bukatyne: Funny how the tide has turned and everyone is suddenly saying 'send her packing', 'let her go back home for retraining' etc. where are all the endure, pray, check yourself advisers go to?

The women wondering if the female abusers lack home training are funny! Is been a female abuser worse than a male abuser? We are suddenly suggesting that the man is not 'man' enough or not asserting his authority. Hmmm!

Donxavier and the other men who cannot imagine been abused, do you know understand how those abused women feel?

@Coogar, what do you advice the poster abused to do in this case?

@poster with an abusive wife, please report her to her family and if she doesn't change, leave the home awhile for her.

the abused male should shut up and wear white boxers!! lol!!

bukatyne:

Bo ya lomo pe a lot of abused people are over self reliant sef!

You have not seen bank mgrs., lawyers, doctors, lecturers, registrars etc that are abused on a daily basis.

It is a spirit or (to bring it down), a mindset.

You never see persin wey dey spend your money abuse you join?

The koko is to know who you are and take no bull either employed or not!

the above is very true, i grew up in a home where my mum was the main breadwinner, and she was still seriously verbally and emotionally abused. my dad always took money from her to invest in harebrained ideas, which never made any headway. my mum is d proverbial meek and submissive woman, and she didnt gain anythng from it. my dad never beat her physically in our presence but he treated her like she was worthless.
she invested a lot oin property and made him overseer over them, he was incharge of collecting rents, for a yle he was even d main signatory to d accounts. if my mum needed money for something, he would abuse her thoroughly before giving it to her. we just understand it growing up.
now we are older we are teaching her to be more assertive. if dere's one thing i took frm dt experience, its been able to smell an abuser from a mile away. it has also made me extra aggressive with men.becos im constantly interpreting every sign as dominance.
im married now and i married a calm and gentle man, sometyms i have to watch myself with him so i dont turn into my father and end up abusing him. whew!!!! i didnt mean to write this epistle.

Ema prince: Only slapped my sister once and that was like 11yrs ago.I was small anyway.she felt dizzy and i was filled with remorse.
since then,I have never beaten any woman and will never do!..But advising the abused to leave their marriage isn't the best.
If you are a Christian,talk to your pastor and he will tell you that it is not prudent to leave your marriage because,even if you get married to another,that first man is still your true husband.forget all these things we are learning from the white.

I'll advice that you pray harder to GOD over this.there is nothing impossible to him

Rubbish! Believe this at your own peril. True husband ko. It is very possible to marry wrongly.If a woman's husband dies and she remarries, does that mean the new husband isn't a 'true husband'?

I doubt if the solution to this problem is for her to tender her salary to her husband every month, no respectable man would agree to that. Why would a man let a woman work all month, and then he'll happily collect her earnings from her, haba!! Make una fear God. The man is just suffering from ego crisis, and its normal, I even respect him for that. He's not comfortable with the fact that he isn't the breadwinner of the family anymore.
The wife should just continue comforting, make sure he doesn't spend time dwelling on his loss. Pray together, do whatever she can to help lift his mood at all times.

And all the fools that have commented above, badmouthing other pple and their way of worship, u think u are any better? Is that what Jesus taught u? Remove the log in your own eye first, before criticizing or judging others. Yeye hypocrites..

After reading all the comments above made by xtians, its just depressing to think that I live amongst pple who might also reason like this.
The girl is an adult who has the right to practise whateva religion she chooses, nobody is asking themselves what would the emir stand to gain, from jazzing or forcefully converting this girl. Next thing is for some pple to say the girl would soon be a suicide bomber, u hav muslims living around u, how many of them have bombed u and ur family?
Like we don't hav xtian thieves, armed robbers, ritual killers.
Pple jjust come online and run their mouth anyhow, some have even claimed that d interview was made under duress, how do u knw that? I have a friend who used to be muslim, but converted to xtianity, and I've neva held the thot that her pastor used jjuju on her to convert her, but when its the other way round, some pple like dose on this forum talk rubbish instead. If being xtian is thinking like all this xtains above that have commented, then I'd rather be an atheist.

if she truly blocked all the roads in rivers like she did one time she was in lagos, then she deserves to be insulted.I dont get how Nigerians think, we should be grateful at least somebody is speaking up against this abuse of power.Instead people are turning around to blame Soyinka.We have been used time and again for years by this politicians, and yet we worship and respect them for stealing our money and ruining our country for us and our children to come.I hear excuses like she's somebody's wife, what has that got to do with anything? Is being married an excuse to act like an ass? I now firmly believe that we have exactly the kind of leaders we deserve, and except we re-orientate ourselves, this country is only going to keep going down the drain.

Desloaaa: my dear,get sometin doing,any decent job,irrespective of d meagre pay,dust off laziness and make up your mind,that you'll take care of your child,come what may.Adorption is not really a good idea on my part. I'd rather soak garri and salt with my child,than allow him enjoy fried rice and chicken with sm other..
What story will u tell him after today
Ninu ofi,ninu ola,lomo pandoro n dagba.The Lord is ur strength

Selfishness on your part, u'll rather putt him thru a childhood of poverty, stress and laack of opportunity, than give him up to pple who are more prepared to take care of him. Just because u can't bear the pain of seperation. The bigger pain is doing what's right ffor the baby, even if it hurts you.

Bebetter: The man "was" ok with his wife being a muslim but now he does not want his child to take to his. Mothers faith o! PrecAutionary measures, besides its no hidden fact that now adays most. Muslims are terrorists. So simple, start going to church or let him.know that the child we be folowing him to church as he gets a bit older and u will not coerce the child to muslim faith. Chikena!

This is a stupid and ignorant comment to make.

Lol! Nairaland never disappoints. Guy go and take medicine for your high fever!

Na wah for all these women oo. Ur sister is family too. I am female, and I would want my husband to tolerate my younger sis or bro if she chose to live with us. How come when we get married and start a new family, our parents, siblings all become not so dear to us. @op dis is a delicate situation, and u shld handle it in a way, that will bring back d love in your family. If u throw ur sister out, u'll create enemies for your wife amongst your siblings, considering, and it won't be in her best interest in the long run.
Let's stop being selfish and thinking only of ourselves. Marrying a man, doesn't translate to you destroying the rships he had before u came along. Try and gget both ur wife and sis to settle whateva is btw them, ur sis can't live with u forever. She'll soon marry and leave. Don't make an enemy for life

@last people are giving useful advice instead of just condemning d op. I don't think travelling with a child to a strange place for the first time is the best idea too. When u get dere, and uve tested the waters, u can den call for your child.

Its also not a bad thing for u to want to improve yourself, and If u are lucky to find someone who's willing to pay d bills, then dats good. All these pple making u out to be a gold digger are just bitter . In the end I know u'll make the best decision for you and your child.

Since d rship is over, dere's not much u can do about it again. And u don't hav to tell ur parents about it. Speak to ur sis, tell her d error of her ways.its your friend I really pity, but what's done is done, u all hav to move forward. Apologise to ur friend too.

Does anybody in the house have any idea of how many interview stages GSK has, and what they entail? I'm really getting tired of this big companies and their multi level recruitment process.

@ op, just don't let anybdy make u feel bad abt urself, some of d pple on dis site hav rly miserable lives, and dey just come here to spread gloom. Try and not get infected.@Royalcharm.. I cant say I understand what ur misery is about, but don't worry the light will come soon.

@op, pls pay no mind to all dis pple blaming u for what ur heart is feeling. If after all dis yle, u still don't feel d guy, den let him go, and u are in no way at fault or to be blamed by this. D reason u r in this, is becos u were not true to urself from the beginning, and u accepted pple's definition of the kinda man that'll be gud for u instd of what u knw u want. Free d guy, free urself too, and go for what u want. Life is too short..

His eyes are soo... Can't find the words.. I loved him in prison break, still love him now..

Please all those that have gotten their invite for medicals, were you all called to confirm your state of origin? I want to clarify if that is any indication of acceptance.

Everybody is tiptoeing round Jelita or is it calotti now. So as not get a spray of her venom. "Covering myself wit a waterproof coat first complete wit hood".. I think she's just a frustrated biatch... who has been ditched by her husband for younger gals, on running out of real life options, comes to nairaland, to assault our eyes and sensibilities with frustrated rants... Open marriage ko...

Just brave up and get a divorce, instead of whoring around and teaching your children slut 101.
Going on all these vacations, in ur dreams.. People who have real functional lives, don't haunt social networking sites like u do. Get a life!

Just like asking, why can't I find someone who's willing to do business with no thought of profit..not everybody will be alasedanu like u now.

The premium thing isn't deir brightest idea, but I did get my job through jobberman. So before we all keep castigating them, they've done some good too.and it was before dey introduced paying for premium.

Malawian: @samyan12, are you saying yorubamen can only get "quarter to go" igbo women?

yes! In most cases that's d way it is. Old cargo near expiry ibo women!!

Winneygirl: @Op, wat Ur husband needs is a woman who can hold her ground!!Submissiveness and indecision ar boring somtyms.
Frm 2day, hold Ur head up high!!Set Ur own rules! Do all chores,serve his meals & maintain a clean, spacious, welcoming house.

If there's somthn he does which U dnt lik, just tel him once, in one sentence and close d chapter. Do not attempt 2make him undrstand.
E.g. "I noticed dat U leave d door open anytime U walk thru. I think its best if WE always close d door behind us everytime so we can be conscious of who walks into d house"
it starts wt littl thngs like dat.

Whn U disagree, no need 2 argue.
Just tell him in a cool calm voice, "I undrstand wat U ar talking abt. I will put it into consideration".
Whether U act on it now is up 2 U.
If he throws a tantrum, say nothing. Do nothing. Whn U can chip in a word, say "I hav heard U and will try 2work on it".
Remember, d magic that 1 sentence wud do, a thousand sentences wud neva achieve.
U dnt hav 2 do all he says, but U cn avoid d arguements and still have Ur way.

2defeat d strong-hearted,U need a diff. kind of strong-heartedness.

Winneygirl: @Op, wat Ur husband needs is a woman who can hold her ground!!Submissiveness and indecision ar boring somtyms.
Frm 2day, hold Ur head up high!!Set Ur own rules! Do all chores,serve his meals & maintain a clean, spacious, welcoming house.

If there's somthn he does which U dnt lik, just tel him once, in one sentence and close d chapter. Do not attempt 2make him undrstand.
E.g. "I noticed dat U leave d door open anytime U walk thru. I think its best if WE always close d door behind us everytime so we can be conscious of who walks into d house"
it starts wt littl thngs like dat.

Whn U disagree, no need 2 argue.
Just tell him in a cool calm voice, "I undrstand wat U ar talking abt. I will put it into consideration".
Whether U act on it now is up 2 U.
If he throws a tantrum, say nothing. Do nothing. Whn U can chip in a word, say "I hav heard U and will try 2work on it".
Remember, d magic that 1 sentence wud do, a thousand sentences wud neva achieve.
U dnt hav 2 do all he says, but U cn avoid d arguements and still have Ur way.

2defeat d strong-hearted,U need a diff. kind of strong-heartedness.

Winneygirl: @Op, wat Ur husband needs is a woman who can hold her ground!!Submissiveness and indecision ar boring somtyms.
Frm 2day, hold Ur head up high!!Set Ur own rules! Do all chores,serve his meals & maintain a clean, spacious, welcoming house.

If there's somthn he does which U dnt lik, just tel him once, in one sentence and close d chapter. Do not attempt 2make him undrstand.
E.g. "I noticed dat U leave d door open anytime U walk thru. I think its best if WE always close d door behind us everytime so we can be conscious of who walks into d house"
it starts wt littl thngs like dat.

Whn U disagree, no need 2 argue.
Just tell him in a cool calm voice, "I undrstand wat U ar talking abt. I will put it into consideration".
Whether U act on it now is up 2 U.
If he throws a tantrum, say nothing. Do nothing. Whn U can chip in a word, say "I hav heard U and will try 2work on it".
Remember, d magic that 1 sentence wud do, a thousand sentences wud neva achieve.
U dnt hav 2 do all he says, but U cn avoid d arguements and still have Ur way.

2defeat d strong-hearted,U need a diff. kind of strong-heartedness.

. Best post I've read so far.

I think its actually the ibo women that are chasing and luring the yoruba men into marriage. They know the yorubas are welcoming and tolerant by nature. So an ibo woman who's above 30 will find it hard to hook a fellow ibo man, with all the fresh, young ibo girls in the village and uni for him to choose from. So as not to get stranded, she'll hook a yoruba man. You rarely find a yoruba woman with an ibo man, cos the ibos are tribalistic, and are not tolerant to strangers/other tribes.

What is it with nairalanders and e-fighting? Now even the muslims are in on it too. Intra-Islam bashing. I'm just ashamed..
@donroxy- Islam is simple ooo, and to those who want to complicate it.. God is watching you.

Amen. The wait has been nerveracking.

Does CISA require training in accounting? Or maybe a professional cert like ICAN first? I'm a Mathematics graduate, fresh off uni, undecided about a career path. From wat I've read here, CISA seems to be interesting. But 'd rather not hav to do ICAN first.