@Pharoh
Dude, theres no question on the leadership role. Problem is, a lot of terms have to be redefined with wisdom. A leader is to lead and not to dictate. Think about that.
If society knew what was best, explain to me why society hasnt solved nigeria's problems. Or does it only apply to man/woman issues?
Society knows best, and thats why women are so unhappy?
My friend, society is made up of people and if youre telling me I should allow people who dont know me or my wants and needs to define them, then Im telling you youre wrong.

You people seem to have a warped mindset of the so called 'our mothers' who are happy to get married bla bla bla.
You people never hear women discuss their husbands and so that facade a mother puts up of being happy is for her children. Because she knows her happiness is theirs and so she cant appear discontent.
So dont think those women were happy. Many of them put up acts out of love for their children. But if asked, you'l be shocked at what those women have to say about their men
And thats the difference. Today, a girl no longer wants to have to swallow everything and make the man feel like he can make her unhappy and still be called a man. It is also his duty to see to her well being. And with that, I dont mean paying bride price or buying bread.
If your argument is only the monetary aspect, then I'l tell you, I can fend for myself and four others. What else are you bringing to the table??
You people tend to think as long as youre spending money, you can demand all you want and have a right to get it. WRONG!

lorebobo:

Its not only ladies abroad who have these ideas. those in nigeria do too so don't even go there. getting married will stop you from doing a lot of things you would have ordinarily done if you were single. so, yes it can.

Ah toh. LOL. Abi should I be carrying an 18month old child up and down the wilds of Australia ?lol

erico2k2:

"pharoh
lol No need, you wont win,erm but have you noticed thats its the ladies abroad who have these ideas?Try tell you Mum you aint looking to get married in 9ja and see if she no give U slap,dont get me wrong ladies,I do agree with some of your terms of being indipendent,but going to the xtreem to adopt western values is a total ball game,ie saying something like"I wanna go see the wrld B4 I get married" lol,I dont think gettting married would stop anyone from see the world abi brother,Your pocket will dictate if you could or not.Girls una take am easy B4 una eat me raw oh,Pharoh, U got my back?

We all know getting married is not playing basket ball. Youre talking as a man who doesnt have as much responsibility as a woman when married.
How many nigerian men will get married to a woman and want to wait three years before having children because she says whe wants to see the world? You people fall very easily under peer pressure and once your drinking buddies at the beer parlour at the end of the street have laughed at you, you come home and tell the woman she should sit down and 'be a wife'. Abi I lie??
Getting married and having children changes your life forever and for a woman the change is way more cos now, she has to put herself last. Everyone els comes before her. I dont mind it, cos I think a woman has the strength to do it all, but getting married requires you get that. And Im not ready to relegate my wishes to the back seat for anyone. Cute children or fine man. I no want!

erico2k2:

lol I can see,women always got or make it a massive issue when it comes to gender equality.Thats why there are so many court cases arround the world to this effects  

Sir, its not a gender equality issue. Its a freedon of rights issue. A woman should be allowed, as a man, to make her dicisions without being cowered into feeling because theres no man at her side, she's wrong.
A woman should not be brought up to think she has to stand or walk behind a man.
A woman should be treated right.
Thats all. But because people dont get the simple logic behind that, the fighters for these rights have called it: gender equality. What the man can do, the woman should also be allowed to do.
But thats an argument for another day. Im not into the whole gender equality thing. I just want that women are not treated as second class citizens!

Pharoh:

Sure the day to day running as in decision making is dominated by men in the african soceity hence the reason we want to do the man to man talking because a lady doesn't fit that role with all her so called intelignce though she could be useful in adding some little advice.

Who told we are not comfortable with inteligent women? Will you put a gun in the hands of a kid and sleep with your two eyes closed? What use is the intelligence if you don't put it to use in a way that will not offend the men? . I for one is comfortable with an intelligent woman provided she doesn't poke it into my nose because the last time i checked it was a man's world No apologies for saying this.

We are in no way bullying women it is you ladies who see it that way, We are just trying to remind you the role that has been prescribed for you by the society and thread softly when encroaching on our turf. You talked about women been pressured into marriage but it will do you good to find out who is exactly pressurizing them, is it the men or the women like them?
I hope we can continue discussing and don't get worked up by my post or position we are all learning so as to bring a workable solution to this issue because it is more deep than what you think.

Well this our so called intelligence you refer to is what brought you into this world and has kept you alive. Go check the role of the women in your life and come back and tell me. Abi you havnt heard a man who doesnt have a praying woman behind him is lost? And at the same time, when a great man falls deep, he has either ignored the good advice from the 'intelligent' women in his life or he has married an evil one.

As to the 'role' subscribed to us by 'society'. Society is not a ghost or a tree, it is made of people. And people made these roles to suit them. Thats my point. And these roles have been happily preserved by men and sustained by ignorant women. That time is fast coming to an end, I can tell you.

Society cant decide anymore for an educated woman what path she takes (and I thank GOD for that), because education makes a woman realise she is a person and not a tool or a glorified house maid or whatever else it was society made her believe she was. Women are waking up to realising that they are important too, cos we make it happen.

I will never argue about whether or not its a mans world, but wise men before you have found the truth: it IS  mans world, but it wont even exist without  woman! A man may be a great big ship, glorious on the high seas and magnificient, but without a compass - woman, he will float into darkness.
The Lord has set us both on earth and the man is to go fort to conquer and woman is to be his guiding light. So let the man who thinks less carry on. Experience never lies.

So sir when you do get married, better bring up your girl children to be free of societal prejudices, and bring up your boys to realise that the worth a man lays on a woman is what he eventaully is worth.

r231:

where is dis girl anywayz cus i am sure there are lots of question here dat needs to be answered.

@uju
so are you saying the guy is not responsible cus he spent all his money to get a flat and can't afford to give here transport money. At least he explained himself

Me ma, Im looking for the poster.
As to him spending money on a flat, I still dont believe that story.
Very typical story of : my ship is on the high seas!

Deep Soul:

[size=8pt]U don crase finish, lol
This your crzay, wierd and adventurous sphere will change by the time una born one pikin, trust me[/size]

LOOLLL

Pharoh:

Sorry if i my post sounds personal or directed to you but honestly it is just a general issue i am trying to address with that write up. I am not attacking you or poking my nose in your relationship, i was only trying to say we sure do have a say to tell the other parties this is are what we want from them before going into the marriage life.

Our african society is not comfortable with a single adult lady so you should understand the need for the pressure. Men are also pressured as well into marriages though not like the girls. I was actually refering to the menopause issue and related stuffs and not exactly the pressure.

No no. Im not offended. I just feel its not right that its such a huge topic.
You say our african society is not comfortable with single women and I'l tell you why. : It is fear. The african society is dominated by men and men want to beable to talk to men, cos that way, they feel a certain level of security . . safety. And so people want to see young intelligent girls 'married off' so that she's under the control of a man. A fellow man. Thats what it is.

Ive noticed how uncomfortable men are when women call them out on the things they say and do, and Ive noticed they dont like it when that woman is young and intelligent and single.  Because it cranks their pride that she's talking to them eye to eye. It pisses them off that she has the audacity to tell them theyre not as smart as they think. Theyre annoyed that theres no one they can call to make her 'check her mouth' and that really really riles up african men.

And so you get this retort all the time when arguing with a man, that 'your mates are married and having children and you are here running up and down'.
Its an attempt by them to belittle a young woman and to tell her that without those things others have, she is nothing, meanwhile, theyre just angry that a woman is comfortable opening her mouth to talk EVEN THOUGH she has none of those things.
It is bullying, emotional bullying men are very good at. And I fight it wherever I see it.

Pharoh:

Marriage is between both parties so we have a right to poke our nose in the ladies affiars just like you have the right as well to do the same in the other direction.

We sure do have business with that because we got a stake in this marriage issue or are we going to marry someone who can't give us the number of children we so desire?

You can discuss it with your girlfriend and have a 'stake' in the side she takes, but not with perfect strangers. Its a very personal matter.
Theres nothing wrong with a woman deciding she would rather wait until 'menopause' before getting married, or not at all. These are highly personal issues and I find it disturbing to see how eager people are to talk one out of making personal dicisions.
Its my decision and my life and no one has any business or 'stake' in it.

Ujujoan:

Hahaha . . you really dont know how far guys can go do you?
I'm not saying the guy just wants to sleep with her, for me it's a first meeting, anything could happen. The girl might even end up not liking him. The issue here is that the guy's not being reasonable. He should be the one goin to see her. Now she has agreed to go, he's talking about money! Ha!

Thank you oh. I say the thing sounds wishy washy. Real wuruu wuruu

jay bee:

Wild assumption and i'm shocked it's coming from you. They got introduced by her sister or something like that which means at least he must have some sort of commitment to do on his side (you know how we generally don't like letting people down).
I also don't believe men are that heartless to make a girl come all the way from lagos to the east for the sole purpose of chucking. I hope you know their are single/ready to mingle girls all over Nigeria

Oh please. Thats EXACTLY what some men want. A responsible girl to shag cos they know the possibility of her sleeping around is low. So they play around and then move on when theyre done, knowing that theyre 'pride' is still in tact cos they were the only ones's shagging the girl at the time.
And about our people not wanting to disappoint, . . . story. That he met her through a sister or cousin or aunt or whomever doesnt mean nada for many men!

Ebonyeyes:

Hunny I was defending your comment i.e comments like what that man make drives girls to marry any useless goon just because idiots are counting down her biological clock.

Ah toh. I just didnt want to fire him. I dont understand oh. Which one is a man's business with menopause??

Ebonyeyes:

This is usually the nonsense that drives young girls into useless marriages

I dont get it. What about my taking my time drives young girls into useless marriages?

All this one about paying or not paying, me I dont think its about the money. We nigerians have a way of watering everything down to money. It seems the moral aspect is no longer the argument with us.

A girl has never met a man before. They live in seperate cities. Culture, tradition and morals DEMAND that the man make the first move.
This should not be a 'should-she- pay-or-should-he-pay-matter'. It should be 'who should go'.

@Poster . .  .Im sorry madame, but the question raises another question of your desperation. Cos a girls honour should be kept.
After he has visited you, you can go see him whenever and when that happens, YOU are the one to pay your fare, cos it would be a relationship that two people are trying to make work, and so it is also your duty to finance yourself.

But in the first place, the man should make the move on coming to see the woman. Right now, he sounds like he wants you to come over for a shag, and after that, nothing else!

POSAKOSA1:

I once had the SS show up at the homes of one of my EXes.
it was fun watching them shake like a maggot.

And how did you see them? Abi you were stalking your ex? All these your stories sound so far-fetched. Like before, you said something about a can of margots? ? ? ? How did you get that? Cos I know usually only children have the time to find margots or worms that'l fill a can.
Bros how far now?

iykedare:

[size=16pt]
sis,time waits for nobody.menopause is knocking at d door ooooo.[/size]

Well sorry mr. man, but I go by myy clock and no one else's. So I dont know why youre worried about menopause? Abi were you once a woman?
Besides, not everyone wants to get married and have children. So maintain, ok!

muffins:

This thread continues to get dumber by the day.

As in . . . . . I thought I was the only one who thought that.

Godmother:

I look forward to it but at the same time Im scared of it cos of the marriages I see around.Most people seem to be enduring their marriages and dont want to leave it cos they hav kids from the marriage already

I have the same problem. Fortunately, my friends are all happily married, so I also see mariages that work, but above all, it shows me one has to be ready to accomodate a lot of rubbish lol to be married. So its a whole package you have to be ready to commit to .The good and bad. And so sometimes, those bad marriages you see are caused for soo many other reasons apart from the people being irresponsible or bad. Sometimes the time just wasnt right and so the marriage collapses under pressure of expectations.

martin1:

^^^--There r good men out there,if only u have eyes.

Ive met a few. But these days we're all getting jaded

loolll

r231:

what is he celebrating

'We' here means my friend (the one he cheated on too) and other girlfriends. We all toasted to the vandalisation of his car lol

finemocha:

rosabelle where are u from

Originally from Delta, born lagosian, native of Zurich lol . Why?

naijacutee:

I'm a little surprised at some of the females here o. Aren't they supposed to be a team?. As he has explained that he is a little broke and cannot afford the trip, is it an abomination for the girl to pay for her own trip if she has the money? When the guy sees that she isn't selfish, or expecting him to do everything for her, don't you think that behaviour warrants respect? Na wa o? Or is money everything?

My dear Nigerian men dont know what independent women look like. If you dont ask him for money for petty stuff like taxi pay and the oh-so-famous making your hair, he'd think youre a fool. Ive experienced it and the dude owes me 2000euros today. Stupid fool of a nigger. lol

I dont know how a man can meet a woman, see that she doesnt ask him for money and instead of being proud he doesnt have a beggar, he himself turns into a gold digger

So even though Id advice her, like you want to, to pay her own fare, as it is more respectable, . . . .in the first place I dont think she should go there at all. The man should come look for her if she's that important to him.

Thats how we women will be doing independence there and we shortchange ourselves. A man ought to work for a woman. So dont encourage women (I didnt say you did, Im speaking hypothetically) to throw themselves at men in the name of indepence or self respect.

Besides many nigerian men cant function if their woman is not a pian in the ass. If you dont push him, he'd take you for granted. So she should push him. If he is broke, then he should come visit when he has money or he should borrow if Im important. I can even refund him. But he should make the move, not the woman.

@Poster
Im sorry if I sounded harsh. Not my intention.

I dont want you thinking Im dissing you, but I live in switzerland and because my father worked out, we havnt lived in nigeria since I was 11. He was posted all over, but my folks made sure we went to secondary school in nigeria. So Im not ignorant about your worries. Im very aware of them and I know what precautions my father took each time we were going home (even though the kidnapping wasnt on). And I guess its different for me cos Im lagosian (though from Delta).

It just irritates me when I come accross Nigerians who act like theres something special about living in a safe country and not having this same security in nigeria (again no offence meant) when you go home on holidays. Im just like, if you have such doubt, then stay safe and stay away.
Its how it is, bad as that is. Deal with it, or dont go back.

My folks have lived in Italy, canada, austria and now switzerland and the US cant compare in safety to any of these countries. So Im a little impatient with your hesitation.
I dont feel unsafe in Nigeria (maybe its a personal thing) , I feel right at home and welcome. Looking like an african or not has nothing to do with it. After all various people live in nigeria, from white to grey. And though they are cautious, they dont feel 'endangered'.
Drawing attention in nigeria is normal as long as youre good looking,  . . . or ugly. People will notice you. So you might not be used to the outspoken nature of the street person or locals who immediately voice their opinions on how you look. Its the norm in nigeria.

I have heard of the kidnappings and a friend was kidnapped recently because of who his dad is (actually theyre from your state, and the ransom was hell), and I get it.

I called you ignorant cos I was a little pissed as your attitude reminded me of my very american uncle who sounds just like you. Thats probably what I was reacting to. I find it a little ignorant of people who live in the US to think theyre not safe anywhere but in the US (pls dont deny it). It kind of vexes me, cos I was there once, and didnt feel at all safe.

No matter who your folks are, there are wealthier people in nigeria and they live there. Some of them get kidnapped and the majority dont.

So my point is same (just not harsh or personal). If you were there in summer and felt ok (maybe cos you were in a city), but at the same time, if you have all this background info, like your dad telling you not to come and your cousins saying its fine, its kind of clumsy coming to a blog to ask the question of strangers 

And dont try the inteligence of nigerians when it comes to finding out who people  are. Whether your name is Ada or not.

OYINBOGOJU:

AREA MOTHER LIKE ROSE, I AGREE WITH U NO MORE,
I CANT BELIEVE THIS GIRLS ARE AREA GIRLS, WELL IF U DONT KNOW, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAYS TO DO THINGS,
AND CAN YOU TELL ME U NEVER FELT GIULTY FOR WHT U DID, BLOCKHEAD

I could care less whether or not you agree my friend. The important thing is, he spent a LOAD of money repairing that car. He was so busy fixing it, he didnt have time to 'juggle babes' for a while. And as for feeling bad, nope I didnt. After distroying his car, we opened a bottle of wine with friends and celebrated.
Dont know if youre a man or woman, but after youve been cheated twice, there are no better ways to do things than to make the nigger pay.

MrPrsdent:

meaning a guy who knows how to give attention will have many girls at his beck and call

Meaning men have to be more sensitive to their women and not assume everything is fine simply because she's not complaining . . . . . . .yet!

Theres no argument here. Havnt you ever heard the saying that a woman has the emotional strength of 10 full growm men? Its not for nothing it is the woman and not the man who carries a child. She has it in her to unite all. A woman can balance it out and she simply would need the cooperation of her husband to understand that theres no competition.
The children are a couples priority in life. You people should stop splitting it into woman/man discussion.

PS. On a lighter note. If a woman asked her husband for 450euros to buy a bag, he'd say no. But he would cough out the 3000 euros for the childrens achools fees. So who is the man's priority there? lol

Signs your woman is cheating

1. Her schedule suddenly shifts.
We women love order in our lives, even when we're chaotic. We have a list of things to do, and as long as you have a life, these thigns are usually the same week in , week out. So if your woman suddenly has to be somewhere else suddenly . . . . red flag. She's probably cheating or is on her way to the man she'l cheat on you with

2. She suddenly starts to dress out of the ordniary
We women again, love order in our lives and all human beings are creatures of habit. SO if your girl, whom you know always dresses in a certain way suddenly starts to look extra-sexy (not like its bad), then be careful

3. She doesnt call like before.
That one can be your fault sha, cos its either she doesnt have credit, or youre annoying her lately. Check yourself, you man,, cos its the easist way to loose your girl. We women LOVE attention, just like you men, and if its not coming, we go find it.

And all the rest the poster just said. The signs for women and men are the same, cos we're human beings It just manifests differently, according to male or female characteristics.

r231:

dammm all dis for cheating

Well if he cheated with a girl I didnt know, it'l have been different. I would have just counted him as 'another' one. But his girlfriend was my friend. Som guys dont know where smart ends and foolish starts.

Well I dated this guy for a month and I really liked him and then I got to find out he was dating a friend of mine and had been dating her for like a year. I didnt say a word. I ganged up with her and we vandalised his Land Rover. Took a log of wood, a hammer and thick nails (to crack the hard glass) and smashed all his car windows. ALL
He knew it was me and her eventually, but couldnt proove it  . . . . . . .everytime I think of that night, Im high! lol

PS. . . .oh and my friend slept with his brother she had been checking out all along. That was soo mean.

I dont get Nigerians who live abroad and think people in Nigeria are in a jungle or something.
You just said you were there this summer koh? So what did you see when you went? Did they kidnapp you? Abi do you own Grima Mohammed Motors? Or what is scaring you?
Dont they kidnapp people on a DAILY basis in the US? Yes police try to find them, but a good 50% are not found, so whats the whole hulabaloo. If you know you wont be safe, then dont come back. But stop acting illetrate.
You 'heard' things are worse. Things ALWAYS get worse in Nigeria, abi havnt you noticed?
Oh and by the way, announcing on the internet that youre from imo state and you live in the US and would be going to nigeria for christmas is not exactly 'wise'. Wake and up and stop acting like a dumb american my friend, youre a nigerian. Behave!