know you know

Vyvyanvyvy

yvelchstores

Dexlomo:
I understand the fear in bold however, as a man who was once a boy, who knows what the love of one's family means, I think he can help rejuvenate the young chap. All he needs is be close to him and become his best buddy. Trust me, he will be happy for it but I have a feeling that his fears are limiting him.

Bros, it's not easy to accept another man's child. Only few of "us" (I inclusive) can do dat
Especially when the child is a boy
And you are yet to get ur own boy
And he will likely live with you for a verrrrry lonnng time
You have not lost hope of child bearing.
It will be easier for a childless old man.
The woman has failed to do more to convince the man and still douse his fears.
She is just only taken over by emotion.
Men don't consider emotions in this kind of matter. They listen to rational words.

Dexlomo:
He knew she had the son before marriage and accepted her with the baggage so your reasoning is shallow. He would get peace if he mans up and act like the man he should be.

She never told the man that the child steals.
The man has a change of mind cos he was not ready to accommodate that character.

It's left for the woman to convince the man on why he should take the boy in.
Her 70% bla bla bla is irrelevant for now.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Madam, you are very correct. The boy's new behaviour might have bn induced to him through bad treatment from ur sister inlaw.
You should also not see ur husband as bn a bad man. It's a difficult situation for him.
You don't need to be angry with him to the extent of refusing to talk to/with him.
That will be the worst you would want to do now.
All you need to do is convince him that the boy had bn a good boy and may have bn pushed into that dirty act.
Make him to see that you just want to salvage ur boy from that act and that it may even affect the family if that boy is left unattended.
Tell him that hands will be pointing at you if the boy keep going with that character and once fingers are pointing at you, it is indirectly pointing at the whole family.

Go back and have a good talk with your husband. Don't even mention who pays what in the house.