₦airaland Forum

fellis: Islam does not discriminate against women, end of story.

pazienza: Then,let him replicate his barca heroics in the only other team he plays top class football for,the argentina national team, so far,we have seen enough to show that he can't succeed anywhere else,he is a 'messiah',football God,bla bla bla,yet argentina couldn't win copa america athome soil with him.

pazienza: And you forgot that there was little or no protection to strikers by refrees of those days,many of the tackles that earn players yellow card today,would have been hailed as nice defending those days.

pazienza: Pele was successful with santos and brazil national team,messi has failed to replicate his heroics anywhere else apart from barca,that's not the stuff of a great footballer.

cold: And to think Mikel & Messi were almost on the same page in the not so distant past. Smh

Virgin Finder: You are a slavic basstard!

Your parents and grandparents back in Sagamu will be first to pay.

Your white masters wont even let you even come home to celebrate Christmas with your aged parents.O ma se o!.

Come back home and get a life Mr Fucktardic Cretinous Sagamite. Your Sagamu kinsmen have given up on you and are only praying for your sane return albeit empty handed.

Your mates over here are doing far better than the modern day slavery you are passing through.

Is this how you'll live till you die? From slavery abroad to hell fire.Damn!

Your future abroad is bleak.What a waste of existence! SMH

Keep whining. alagbe!

PS: You are so obsessed with okada. Its either you rode one to save money to travel into slavery abroad or your family members back in Sagamu do for survival.shior!

Virgin Finder: You are a slavic basstard!

Your parents and grandparents back in Sagamu will be first to pay.

Your white masters wont even let you even come home to celebrate Christmas with your aged parents.O ma se o!.

Come back home and get a life Mr Fucktardic Cretinous Sagamite. Your Sagamu kinsmen have given up on you and are only praying for your sane return albeit empty handed.

Your mates over here are doing far better than the modern day slavery you are passing through.

Is this how you'll live till you die? From slavery abroad to hell fire.Damn!

Your future abroad is bleak.What a waste of existence! SMH

Keep whining. alagbe!

PS: You are so obsessed with okada. Its either you rode one to save money to travel into slavery abroad or your family members back in Sagamu do for survival.shior!

True2myself24: Hmm....I get to his house and see the place is a mess. I look in the kitchen and there is no food, what should I do? Just sit around? Nope. I would wonder what in the hell he's been doing just sitting around all day and leaving his house in such a mess with no food in the kitchen! If you can't clean up after yourself, move back home with mommy and daddy. What makes you think that most women would stay with a little boy who expects his girlfriend to play the role of his mother? Do you hear what you're saying? So YOUR house is a hot mess and there's no food in YOUR kitchen, yet you blame the woman if it stays that way and not the lazy bottom guy himself? Lord have mercy on women. And I'm tired of hearing the money thing. Some of us women are very capable of paying for own needs. It's called getting a J-O-B. Being wife material is much more than whether or not she cleans up after you. Marrying a housemaid doesn't equal a fireproof marriage.

ChuckBoi93: Sometimes, I don't think dialogue alone solves the problem...a little thrashing does it too. Women like your wife make men hit them.

claremont: This applies to the UK as well. There must be a reason why most 'successful' black men prefer to date outside their own race, there is no solid evidence to explain this trend.

[size=18pt]Real Reasons Why 70% of Black Women Are Single[/size]

By JJ Smith

[img]http://www.blackstarnews.com/tpllib/img.php?im=cat_125/6191.jpg&w=300&h=290[/img]

We’ve all heard on Oprah, CNN, ABC News, and the Washington Post that 70% of Black women are single, and 42% are unmarried.

We’ve even recently heard a young Black woman, Helena Andrews, say that she is successful, Black and lonely and that “Bitch is the New Black”.

Helena’s story is probably the most heartfelt as I can relate to her, when I was in my 20s that is… but now at 40, I can say that there are many things that I have learned about Black men and two that stand out the most are that: (1) “Being a bitch” was never going to get me the love I desired from Black men. (Note: Being a bitch as in being mean, argumentative, hard to get along with, bitter, etc.); and (2) Our "credentials" don't attract men! Just because WE feel that we are successful, independent, professional and educated doesn’t mean that’s we’re attractive to men, or even datable for that matter. I have learned that it is our EXTERIOR that gets a man's attention --smile, look, personality, non-bitchy attitude, confidence and overall attractiveness-- and our INTERIOR --our love for God, family, friends, being honest, supportive, respectful, emotionally stable, goal-oriented -- that keeps a man coming back for more.

Even though many news organizations have provided the statistics I mentioned above, I’ve rarely seen these media outlets offer any real solutions. In fact, I’ve yet to hear anyone really explain the REAL reasons so many Black women are single, as it's much more complicated than the “numbers.”

I personally don’t believe in allowing the media to exploit this issue and give an appearance that Black people have issues and challenges that we cannot solve on our own. As a single, successful Black woman, I refuse to allow the media to make me feel bad or desperate about the plight of the “single Black female,” especially given the personal and professional success sistas have made in a male-dominated world.

So, Black men and women, WE can facilitate our own discussion on this challenge and identify real solutions that work for us. I’ll begin by offering this 2-part article to address this challenge. In Part 1, discuss the real reasons why so many Black women are single--because you know the media isn’t telling the whole story and in Part 2, I will offer 10 practical solutions for women who are looking to find a “good man.” Please feel free to share other suggestions.

The Real Reasons So Many Black Women are Single:

Some of the reasons could apply to women that are not Black, but the focus of this article is on Black women because that’s all we keep hearing about in the media these days.

There are many factors that have lead to why so many Black women are single, but I believe the most significant factors are listed below:

1. The Black Man Shortage (as I read on Essence.com): 42% of Black women are unmarried. 70% of professional Black women are single. The numbers don’t lie and there is a real gap between “datable” Black women and men. Even if there is some degree of inaccuracy in the numbers, if you just talk to Black women, many will agree that there are some challenges finding a “good Black man, ” that is, one that is not behind prison bars, gay, or with other races. I’m also fully aware of this challenge due to the number of Black women who write me about it every week. So, the statistics do play a role in this challenge, but it does not tell the whole story. Please read on.

2. Too Many Black Women Have Bought Into the Stereotypes On Who They Are: The perception that Black women are hard to get along with, mean, bitchy, argumentative, bitter, etc., has become a reality for too many Black women. I know, because I used to be that way and still have relapses on occasion but irrational behavior and constantly “going off” on people, especially your man, is not an attractive quality to have when trying to maintain a relationship with a man. I had to LEARN that just because I was running things at work, didn’t mean I was going to run things with my man. So, I had to “check my attitude” at the door when dealing with my Black man. Maybe a man really needs to be the head of the household, and if you don’t trust that he can be, then leave him alone and move on. A wise man once told me that anything with two heads is a monster, so only one can be head of the household, and for me, I prefer it to be my man. Sistas, we know we have carried too much of the financial and emotional burden of raising our families alone, but we should use that to draw strength from and not allow that to make us emotionally weaker. I remember being in my 20s at a management consulting firm I worked for and this brother told me that I would definitely make Partner but no one would ever like me because I was so damn mean, and I actually was naïve enough to take that as a compliment; not realizing that my “meanness and bitchiness” had spilled over into my personal life and keeping me from attracting and keeping good men in my life.

3. Many Black Women Have Made a Conscious Decision To Be Single: I know you’re saying "yea, right." But this is actually true. I know personally for me, I have been married before, but I prefer to be single, especially since I don’t want to have children. Personally, I am not looking to get married again, but I’m not opposed to the idea either. If I meet someone who makes me feel that being married to them is better than my freedom and the luxuries of my single life, then I would consider getting married again. The most important thing to me is to have quality, meaningful relationships with men with similar dreams, goals and interests in life. People fall in love and marry because it’s the tradition. Men and women have been getting married since before recorded history. Until recently, America was the most “married” nation in the world. But now many ask, “Do I have to be married to live happily ever after?” In today’s society, people have a strong desire to simply be happy, whether that means being married or unmarried. Being single is not synonymous with being “alone”. Many single people do have a meaningful love relationship in their life. Society makes people think that end goal of two people who love each other is a “traditional monogamous marriage” but I don’t believe everyone fits that model. Whoever said dating has to end in marriage? If marriages were so great, why do more than half of them end in divorce? So, there are really some women who are happy being single--Seriously!

4. Black Men Don’t See Many of the Qualities That They So Much Admire in Their Mothers and Grandmothers: To say it’s just a shortage of Black men is only a small part of the problem, but as Black women we have to re-evaluate who we are and who we’ve become today. Black men don’t see the strong, quiet strength of their mothers and grandmothers; neither the homemaking-cooking skills either. In my book "Why I Love Men," I have a section called “Never Underestimate the Relationship Between a Man and His Mother” that discusses this further. A wise woman understands the precious bond between a man and his mother. You’re not going to change it nor would you want to. A mother is very proud of her son, especially if he’s a good man. His mother values him. His mom and grandmother has loved him unconditionally all his life, and well, you, not so long. If you want a smooth relationship with a Black man, be sure you understand WHY he loves his mom so much and it will help you build a stronger relationship with him. And, if you don’t know why he admires and loves his mom so much, ask him. In fact, a huge red flag for me is when a guy doesn’t have any relationship with his mother, and she is still living. Or if he speaks to his mother in a disrespectful or harsh manner, he will likely treat you the same way.

5. Black Women Have Spent Their Best Years Pursuing Their Education and Career Goals not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age: I know this may be unpopular, but it is the truth. A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career. I believe --and of course I could be wrong-- that a man would more likely be with a young, fine woman that is less educated and makes him feel good --in terms of stroking his ego-- then an average looking woman with a great career and education. If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile. If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let your looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill. In "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating," I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man.

6. Black Men Struggle More Than Any Other Group of People in Society and in the Workplace: You have to ask why are there so many Black men in prison and under-educated? Why is the unemployment rate so high for Black males? Why is the suicide rate so high for Black males? Why are so many Black men absent in their child’s life? Why are Black males struggling more than other group of people? We have to better understand the struggles of Black men to really increase the number of “datable” Black men; and I’m no expert on the answers to these questions and I know when I’m out of my lane, but there are others who have studied Black males and written on this topic and could surely provide some answers to these questions.

7. Black Women Haven’t Adjusted to the New Hypercompetitive Dating Environment That Exists Today: Many of the traditional rules of courtship don’t exist, for better or for worse, Black women have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. And, if you think about it, most of us have never been taught how to date to find a compatible partner. There was no college course for it. Yes, many women have received advice from family or friends. We may have taken advice from other single women. But most of us are winging it as we go. There are some women who are obviously better at it than others. In "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating," I’ve consolidated the best strategies that I have learned from friends, relatives and my own experiences and frankly some of the best practical advice that I have ever received and successfully applied to attract the type of men I wanted in my life and they did show up. These strategies have worked for others and they can work for you. You can’t continue doing the same thing and expect different results. It is time to change your approach to dating.

segun688: Divorce isnt justified except in extreme cases where life is being threated e.g domestic violence. However, i am optimistic that every other kind of issues can be worked upon. i mean EVERY. i know about 10 people that had given up on their marriages, but when they DECIDED to genuinely communicate, they were amazed at the turn around. The issue right now is not about him "rushing into marriage" or not. He is already married, and the vow says "foe better for worse", the issues he outlined above can be resolved, thats what i feel. But issues like violence should never be taken lightly. Marriage is not solely about "feelings". Love in marriage is a decision. Hence the popular phrase "love conquers all". The love here refers to agape, unrelentless love

segun688: [color=#006600][/color][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]I dont have much to say to you. All i want to say is that divorce is never the answer. No marriage is without its unique challenges. you picked her in the beginning due to the love you had for her. Please dont listen to those saying "dump her". See the movie 'fireproof". All the best.cheers

trolling: if a woman is equal to a man then why wasnt she created the same day Adam was created or why was she taken out of a man, why wasnt she taken out of the elements like Adam, why didnt she get her instruction from God directly when she was taken out of Adam but was rather instructed by Adam or why was she in the outer court of the temple while the men was in the inner court or why is she prohibited from the temple on certain period of the month or why did God say to her He shall rule over you or why did Sarah call Abraham master.Or why would seven women beg a man to take their names in the nearest future.

zanga420: You said it all. The problem is ladies drag hand where they're not specialist. If you get 2understand the areas they drag this foolish right U'll laugh. Eg U'll see a lady complaining that male n female soccer players should be paid equally. Sometimes some 'cos they believe men work they eat play tricks/prancks in work n when not rewarded they should blue murder, inequality. Thank God they hardworking 1s get rewarded. Sometimes they leave their specialities n d guys'll make those places work. Eg the pedicure n fashion industry. And alot of areas let me hold it 4now

stagger: Gender equality is a misnomer because men and women can never be equal. They are complimentary. Just as you need positive and negative to produce electricity, you cannot have positive alone or negative alone producing electricity.

It is about giving women the opportunities to be something in life just like the men, so that the level of complement will be enhanced. It is not men taking over women's roles and women taking over men's roles, but rather empowering the woman for her to be able to fulfill her roles to a higher degree. That is what "gender equality" is all about.

talina: My take is that it would be a good thing for them to do some chores together!

freecocoa: I don't \won't do no chores for no boyfriend cos he expects me to, I'll do it if I want to.

somalia5: what do nigerians eat to look like body builders. i have seen several nigerian who have more testastrone then me. they look like men straight up.

badjack: I am very sorry to say it but it is my opinion. Marriage is a thing that when you are out side of it you will be rushing to enter while most people inside want to rush out of it.
I am inside and very unhappy. Actually picked the wrong woman and now has 2 children with her. She tells me any bullshit that crosses her mind. I am very unhappy and confused. I am even thinking of picking up a second wife. I really mean it. I am tempted into cheating on her and her behaviors is encouraging it. Imagine her telling me this evening that I will go mad if I ever torch her body. We had a very little argument.
Second wife or girlfriend here I come. If you are interested to take this position, let me know.

usermane: Wow Sagamite vs Carefreewannabe....what a match up. Bn following your comments.
I go with Carefreewannabe evn though Sagamite have made a few concrete point.
Ladies admire handsomeness,they crave for it but cos only a handful guys in a bunch are handsome they tend to relax on that aspect. No matter how happily married a woman is to an ugly toned man, once in a while she misses fantasize about a handsome man with fine face,well kept finely toned skin,muscles and physique.

carefreewannabe: An interesting match up. Unfortunately, he is angry with me
Dear Saga, I beg your forgiveness.
I tell you, if you were not a bad boy I would develop a crush on you. Hope, your ego likes it and you forgive me.

Usermane, you're 100% right! Most women think like that. Saga, don't hate me.

carefreewannabe: First, I listed up more reasons why women possibly cheat earlier.

Let's leave it like that. I wasn't trying to waste your precious time, I didn't mean to make you angry and I didn't want to imply you were dumb.

I am sorry you have this impression.