₦airaland Forum

For those who are not sure about the correct answers to this poll, please study the article below, titled 'Common Myths about Sexual Assault' from an NGO's manual. Take your time to read it and I assure you that you will be enlightened.

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The Assault

Myth: Rape results from an uncontrollable sexual urge of biological origin. Men rape impulsively and out of biological need.
Fact: Rape is a criminal act of violence, using sex as a weapon. Men rape to express hostility and to dominate. Since most convicted rapists are married or have available sex partners, rape is not primarily a sexual experience. Men rape because it allows them to express anger and to feel powerful by controlling another person. Studies show that 50% of rapes are planned, not impulsive. This supports the view that rape is learned behavior and does not arise from biological need.

Myth: Rapes are usually reported.
Fact: Rape is probably one of the most underreported crimes; researchers estimate that between 50 to 90% of rape cases go unreported.

Myth: Husbands cannot rape their wives.
Fact: Rape occurs whenever sexual contact is not mutual, when choice is taken away. Any man who disregards a woman's "no" is raping her.

Myth: Because of a few violent incidents, the issue of rape tends to be over-dramatized.
Fact: Over one-third of all women (in the US) will be sexually assaulted or abused during their lifetimes. In Virginia, in 1997, there were 1774 reported rapes. According to the FBI, this represents between 10 and 20 percent of the actual number of rapes.

Myth: Most rapes occur in dark alleys, or to hitchhikers.
Fact: Over 33% of rapes occur after an assailant has forced entry into a home; Over 50% of rapes occur in a residence.

Myth: Rape is always a one-on-one encounter.
Fact: Only 57% of rapes involve only one assailant. 16% involve 2 rapists and 27% involve 3 or more rapists.

Myth: Men cannot be raped.
Fact: Men, both heterosexual and homosexual, can be and are raped -- usually by other men. 1 in 6 boys are victims of sexual assault before the age of 18.

[color=#000077]The Victim[/color]

Myth: When a woman says no, she really means yes.
Fact: No means NO! Without her consent, it is sexual assault. Everyone has the right to control what happens to one's body.

Myth: Sexual assault happens to careless people who are "asking for it" by the way they dress or where they are.

Fact: No one asks to be assaulted. All kinds of people, young and old, are sexually assaulted in all kinds of places and at all times. The idea that victims provoke assault by "being in the wrong place at the wrong time" assumes that they have no right to be as free as you. This myth shifts the blame from the perpetrator to the victim of this crime. No one "deserves" to be sexually assaulted.

Myth: Women often lie about being raped.
Fact: Police statistics show that the number of falsely reported rapes is no greater than that of other crimes - about two percent.

Myth: Women often do not report rape because they know they provoked it.
Fact: Rape can happen to women of all ages, races, or socioeconomic groups. Being raped has nothing to do with a woman's past sexual experiences or lack of them.

Myth: It is best not to tell anyone if you are raped.
Fact: Women who keep their feelings and thoughts bottled up inside tend to be more likely to have long-lasting negative psychological effects from the rape.

Myth: Since women have rape fantasies, they often derive sexual pleasure from being raped.
Fact: Most women do have sexual fantasies which involve being seduced, or forced into sexual acts. This is with a person of their choice and under circumstances in which they are in control (it's their fantasy!). These fantasies have little to do with what rape is really like and do not include the pain and violence associated with rape.

Myth: A prostitute will not be traumatized by a rape. After all, having sex is her job.
Fact: A sexual assault can be just as traumatic to an experienced prostitute as to anyone else, and she has as much right to treatment, protection, and justice. Remember, rape is a crime of violence, not simply a sexual act.

Myth: In a rape, the person who is raped is the only one who suffers.
Fact: Sexual assault affects the victim's family, friends, and neighbors. The fear of sexual assault affects all women. The economic costs of sexual assault affect us all. Sexual assault is a societal problem.

Myth: Sexual assault is impossible without some cooperation from the victim (also known as the "it's hard to thread a moving needle" theory).
Fact: Offenders are willing to use all the force necessary to accomplish penetration, even when it is physically injurious to the victim. Even a struggling victim can be penetrated if she is pinned under the assailant. In cases where the victim does not resist because she fears for her life, her submission is not the same as cooperation. If she chooses to cooperate because of the perpetrator's threats against her or others, her cooperation is not the same as consent.

Myth: If a woman agrees to some degree of sexual intimacy, she wants to have sexual intercourse.
Fact: Any person has the right to agree to any degree of sexual intimacy they feel comfortable with at that moment, and to not go any further if they do not wish to. A person may feel comfortable with one kind of sexual activity but not wish another - or she may decide she's not really ready for further intimacy.

[color=#000077]The Offender[/color]

Myth: The greatest danger is from a stranger.
Fact: Most rapes, 50 to 80%, are committed by someone the victim knows.

Myth: Most rapists are "insane".
Fact: Although rapists have been shown to have poor self-images and a tendency toward violence, they are average in other aspects of their lives.

Myth: Men who rape other men are homosexual.
Fact: The vast majority of males who sexually assault other males (including children) are heterosexual. Men and women are assaulted for basically the same reasons: so the assailant can vent hostility and feel a sense of power. Fear of homosexuality ironically leads some men to attack gay men. The motivations for same-sex assault are power and anger. Sexual orientation is not a motivation for sexual assault.

Myth: Raping a woman is a sign of how masculine a man is and of how sexually potent he is.
Fact: Studies have shown that many (58%) rapists suffer from sexual dysfunctions such as impotence and premature ejaculation.

Myth: Rapists are sexually unfulfilled men.
Fact: 30% of rapists are married and having sex regularly

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What have you learnt?

Women cannot do without the cassava sticks in trousers!

Ok, Olaide, the game is over. It's time to move on!

Awwwh. Apologies to the young lady.

Don't worry yourself. He can't win. I don't think we need to greenhorn to rule a country as large and complex as Nigeria. Experience matters, and the only way you gain experience is by starting somewhere.

Pastor Okotie should run for governorship of his home state first. If he does well in that, then he should run for a position in the senate. If he performs, then maybe he can start thinking about contesting for presidency. Nobody wants a greenhorn for president.

I couldn't care less.

cat (yes, you got it right)

General Advice:
1) Learn all you can about marriage from marriage counselors and authors who write from experience. Especially those who share your religious convictions.
2) Practice what you've learnt. Keep practicing until you're very good at it.

In most fields of life we look to experts to teach us, and we use our common sense. But for some reason in the issue of love and marriage we like to use our emotions and feelings and look to movies and novels for inspiration!

Yes. The offense is not punishable by law!

There is insufficient information for us to offer any advice. Is there a problem you want us to solve, or do you just want us to tell you that what you told the woman (she didn't ask for it) is right?

It was deliberate. Apologies to Nigerian women, but the reason is that I have noticed that Nigerian women are less likely to justify cheating than the men, but I think they practise it just as often.

Nigeria == Hypocrisy?

It was deliberate. Apologies to Nigerian women, but the reason is that I have noticed that Nigerian women are less likely to justify cheating than the men, but I think they practise it just as often.

My left hand is darker than my right hand, which is darker than my face. Yet I definitely do not bleach my face or my right arms. Rita is ok. Leave her for me .

Imnakoya, I never mentioned blogs!

Blogs are closer to traditinal marketing channels than forums, because you can disable comments on your corporate blog (Google does this). Ultimately, on a forum like this, the best product wins in the end, since the advantages and disadvantages of your products will be debated by people who are generaly not being paid to promote your product.

It's about selling more bottles of Gulder beer to young Nigerian men and women.

I watched a TV show tonight, where the winner (Lucan) where they 'revealed' the special message left by General Maximillian in his helmet. He had discovered Gulder beer!

For those outside the country, $50 by Western Union for one year of membership seems just right. Considering the fact that Western union takes an additional $12, any further discounting of this price may be unwise.

They are inside the Administrator's head.

I told him as much. It should probably be removed.

hotpikin: In line with the principles of this forum, we have to settle our fight by PM .

Do you think NFA will listen to me? The Nigerian system is something else o.

Can you name the companies and give us a few details about their offerings? I bet they are using NITEL's IP Wholesale service (first mentioned here).

See also: VSAT Business in Nigeria is Doomed

Can you tell us true life stories about how some people got involved in drugs and, hopefully, how some of them have been able to kick the habit?

Knowledge, they say, is power. Some of us may know next to nothing about this topic, so please enlighten us!

Sincerely I think there is no such thing as "true love" per se. When our relationships are working we say "it is true love", but when they are not working we say "lust" or "addiction" or "stupidity". The truth is that they are all more or less various doses of the same basic ingredients. In other words, almost all of us really don't know what we're doing, but if we're lucky and everything turns out well we think we know!

Ezinne, I am happy that Ka gave you the answer you wanted to hear. Have a lovely exam.

So there are javascript and ASP gurus on this site. Interesting.

Ka,

The conclusion that there's nothing Ezinne can do to help is premature. I don't not like your line of thought at all. I do not like callous friends, and I don't like those who encourage others to be callous. There are better ways to help a friend than abandonment.

I have experienced friends who follow the principles you seem to be promoting, and if I meet them tommorrow I will happily throw hot sand on their smug, all-knowing faces.

Seun.

Noted.

Women are their own worst enemies, unlike men who know how to support their own.

yam

Note: 256kbps means (256 ÷ 8) kilobytes per second, i.e. 32 kilobytes per second.

On my Multilinks Internet connection, my download manager reports speeds of up to 8.5 to 9.0 kilobytes/second during off-peak periods. I usually tell people I have an 8 kilobyte per second (64kbps or 8kB/s) download rate because that's what I get at best.

Most of us in Nigeria are on shared bandwidth, because the truth is that no one of us is going to be able to pay for a 32kbps dedicated satellite link. it would be just too expensive. That's why the NITEL IP Wholesale service is very important.