₦airaland Forum

candygosh: Well

lol

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I love going for events, but weddings? I don’t like them. Not anymore at least. I do not like weddings because it is another indication of how people are becoming even less social.

A long long time ago, many, many years ago, weddings used to be a place where a pretty young missy (such as myself) could go to get introduced to a prospective boyfriend, suitor or after much prayer and intercession, husband. But what do we have today?

A circus, I tell you.

Back in the day, weddings were just about Cake and hanging out. Nowadays in weddings, you have

a. dancing competition

b. food sampling

c. wine tasting

d. phone window shopping

e. wig/weave exhibition

Gone are the days when girls will dress nicely, the guys look dapper and everybody just knew that along with the bride and groom, everyone else was there to hook up in the Lord’s good name.

You’d walk in, get introduced to people you haven’t met before and start a nice normal conversation along the lines of whether they were single and if they were, had the Lord led them in the direction of changing that soon?

All that good stuff is gone. Today, you stroll into the wedding with a group of friends (still dressed to the nines, thanks to the gods) and you take a cursory survey of the reception hall (because people hardly attend the church services anymore, including you reading this and shaking your head self righteously) then you walk over to the table closest to those you think you can have a conversation with.

When you’re well positioned in a way that allows you see and be seen, you are waiting for something good to happen. But no, smart phones come out. That’s not bad, at least it’s their phone and it’s still a free country (assuming you’re not in North Korea). What just takes it too far is when they begin to take self shots.

Why?

Growing up, occasions like weddings were places where people come to socialize, but the scene has changed, and everyone is so self absorbed. They keep talking to people they already know on their phones and are not too keen on meeting anyone new.

What’s worse, all the grooms’ men are always married. Or, as soon as the reception begins, you see one girl following them about with a diamond ring on her middle left finger giving everyone else the evil the stink eye just because you are sitting alone looking beautiful trying to locate someone you know or would like to know.

In her mind now, you are out to get her man. (We get the message, you are guarding your property)

Then, the single, unattached guys come with dates. Technically, even if they don’t already know it, by coming with an ‘innocent’ date for a wedding, they have already been bookmarked on that girl’s list as ‘introduce to Mama as soon as possible’.

They don’t know this anyway, so all they do is sit, stare at their phones and engage in wine tasting and food sampling. Once in a while they do look around with the look of a trapped animal, smile and go back to their messaging; it’s probably something like this:

Guy at wedding: Guy, I just saw one fine babe.

Guy not at the wedding: Ehn, where?

Guy at wedding: At the wedding I’m at na.

Guy not at the wedding: Ehn? Is she looking at you?

Guy at wedding: Yes, she just smiled at me

Guy not at Wedding: Ah. Smiled? Is she batting her eyelashes?

Guy at wedding: Yes, I think so.

Guy not at Wedding: is she waving at you?

Guy at wedding: Yes

Guy not at wedding: Na wa o. She dey find husband.

Guy at wedding: Hian, Which kind? I’m still young o. I’m just 37

Guy not at the wedding: It’s true, yarn am small, then collect her number but you no go call am o…

etc!

Oh the evil that men do!

So you’re sitting at the wedding, staring at your phone, and then it’s time to dance. Don’t even bother. Idealy, it’s supposed to be that moment when magic happens. All the food sampled and wine tasted are supposed to have loosened tongues and severly lowered inhibitions. Anything can happen. And anything does.

Anything being 3 or 4 other girls who are quite able and extremely willing to dance far better than you are.

Shake shake shake; sweat sweat sweat; bump bump bump; grind grind grind, Kurkere, Azonto,

Alingo…

At the end of the day, you’re still alone, and someone stole your souvenirs when you were busy checking out guys.

I seriously think the fabric of socializing is getting ripped apart by social media and online communication, I fear that people are becoming more and more uninterested in using their mouths to ask a lonely girl at a wedding whether she wants to dance, or go for a drink, or possibly get married. Maybe?

source

dexentity: No source? Dont tell me u wrote dis urself.

No, its the bird that perches on his window in the morning that did. Like every source doesn't come from someone *rolling my eyes*

honey86: so you want to bring uranium tainted cars to Nigeria?. God will punish greedy and wicked Nigerians.

Looool. Take it easy bros

Siena: Bro, I honestly can't understand why you're making things hard for yourself. Your Golf III has an OBD port - use it.

Gbam!

Dint know where to put this , decided to put it here

You don’t have to be from Nigeria to know that Nigerians are a bunch of cool people. Sure we get the occasional bad rap for stuff that goes down within these borders, but that’s really just what those are: bad raps. And occasional.

But really, Nigerians are the coolest people. We are the salt of the earth.

There are a lot of cool things you can expect from Nigeria. These are the Top Ten.

WE ARE EVERYBODY’S BIG BROTHER
Oh? So you’re a country? In Africa, maybe? Got a problem? Need a little help, maybe some military support?

Who you gonna call? That’s right. Us.

We’ll come through your country like it’s our own backyard and make sure everything is tidily arranged. We’ll mow the lawns and trim the hedges. Then we’ll set up stands and start selling Zobo to the locals. We’re Nigeria. It’s what we do.
https://cdn.informationnigeria.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Nigerian-soldiers1.jpg?9d7bd4
“So The Queen just called…Said she needs a little help…”

We’re everybody’s big brother. Over the course of the years, we’ve sent our soldiers to Liberia, Sierra Leone, Sudan and Mali. And we haven’t asked anything in return. We’re just like: “Aw shucks, don’t mention.” (In very unrelated detour, notice how often we win Big Brother Africa?)

PIDGIN ENGLISH

https://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0fnb4dXsL1r0rg4co1_500.jpg

Africans, generally have a particular way of talking. The proverbs are home grown, the syntax develops it’s own peculiar oddities, and the conversation is more often than not, peppered with questions you already know the answer to. For example: “Ah, uncle, you are back?” or “Aunty, you have woken up?”

That sort of thing.

But out of all Africans, Nigerians have the coolest way of talking. It’s called Pidgin English, and it belongs to us. It’s made us the envy of every Anglophone country on the planet, and a few Francophone ones as well.

Pidgin English is pure poetry. Here’s what I mean. You wake up in the morning, and your first conversation goes like this: “Bros? My oga. Shairman!!! How far now? Twale. I dey hail. I remain loyal. Na you dey run things for this whole area oh. Their Fada! Make dem try am now. Nothing do you. Corrrrect.”

Which is the equivalent of a “Good Morning, How do you do?”

WE’LL HAVE FUN WITH PROTESTS
https://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/57929000/jpg/_57929226_013697818-1.jpg
“I also want to send a shout out to my Mum back home. Mum, I’m on TV!”

Nigerians have mastered the art of the peaceful protest down to a T. A lot of people spend their time protesting and setting things on fire and making great efforts to topple governments and so on.

Our protests are carefully organized to be as disorganized as possible. This is to ensure that a minimum of injuries are counted and generally nothing gets done. If you’ve ever been at a protest, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Everybody’s standing around feeling angry and all worked up. Then some industrious chap comes by with Gala and La Casera for sale. And before you know it the whole thing has taken up an air of festivity. At the end of the day, everybody wins.The protesters go home feeling better about having done their part. The government officials posture and promise and have the chance to pretend they care. The gala and La Casera sellers turn up and make a profit.

WE WILL FIGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY
Nigerians are among the most patriotic people on earth. We’re just really good at hiding it. Like, really really good at hiding it. We grumble about our leaders and where the country is going. We cuss NEPA out every time the power goes out. We seize the slightest windows and opportunities to flee the country. Some of us do not bother to learn the national anthem and you will hardly find teary eyes amongst a group of people reciting the National Pledge. On the surface, it would seem we couldn’t care less.

That is, until someone else takes a shot at us. Send BBC to come and make a documentary about living conditions in the slums of Lagos. Send Rick Ross to make a music video in our slums. Send Ghanaians to insult us on twitter.

Then run for cover, my friend. You will be shocked to the bones by the amount of verbal ammunition Nigerians have been keeping in store for this very occasion. The most un-Nigerian people will take up arms and lead the crusade against you. As a nation,you haven’t had a Tweet Fight, till you’ve had one with Nigeria.

WE WILL SURVIVE THE END OF THE WORLD
You can’t kill Nigerians. We can survive anything.

We survived the slave trades. We survived colonialism and the amalgamation of 1914. We survived Independence and a Civil war. We survived 3 democracies and 7 military regimes. We survived the year 2000, and 2012, come to think of it.

We’ve survived each other. Boko Haram, religious crises, political extremists and all the people who call themselves Nigerians but just don’t get it.

I am assuring you, after the apocalypse, when all the dust has settled, 2 Nigerians will crawl out of a cave and be like: Notin dey happen, my people. Notin dey happen.

WE WON’T WHISPER
[img]http://1.bp..com/-PxZ6t-PcJq8/UGmacdyaVvI/AAAAAAAADr0/MtxIFIFzk8s/s320/x2_edce328[/img]
The Nigerian swagger. We’re all born with it.

I’m from Nigeria. You may have noticed.

Witness any group of mixed nationals in a room, say, the holding room of a foreign police station. The guy talking in loud voice on his phone asking his mother whether Aunty Bisi has received what he sent, is a Nigerian. The 2 guys, shouting a conversation across the room, are Nigerians. The Guy over their, selling Gala and La Casera to the officials, Nigerian. The other guy, crawled up in the corner whimpering. Not Nigerian. Just wishes he could be.

WE WON’T JUST SIT IN OUR COUNTRY AND LEAVE THE REST OF THE WORLD TO THEMSELVES
We are everywhere on this God’s green earth. There’s no country on earth that doesn’t support a thriving community of Nigerians. Even if we were almost at war with these ones, Nigerians would still be in there pounding yam on the streets and running for local elections.

YOU CAN’T EXPECT US NOT TO EAT GOOD FOOD
Suya. Pounded yam. Ijebu garri. Akara and Moi Moi.
https://dailypost.com.ng/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/pounded-yam.jpg
Only a Nigerian would have sat down one day and thought: “Yams are okay, but why don’t I boil them, and then put them in a mortar and pound them with a pestle till they achieve this smooth and fantastically sticky consistency and then just eat it with some soup?”

Or: “You know what, guys? I’m going to do something amazing with this cassava. I’m going to grate it, and dry it, and fry it, and then soak it in water with lots of sugar and groundnuts and milk.”

And only a Nigerian would have gone, “Ha. Beans? No way I’m going to settle for just beans. I’ma soak em, and blend them, and then fry them. Or I could even soak them, and blend them, and then boil them.”

It’s just that sort of thinking that makes us great.

FULL LIST

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chrisdstar: WHEREAS,Achebe is a greatman,an Igboman,am also an Igboman,nd am also a greatman...................d Igbo nation shall rise so high dat not even boko haram can stop us.

Seriously?

wellmax: Is it now a crime to be handsome?

Apparently in this case, yes!

bidex: well, its not available in the rich people zone because good food is not meant for the rich people. good food is for the poor. we enjoy it daily at Osodi, Ajegunle, Bariga, Somolu, Mushin and many more hoodlums. All the rich knows to eat is fatty food. but we poor eats balanced diet. check out the combination
beans.... rich in protein
bread, yam or garry.... rich in carborhydrate
the stew....... rich in ion
plantain....... rich in vitamins
the oil........ rich in fat
and the accossories are not left out such as kpomo, bone marrow etc.
I LOVE EWA AGANYIN

The rich eat only stones and iron. *rolling my eyes*

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After sending them back home, they should arrest the Nigeria official because there is no way in heaven and earth they would deny they dont know the real ages of these players. but come to think of it, our real U17 boiz cannot stand against U-17s elsewhere because they would be totally bullied to defeat.

i think what you should do is that when you are chanced, just go have your friend give you the addy of his brother, go to the police and go and arrest him and he should take you to the francis-blabla guy and settle it in the station

It’s unbelievable how the world didn’t end last year, I don’t know about you but I mean I was ready to go (to heaven or whatever). The Superhero movies of 2012 were THAT good; The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises and The Amazing Spider-Man all blew me away in their own respective ways. So the Mayans were wrong but it can only get better, right?

Hollywood has promised us more mouth-watering, eye-catching (3D, haha funny) and adrenaline filled mediums of live action access into these worlds we all want to live in for at least a day (x-ray vision anybody?). I can feel the anticipation course through my veins as I type this, I hope you do too. You’re not typing this but yeah whatever. So grab your spandex unitard and answer this question; ARE YOU READY?

In no particular order:
https://www.blastr.com/sites/blastr/files/styles/content_panes_media/public/images/man_of_steel_trailers.jpg

OMG

A reboot of the Superman film series(hallelujah). A young Clark Kent goes through the proverbial struggle of finding his place in life. The film stars Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne etc and is produced by Christopher Nolan the father of all things awesome (Inception and The Batman Trilogy).

He’s my dad too.

Bonus: the Movie is the beginning of a shared fictional universe of DC comic characters, a bit like the current Marvel Cinematic Universe. To be honest I’m really just happy that he’s finally lost the briefs on the outside.

Check out the Just Released New Trailer:

Man Of Steel (Jun 14, 2013)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6g2ZSuWyM4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVu3gS7iJu4

Iron Man 3 (April 18 2013)
https://nukethefridge.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Iron_Man_3_0.jpg

Everyone’s favorite billionaire playboy philanthropist returns in events that occur not long after The Avengers. Tony Stark faces The Mandarin, a pretty bad bad bad guy and ultimately has to answer one of those deep, possibly life changing questions; “Does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?”

[Well, I can answer that...Tony made the suit.]

Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle

So will Mr Stark dump Pepper Potts for the suits or what?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue43ALt_s-Y

Thor: The Dark World (Nov 8, 2013)
[img]http://2.bp..com/-frPBlxUSSGc/UAoKhCsVaXI/AAAAAAAAABU/r8NW3qt8OqQ/s400/Thor%2B2%2BMovie.jpg[/img]

Okay I take that back I didn’t want to die, this Marvel Cinematic Universe is just too awesome a phenomenon to leave behind. Thor 2 is the eighth installment in it and it shows no signs of slowing down. The film is set one year after the events of The Avengers and Thor (one guy) has to battle to save the Nine Realms (one guy!) from a mysterious enemy older than the universe itself (Queen Elizabeth?)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Idris Eba (typo)

I hope Jane Foster keeps her thirst in check this time, same goes for every other lady who sees this movie.

Kick As.s 2 (19 Aug 2013, UK)
[img]http://jeffkatz.typepad.com/.a/6a0120a721c2d7970b017ee945450a970d-800wi[/img]


CLICK HERE TO VIEW FULL LIST

But una no know say these guys are so hungry, they even put their teitter handle and bb pin for boiz to reach them for shows. bwahahahaha.

Imagine this one in naija, na IG go dey drive am by himself. He would say, " all the pickups I gave my boiz, shey them don maintain am talkess of this one'

[quote author=sagytarius™]Why is Instagram Pixes always looking dull?[/quote]Tinting effect my brother, tinting effect

God punish Devil. + what kind of profligate is this sultan?

[quote author=Ijele-igbo]1. Free yourself from negative people

2. Let go of those who are already gone

3. Give people you don't know a fair chance

4. Show everyone kindness and respect

5. Accept people just the way they are

6. Encourage others and cheer for them

7. Be your imperfectly perfect self

8. Forgive people and move forward

9. Do little things everyday for others

10. Always be loyal

11. Stay in better touch with people who. matter to you

12. Keep your promises and tell the truth

13. Give what you want to receive

14. Say what you mean and mean what you say

15. Allow others to make their own decisions

16. Talk a little less and listen more

17. Leave petty arguments alone

18. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself

19. Pay attention to who your real friends are

20. Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary[/quote][size=14pt]the bolded would put you inside bigger wahala. trust me. looool[/size]

[size=20pt]SWIMMING TRUNK NOSE[/size]

pleep: Dafuq?.... dis nigga look like they pulled him out a drainage pipe.

[size=17pt]BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA[/size]

but thats quite surprising. how long have you got it for now?