₦airaland Forum

Trump wannabe... the adulterated version

LilMissFavvy:
Another irrelevant question, if only you took time to read the thread, you definitely would not ask this. A woman who knows her rights, bearing in mind that she has equal rights just like her husband to achieve the good things of life, would not abandon her MSC for no tangible reason, just because her husband says so. She would stand her ground and achieve what she desires, such attitude isn't far from what fairness and equality teaches. He stops her from belonging to organizations,, whereas he belongs to 4, he controls her phones, whereas he does not give her access to her phone. Where is the fairness? She is a woman who sees herself as inferior, otherwise she would have kicked against some of the man's excesses early enough. Why is her type surprised that the husband flaunts his girlfriends before her, with the excuse that he is the provider? Why is she not employed? Why did she abandon her MSC because of a cheating oppressive husband? Patriarchy is a SCAM.

this isnt patriarchy or whatever you call it...THIS IS A TOXIC SELFISH HUMAN.

Tripitaka:
Feminism, feminist? What does that even mean? I'm not sure I ever used that word. In fact, it doesn't form part of my vocabulary.

I'm also not for the emasculation of the man nor for the whittling down of the authority of the patriarchy, but I'm certainly against poisonous patriachy. Nature has put the man in a position of authority, but this must be dispensed within the bounds of wisdom, common sense and great sense of responsibility. After all, to whom much is given, much is expected.

There has been so much focus on female marginalization, inequality, rights, societal rejection, sexual harassment and discrimination, with all pointing to the larger society, while everyone conveniently ignores the "carnage" going on in Nigerian homes and families where the wife is practically a second class citizen.


Today, an event took place that opened my eyes to how rotten the mind of an average Nigerian man has become. A female relative called a family meeting on her husband. At the meeting she revealed that the man is a serial cheat and grossly irresponsible. She tabled how He refuses to spend time with the kids but can stay out with friends till 11pm, how He won't let her keep friends nor join associations but he has membership of 4 different clubs, how he wants unfettered access to her phone while his own phone is on face recognition. This same man didn't let her pursue an M.Sc, because he believed she would become recalcitrant and refuse to do his bidding. In his defense, the man said he adequately provides for the family and the woman should focus on raising "her" kids and not his whereabouts. According to him, as long as he provides for the family, nothing else matters. But he forgets that the cardinal role of a patriarch is "provide and protect". Protection not just against physical harm and aggression, but also against ridicule, reproach and shame from your actions and inactions. One even accused the woman of embarrassing the husband by calling for that meeting.

Then I wondered what would happen if the woman did a fraction of what she had accused the man of doing. Would people's opinion remain constant? Mind you, at this meeting of 5 men, only 1 condemned the man's infidelity, albeit in passing. One man even loudly wondered whether the wife thought the man will be sleeping with just her simply because he is married.

A man once told me "If I cheat and my wife finds out, she can go. If my wife cheats and I find out, she will go". This powerful but disgraceful statement, puts in perspective, the unenviable position of an average Nigerian wife. Helpless and ridiculed.

One would easily say "walk away", only if it was that easy in a society where the odds are stacked against her by default, where marital rape is not recognised because the man owns the woman, where a woman's honour is hugely dependent on her silence and complicity, a society where marital abuse is rationalised because the man has the right to "discipline" the wife.

In my next life, if I must be an African, I hope i don't return as a woman.

when people write this rubbish, one begins to wonder whether there are different dimensions on this same nigeria. From experience a lot of us guys have lived with this same Nigerian women, and they were not treated 2nd class, they worked, earned, and even were even allowed to decide everything but they are witches simply sent to wreck and destroy men. Guess what? The Nigerian legal system protects the woman and simply leaves the man with nothing in most cases.
This is no reason to generalise all nigerian women are bad. There are bad ppl, bad families, that's no medium for generalising. I know I will never ridicule a wife complaining her husband is cheating neither will my family. Plus that's just one side of the story. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED THERE..those little details omitted(as most women are notorious for).

Vyvyanvyvy:
Yes I am very happy to have my son , I feel good that I did not abandon him just for a man who never love me , he just come to my life for the world to see him as a hero for marrying me a single mother of 2. I have no gained anything in this marriage , it’s better for me to be a single mother than to reject my blood and flesh. I know it will not be easy but God will help me to raise my children all alone , I thank God I have my shop something that fetched me money , my children will never starved of anger , they will go to school as usual and nothing will change. For now all I want is for him to bring my child back to me because he cannot take care of her , at the moment my child is with his sister so what’s the point of taking her away from me then to abandon her with his sister ? The same sister that cannot even love her own blood and flesh so is she gonna love my child too? If he wanted to take care of his daughter on his own why can’t he rent a place and take care of her ? He did it because he taught by doing so , I will send my son on the street so I can beg him to come back home , never , all I’m begging him to do is to bring back my child , she is the one that I need , I don’t need him , he can go ahead and remarry , it will not shake me . You and others can rain insults on me but let me tell you one thing , all your insult doesn’t bother me , I’m not regretting loosing my marriage because I did what any true mother in my position would have do in my shoe. Like said my son will always be first no matter what. Let me attached the picture of the 3 people that gives me happiness my children my life.

if he took a child that belongs to noth of you to his sister, that's crazy. If he needed to leave why drop her with his sister.except it's just for a few days before he picks her, this is stupid.

I think warring parents that alienate their kids from the other party are sick. On the other hand women are notorious for alienating men from kids, so he may be proactive. For most of them, the father of their kids is determined by who they're sleeping with...lol

Vega100:
it wasn't infatuation, it's just a case of trying to use me as a cash cow to cater for her children, that's being very insensitive, unreasonable, selfish and silly!... all this while she no catch feelings, na as she want commot from marriage she begin catch feelings!!! That's not how things are done!!! Very wrong and I feel very betrayed and saddened!!!...

that's a single mother duhhhh...shes single mother in the making... so the mentality is always same.

Nig boobs makes men younger ....its the best thing in the world. But not on fat girls o....she has to be slim for it to work.

Sexytincoll:
male virgins have gone into extinction since 1800

my god ....see bum......pya gimmie your number pls

I told you most of these single mothers are sick...no jokes. This is how most of them think. Meanwhile the fathers of those kids are probably trying to see their kids and even take care of them...They'd rather alienate the fathers while the kids suffer rejection from other men. Sick things.

FuckAllTheMODs:
There's no big deal there, please!

comprehension...pls read b4 commenting.

Big deal. If you've had one of these lovely beings called babies of your own, and you never felt the strong desire to make their food or feed em....you're a useless person.

CeterisXVII:
You know nothing about me, so don't jump to wrong conclusions.

It is obvious you have zero respect for your own Dad, that is why you can make such callous references about the character of someone else's Dad.

My late Dad was an exemplary father who died a few years back. Guess what?

It was us - the kids he and my mum had, that came to his rescue when he fell ill, and also took care of his widow my dear mum, when he passed on.

I have seen beautiful examples of happy families and togetherness, which is why I hate the idea of someone alienating his or her kids, just to please a spouse.

This is Africa. Your children are your old age investment.

If you ignore them to please a spouse, and that spouse leaves or dies....who will you fall back upon for support?

Use your head, please. Stop parroting ridiculous examples.

madam you dont have to alienate or ignore the kids before your spouse can come first. Whether africa or Asia, if you dont put your spouse 1st, the kids will even be forced to choose btw both parents at old age based on who they think favored them more. So your dad took you guys first above his wife or vice versa....... madam grow up.

CeterisXVII:
Yes, your children will leave when they grow older, but will not cut ties with you, and will end up looking after you, in your old age.

But your spouse, is a different case. If any psychedelic babe walks in front of him, he can forget that he took marital vows and will look for excuses to break up with you. Haven't you seen such things happening over and over again, in the past??

Grow up and receive sense, abeg! And stop throwing fits like a retar'ded toddler.

maybe your dad did that ..my family was different. My mum took my dad clearly above us.ie food, clothing, respect, authority....my dad was simply the head of the home and my mum made us follow his rules even in death. Si well we know with your mentality it may be difficult to get a proposal, but when and if you start a damily we would see if youd remember your parents b4 your family..... kid

CeterisXVII:
Chai....lawd, why are there so many nonsensical posts on this thread? A spouse comes first before children??

....The same spouse that can wake up tomorrow, and walk out on you, or tell you he is tired of everything you stand for? Chisos have mercy......

Thats why you people are destroying your homes. When you get into a union with one leg in and out. Its an irony that you say your spouse can leave but your shallow brain hasn't made you realise that the children WILL leave.... Atleast husband might leave but children will have to leave. With this mentality it will be difficult to keep a marriage.

rali123:
I totally understand what you are going through because a very close friend is going through similar thing, the husband does nothing for the child as well but he lives with them(just a boy about 14years)...

He does not need to go to boarding school for now, he needs YOU, you need to monitor him, show him love and understand, make him see what hes doing is wrong by talking to him all the time and I bet you he will change for better, talk to him about everything, hes friends, school work, what he likes, what he doesn't anything you can think of please...

Your husband, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him, everytime even if it means waking him up at night everyday till he sees reason why the boy needs to stay with both of you, your husband is strong man regardless. God bless you and your home.

basically what you said is ....NAG him till he agrees. I see most women dont know what marriage is. THE CHILDREN DO NOT COME FIRST...your spouse does. Its only from love between them, that the home will be filled with peace and love. Apparently all these damaged strong women that have destroyed their lives preaching mixed families are the major reasons our societal values are deteriorating rapidly. If you give birth out of wedlock and want to put the children first, then wait till your ready for marriage before getting into one. Marriage isnt childs play. These children will grow and face their lives, then youd either be left with your partner and relationship which you built over the years or be alone chasing and disturbing the childs new life and family. That's when you start hearing about devilish mother in laws disturbing homes.

If you decide to become a single mum. Be ready to cater to the kids first, dont get involved with another man and be creating more problems in the children's lives. I think planned single motherhood Is a very selfish thing to do. Well my opinion. In the u.s it was favored in the 80s, but they've seen what it did to their society and now theres a massive campaign against it while our foolish girls are thinking it's the way forward.

elladara:
This could be very true especially when you are unfortunate to have child/children for family that care less and does not appreciate relationships . i have a daughter of 6 years, her father is at least 85 percent responsible, i mean he pays her bills most especially school bills and send monthly allowance and am financially okay to an extent as well, so with the grace of God my daughter gets what she needs. we are not married and we cant marry as he as moved on. none of his family asked of the child not for a day, i stopped calling and visiting them 3 years and some months ago when i realized i worth more than what am getting.

Madam i can understand what you can be going through, my advice is pls dont trade your son/children for anything. if you are financially okay, have a discussion with you husband that you want to enroll him to a boarding school and he would only be coming over for holiday. or get a room apartment and get a nanny for him while you go visiting.

that's the only sensible advise a chic has given here. The other dumbos keep saying the man is obliged to carry another mans pikin on his head.

rali123:
I totally understand what you are going through because a very close friend is going through similar thing, the husband does nothing for the child as well but he lives with them(just a boy about 14years)...

He does not need to go to boarding school for now, he needs YOU, you need to monitor him, show him love and understand, make him see what hes doing is wrong by talking to him all the time and I bet you he will change for better, talk to him about everything, hes friends, school work, what he likes, what he doesn't anything you can think of please...

Your husband, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him, everytime even if it means waking him up at night everyday till he sees reason why the boy needs to stay with both of you, your husband is strong man regardless. God bless you and your home.

ofcos ..so says an ediotic single mum. You bang bring out a child and suddenly expect someone else to carry responsibility. Damaged thinkers.

Richy4:
When I was growing up in Nigeria wayback, I used to hear about Abuja Marriage.. as I began to mature in my teens those days in Abuja , It started making perfect sense. Yes, a couple can stay in a relationship with kids without caring where or who their relatives where. I saw that in Abuja in the late '90s. I did not say someone told me.I saw it..

Though this might be extreme but OP has the right to divorce him on a bridge of contract. this is because he promised to accept her for who she was with her kids and all what not after marrying her, he refused to honour his agreement... I don't know if you are good with Law sha... You may agree or disagree with me but I stand by the side of truth.

Bro, Assuming that reverse was the case, and the man had 2 children and OP refused to have anything to do with them or even allow them to set foot in that house, Do u think all these young men dishing out advice would have spared the lady? I have stayed long on Nairaland to know that advise here are based on genda. Noone wants to call a spade a spade.

the problem isnt walking out of the marriage. If she did that nobody would blame her. Let her walk out shekina...

Vyvyanvyvy:
He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

good job. No contact for a man you had 2 kids with? Interesting ...

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

what Is it then? These kids sef

Vyvyanvyvy:
He is not in Nigeria

how convenient... I'm sure his father has people. The main issue here is the fact the boy has developed terrible behaviours and if cares not taking may be too late.

Shifi1:
take him to his father na

I WONDER OOOOO...A LOT OF THESE SINGLE MOTHERS HAVE MENTAL ISSUES. SHES PROBABLY TRYING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE NOT TO LET THE FATHER KNOW THE BOY. BUT COME TO THINK OF IT. NOW THE BOY HAS DEVELOPED A KlEPTOMANIC BEHAVIOUR, EVEN HIS DAD WILL BE RELUCTANT TO HAVE HIM. NOW SHES ANGRY THE POOR HUSBAND ISNT ACCEPTING THE CHILD. A BOY THATS STARTED STEALING. LIKE HE WAS THERE WHEN THEY WERE CREATING HIM.

justnock:
You must have seen the questions before entering the exam hall, obviously

ok you've probably never attempted i.e.l.t.s. lol.

I understand.

Sammy07:
But he's actually the one that saved our financial system from total collapse in 2009. During the global financial crisis in 2008, Charles soludo was busy saying Nigerian banks were safe and they ain't...

please how did he save it.

I dont give a hoot what you said.....I just know hes our worst cbn governor ever. Can never forgive him for destroying the stock market and reversing all the giant strides and g re oath in the banking sector. ......plus for killing 2 of our most powerful banks for personal northern agenda interests....intercontinental and oceanic....

After shouting saibaba. change ....4+4... now una wan run. You must stay o

justnock:
Learn to express yourself better before replying me.

I scored a band 8 in my last i.e.l.t.s. with no single prep as a lot of ppl do..this is naira land if you think I'll start typing verbiage for you..... ure joking .

justnock:
Fvck it. I don't judge people by their past. I don't mind marrying an ex runs girl, if I love her. There are some Barren virgins, too. I think if you are enlightened, regardless of your age, you will judge people less.
I am not perfect...no one is.

these kids.... dont worry. The quickest way to die isnt cyanide. Marry the wrong person you will be speaking to the walls asking how you got into that mess every night till you finally die of heart attack. Guess what? They usually make the best widows loooolll........ie cry the loudest at your funeral and form love for you when they actually poisoned you. I dont even know if there are still marriageable ladies in lagos from what I see online these days..

GeneralTopic:
Ever since Sanusi Lamido Sanusi was ousted as the emir of Kano, by the Kano State Government, I have been reading comments in here like...

"they can never try this with (Inserts the name of one compound chief from a remote village)"

"the government will never attempt to uninstall (inserts the name of a family chief)"

Bla Bla Bla...

See, there is Royalty and there is Royalty. There are momentous levels to this game that goes beyond our 50 kobo sentiments...

The aura and charisma a traditional stool oozes, together with its historical progression and significance is how it will be treated...

Apart from these SS3 boys below:

Ooni of Ife
Oba of Benin (this particular one is nobody's mate)
Sultan of Sokoto

Your traditional ruler is at the mercy of the state government. The government will install and uninstall him like a mobile app and nothing will happen�... It is a very bitter pill to swallow. I know that. But let's resist the urge to argue about "realism" and "idealism" today... On this discourse, please ignore what is ideal and rather talk about what is obtainable.

Written by: Teddy Benson

a sultan has been deposed duhhhhhhh...I think babangida did.

Had some close encounter, but my flash movement would keep our housemaid wondering what new sport I was trying to invent. As she open door, i dive. Whether you have all the booty in this world, theres this babe....VASELINA..shes faithful, sexy and doesnt nag the shyt outta u. Plus nobody can hold you to ransome. No faster faster. Deeper deeper, harder harder....oh I havent come yet o.....lol. shes indeed a queen. No rape accusation 20 years from now. No falling pregnant ...

marimaar:
You want to get married because of bobby ?

is that not why every man should marry.

Please which paupers daughter are you trying to wed? ...

marimaar:
Thanks in advance. If this still holds, please count me in. 32 H, 70H

jesuuuuuuuu....can we get married....