₦airaland Forum

Personally, I think the song is quite poor!

In the beginning, the Holy Coconut created the big bang. And he spoke unto the big bang and said "expand!" And the big bang expanded and formed the galaxy with all it's stars, moons, and planetary systems including of course the planet earth. And he spoke unto the oh-so-important planet earth and said "grow!" And the planet was covered with plants, microorganisms, and all non-conscious living things including spiritual clay. Finally he spoke unto the spiritual clay and said "awake!" And the spiritual clay was moulded to form higher animals, human beings, and the devil.

After those three moments of creation, the Holy Coconut went to sleep for a fourth moment, saying, "I have created a holy universe with equal measures of good and evil. Praise be unto Me!"

This same Coconut has sent his revelations unto his chosen ones - those who instinctively understand that the universe in all its complexity could only sprung into existence without the manipulations of an Intelligent Coconut. He has set aside these ones to be kings and priests in the next universe, while those who refuse to believe and confess that the entire Universe is under the control of an Almighty and Holy Coconut will be dismembered tortured in hideous and unimaginable ways for ever and ever. Do the unbelievers deserve never-ending suffering for their inability to comprehend the idea of a Coconut Deity? Absolutely!

I was 12 years old when my mother served me with a tasty coconut for dessert. After the meal, I fell asleep and had a vivid dream: a revelation. In the revelation, I was being chased by a translucent army of ghosts. As I ran for my dear life, I stumbled upon a coconut and threw it blindly at them. Would you believe that when I opened my eyes, Holy Coconut be praised, the murderous ghosts had all disappeared? The dream was so vivid that I know without a doubt that I would have died if the Coconut had not intervened. Bad dreams are dangerous like that. The Holy Coconut mercifully revealed himself to me by saving me from certain death!

After the near death experience, the Spirit of the Holy Coconut started whispering to my heart. He became my best friend, because I had no friends in real life. He said unto me, "You shall be called coconut, for I have chosen you to teach the world the Way Of The Coconut." Being an obstinate kid, I did not immediately drop all my rational pursuits to pursue this Way. I did not even bother to bug my acquaintances and family about their urgent need to accept the Holy Coconut as Lord. However, when I was told about how a blog can bring me lots of attention and money, I reluctantly decided to open up and tell the people of the world about my faith. For their own good.

So please keep reading this blog. As surely as the Holy Coconut lives, you shall not be disappointed. Your life will remain meaningless without the dubious and unprovable ideas and opinions that I am eager to start cramming down your throat.

False

Female!

And that's why you should not wait for conception to occur in the first place. This is like asking "what do you do if you jump in front of a moving train and it crushes you". The answer will be "why should you jump in front of a moving plane in the first place?"

Why should you get pregnant in the first place? Why wait for trouble?

Were the people who did not survive less holy than you?

It won't work because people will rig by registering multiple accounts!

What is important now is not empty talk. What is important is to put things in place so that such a car can be manufactured in Nigeria next time. Another possibility is to sponsor the venture so that the car can be manufactured in Nigeria afterall. It is not yet too late for Nigerians to take over the project.

However, the Nigerian identity for this particular project is not all that important. There are more basic things - like power supply and local petroleum refineries - that are of much higher priority. We do not need to build our own cars or computers yet.

If Snazzydawn wants this thread to dissapear, it's going!

Yes, I appreciate my parents for food, shelter and education and that is why I love them very much!

Interacting with Nairaland members, i have been moved to change my opinion on so many issues.

:laughing out loud:

If parents were[b] trained before being allowed to breed[/b] it would not be "normal" for the house to be on fire when the children are old enough to think for themselves. If I cannot have a home full of bliss then I will rather remain single and die of old age instead of getting married and having children and dying of a heart attack due to constant domestic conflict.

Nobody on this thread has said that they want to kill their parents, so I really don't understand what gbenga and nike4luv are talking about. the fact that my parents love me doesn't stop them from punishing me, abi, so what is wrong about me punishing them later on out of that same overflowing love?

- For having no respect for my time, often making me wait for several hours and days just to do me a small favor instead of helping me quickly so that I can go back to my PC and continue my work, I am going to have a habit of delaying help as much as possible. When I am asked, "please do this for me" I'll say, "of course, I will help! Just wait for me, sit down there and I want to quickly spend an indeterminate number of hours chatting with my friends and browsing the Internet. Sometime in the not-too-distant future I will help you, so just wait indefinitely, because your time is not important, yay!"

You know something? I have just realised how much i want to live in Abuja!

Another thing you ladies have to realise is that while dating is a lot of fun for a woman, it is a lot of work for a man. Except for the sex part. So if a man is dating a woman he doesn't intend to marry it will be for sex only. This is a just a hypothesis.

This is the shortest forum game ever!

The moment I realise that I can't possibly marry a particular girl, the tendency is for me to draw away from her:
I think most young ladies don't have much to offer along the lines of helping a male friend to achieve his dreams, nor do they have interesting dreams that one can help them to achieve, so once the romance/marriage aspect is ruled out there is nothing else that one can discuss with them!

She's free to be promiscous. Promiscuity is not a crime. However, the fact that she likes to show her bobs doesn't necessarily imply that she is. It may just be that she likes showing off her liabitities and nothing more.

People don't like being told off but they respond well to short suspensions like a one hour suspension while you're online.

Congratulations, Eagles. You might not be the best, or the second best, but at least you are the third best. Yay!

Any post that spoils the friendly spirit of the forum can be reported to the administrator!

Ok, here's Tyra Banks without make-up. Any man that breaks up with a woman because she looks this good without make-up needs to have his head examined. I'll choose the above Tyra Banks over Naomi Campbell with makeup any day.

Tyra Banks looks very good without makeup, and I am speaking as a heterosexual man. Do not be decieved by the rubbish she says on her talk show to make you ladies feel as if she's just one of you. That's a lie, she's one fine babe with or without makeup .

I derive no joy from the suffering of another man even if he is a thief. So congrats to Tafa Balogun for his early release. Go and sin no more!

It is called good education, not spoon-feeding.

I am angry because everyone is angry and it seems like fun!

I salute you!

It should be spent working! That's how I spend all my holidays!