₦airaland Forum

refiner:
how I so much hate men dat sleep outside.....if my husband tries it....na die sure pass

lol

Better be ready to sterilize him as that's the only curative measure to adopt.

Any other therapeutic measure is a goose chase. It's near impossible for a philanderer to stop wandering about, they only get more sagacious and secretive.

So if you know he can't keep his eyes only on you and you alone don't waste your time marrying him thinking he'd change.

Deejavuu:
Bottom line is most people on cyber space are fake. They hurt offline but come online to form "commando "

The ladies these things happen to everyday in the real world are they different from the ones that have account on the Internet. Abi na robot everybody be.

Gbam. The character behind that post has been coming off as a misandrist lately and I don't know if she's trying to induce amusement or she's just being farcical. But either way, man-hating won't help her and she's not funny in any way if that's her intent.

It's either some of them are being mischievous, or their hoity-toity attitude is an outright display of lack of exposure and/or perhaps they might have been misconstruing the butt-licking by some thickheaded members of my sex on this forum as true value of their worth. But sadly, cyber appraisals and idolatry isn't in consonance with reality.

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Thank you very much for explaining things clearly.

I actually didn't open this thread as a friend zone complaint thread. But from the way some of the girls are talking I think it's good we bring some things to their notice.

Some girls actually lead a guy on and make him think they are into him and then when he pops the question they turn him down. That,to me,is a wicked act and if a guy laments about that,then there is no problem about that for me.

Nevi12 hope you gerrit now? [/color]

They have the freewill to lead a guy on and gives him false hope but don't think in the spirit of fairness that guys should lament. That's like beating a child and tell him not to weep.

nevi12:
I still wanna believe d guy isnt dumb.i lose frends cos of dis,wen u want jst anormal frendship nd u guys jst talk nd become close it isnt d babe's fault u fell inlove she values ur frendship dats y she wld tell u it wnt work out romantically if u want to keep spendin ur money after uve been told off.......mhen dats u being a dunkponyan

In one breath you're saying she won't tell the guy she isn't interested in him coz she 'values' their friendship. Then in another you said he can keep spending his money and the so-called 'miss valuer' of friendship will shamelessly be reaping her off.

What's your definition of a valued and highly-regarded friendship to start with? You're reaping someone off and consider your friendship a treasured one?

Like I said though the guy is a ninny but any lady who consciously receives money from an admirer who she didn't bluntly told off and keep giving him false hope of a future possible affair, either solicited for or given out of freewil, is shameless. And just like she feels it's right to continuously extort money from a guy unjustly the guys too have the right to lament in public forums like NL.

falconey:
[color=#990000][/color]

Thought as much. I said to myself after reading the comment that this must be an 'inside' job.

nevi12:
My dear am not jst referring to ur thread am only usin it as a point of contact to oda threads nd oda nairalanders who come ere evrydei talkin abt how one girl friend zoned or smtin if u r frendzoned nd u dnt lyk it u can leave it isnt a cage

There are different categories of friend-zoning. One of such is where the lady has bluntly told the guy that she's not interested in him and would never date him and another is where she keeps stringing him along and giving him hope that she might consider him so as to continue fleecing him of his scarce resources.

The former is justified as the guy is stupíd to have maintain a friendship thinking it might lead to a relationship someday even after being told it can't happen. But the latter is callous and act of wickedness and yes the guys who complain about it even though they're silly their agitation is justifiable. Why should she be giving hope and allow him spend on her when she's aware she would never date him?

Lol. If one makes themselves a willing tool why won't they be manipulated and friend-zoned? But as per number 2, I thought when a lady friend zone a guy she'd want to dress seductively and attractive so as to keep the 'friend zoning' bond alive.

Let's look at it this way, the act of friend zoning is seen as a devious and heartless intent to torture a guy. So for her not to look attractive when she's expecting the fool at home, he might start finding her unattractive and gradually emancipate himself from the shackles of imbecility.

For her to maintain her grip on her 'victim' she would not only need to look attractive but frequently flaunt her cleavage, backside and other asset and be giving the mumu hope that one day he might have a feel of her. Not sure if I'm correct but just thinking aloud.

falconey:


Shout out to all the 'brothers' in the friendzone.

Despite going to her house every sunday she ' never get dressed' for you.

She offers you FANTA and 'tells you everything'

starting with 'guys problem'
And later ask you to accompany her in 'hanging in groups' .

At the end of the day you'll get a peck and she'll say you are 'nice' for being with me all day and if you try to reciprocate by 'touching' her , she will give you a dismay look asking you have you been 'drinking'

The mastermind, talking from experience?

Oliviaarims:
U've just turned the whole argument upside down.



I wasn't relegating the importance of money in a relationship (or any human endeavour, in fact) to the background. I simply said if money and other material things is the sole basis/condition for an existing feeling, then that feeling isn't love. Simple.

Oh sole basis you said? Then indeed what I said was out of tune. I thought you said one of the basis. If the former I was wrong but if the latter then I wasn't. Fair enough all the same.

Oliviaarims:
I agree with u that love could develop for more than one person if left unbridled....

And yes, love is conditional. I daresay no human can love unconditionally as long as he's a finite and imperfect being.

But I don't agree that it's a feeling hinged basically on personal interest. In a different post on this same thread, I was trying to explain what love being conditional implies. The conditions in this context should be certain very basic things necessary. Feelings based on material things whatsoever doesn't count as love.. If it's prefixed by anything selfish, then it isn't love.

I feel indifferent about the bold. For whatever reason we feel one should get attracted and fall in love with a person, money and materialism is one.

We live in a capitalist world where almost everything is connected and has monetary value so for anyone to dismiss and undermine the importance of money in a relationship/marriage then they aren't only being incongruous with the verisimilitude of life but living in self denial.

For whatever reason(s) that could serve as love, be it good looks, personality, intelligence etc that could serve as a precipitation of love and ferment love, money can be one. In fact, should be one of the primary factors.

About time we start living within the realms of common sense and face reality. Money is an essential factor not only in life but ignites a relationship positively so why should we dismiss it as a catalyst for love. A lady can be attracted and love someone based on his financial prowess and the comfort he can guarantee same way another can love for variant reasons.

I refuse to believe that money and materialism isn't a factor to be considered before loving or feeling attraction for someone. And that's me being pragmatic.

Oahray:
on it's own, mostly selfish at the beginning, for every such love. This, I must say, is the most selfish form of love there is. It's borne out of our need to have a companion that suits us. We think a person fits the bill, so we adore him/her.

However, for some persons (the minority I must admit), it eventually upgrades into something deeper. At this point it is no longer just affection for someone because she fits the the list of what they want. They start to see things they didn't really care about but are beautiful anyway. They start to respond to the spouse's affection for them, same way a child responds to a mother. Altruism gets into the mix. It's no longer the selfish longing it started out as.

Now this is the reason some persons can overlook flaws they later notice, while others break up or rush off to dissolve their marriages. It's not exactly one stroke for all folks.

Interesting and nicely written. An apophthegm saying has it that no matter how beautiful and magnificent a building is, if it's standing on a faulty foundation, the fall and destruction of that building is eminent. What this exert is that if love and/or relationship is founded by our desire to have our vintage interest gratified then it's faulty and can hardly last the test of time. It only subsist for as long as the reason for loving a particular person, in this case the foundation of the relationship, persist.

Like you pointed out true there are some cases where people start to develop true feelings towards a person regardless of what attracted them to that person but the only test of this claim and to ascertain their true feelings should be when their interest and benefits is no longer gratified. It's easy to claim yes I was ensnared and attracted to him/her by so so things but I've come to develop true feelings for him/her but can be proven otherwise if scrutinised. And even if it does occur, it's too infinitesimal and thus negligible.

firstking01:
no one single topic ...following 164 nlders...u be apostle paul??

Haha @ apostle Paul. Me no be apostle Paul o, I'm just a Jew man.

Honestly, I really need to start creating threads and I'm giving it a thought already. Hopefully soon.

Oahray:
for me, it's complicated. I cannot give a yes or a no without feeling it's the wrong answer.

Before I say what I think, do you mean romantic love?

Yes, romantic love or amorous love from unrelated people.

firstking01:
...and what if she insist that he's the man she loves, what are you gonna do??

Haha, I'll let her embrace her choice. She's the one to marry and persevere whatever bargain she gets from the affair. But not without giving a stern warning that I'll not render any monetary assistance should her hubby fails to live up to his responsibilities.

Oahray:
well, that's the thread's issue, not mine. I quoted you because I wanted to know what you consider love to be. You painted love as totally selfish in your first post, and that got me curious.

On the lighter side...
From your conventional definition, a mother's affection for her child cannot possibly be love since it isn't accompanied by sexual attraction abi?

Don't mind me, just fooling around. I think I get where you are coming from now. Thanks.

Lol. I should have added 'unrelated people love' sha.

But do you agree love it's about personal interest? If yes, what does that make it, a selfish or selfless act? And if no, do you think love can exist/survives without individual's interest being met? It would be nice if you can address this but not a must.

Oahray:
no, I'm not going to argue whether love is conditional or unconditional. You just said something makes us "act on our emotions and let it flourish to love." For me that means you believe love is conditional, whether you acknowledge it or not. That's even besides the point.

I'm not interested in what someone has to do to stir up love. I want to know what you think that love is, that love that emotions flourish into.

Saying it is all about self interest, is about as good as saying a fertilized egg cell splits many times to become a human as a response the question "Who is Oahray?"

What is love, bro?

Love is a feeling of attraction and concern for another person accompanied with sexual attraction. This is the conventional definition and which I subscribe to. But the issue isn't about what we consider love to be but what ignites it and the conditions in which it manifest.

Steps into the podium and grabs mic. My name is ...... Lol

I'm of the view that pubic hairs should be trimmed but there are some disadvantages that could result from it.

The advantages and why I think it should be trimmed is that it looks more healthier and appealing when less pileous and if it's the female genitalía thrusting it's easier without feeling any friction. For those of us who takes delight in cunninlingus, it makes it better as we don't want to eat hairs whilst on it.

But the act of pubic hair epillation can come with it side effects too. One of which is that it leaves one susceptible for infection once they injure themselves in the process. Pubic hair can serve as a protection for unwanted microbes, dirts and other bacterial infection.

I've heard some people argue that it makes them feel like a child and they would rather conserve their hair which gives them sense of maturity and adult than look like one paedophile. So it's all about personal choice but I do prefer it trimmed nonetheless.

daretodiffer:
I am sorry o

Ermm... Can I call you a Gold-digger and other names

Lol. You can if it pleases you.

However, I think a gold-digger is one who goes after someone with sole intent to fleece them off their wealth. But my stand is that, while I won't encourage someone settle for a broke dude I'll encourage them to be self-developed and make their own money.

And I won't let my daughter who must have earned a reputable career for herself with a mouth watery wages to settle for someone without any stable source of income in the name of love or marriage. No way.

Oahray:
bros, after you are done replying Olivia.arims, I'd like to know what you think love is. Not for argument purposes, just curious.

Like I said in the initial comment you referred to love is all about personal interest. When someone conforms to our way of life and if they have something to offer us in return that's when we act on our emotion and let it flourish to love. My only purpose for argument about love is that's it's conditional and not an unconditional feeling. So to proceed further, you may want to tell if you believe it's unconditional so we can argue for or against it.

Oliviaarims:
Let's not be unrealistic here. If u say there wouldn't be any reason to love or get attracted to someone, why then does a person not fall in love with a hundred ppl at a time? Why's it just one person at a time? It's simply because there was sth in the other person that spurred the attraction.


There' s most definitely got to be a reason. It just might not be concrete.. The ppl in love may not realize why they fell for that one person.. they just love. But the fact remains that something or certain things brewed the love.



@the bolded. What do u mean by that exactly?

There are cases where people fall in love with more than a person, albeit in disproportionate scale. However, as mammalia animals that has evolved to humans we have developed an intrinsic ability not to allow whatever we feel for another person (apart from our lover) blossom. If someone in love with one person can feel lust/crush for another then they can love more than a person if their emotion is left unbridled and unregulated. Not acting on a feeling to love more than a person doesn't make it impractical. Love is an emotion and like every other emotion if "acted" upon can be fixed on multiple objects.

By the embolden I meant love only exist for as long as our partner behaves in a certain way, a manner they have been conditioned to by their other half. To put it in perspective, if I'm to call my girlfriend maybe usually every morning and nights, weekends we're out on a date or watch movies. In some cases, I'm to offset some of her personal bills, which could be hairdo or whatever, then that love will only subsist for as long as I continue to do those stuff. Once I desist the love dwindles.

By the narration above, it means love exist only when we revel in certain actions that we have been conditioned to. If we're to say love exist that's fine by me, it does really. But it's conditional and no such thing as unconditional love.

Then again, if we can agree to love being conditional then it's safe to also admit that it's a feeling of vested interest. Knowing humans and our innate greedy tendency as selfish animals our emotion would only traject us on the path of love where we stand to benefits from something. If love can't maturate and mellow unconditionally and without any attached clause then it can't be real. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Forget political correctness and hypocrisy, if I had a sister or daughter I'll vehemently kick against her marrying a broke guy. Yes, life it's all about money and comfortability and I'd not encourage anyone to settle for less when they can get a better deal.

Talking about future everyone believes they've got a bright future but how many of such people future ends up bright? As stated earlier by someone, some people have been unemployed for years and some with little paying jobs all believed their future was bright but where are they today?

Even one of my cousin in the village who has refused to study and acquire a handiwork skill and has no plans of making himself useful will tell you he'd be richer than Dangote. So someone saying they've a future doesn't usually amount to sh1t.

Too much sense in the write up. Makes a lotta sense. I've always affirmed that there's no such thing as true love in amorous relationship. It's just a temporal feeling which exist for as long as the other person dances to our rhythm. The earlier everyone realises this and flow with the tides like you said the better.

For everyone we claim to love wholeheartedly there's a reason behind it and once that reason evanesces then the love too dissipates like vapour. If true love existed there won't be any particular reason to love or get attracted to someone, it will just burgeon without a reason and maturate in form of a latency. There's no such thing as true love, it's all about vested interest.

Falconey, but the world doesn't evolves and ends in your country. Also, what a group of people frowns on shouldn't always dictate individual's lifestyle and choices.

Xiadnat:
.........I know most people will adhere to the op's notion just to feel good about themselves and indirectly supporting immorality. Just because we failed to keep our body shouldn't stop us from saying the truth, any form of sex before marriage is bad, virginity is a key!


falconey? really... good for you..... Like watching my little bad brother become a good man.

...just soo sooo where's a smiley with tear drops when you need one.

Go forth and spread this your message to start from NL---too many boys here don tire me sooo

Lol. Just seeing this now. About the emboldened what if the people involved doesn't want to ever get married? Are we going to deny two consenting adults sexual benefits coz they don't want to participate in a ceremonious fanfare?

ipledge10:
it pains me when guys hype those gals that still have hymen in btw their legs...I can write a book on virgins..I know them very well

Well, virginity isn't a vice and not bad but my point is they aren't better than non-virgins and I stand to be corrected.

ipledge10:
Bro we are the same..virgin to me are like every other gals...if not worst because they are betrayer...Some gals think every guys will worship them because they are virgin.

Many are virgin under...but countless dick have enterd somewhere else in their body

There are core values to look out for in a woman more than her virginity status and men who know their onions know better than examining a woman's value based on some hymen clot. Not everyone is moved by such paltry.

pucelle:
That is your opinion,doesn't represent other men's opinion

BTW who says virgins are not better than none Virgins?
lemme call shortty to explain to you

I stated that it was my opinion and I didn't need you to echo it. And just like my opinion doesn't represent other men's so it's your colligated claim that men value virgins. It doesn't represent the views of all men as I'm one.

falconey:
[color=#990000][/color]

True. The virgin and non virgin threads and topics are vestigial and doesn't even deserve the attention it gets. Even then, we can all learn to address issues without assuming that the person is speaking out of experience and with intent to berate others.

Virgins should take pride in their chastity if they want to and if it makes them feel good about themselves and likewise non virgins but individual opinion shouldn't be seen as personal experience. The topic is overflogged already.

Falconey, I don't think it's true to say that most people who creates virgin threads are non virgins. One can be a virgin and still doesn't think virginity is of any significant value.

Some are virgins not coz they care about chastity or preserving themselves for their hubby but coz they're frightened by the painful thought of having sex for the first time, others coz they haven't had a reliable and trustworthy lover to let him have his way. Some could be coz they aren't mentally and emotionally stable to start engaging in sex. The reasons are seamless.

To assume that anyone who doesn't think virginity is something to take pride of are the ones creating non virgins threads and non-virgins themselves is homogenous to saying that anyone who isn't homophobic or who defend gay rights is gay themselves. It might interest you to know that there are virgins who don't even want to get married in their lifetime. The thing with us Nigerians is mistaking opinion for personal experience and also thinking that everyone is even caught out for marriage.

pucelle:
what are you people saying here?

I am a virgin and am proud to be one,and I am encouraging every girl out there who has not lost her chastity to keep it,it is our dignity and pride,every used oloshos should leave trash for lawma please


getting married as a virgin,has a lot of advantages and no disadvantage,non at all
your husband will respect you,and honour you, if you have a case of delayed conceiving your husband will not doubt you and many more

BTW egbon fxker if you want the virginity come and take it,God bless you

Stop making assumptions and unfounded claims. I'm a man and I don't value a non virgin better than the virgins and I'm certain there are people like me. That you're a virgin doesn't make you any better than non virgins or olosho like you put it.

A cheat want to get caught? Where did you sniff that from?

I think we first need to understand what being a virgin entails. To the best of my knowledge a virgin is one who is inexperienced and has had no history of sexual intercourse. Then again, sexual intercourse can be defined as the insertion of the male genitalía into the vagina, anus, and the "mouth".

Going by the preceding explanation one who performs fellatió isn't a virgin as they have had multifaceted knowledge of coítal relations.

There are disparate forms of sex, and sex isn't only about male genitalía penetrating the female genitals. Orál sex is a form of sex just like penetrative sex. Thus, technically anyone who engages in orál sex isn't a virgin even if their hymen is intact.