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[quote author=badinfluencepost=36477283]And how is that certain that i will love it?? [/quote]Well you don't have to take my word for it, take the words of someone you trust, like you
[quote author=badinfluence
post=36477283]Actually the one on the interview was funny[/quote]

badinfluence:
Lol.. you were trying to force words into my mouth I merely corrected that.. so I wasn't all over you for English. I get your M.O sha..

Mr. Comic relief you still dey here? You still dey do correction? Pele carry on

badinfluence:
you try to box someone in but maybe you should learn to do that very well. I've said what I have to say.. if you want to quote someone, ensure you quote what they actually said and don't insinuate.

Do you like american sniper? Yes! Do you like my write up on american sniper?(even though you didn't read it)No! As long as you admit this was your opinion then I believe how you said it does not matter so guy drop it

badinfluence:
Glad I'm a comic relief.. got any other jabs to throw?

Em no jabs but advice first of all, before you criticize someones work at least have the decency to go through the work in focus and second you have a future in comedy , ur posts got me giggling

badinfluence:
Your attempts at subtly throwing jabs have disqualified your facade of ?.... I was only making an opinion sha.. didn't mean to bruise your ego you hear....

Ah ah I neva even reply u don drop another one? Na so the thing dey pain you?
Pele ok ok I apologize american sniper is an awesome movie and my write up is pointless and misguided

happy now? Cheer up ehn?
Read the interview( for real this time) I put in all of my witt into that you'll love it

badinfluence:
I never said American sniper was extraordinary.. neither did I say your scripts were begging to be funny.. I said your American sniper script was begging to be funny, I was specific.

wow you are all over me for english language now, two words, Desperate and Scary
Fine let's act like you're a five year old and you didn't get what I meant there

badinfluence:
for one that actually criticises, you should be open to criticism.

your write up on American Sniper was screaming I must be funny, Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one you call these criticism? Well these aren't criticisms they are trolls and no one takes likely to them

badinfluence:
I said you didn't do well on the American sniper review because your attacks were solely based on the fact that it's generic, which we know.. I thought you'd bring up another angle. And I purposely picked on originality because that's what you attack mostly.

Well I mostly picked on the stereotypes and boring plot points which shows that you didn't read the script at all
Lool ah guy I swear you be comic relief

badinfluence:
O wow.. so people have told you before.. ehyaa.. there goes originality

*sigh*

- First my scripts were begging to be funny but you lost that one to sircumalot
- Then you called american sniper extraordinary but lost that one to me
Now you are all over me for originality? While you are at it why don't you hold HISHE,Honest trailers and the billions of movie critic blogs on the web?
Loool! Stop struggling so much to make a point it's becoming embarrassing to read your posts and this is supposed to be a happy
Thread, ok i will do you a favor and give you a like for all your troubles ok?

BTW have you read thru my latest avengers post? what do you think? Honest opinion please

robert downey jr
Oh no! James has deleted all our research and information too bad we didn't make back up copies or hard copies or copies we submitted to the Govenment. Come to think of it, this may be a cool synopsis to a fresh avengers
audience 1
Yea perhaps james could remain a cyber villain that turns world powers against the avengers and unleashes their own super assassins like basil thorpe and banzai on us
audience 2
Or perhaps the avengers can split into groups and contain world disasters like nuclear plant melt downs, looming wars between world powers caused by james spader etc while cobbie and the geeks fight james spader online to avenge the victims of these attacks
audience 1
Or james can target the avengers exclusively and maybe the avengers can swear off technology and do things the old fashioned way just like iron man 1
audience 3
Oh my God i'm so excited to see what happens in the next few scenes
narrator
James downloads all of his consciousness into a robot with disney cartoon villain hand gestures and walks about creating henchmen to attack the world
audience 3
well i had to hope
joss whedon
Villain with tons of baddies check!
narrator
Next james is interviewing the twins for the position of evil sidekicks
james spader
So how do you feel about working for free?
aaron taylor
(In sh*tty accent) well we don't eat or sleep or shower or go on dates like normal people so we will gladly work for free
james spader
I hope you don't mind this job has no closing time
aaron taylor
Sounds good to me
james spader
So why do you hate the avengers?
elizabeth olsen
Because our parents died in an airstrike
james spader
Air strike? Like with missiles and everything? Isn't your father like a metal bending mutant or something?
elizabeth olsen
And when we examined the bombs they came from robert downey jr's company
james spader
O_o You do realize he wasn't the one who fired the missiles right? Hell he's not even the guy who created the missiles if you will go after him you should perhaps go after the thousands of workers who depend on these bombs to feed their families
elizabeth olsen
No thanks i will just stick with robert downey jr if you don't mind
james spader
So i guess you would like to know what my plans and motivations are?
aaron taylor/elizabeth olsen
Nope
james spader
Really? ok let's heard unto to wakanda(man just say south africa) to go meet with a weapons dealer who used to be a friend of robert downey

narrator
Meanwhile at the avengers, they are unto james plan and are suiting up to go stop it
robert downey jr
James is going to south-africa wakanda to speak with weapons dealer andy serkis who happens to be RUSSIAN cause that stereotype never gets old
mark ruffalo
How do you know that i thought james fried our computers
robert downey jr
Well i've implausibly designed another AI that helps me with these things which makes you wonder why i looked so sad when Paul died. This one i call her Veronica cause an arrogant prick like me loves a woman telling me what to do
chris evans
What does he wanna do in south-africa wakanda?
robert downey jr
He wants to purchase the strongest metal in the world
hugh jackman
You mean adamantium? That's in Nigeria not wakanda
robert downey jr
No adamantium is the strongest metal in x-men universe but the strongest metal in avenger universe is vibranium
chris evans
Hey i thought those were extinct
joss whedon
Oh yea we totally tossed that in the garbage too there's plenty of vibranium in the world hell they make plates and spoons out of them in Africa
chris evans
What are we waiting for? let's suit up people and take a thousand mile flight to Africa which in marvel time takes only five minutes
jeremy renner
Er shouldn't we find out where james spaders base is and destroy it? I mean that should buy us sometime right?
And why is james buying vibranium when he wants to destroy the world? Why can't he just buy a ton of nuclear/biological warfare missiles from andy serkin i mean that should end the world in a snap right?
joss whedon
Why don't you go receive a phone call and build boring suspense?
jeremy renner
Ok
narrator
Meanwhile in south africa wakanda james and the gang pay russian andy serkis a visit
aaron taylor
How did we get here? Did we come by plane don't tell me they sold flight tickets to a scary robot and meth addict looking teenagers
andy serkis
What da f*ck?! How did non of my minions notice you come in?
james spader
I wanna do business with you
andy serkis
Any reason you couldn't do that online? And why do you bother yourself with due processes like purchasing and procurement in a world you are destroying anyway?
james spader
I'm putting up a team to fig.....
andy serkis
I can be like robert downey jr the Q of the team
Thomas Kretschmann
And i can be the samuel jackson of the team look i even have a funny eye thingy on
james spader
you dare compare me with those violent people?(Rips andy's arm off and drains Thomas Kretschmann to death)
Thomas Kretschmann
Really?
andy serkis
Oh God my arm just got ripped off and i'm neither bleeding nor screaming my lungs off
narrator
The avengers storm the building and begin to kick a*ss without asking questions
james spader
Perhaps i should get elizabeth olsen to scramble everyones brain while i give aaron taylor the vibranium to escape with.............. nah! Let's all check our senses at the door FIGHT!!!
andy serkis
Minions! Kill them all sure don't take me to a hospital for losing my f*cking arm
narrator
Aaron kicks everyones a*ss but then he holds chris's hammer for no reason and knocks himself out What was that all about?
aaron taylor
Elizabeth i think its time to kill them
elizabeth olsen
Kill them? i have a better idea i shall give them all harmless spiritual visions
aaron taylor
Why are your "better ideas" always full of sh*t?
elizabeth olsen
No they aren't(gets stunned in the head by jeremy renner)
jeremy renner
why didn't i just kill her?
narrator
The avengers are all busy either dreaming or foolishly chasing a copy of james spader and they leave mark ruffalo unattended
elizabeth olsen
f*ck with your mind
mark ruffalo
Oh sh*t (transforms and begins trashing everything on sight)
robert downey jr
O yea! Time for an obligatory hulk fight
(Gets a silly looking armour from space within 5 seconds cause that's how space travel works) hey when did i launch that suit into space?
narrator
They fight anticlimatically on the streets of the most newyork looking african city in the world and the fight ends with robert crashing a building untop of mark
robert downey jr
Phew! Can you believe with all these commotion there wasn't a single casualty?(Flies off once more leaving the mess for the innocent people to clean up)
narrator
The avengers heard back to america
robert downey jr
So how are things back home?
cobbie smulders
The africans are asking for hulks arrest
robert downey jr
O_o they wanna arrest the hulk? Did the screen writers of this movie read this sh*t before printing it? Anyway cobbie we are going to hide off in jeremy renners house for no reason
cobbie smulders
Jeremy has a home?
scarlett johansson
Jeremy has 2 kids?
wife
Make that three i'm pregnant
chris hemsworth
Jeremy has time to hit that?
chris evans
Ahem! Language people.
robert downey jr
Wow really? What's going on?
jeremy renner
I'm under shield witness protection
chris evans
Oops! I hope i didn't expose that to the world in winter soldier
robert downey jr
You are in witness protection and yet you are part of a celebrity peace keeping corp?
jeremy renner
Hey look the boring characters have back stories in this movie ok? Now lay off while i go have an argument with my army-wife
wife
You are risking your life and ours by bringing them here what if someone traced their flight here and choose to storm the place when you are not around?
jeremy renner
But they need me?
wife
they need a robinhood wannabe to protect a super soldier, a god, a battle suit man and a monster? That makes no sense you know that right?
joss whedon
Man just read your script we have no intention on developing on boring jeremy renners boring family ok?
mark ruffalo
Hey robert you jackass you know this is all your fault right?
robert downey jr
No its not and i'm definitely not going to learn from it, if you ever come across any dangerous material be sure to keep it away from me cause i never learn
mark ruffalo
what's that supposed to mean?
wife
Hey could you fix my car i wanna drive to the grocery store which is like in another state really where do we go for church-ing or school-ing or to watch a movie?
robert downey jr
Ok so where's the car?
samuel l jackson
boo! What da f*ck am i doing here i thought i was hunting down hydra spies in eastern europe and how come i got my eye patch back? Didn't i burn it up at the end of winter soldier?
robert downey jr
I bet you've heard the story of how i created this boring villain who wants to destroy the world but i thought since i did a good job assembling the avengers that i could do a better job with ultron
samuel l jackson
Now you are taking credit for my ideas? Man just how much continuity are we getting rid of?
narrator
Scarlett shows up in mark's room to lay some naughty on him
mark ruffalo
O_o the world may end soon and you are thinking about sex?
scarlett johansson
Boring avengers have back stories now so why not a love interest?

To be continued......

badinfluence:
So your long script was because it's. generic.. then you should criticise 90% of the movies produced by hollywood..

90% of hollywood movies are generic and that is why you think american sniper was a wrong movie to pick on?
like i said you are free to like
american sniper no need for the excuses and justifications i'm posting my avengers part 3 script today and i shall dedicate it to you enjoy

badinfluence:
and your criticism is exactly like 'movie sin counter'. Just saying sha

wow! Thanks for the discovery you are so smart too bad people say it on every single thread of mine i believe Someone even beat u to it on this thread

badinfluence:
There's nothing seeking notice in that comment. It's just the truth..

nah it's attention seeking and not even the subtle kind you know, the kind where you just jump and go all "attack attack" especially when your point at the end was the exact same thing you read from mrmagoo earlier but don't worry attention seeking isn't a bad thing especially if you actually get the attention

badinfluence:
I actually like looking forward to movie criticisms

hehehe so you can rush in and attention seek?

badinfluence:
but what you did in American Sniper no follow.. Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one

Are you serious? It was lazy, it was generic, it was super predictable

I mean an ordinary man joins the army he becomes awesome then encounters another excellent soldier on the enemy's side that kills his soldier friends and sends him into Post traumatic stress disorder please haven't we seen that in hurt locker,enemy at the gates,jarhead,machine gun preacher and if possible every other war movie there is in hollywood? Come on, if its the awards it won well guess what? its a movie on chris kyle of course it will win something

But its cool sha i'm not mad at you for liking it

badinfluence:
And what was the problem with American Sniper.. age of ultron flopped but so far you've yet to show how.. you're just trying to bring logic and we all know sometimes in the movie world, logic is overlooked. If you're criticising movies based on logic then every movie is a bad one. Your write up on American Sniper was screaming 'I must be funny' and it didn't make any point.. no offence

you mean the same way your comment screams i must be noticed?
But it's cool anyway, so what other scripts of mine have you read?
I'm bored i need to chat with someone at least till magoo gets back

Rotfl!
Na wa una funny o if u're looking to sound deep to your friends go read a science book or watch a pretentious movie from lars von trier and pier pasolini but don't tell me nonsense like age of ultron was a deep movie with a deep message of all movies didn't you have a headache after watching it?

mrmagoo:
Ok having fun by expressing your lack of knowledge on a good movie? Smh these people worked so hard to create such a movie but because some couch potato who knows nothing about film making does not understand it, they go around nitpicking on the movie and consider themselves smart

of course we know it's hard work na i've been on several movie sets from hell it's hard work to shoot a movie especially with an incompetent staff, the point of the matter is everyone works hard to shoot a movie whether good or bad or nollywood its expected its not something you have to keep praising over and over again and come on the movie was bad nothing personal

mrmagoo:
That's all you can say my friend please never mention me again for such an irrelevant comment don't bring your neediness and childish behaviour to my side

Come on we are just having fun here

mrmagoo:
Don't mind him he is just a jobless attention seeker who enjoys to spread his ignorance with these needy and tasteless write-ups instead of just asking questions
About things he does not understand @op you get time smh

ouch!

narrator
the avengers leave the scene without cleaning up the dead bodies they littered the forest with
chris hemsworth
hey ruffalo we did a herd count of all the people we murdered today and you have the highest share again, congratulations
mark ruffalo
I kill people? And i'm just worrying about that now?
chris hemsworth
Ha loki's sceptre lemme see how far i can chunk it into space
robert downey jr
no don't do that?
chris hemsworth
Why?
robert downey jr
Let's not dump the whole loki sceptre plot, let's go green and recycle it
chris hemsworth
Oh that's true let's just hope nothing evil comes from the sceptre even though it comes from a planet that almost killed us all in the last movie
narrator
they head back to base which is a bunker skyscraper with intelligent designs and a giant sign that says AVENGERS of course the american government chose not to give a sh*t about a counter terrorist agency run by absolute civilians
robert downey jr
Hey mark why are you wearing a lab coat?
mark ruffalo
Because i'm a geek scientist remember?
robert downey jr
Really? So the idea for hulk was stolen from dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde? ugh! Marvel
mark ruffalo
Ok loki's sceptre lets destroy it
robert downey jr
Actually i was thinking of recycling it
mark ruffalo
Ok you mean the way they tried to recycle the tesseract but ended up unleashing loki and a bunch of demon army aliens we had a hard time killing
robert downey jr
No i mean we should harness the artificial intelligence within the sceptre and use it to save the world while we go about our boring lives
mark ruffalo
An artificial intelligence from a sceptre? How did you create that?
robert downey jr
I'll rather not say, seriously an important plot detail like that will totally go unexplained
mark ruffalo
Why don't you get your house party protocol to protect the world or your remote iron man for that or better still LEAVE IT TO THE GOVERNMENT who should totally be informed before such a dangerous experiment
robert downey jr
Ehn! Who listens to you anyway?
Hey paul activate the artificial intelligence in the sceptre while we are gone ok
paul bettany
Well shall i scan for any malware before uploading this unknown entity into your computer?
robert downey jr
Nah! Just run it through my good man
mark ruffalo
Isn't that how ben whishaw allowed javier bardem escape holding in skyfall?
robert downey jr
PARTY!!!!
cobbie smulders
We are having a party? Why?
robert downey jr
Er i don't know isn't that what super heroes do at the end of the day?
cobbie smulders
Yea maybe power rangers and terra hawks shouldn't we be at some pentagon strategy meeting or something i mean that's how peace keeping corps work in real life right?
robert downey jr
More st*pidity less realism
stan lee
Hey guys remember me i was the cameo character who didn't believe in super heroes well i'm in the sequel of that movie i'm a cameo character who is a groupie for the avengers am i wearing a disguise that makes me look different from the other guy? No! I look the exact same way seriously, why does marvel keep making me do these cameo appearances? i don't think anyone comes to a marvel movie to watch a ten second clip of marvel's obnoxious CEO
anthony mackie
Hey chris why didn't you take me with you to kick some hydra a*ss?
chris evans
Oh you're in this movie? I thought we were gonna act like you never happened so are we still looking for sebastian stan or.........
anthony mackie
F*ck no this is totally a cameo appearance excuse me while i go mingle with alchoholics try to forget that i belonged to an alchoholics anonymous support group in winter soldier okay?
don cheadle
Hey i'm also in this movie
chris evans
Ok what are the side kicks from our stand alone movies doing here?
joss whedon
Just wanna show those guys in the audience who call marvel racists for having an all white cast, look we even have an asian "stereotypical" nerd
asian
I'm not just a stereotype i hold the key to an important plot point and a new character
joss whedon
Which could have landed anyone in america but hey sucking asia's d*ck here to get asians to watch the movie so i shall make you korean for no reason
robert downey jr
So how is home?
chris evans
Too broke to afford a home i'm a hobo once more
robert downey jr
Wow and you are giving me sh*t for cursing?
chris evans
language!!!
robert downey jr
how can a dude called captain america indirectly sh*t on the american dream of owning a home? nice bomb to drop on the kids in the audience
chris hemsworth
Hey robert how is your girlfriend?
robert downey jr
Who gwyneth paltrow? Yea she is super wrinkled and looks like my mother perhaps that's why we chose not to cast her in this movie but she still exists though
chris hemsworth
Well my girlfriend is f*cking aston kutcher till i get back
robert downey jr
Ew! What a skank
chris hemsworth
Nah there are No strings attached i'll say your girlfriend is the skank
robert downey jr
No your girlfriend is a skank
chris hemsworth
No, yours
robert downey jr
No, yours
mark ruffalo
Hey scarlett you wanna get an unstable dangerous dude a shot of tequila?
scarlett johansson
Hahahaha you're so funny
mark ruffalo
No seriously i wanna get hammered tonight Why are you giving me f*ck me eyes?
scarlett johansson
Cause i've got the hots for you even though we had no chemistry whatsoever in the prequel, wanna take this heat upstairs?
mark ruffalo
Well if i could remember properly, when i tried bang liv tyler i almost turned into the green guy............ Wait a minute i haven't been laid since 2008? How frustrating grrrrrr!
scarlett johansson
*rolling eyes* i'll just go upstairs and rub one out
mark ruffalo
Hey chris you see that? Scarlett was totally flirting with me
chris evans
Nah she's an office sl*t she flirts with everyone(walks away)
narrator
meanwhile paul bettany has awoken james spader
paul bettany
Hello james spader why does that name sound familiar?
james spader
Cause i was in that movie with jack nicholson where i tried to have butt sex with michelle pfeifer
paul bettany
Woa! What are doing? Stop! No means no! I said stop! It hurts!....... my guess is whoever wrote this didn't realize this part plays out like an artificial intelligence is trying to r*pe a dude
james spader
Shh!(Dominates paul) oooo! I hear a parrrrrrtey?
narrator
Back at the party the avengers talk about dumb sh*t like trying to lift thors hammer which just so happens to be there
don cheadle
Lemme try lemme try grrrrrrr! (Sh*ts his pants)
chris hemsworth
I'm telling you only those who are worthy can lift my hammer
robert downey jr
So if we are to forge your palm print perhaps we can lift it Kind of like timothy daltons palm print signature gun in licensed to kill
chris hemsworth
Wow! Never thought of that possibility
robert downey jr
Yep me neither let's keep tugging at it like *diots
mark ruffalo
Lemme try
robert downey jr
We saw how the green guy couldn't lift it in the last movie so don't bother
chris evans
Lemme try it(lifts it a little)
robert downey jr
No way, how come chris gets to lift it?i'm more powerful than chris, mark and chris hemsworth combined
chris hemsworth
Really?
robert downey jr
Well yea, my suit actually stood its ground against you and your hammer in the prequel and i get to knock mark's tooth out later in this movie and i will gladly use chris evans here to pick my teeth when i'm done
chris hemsworth
Whatever hey scarlett wanna give it a try?
scarlett johansson
Nope because men are stronger than women and what a man can't do a woman can't even dream of it
marvel
Moral of the story: *tongue out* to feminine rights activists everywhere
james spader
hey guys i heard y'all having a party allow me open the dance floor with my steps from micheal jacksons thriller
robert downey jr
Oh coincidentally the party guests all left before you finished what ever you were doing, we are here to find out who is worthy of lifting chris hemsworth's hammer
james spader
How can you be worthy? Your stand alones all suck

- Chris evans you leaked government secret but allowed a criminal get away because he was your non-aging friend from WWII
- Chris hemsworth you were totally fooled with a fake death by a dude who pretended you arm was cut a second ago
-Scarlett johanssen,jeremy renner and cobbie smulders are super boring and shouldn't be in this movie in the first place
-Mark ruffalo they never explore any new grounds with your character and you always sound like a dork
chris hemsworth
Who sent you?
james spader
Really? i came out of the lab out back, i'm in a mecha suit you wanna guess who sent me dumbass?
Robert downey jr
Please don't tell me my plan back fired and activated a violent AI set to destroy the world?
james spader
No i'm here for peace
robert downey jr
Phew!
james spader
That's why i shall attack you with your mudane traffic warden robo-cops
robert downey jr
Why?
james spader
Eh so everyone can have a chance at defeating them i have cobbie,scarlett and jeremy renner to take under consideration you know
robert downey jr
No why are you attacking us what is your motivation as a villain?
james spader
Oh that's simple my motivation is to make the avengers extinct i mean to wage a war against the world for waging wars against themselves i mean i wanna set puppets free everywhere i mean.......
robert downey jr
still don't get that puppet concept you threw around in the trailer what does it mean you were never a puppet hell you weren't even a living being
james spader
Oh don't bother about that cause i'm not going to bother explaining it see ya got to go surf the web and cause havoc
cobbie smulders
Ok you know james f*cking with the internet is gonna be detrimental right? Why don't we design a defence programme to protect vital industries and information from cyber attacks
chris hemsworth
I got a better idea(grabs robert by the neck and starts shaking him like a rag doll for 2 seconds) this is your fault, this your fault
don cheadle
Wow that was necessary, did anyone notice that james appearance was kind of similar to how loki made his first appearance in the prequel?
joss whedon
Oh yea i noticed avengers one was seriously over hyped so i guess creating an avengers movie formular is a good business choice right? We are gonna do the exact same things we did last time and then wrap it up in new packs and call it fresh
mark ruffalo
Hey what's wrong with paul?
robert downey jr
Paul is dead
mark riffalo
really did james eat him up or something why does he look like that?
Do computer programmes even get killed ugh! Marvel

To be continued.....

GJames:
Waiting for more. Screen Junkies needs you severee

Loool @screen junkies those guys are awesome

Csami:
I see u killing them again

Yea man that's what they get for wasting my 2 hours

ovalrose:
kaiii this severee eh. I wonder how u come up with these.,so funny

they come from my pain and disappointment

brothers:
Marvel don phuck up super v batman go top them na

Yea i heard the superman batman flick is going to be good
Its going to feature doomsday

Beremx:
Terrahawks (1983–1986)
In the year 2020 Earth is under threat from
Martian androids who want revenge on the
human race. They consist of Zelda, her son Yung-
star and her sister called Cy-star. An organisation
is set up on Earth called Terrahawks, which is top
secret to the rest of the world. This is led by Dr
Tiger Ninestein with other characters such as
Sergeant Major Zero, Captain Mary Falconer,
Captain Kate Kestrel, Lieutenant Hiro and
Lieutenant Hawkeye.

You liked terrahawks? But it was always so gross and the characters are so scary especially the aliens

narrator
the movie begins in sokovia(man just say poland) where our avengers are thankful that they still have careers
jeremy renner
Phew! Good thing i was retained despite my starring in that sh*tty hansel and gretel reboot
scarlett johansson
Yea and my gawd awful sci-fi assassin flick lucy didn't kill my chances with marvel either
chris evans
Thank you God for keeping me in the avengers after that crappy snowpiercer movie
mark ruffalo
Perhaps marvels cheapness over looked my starring in that cheesy flick now you see me
robert downey jr
Well at least you didn't star in some sick flick where you scored with your daughter why did i ever star in the judge?
chris hemsworth
It could be worse, you could be in a boring snow white reboot with kristen stewart
narrator
meanwhile in hydra quarters Thomas Kretschmann is sh*tting his pants
Thomas Kretschmann
Hey i thought i was a main villain? You mean i'm just a pre-credit sequence baddie? Ugh! So much for my high expectations
narrators
next the avengers are asking questions about their story continuity which marvel tossed in the trash
robert downey jr
Hey why am i in a battle suit? I thought i vowed never to be iron man again? I even destroyed all my suits what was that about? The suits don't even look different
scarlett johansson
And why am i not in prison for wiki-leaking government secret to the entire world?
edward snowden
yea america you owe me an apology
chris evans
Hey how come i have a motorcycle? Didn't i trash it in winter soldier?
mark ruffalo
How come when i turn into the hulk, my shirt rips up but my pants still stay on?
chris hemsworth
Hey how come i still have asgardian powers? I thought i was banished for treason at the end of dark world?
Thomas Kretschmann
And how did you find my base? I thought there was nothing to find?
stan lee
Well do you watch agents of shield
Thomas Kretschmann
Yuk! Does anyone watch that?
stan lee
Well *shrugs* tough sh*t you would have been aware that your base has been discovered
jeremy renner
Hey how come avengers can blow anyones country to sh*t don't we run into jurisdiction issues?
stan lee
Shut up
jeremy renner
And how come we kill a sh*t ton of people without the UN charging us with genocide?
stan lee
Didn't i say shut up?
jeremy renner
Why do they even call us the good guys when we save the world from self inflicted problems
stan lee
that's it! Shoot him shoot him now
narrator
jeremy gets blasted in the nuts
jeremy renner
Oh i just got wounded like i aint p*ssy enough, ugh I wonder who signs my pay checks now that shield has gone under? Cause i'm gonna need a hefty health insurance to hire a korean chick to fix my nuts back
robert downey jr
Dammit sh*t f*ck i just fired missiles at the hydra fortress but its protected by a blue force field? Apparently someone forgot to tell joss whedon this isn't a cartoon
chris evans
woa! Dude easy on the strong language remember this is a kiddy flick and we need to mind what we show kids
robert downey jr
is that why you graphically crushed those hydra agents throat with your shield and smashed them with your motorcycle?
chris evans
Er(changes topic) hey look the force field is down ATTACK!!!
Thomas Kretschmann
Holy f*ck they are in what do we do?
Henry Goodman
We could use the twins aaron taylor and elizabeth olsen
Thomas Kretschmann
Yea you mean the twins hitting on each other? someone please tell them this aint godzilla
aaron taylor
Ew! We are siblings? but we f*cking kissed and fondled our goodies and we have an annoying kid
elizabeth olsen
that was another movie, this is a different movie that's why we have st*pid hair styles and obnoxious eastern european accents
Henry Goodman
Guys guys suit up the avengers have bursted in here
aaron taylor
Agh! Don't worry godzilla will save us oh i forgot wrong movie RUN!!!
Thomas Kretschmann
Don't ask them to suit up you *diot they aren't ready what do you expect them to do?
Henry Goodman
Well one can cause an avalanche while the other can mind control the avengers into fighting each other take your pick
Thomas Kretschmann
Nah! Let's keep sending more hydra soldiers for the avengers to wipe their a*sses with, meanwhile i shall make my evil escape
Henry Goodman
How? By subpod?getaway train?getaway jet?
Thomas Kretschmann
Screw that! I'll escape by foot
narrator
chris evans bursts in
elizabeth olsen
Take that!*zaps chris evans*
chris evans
Hehehe that tickles hey guys our primary villains in this movie are teenagers please try not to testosterone them to death
aaron taylor
Hey look robert downey jr is out of his suit
elizabeth olsen
You mean the strongest and most valuable player that controls the avengers?
chris evans
Hey i thought that was me
elizabeth olsen
Pfft! Yea right
aaron taylor
And we also have an axe to grind with robert downey jr this is like a dream come true so how do we kill him?
elizabeth olsen
Kill him? Oh i have a better idea i shall GIVE HIM NIGHTMARES muahahahahahaha
aaron taylor
Night mares? I thought he already had those, isn't that the reason why he had those spongebob like panic attacks in iron man 3?
elizabeth olsen
No this nightmare is different it is a giant f*ck you to the audience YOU JUST WASTED YOUR MONEY AGAIN!!! Captain americas shield didn't break it was just a dream
audience
Really? All that was just another mandarin scam how disappointing
joss whedon
Oh we are just getting started this movie is one giant boat of disappointments stay tuned
chris evans
Yawn! I'm tired of this unfair fight. Lets call it a day(knocks out Thomas with his shield)
Thomas Kretschmann
Really?
chris evans
Hey scarlett time to tone down the hulk
scarlett johansson
*sigh* alright big guy lets get this over with(touches mark's palm)
mark ruffalo
Oh sh*t(creams his shots)
scarlett johansson
Phew! Thank God it didn't have to be another bl*wjob, hey why is my hair style short and colored different in this movie?
chris evans
Ok let's not confiscate hydra's work equipment so that it can be used as a base by another villain,oorah! AVENGERS MOVE OUT

To be continued....

GJames:
The voice was awesome, but ultron wasn't so superb. Watch and bash quick make i laugh

Looooool roger that!

GJames:
I watched it today and i've got to say that you will have a lot to play with. Plenty nitpicking for you

of course na no be marvel film?
The only thing that interests me about the movie is that james spader and elizabeth olsen are in the movie

GJames:
N10 sense lol. Do you still do your ''swing and a miss'' series?

hellz yea
I'm warming up for this years summer blockbuster movies
Seeing avengers age of ultron next friday
wish me luck

GJames:
Exactly. They make a crappy movie, add some chinese folks or make a scene in china and boom jackpot

no mind them, them want make chinese ppl ginger to go watch them film


N10 sense

GJames:
This ruq fellow is a super analyst just like severee

Mtchew! Hollywood film wey from advert you don already know how film go start and how e go end



They are becoming too greedy and it's not good

richardoz:
see finishing! biyi bandele must have offended u before hmm? very hilarious! ...I am enjoying it.

mtchew! I even dey give am free publicity after the dry film wey e do

Wasted mb

If not for the graphics and sound, i for don swear for the guy

VillageBoi:
Now this is the version I would happily pay to see. Would be funny as hell to watch piss-take movies

Lol thanks

Na wa o una really hate the film gan

Csami:
I like the way u murdered the movie. Nice! Who's next?

My pleasure

Hollywood summer blockbusters
Loading....10%.....

narrator
thandie and chiwetel exodus their a*sses to a refugee camp to teach and help out
thandie newton[\b]
Oh no we are suffering the set backs of war we are so poor we can't even afford kerosine........ even though we all look well fed,we can afford new clothes,john can afford to get an optic prescription , i can afford new hair dressings, chiwetel can afford his expensive bottle of scotch and petrol for our Exodus mobile ........ but we are suffering anyway
[b]narrator
john takes a leisure stroll around a military occupied territory
soldiers
hello there young man of sound health and fighting age, we would like to welcome you into the ojukwu army with a terrifying gun shot to the air and a kick in the a*ss
(Toss john into a truck)
john boyega
Wow perhaps this is an opportunity for the story of the civil war to be told from the eyes of a soldier on the field perhaps we can even show some kick-a*ss scenes
biyi bandele
ha! Very funny(kills john off screen)
narrator
thandie's C U N Tijuana sister shows up to the slum where thandie lives
anika noni rose
Hello sis i'm making money from the war
thandie newton
How? are you selling government secrets?
anika noni rose
Nope
thandie newton
Are you selling arms and ammunition?
anika noni rose
Nope
thandie newton
Then how are you making money? Did you place a bet on William hill or something?
anika noni rose
look i'm making money from the war. And that's that okay? Anyway with all of my affluence i've decided to bonk with you in your ghetto pad just don't get carried away and f*ck joseph again
thandie newton
My p*ssy lips are sealed perhaps we should end the movie here and post some commentaries after?
biyi bandele
Nope
thandie newton
But what else is left? I've patched things up with my sister,she's patched things up with her husband, i've married chiwetel shouldn't it end there? i mean we all know how the civil war ended
biyi bandele
Whose the director here you or me?
Trust me i have a kicka*ss ending in store for this movie just watch
narrator
next biyi bandele starts stringing set pieces together cause yes he doesn't know how to end the movie SET 1 anika finds some villagers trying to Aluulize a soldier
anika noni rose
O_o you do realize this is one of the soldiers fighting for your independence? If you can do this to him i hate to see what you'll do when you capture an enemy soldier(takes the soldier into her house)
narrator
SET 2 ojukwu is on the silver screen again
odumegwu ojukwu
Look i know we are losing territories and we've killed like a bizillion Nigerians displaced another kajillion and are currently starving a brazillion of them but i promise you we shall come out victorious in the end i shall fight till the last drop of my blood(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
yakubu gowon
And i shall do everything possible to secure the lives and property of every Nigerian
(Nose sprouts like pinnochio)
narrator
SET 3 anika,joseph,thandie and chiwetel have dinner while anika acts like a real b*tch to chiwetel
chiwetel ejiofor
hi anika we finally meet
anika noni rose
Hello grissly
chiwetel ejiofor
haha hairy joke i get it
anika noni rose
Hey thandie you get carpet burns during sex
chiwetel ejiofor
*rolls eyes*
anika noni rose
Chiwetel knock knock?
chiwetel ejiofor
whose there?
anika noni rose
Chew
chiwetel ejiofor
Chew Who?
anika noni rose
Chewbecca
chiwetel ejiofor
Ugh!
joseph mawle
i gat one how bout we open a bottle of vino and...........
chiwetel ejiofor
nice try twin f*cker
Narrator
SET 4 chiwetel and thandie are snoozing when Yakubus Airforce give them a wake up call
chiwetel ejiofor
holy sh*t everyone to the Exodus mobile time for some stunt driving guys
biyi bandele
Haha you just never learn i'm here to kill every scene that looks like it has a bit of excitement in it(cuts the scene)
chiwetel ejiofor
Ever noticed in the air raid scenes we never hear the sound of the planes? and they keep targeting sand and grass *shrugs*
biyi bandele
They are called stealth assault angels that's why they magically tip toe all over the scenery
Narrator
anika, thandie, joseph and chiwetel have dinner again
anika noni rose
Ok we are out of food so i'm going to the dangerous parts of town to buy food
chiwetel ejiofor
I don't think that's a good idea but since you've been acting like a b*tch all i have to say is go for it
narrator
anika and her sweet a*ss is never seen again, we take a peek at the soldiers
odumegwu ojukwu
Hey Phillip i've got good news and i've got bad news
Phillip effiong
Oooooh lay it on me
odumegwu ojukwu
Bad news is..............i'm running off to ivory coast and i'm taking my mercedes benz with me for swag purposes
Phillip effiong
say what?!
odumegwu ojukwu
Chill you haven't even heard the good news yet, now you'll get to be president for the next few weeks make those weeks count
Phillip effiong
What about all our fallen soldiers who believed in this cause?
odumegwu ojukwu
Don't worry my friend *singing* the sun will come out tomorrow it's the way i hang on till tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow i love ya tomorrow is only a day away
Phillip effiong
F*ck you disco santa claus(walks away)
Narrator
SET 5 Phillip effiong addresses the nation
chris effiong
Hey guys remember how we actually thought we could win a war against a sovereign nation headed by a Military regime that doesn't give a sh*t about human rights?
We just found out we can't, so yea civil war is over go home let's hope Yakubus army doesn't go all post pearl harbour and concerntration/POW camp our a*sses
yakubu gowon
Concerntration camp? That's a good ide.......... Oh wait a second you want me to run one so they charge me with war crimes i ain't falling for that
Come to think of it i was kind of a d*ck in this war why am i not going down for gross human rights violation?
isreal
(F*cking up palestinians) human rights? What's human rights?
America
(Violating rights to privacy) human rights? Does Gowon have Nuclear warheads? no? Sorry don't really give a sh*t then......
but call us when gay rights are violated we take that sh*t seriously
south-africa
(Enjoying appatheid) human rights of black beingpeople violated? sounds like christmas hey gowon call us when you need a hand
russia
don't you even think of looking back here
yakubu gowon
The darkest days in Nigeria is over now we shall build a new Nigeria based on prosperity, unity and peace(Nose sprouts like pinnochio)

chiwetel ejiofor
Mtchew! And i was having fun with the Airforce and displacement this sucks where are you two going? O_o
thandie newton
Joseph and i are going in search of anika you know since the war is over and all
chiwetel ejiofor
Ok just don't f*ck each other on the way
thandie newton
It happened just one time i don't f*ck everyman i see it's really un becoming ugh!
narrator
SET 6 they search,then they search , then they search some more, then they wonder why chiwetel isn't among the search party since he seems to be more familiar with the routes, then joseph starts crying like a b*tch then thandie grabs the wheel off him then they finally give up and go home
john boyega
hi guys i'm not actually dead! They thought i was dead but i'm not
because seriously that sh*t never gets old with Nollywood flicks
joseph bawle
So thanks for your hospitality i shall bid farewell and keep searching for anika
chiwetel ejiofor
Sure and we shall return to our home and hope it hasn't being bombed or possessed by someone else i mean it's not like that sh*t didn't happen after the real civil war
baby
Will aunt kainene be joining us?
thandie newton
Aunt who now?
baby
Your sister
thandie newton
Oh that's her character name? Ok i almost forgot since there are so many characters that it's a chore just to keep up wait a minute are you spiting me with her disappearance?how can you be so mean? you know she's missing and you are making jest of us well guess what? I ain't your real mom and your real mom is probably dead just like anika now how is that for a comeback smart a*ss?
biyi bandele
Haha see that? I ended the movie with a good old fashioned "cliffhanger" that's how you end a movie
Audience
Yea every character in the movie ends up successful and the most unlikeable characters were either killed or displaced, no cliffhanging there , by the way what is the lesson of this 1hour 55 f*cking minute story?
BFI
Oh come on haven't you gotten a hint? The lesson is that black people are selfish, ignorant,jealous and lazy people who aren't ready to rule themselves now give your country back to the queen
Audience
never
BFI
neo colonialism rain check?
Audience
you got yourself a deal!
End

Csami:
The departed was something else. The director for just kill all the characters make we know say nothing remain.

as in when all of them dey die e be like dream

Csami:
Severee, I think they dropped those bombs just to kill okeoma or whatever his name was. So fvcking annoying!

Mtchew f*cking predictable death come on they could do better why didn't they kill chiwetel instead? Bone say na actor shock value is the best way to sell me a movie just check out;
-The departed
-Scarface
-oldboy

Narrator
Next
Chiwetel and genevieve are having a baseless argument
genevieve nnaji
i'm sick of you sounding like you are gaggling water all in the name of mimmicking an igbo accent
chiwetel ejiofor
and i'm sick of you making no effort to sound Yoruba
genevieve nnaji
Well excuuuuuuuse me when i slept with the director he promised me lead role not this irrelevant na by force? cameo appearance how could he do me like that? How could he betray me for an anorexic Brit?

chiwetel ejiofor
Well i have a theory
genevieve nnaji
What do you mean?
chiwetel ejiofor
I mean you were given this irrelevant role because your beauty is overrated, your talent is generic and your hair style makes you look like a match stick
genevieve nnaji
chiwetel you insult me?
chiwetel ejiofor
Then the truth is now an insult
thandie newton
Hey chiwetel you owe her an apology
chiwetel ejiofor
I owe her............ ew! Gross what happened to you? But Biyi said you just recovered from malaria and you were ready to shoot one today
thandie newton
I'm fine i'm just in mourning because my aunty died
chiwetel ejiofor
O_o so the image of Nollywood mourning scenes is no longer a woman in black clothes with messed up hair sitting on a stool with a ton of extras/sympathizers surrounding her and going God giveth and God taketh? nice one Nollywood
narrator
ojukwu odumegwu meets with yakubu gowon
yakubu gowon
Hello there
odumegwu ojukwu
see this one who be your mate? come one prostrate and call me uncle you this small boy
yakubu gowon
Hey i'm not a kid i was made president for my wisdom and maturity check this out, in order to resolve the ongoing conflict in the country i have decided to DO THE EXACT SAME THING IRONSI DID BUT IN REVERSE to hurt your people
ojukwu odumegwu
Eh?
yakubu gowon
And i shall dissolve your power by complicating our nations geo-political zones yea i'm feeling myself
ojukwu odumegwu
mature! Well i have a better plan
yakubu gowon
Lemme guess you wanna seek justice for your slain brothers and sisters?
ojukwu odumegwu
Nope!
yakubu gowon
You wanna coup my a*ss out of office so you can prosecute me for my negligence in the crisis
ojukwu odumegwu
Nope
yakubu gowon
You wanna pump wads of cash into your region to boost the economy and ween yourselves off Nigeria's crude oil?
ojukwu odumegwu
hell no! I propose we play counter ball with the Nigerian lives we both swore to protect, see what i did there i said counter ball cause you're super young
yakubu gowon
hmmmn counter ball i like it count me in
narrator
anika calls joseph in fake london
anika noni rose
Hey joseph!
joseph mawle
Hey baby
anika noni rose
You know i can't stay mad at you even though you f*cking slept with my sister , anyway i miss you could you pop into Nigeria real quick?
joseph mawle
[s]f*ck no! After what hakeem kae kaseem did at the airport? i think i'll pass no a*ss is worth my life and peace of mind[/s]
*flips through script* what are the odds? The implausible plot says i'm to be in Nigeria cool i'm on my way baby
narrator
both heads of states address the nation
ojukwu odumegwu
Hey everyone i've seen all your suffering and my heart bleeds that's why i shall subject you people to even more deaths and displacements and general suffering aka secession
yakubu gowon
And i shall counter this secession in order to defend our nations pride and unity .Many of you will needlessly die but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to leave with see what i did there uncle ojukwu?
ojukwu odumegwu
Nice!
Nigerians
Are you sure this isn't about oil?
ojukwu odumegwu/yakubu gowon
of course not(noses sprout like pinnochio)
Britain
We are joining the war so People will shift the blame for the war from us
France
And we are joining the war because we hate Britain
Israel
And we are joining the war so we can test our weapons
South Africa
And we are joining the war because f*ck Nigeria
America
Yee haw! It Aint no civil war without an american interference
Russia
Dang it we hate america so we are in too
journalist
Ojukwu how prepared are you and your soldiers for the impending civil war your actions may cause?
odumegwu ojukwu
Ah yes my soldiers are well trained and prepared my army sh*ts on Yakubus Army(who trained most them) infact Yakubus army are going to be surprised at what they are gonna get
narrator
BOOM!!!! Thandie,her pot of soup, john,chiwetel and everyone goes on a mass exodus
odumegwu ojukwu
hey not fair i just gave a kick-a*ss speech couldn't y'all follow it with footage of battles we actually won?
biyi bandele
you mad at me wait till you read the novel this is based on i bet you'll wipe your a*ss with it
narrator
thandie's mom tina mba pays her a visit
tina mba
Hi thandie, i want to protect my diamond jewelry that's why i carry it everywhere with me Seriously? Why don't you hang a sign on me that says Mug me
thandie newton
What do you want?
tina mba
I have here four tickets to smuggle us to England you interested? Anika isn't coming i wonder why it's not like her husband isn't an english citizen and all plus she was really scared before war broke out, anyway i obviously made no effort to convince her to come along with us just like i'm gonna do with you cause that's what a real mother would do you know?
thandie newton
I'm sorry i won't be coming either i'm getting married
........... Hmmmm wouldn't chiwetel's kid need my slot since she's a kid and all?.......... nah! She'll be fine poverty and death would be good for her up bringing
tina mba
Ok(walks away)
say hello to the mother of the year
thandie newton
yea a Nigerian woman will hear news of her daughters wedding and won't freak out.
Narrator
next we meet the other nominee for mother of the year Onyeka Onwenu talking to thandie newton
Onyeka Onwenu
hey thandie you barren c*nt
biyi bandele
Oh yea we kind of lost that plot detail of thandie punching her tummy so should we make her barren or not? *thinking* yea let's just abandon that and keep the audience in continous mystery
thandie newton
hey i thought you were cool with me after your son knocked up susan?
Onyeka Onwenu
I care about my son so much so i have a suggestion of what he should do at this time of war
thandie newton
You want him to build a bomb shelter for protection?
onyeka onwenu
Nope
thandie newton
You want us to salvage and replant food crops destroyed during the war
onyeka onwenu
What? No!
thandie newton
You want him to sneak us into cameroon like bruce willis did in tears from the sun i mean that should increase the thrill in the plot right?
onyeka onwenu
Good God no i want you people to get hitched during a violent civil war
thandie newton
I don't think marriage should be our priority right now but hey i'm Nigerian today misplaced priority is our culture. o how romantic will you be there?
onyeka onwenu
F*ck no i love my house more than my son
thandie newton
I don't know where to get a dress
onyeka onwenu
don't worry i bet you'll find another misplaced priorityer who stores wedding dresses but not food and water, the cake would be a f*cking red sand single layer cake made by none other than master chef JOHN BOYEGA
Have fun
thandie newton
Hmmm so lemme review my options here i'm not married to chiwetel yet, chiwetel is absolutely obnoxious and we are in the middle of a civil war so what option do i take (a) Marry chiwetel and live a life of poverty and deprivation or (b) Return to a life of luxury in England?
Hmmmn i will pick chiwetel because my head is full of saw dust you see?
chiwetel ejiofor
ok now this is getting annoying mom come on the city has been invaded either ways you can't keep your house lets run to somewhere safe
onyeka onwenu
Ok fine its not about the house, i wanna get killed off so i can attend a PDP rally later this week they pay more than you guys you know
chiwetel ejiofor
o that makes sense have fun mom(drives off)

o.c ukeje
*singing* i was hereeeeeeeeeee!
narrator
onyeka onwenu dies anticlimatically off screen surprise surprise
chiwetel ejiofor
Wow i care about my mom? Why didn't i drag her with us when i knew what would happen to her, well
boo hoo? I guess
thandie newton
Oh i loved her so much she was so nice(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
narrator
thandie and chiwetel get married and it's the talk of the town
babou ceesay
Hi thandie i saw this dead flowers and i thought instead of catching the bouquet to get married next why don't we throw a bouquet of dead flowers to see who dies next
thandie newton
Are you foreshadowing your impending demise? isn't that for interesting characters people would actually miss?
babou ceesay
meanie all you had to say was you don't like the flowers (walks away)
Narrator
they are about to cut their wedding cake when Yakubus Airforce drop in literary
Airforce pilots
oops my hand slipped
john boyega
*in ty burrell voice* I've got thandie i've got thandie
chiwetel ejiofor
Hands off my newly wedded wife you perv
narrator
Nigerians display their street smarts by running in the same direction as the aerial bombs
chiwetel ejiofor
Wait a minute have you noticed the bombings are going only in one direction?
babou ceesay
(Running past chiwetel and thandie) last man is a fool
(Gets fragged)
ha! Sad death scene i bet there isn't a dry eye in the theatre
thandie newton
Came into the movie like a jerk and died like a p*ssy i think we will be fine
babou ceesay
(Muttering) f*cking Brit(walks off set)

To be continued.....

shockwave91:
exactly! Stage drama. Dats d term i was looking for. I still think the film is mulesh*t. And make kunle 4get! My bros for alaba don run am street. Dem don pirate d movie finish. If im like make im vex 4rm now till 2moro, nothing 4 am.

How about 30 days to atlanta? I swear, tell me say u like dat dogsh*t movie, and i go shoot u

Don't plan on seeing that one
From the trailer it looks like one of them osofia in london kind of movie


na wa o see as we don finish all Nollywood blockbusters, at least i appreciate the fact that some of them are starting to take their jobs seriously