₦airaland Forum

nickxtra:
It's because of the hot weather. She sleeps on her crib, but goes down on her own and sneakes into the living room to sleep on the floor. She always refuse any attempt to take her up from the floor.

lezz:
Man, I just followed you now. Your philosophy is frightfully similar to mine in this regard.

We are a dying breed and there's need for the awakening of masculine responsibility and consciousness.

Thanks.

Solidkay:
My dear u r a gonner,u supposed hubby is hiding a very biiig secret frm u which m pretty sure if u find out u will use d exit door,
Reminds me of a brother in Deeper Life in Benin,his wife has been tying her turban since their courtship days till they married,yet she wont put it off even when they make luv,mnths into d marriage d husband was forced to remove it,that was wen he found out that his wife has a small horn in d middle of her head.

lezz:
Men has always pioneered civilisations, inventions, nations and technology and will always pay the price with their lives.

However, the 21st century male has been greatly compromised by feminist recurring fads. Men are beginning to abhore leadership and responsibility both to society and family.

lezz:
So much for being man

cococandy:
Include child care, cleaning and cooking then we will know you're serious.

Miami11:
Rilokiley

I do most of all that mans work,
I take both cars for repair,
I mow the lawn,
I close all the doors and double check them( if I rely on hubby on this kind of security we will sleep with the door open lol)
I clear the compound too, I do everything he can in my house,
The only thing I dislike doing is putting furniture together, just because I hate reading instructions and following minor details,

Cutehector:
I thought they say what a man can do, a woman can do better?

Why can't d woman do the man's chores too?

Tolatutu:
Of course most human beings will use anything for their own good just like the men who have no problem with women taking on "traditional" male roles like paying bills in the family, then you'll be hearing couples are meant to help each other but they will remember tradition when it comes to them helping the woman out on the home front. The whole point of gender equality is the women who want to labourers or mechanics should be allowed to, i've seen more female mechanics now than ever. It's about parents and the society not discouraging female kids from certain jobs and only pushing them towards marriage.

Tolatutu:
plus when you are talking about people speaking out of both sides of their mouth its the same with many Nigerian men. They want their wives to go to work for the same hours as them and share the bills at home but when you talk about house chores and taking care of the kids then you'll hear those are women's roles. So both of you will go to work for the same hours , sit in the same traffic and share the bills but she's expected to come home and still cook and deal with the kids alone and then you'll call her the weaker sex when she's doing double what you are

Tolatutu:
that's not all women, not all women believe in gender equality just like not all men do. I personally would never say such a thing and neither will the women i know. we want equality in every area. Those women you are talking about are still stuck in the traditional frame of mind while trying to adapt. We advocate for gender equality in the military and every industry and that is why today we have more women in industries that before were considered as male industries

Tolatutu:
men are not superior to women. Gender equality is about equal opportunities and equal rights and we should stop bringing in religion when are are talking about laws. If we want to be talking about religions then lets go all the way and not pick and choose what suits us. I'am sure in your years of education you've come across women who are smarter than you and i'am sure there are women are are physically stronger than you. Gender equality is about giving opportunities to who ever is best, you can choose to practice whatever you want in your relationships that's prerogative as long as you can find a spouse who reasons like you . But in the general society (work place, schools e.t.c )you should put that aside.We are talking about things like women should be able to inherit property just like their brothers, landlords should only be interested in paying ability (income) not your sex or marital status. Passport office should not be asking a woman to get a letter of consent from her husband when no man will be required to provide such. As an adult a woman should be able to get a passport on her own merit, its only when children are concerned that the consent of both parents should be needed.

but when it comes to tedious, risky dangerous tasks, you will hear this same women telling us that we are men, we should face the challenges, protect our families, fight and die for our country (in military, army, wars). these women would not want to agitate for gender equality from that angle, they are just looking for where it will suit them and be shouting gender equality up and down and some people forming "civilization" would support them, meanwhile if there is a problem or war or a dangerous tedious task, they will start looking for men folks to go and sacrifice themselves,

anselm791:
Tell them to marry a man that fears God, Noooo, they want a millonaire in the day and hunk at night. And the sad thing is that, every other girl wants this too.

Debola69:
Bros nor vex bet i dey suspect say you be stoner. Your reasoning too deep!

raumdeuter:
Given where the OP lives, NOT removing himself might end him in jail or with a criminal record. You know the wife dialling 911 after they fought could have ruined his life forever

Mindfulness:
So she is not a demon after all? I thought there was nothing to be appreciated about her.

Mindfulness:
If a spouse constantly irritates and aggrieves, then remove yourself from the situation instead of pushing a change that you can't push.

Mindfulness:
Typical case of two people trying to change each other as it suits them. This is what they have in common. If they spent the same amount of time appreciating, encouraging and supporting each other as they spend on finding fault with each other, their problems would dissolve.

liefdesverhaal:
@PressVA
Thanks very much for the Advice. I have already ask elderly family friends to talk with her... Sometimes she agrees to change without doing anything to change, some other times she becomes defiant of any criticism.

As you rightly pointed out, the things that i desperately want to change in her is the disrespectful and abusive nature. She talks down at me even outside and once told me that she can fight me in public without caring what people will say. I have leave her couple of times outside just to avoid embarrassment. At home is no difference, She is ready to fight at any slightest provocation.

This things hurts me so much but she doesn't see it as a problem. Although I would be really happy for her to be more supportive of my dreams as i am being supportive of her dreams and aspiration... Anyway, I am pursuing them irrespective of her objection because i believe that the gains outweigh temporary austerity.


@RiloKiley
Thanks for your contribution. There is adage that says "He who wears the shoe knows where it hurts" .... I think the differences with my wife stem from upbringing and cultural differences. I came from a very respectful and homogeneous home while she came from a broken home that sees life as it comes. She didn't grow to see her mother take care of her father at home or how to manage home as a housewife. From what i later understood, she has been very very disrespectful of elders since she was a child.

She has the unappreciative tendencies too. She complains about everything that I buy for her and this too i do not like. She never says thank you when I buy new thing or render help to her.

She is oppose to me completing our new house but wants to stay in a Mansion when she visits home. She opposes me furthering my education rather she thinks i should use that time a find menial job to compliment my earnings so that she will not lack anything.

RiloKiley, please share your other ideas.

Now I do not want to sound like a broken record or like a man without infallibility. As I have told her severally that I am always open to adjustment as most of my action stems from the frustration i get from her negative behaviors.

liefdesverhaal:
I acknowledge the situation... As i mention in my post, there was a pregnancy within three months of courtship and exactly the time i realized that it might not be what I wanted.

I am already in the situation and asking for advice on how to manage the situation... I really want my marriage to work... I need people with experience in such situation to contribute...

Chikabel:
They were in central police station (cps) aba, abia state. I couldn't get help here fast, the closest I got to human rights was their enugu zonal office, and they needed me to lodge an official complaint, and since my going to enugu wasn't immediate, I was helpless. Hence, the husband managed to get a lawyer who by the help of an army officer, bailed them out with #5000.00. My heart was in shambles cos I could do nothing. Those kids were tired, hungry and you know how kids disturb when they're like that, yet, no emotions from the police officers, who even threatened more that if the documents were not produced, they'll push her into the cell with her kids, can you imagine?
Their release was effected by 5pm, having spent more than 8-9hours.
Something more I should do, or just let the matter die?
I've already advised the lady in question, if her brother thinks she has what belongs to him, he should go to court. Let the court's ruling prevail
Thank you guys for all your help. I'm most grateful.
Cc mizmycoli
Cc onegal
Cc RiloKiley

Joromi1:
I brought this topic up because my elder brother told me in secret that he would never propose to his girlfriend unless she gets pregnant for him. When I asked why, his reply was that he loves children a lot and doesn't want a childless marriage. He would not love to adopt too, meaning he wants his own children. Then he gave instances of some married couples in the neighbourhood with no children. He wouldn't want to be like them. I see sense in what he said but I don't know if there's any moral justification to it, and for that I can't advise him in any way.
Any ideas, guys?

Marxxx:
I spent all my time in the university studying fish ponds...you see if the trainees feel they are not sound numerically why do they want to become financial experts? don't shield mediocrity. I studied Fishries and had guys that studied Economics and Finance, but I wasn't daunted. The position requires excellent numerical ability......