₦airaland Forum

selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

You are selfless indeed. I hope op sees this. Thank you

gentleiphy:
Cad $185

In naira abeg?

Please how much is the visa application now?
Thank you

eliascomm55:
eliascomm55@gmail.com

Whatsapp: 08036430500

Okay.

eliascomm55:
12k

Nothing cheaper?

Send me your email ad, so I can bargain

1StopRudeness:
Abk

Which 1 be Abk?

How much for iphone 6 screen?

donqx:
don't mind the dude..even the iphone 6 screen is about 8k now and eng can charge maybe 2k to change it...even if locked to network.chips to unlock are now cheap

Where can someone fix the screen and unlock for cheap?

1StopRudeness:
Come!! What are u repairing in an iphone 6+ that's worth 40k..??
Does it have automatic gear and radiator?
does it use power steering pump??
does it have a v6 engine??

Someone should please correct me.. Is the screen not the most expensive part of the phone??..I just fixed my screen with 22k a week ago..abi the guy just dash me the screen..

But anyways...na only prayer and my sisters from Benin fit bring the guy back oooo...cos computer village is suppose to be a one stop place for fone issues...wateva u wanna fix should be done that same day since all parts should be available..no go come..anything different from this would most likely result in a scam..

Abeg for where you fix your phone screen?

I keep seeing religion bashing stuff here today. Everybody should just go with their belief, bashing will not save our country's economy.. biko nu

OrdercityWeb:
Oh because its women now its "Sexism". But when these cretins call men "scum" its not sexism.
I pity the guys that give y'all attention honestly.

I have never called a man scum before..
Just being honest. That title is indeed sexism

Embarassment.. asutakwaram ya

Do me a favour, call those four idults and where is that cane sef?!

Wrong title..should have been why do married people still date..

This is sexism

Beautiful..


Catch them young!

People now go out to extinguish sexual urge if their partner steps two minutes outside..odikwa egwu..


Self-control has gone with the wind

missnawty:
My fiancé earns about 70k monthly, I am presently not working. He is talking abt marriage alrdy and I'm alws lookin at him with one side eyes. Will 70k b enof for us?

The plenty money for Wedding, life after wedding (atlist we Shuld stay in a two bedroom apartment, yes nah.. Wat if we have visitors?) taking care of me, him and our baby wen we later have one.. With just 70k? Let's be realistic jare!!! hiahn! How will we clear all d wedding debts and live well with 70k after wedding? I wuldnt be this bothered if I'm working sha.

He is kinda living ok for now cos he isn't married.. Inshort he is okay. Bt wen he's married nko?

Seeing op with just 35k as salary as he is stil this positive.. Well.. Well.. Well..
God Dey sha!

You don't need to have a wedding debt, a simple wedding like ops will do. A simple room for a start will do.Life after wedding , that's what matters. It's all about priorities.. You too can do it!

I wish you the best.. if people plan things the way you did, not many will be in after marital debt.


I really hope for the best for you Mr.

Who am I going to nominate?
I nominate















































Denominator

Gasout:
No African man believed or practice equal right

It is not a right..it is common sense. Do to others what you wish to be done to you

Creamish:
Applause!

OP...there are certain things U don't brag about in public... and the below behavior isn't far from the top of the list .

He politely ignored lol.
If it was me, I would politely ask him to please move to the back lol

xpac01:
My, what do you mean?. Even my boss would have to stay at the back for my wife. Except if my wife humbly decided to step back. But as long as she feels like sitting at the front, the front is her prioritized exclusive position.

Intelligent!

Gasout:
Even if that person is ur best friend?

What best friend? His wife is his flesh!!

It is simple etiquette. He should have come down and go to the back except she says it's okay.

Nigeria biko nu

I laff lie tire eziokwu m

cowleg:
Are u legal??

I don't live there. Who doesn't know that.

CanadianNurse:
It's about time.... Enroute MMA

@mcobex and @vanod I'll make my input when I reach..... Sorry about the delay anyways

God will see us through

Safejourney

Worked together.

This is probably the most romantic thing I've done and did for a long time. We never really had a normal date night. But we really spent lots of time together working and this brought us so very close. We work in my farm and my uncle's business, it was family so we don't get paid but it was so much fun. Twas a typical village love and one of a kind.

Worked together.
This is probably the most romantic thing I've done and did for a long time. We never really had a normal date night. But we really spent lots of time together working and this brought us so very close. We work in my farm and my uncle's business, it was family so we don't get paid but it was so much fun. I am looking forward to more and maybe a good date night. It's been so long.

Prognose:
No, YOU decide!

This is a very familiar story. Both of you are massaging your egos, pride won't let you to come back together, each waiting for the other to come begging. Next thing you know one of you is married and regretting and the other realises it's too late.

Don't let it happen to you!


If you miss him, damn it, call him! That's what love is about! Forgiving and forgetting and moving on! Cos trust me, you think there's someone else like him or even better out there, that's rarely true. Don't wait until it's too late.

So right!

Break me with the truth

fumisko:
This is a serious issue to me.
I just want to understand how it's done. Please help me comprehend.
Please help

Lots of people do it. But you are not alone in your thoughts.