₦airaland Forum

narrator
the other lame terrorists(who johnny depp can't trace for reasons? )hold a meeting in a sh*t hole and have paul with them
kate mara
Paul we brought you here because we know you want to join our lame terrorist squad
paul bettany
How did you figure that one?
kate mara
Because you once wrote an article that claims that AI will be the end of the human race
paul bettany
Okay now that makes you ugly and st*pid are you for real? After all our colleagues that y'all killed I'm supposed to hop into your st*pid terror cell just because I wrote an article?
(2seconds later) ok I'll join where do I signup?
kate mara
On you knees paul let me lay my hands on you, do you reject progress and all its works
Including fighting sickness and poverty?
paul bettany
Yes I do
kate mara
Do you accept backwardness as your lifestyle and companion?
paul bettany
Yes I do
kate mara
Do you believe in the silly notion that one day robots will take over the world and f*ck us over?
paul bettany
Yes I do believe
kate moss
So now rise brother paul you are one of us now you are one of the lame terrorists
paul bettany
O yea now what's the order of business
kate mara
Our messenger pigeon just brought us information saying that horse teeth chick from iron man3 is now a multi-billionaire who is building a dr. Kanaga quarters in the middle of no where , that's pretty creepy so we shall be paying her a visit with a garrote poisoned cake and radio-active bullets you know how we roll
paul bettany
Well johnny depp is now a computer and we don't know what he is up to so the best thing to do is spread the word out that he is a computer and let the geek police handle it
kate mara
Oops! I just sent our messenger pigeon back to our correspondent we will have to do our broadcast to the world in two years time when the pigeon returns
paul bettany
Why don't you just send a text or a mass email or even walk over to a news station I mean that will take way less time
kate mara
Hello? We are a lame terrorist group being smart will defeat the purpose besides we hate technology
paul bettany
Technology? Like the GPS you used to track johnny depp or the radio active bullets you fired at johnny depp or the sophisticated explosives you used on the AI labs or the........
director/chris nolan
CUT!
narrator
2 years later johnny depp has built the perfect laboratory
johnny depp
Thank you dexter for helping me build my lab
dexter
No problem you know what else can spice up your lab? Nano-bots it eats up anything faster than pirhanas and turns people into mindless zombies
johnny depp
Cool I should totally get one of those
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Uh honey what are you doing?
johnny depp
scaring the f*ck out of you that's what watch me puppet control this dude while I in all my naivety expect you to not lose your sh*t
clifton collins jr
Hi horse teeth chick from iron man 3 its me johnny in this dudes body watch me do a strip tease huh?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wait you used technology to control the human mind? I think this is turning into a harry potter movie
clifton collins jr.
I now have super strength and agility with Voices in my head? I think this is turning into a raimi spiderman movie
chris nolan
yep I missed working on super hero movies so I just had to squeeze in a meaningless super villain sub plot
clifton collins jr.
So..........what do you think?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
I think this movie is gonna tank I want out man time to call my agent and a divorce attorney too you are creeping me out
johnny depp
o yea let's see how you call your lawyer or send a mail when I'm online
horse teeth chick from iron man3
I can take a cab
johnny depp
good luck finding your attorneys office when the cab drivers GPS starts tripping
horse teeth chick from iron man3
fine I'll walk then
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 invites cilian murphy and morgan freeman over to her lab
cilian murphy
Thanks for inviting us
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wow! I'm even surprised you dudes didn't come over till now I mean weren't you people supposed to investigate how I made multi-billion dollars over night?
morgan freeman
Or that america's paranoid government didn't flip the f*ck out about an unlicensed illegal structure/terrorist base lookalike in the middle of nowhere

cilian murphy
Yeah well you pay your taxes so I assumed that you are a good person
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Hmmm a government agent visiting a industrial complex and hosted by a chick/villain who illegally became rich and plans on ruling the world? now the movie is turning into a james bond movie from the 60s
chris nolan
what can I say? I'm a fan of james bond flicks that would explain why I ripped off the snow chase scene from On Her Majestys Secret Service and put it in inceptions climax it will also explain why the climax of TDKR looked like the climax from moonraker
cilian murphy
Yea all that is remaining now is a cat and tons of brainless goons
horse teeth chick from iron man3
As a matter of speaking,I got a group of universal soldiers knock-off I have over there
cillian murphy
Huh?.
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh they totally volunteered for this they so weren't forcefully done please promise not to freak out when you leave?
cilian murphy
I promise
narrator
cilian murphy takes two steps out of the lab and begins to freak out
narrator
We have to stop this we have to stop johnny so let's shut down the internet and destroy every single computer in the world
To be continued....

Csami:
Severee ma man! Where have u been all this while? I've missed your honest trailer. Just so u know, that was a really bad movie if one starts to think about it.

. oga I dey o I wan be give my sef early retirement but when I see this transcendence movie. Omo I just vex

2cato:
Security is the collective responsibilty of every body including you and me. Putting the blame blame and leaving security soley on the goverment and security agency will never be propper.

I like that even out here in canada we have neighbour hood watch programmes and meetings and some people who can afford it put security systems wired to police stations close by in their house,but for my beloved naija if na time to gossip na when we go get power to spy on people but for security sake we go blame each other till we are all dead

brothers:
Ashewo! Because say na gal u come dey form gentle man ode

SMH when will you ever get sense?

33117:
Hmmm mr.op how long will it take you to finish this one now cause the x men took forever

Nah! Don't worry I will be really quick with this, the delay with x men was writers block and I was very busy during that period besides this transcendence is a very boring movie with no highlights so I shd be done really soon

itstpia1:
dont force nlers to do so.

Don't force nairalanders to put a price on quality ranting


sure that makes sense

itstpia1:
your write up is wasting megabytes though.

you can't put a price on quality ranting
My friend

horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Johnny depp computer mode activated
johnny depp
(Gaggling mouth) ugh I can still taste ben afflecks pubs next time honey try warning me first ugh

horse-teeth chick from iron man3
so honey you are a computer now what do you wanna do?
johnny depp
I'm a computer now? Cool upload me into a p*rn website at once so I can get my freak on
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
ahem!
johnny depp
Em, I mean upload me into wallstreet so I can make my wife an over-night billionaire and .............
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
yea and we could take trips with you in my sidekick phone and go shopping and sunbath in a swim suit under the carribean sun
johnny depp
Swin suit? Are you going to be eating and trying to gain some weight?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
What? And ruin my crack addict figure? No way
johnny depp
Then in that case f*ck that, instead we shall build A bond-villain fortress in the middle of no where so that I can continue with my experiment because I love science you see
paul bettany
O_o okay This is kinda creepy .I mean How do we even know this is Johnny,or some evil .com pretending to be him?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Pfft! Of course its him what? now computers make people evil all of a sudden? Common

paul bettany
Any ways this is too risky let's just delete him thereby destroying the world's greatest scientific break through, wasting our time and funding and of course killing our friend
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
What?! That's a terrible idea why don't we just upload him into the internet I'm sure we will be okay
two year old toddler
Why not just study him for sometime know his next moves and go with either option depending on whether you can contain him or not? I mean that's what scientists do right?
chris nolan
Hmmm that's a pretty good idea but you know what? Common sense is forbidden in chris nolan movies so get that kid off the set people
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Yea that's right get outta here kid and you too paul leave
paul bettany
I'm not leaving here whatever decision we make here affects the existence of civilization as we know it so I'm pretty flustered right now!(2 seconds later) you know what f*ck it do whatever you like I'm going to a bar to go hit on chicks
narrator
paul bettany goes to a bar to get hammered when he approached by kate mara
kate mara
Hey, stranger! Come here often?
paul bettany
Of course I......Ugh! Really? What's with the ugly ladies in this movie? Where are the abbie cornishes? And the paula pattons and the naomi harris? Can I at least have a rosamund pyke? First johny depp gets a woman who looks like she is from sesame street and now I'm getting a f*cking transversite prostitute?
kate mara
how dare you?

narrator
kate nabs paul
paul bettany
Oh God where are you taking me? Who are these dudes? Oh sh*t please don't r*pe me I'm too intelligent to be gangr*ped why are you taking my phone you want to record the abhorring incident?
kate mara
Man shut the f*ck up I'm not a bloody bar troll, I'm the leader of a bullsh*t terrorist group and I'm using your phone to track down johny depp to destroy him
paul bettany
Really? a terror group is headed by an anoxeric chick? Just how much of losers are you guys?
kate mara
if angelina jolie could beat up men 10 times her weight in hand to hand combat in the movie salt and scallet johansson could snap necks with her broom stick thighs in winter soldier then............
paul bettany
We should blame the lazy casting directors of hollywood
kate mara
I was gonna say that I can be the head of a terror group
paul bettany
No seriously casting directors really suck just like when they made zoe saldana play brian mills in columbiana and they made maggie Q play nikita I mean what is so femme fatale about a bunch of chicks who give you b*ners rather make you sh*t your pants
kate mara
*sigh* will someone put a doc tape round his mouth already?
horse teeth chick from iron man 3
Uh oh trouble time to upload an entire human unto the internet this could take a while(2seconds later) all done
johnny depp
Aw yeah! time to head over to FBI computers and tell them about the bullsh*t terrorist group and where they can find them
hmm ah! Hey google how do I get to FBI computers?
narrator
Johnny storms FBI computers and exposes the hideout of the lame terrorist cell(because their house is made of a giant computer that can be easily traced through the internet) and leaves the whole world to keep pondering on the location of ISIS then he storms wallstreet and makes horse teeth chick from iron man 3 a trillionaire and ignores the hobos,soup kitchens, refugees around the world and even other scientists who need funding for experiments and research, at FBI quarters cilian murphy notices that the lame terrorist cell has infiltrated their computers

cilian murphy
what da? Morgan freeman again? Why are you appearing in terrible films all of a sudden first it was dark knight rises, then olympus has fallen,oblivion and now this? What gives man?
morgan freeman
what do you want me to do? Relax and count all my cash? And bask in past glory why don't you ask robin william how that worked out for him?
cilian murphy
that was a very insensitive
morgan freeman
Speaking of insensitive why does nolan keep chunking out all these bullsh*t films at our expense and he keeps hiring you what are you his secret gay-lover or something especially when we know you can't act
cilian murphy
F*ck you man I have a golden globe
morgan freeman
After playing a transversite you mean?
cilian murphy
Why am I even arguing with you? I'm untop of you in this movie you are my b*tch wait that didn't come out right
morgan freeman
We’ve been infiltrated by some unknown force and all the AI scientists are extinct except me cos apparently I don't eat cake, I work from home and I look nothing like an AI scientist there! You know us now we shall be appearing in the next few scenes #Peace
To be continued...

itstpia1:
Is all that supposed to be funny?

I don't get it.

my guy no vex I watched this piece of sh*t movie yesterday and I just had to rant , I couldn't help myself

Narrator
at warner bros complex chris nolan meets with greedy movie executives
chris nolan
Hey there boys do you know what time it is? It's time to once again insult the intelligence of movie viewers worldwide and rip them off while we are at it
greedy executives
Really? How? Our big ticket item batman is sold already and man of steel didn't do sh*t for us, I don't like this it looks like they are seeing through your bs mr nolan
chris nolan
not this time I've a story which was ripped off from a five minute irrelevant sub-plot of that bullsh*t movie winter soldier
greedy executives
What subplot?
chris nolan
The part where chris evans and scarlett johansson chat away with some dude who downloads himself into a 1960 computer with a USB portal, we will be literarily stealing from it even up to the part where the computer dude st*pidly ordered hydra to fire a missile at the lab that destroyed him along with it
greedy executives
Hmmm lazy script wrapped in fine clothes that sounds like a good idea just like when we ripped off the plot of oceans 11 for inception ,wrapped it all up and passed it on as a deep and intelligent movie they totally ate that sh*t up
chris nolan
So are we in business?
greedy executives
Hellz yea
narrator
Next we see some geek convention where that horse-teeth chick from iron man 3 bores us with her unattractive appearance and lack of personality

horse-teeth chick from iron man 3
Welcome to the geek convention we are here to bore you to death by presenting the latest, revolutionizing yawn! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yikes I'm sorry dosed off there for a second johnny take over
Johnny depp
(Snapping from sleep) blah! Angelina jolie, penelope cruz, maria cortillard(sees his ugly as f*ck love interest) holy sh*t I'm still in this bullsh*t movie? *sigh*
Okay I'm making an AI machine which is pastor adeboye,oyakhilome and tb joshua wrapped in one somebody shout hallelujah
audience
WTF? Why is johny depp so boring in this movie? He is even worse than he was in the tourist
Johnny depp
I'm playing a parody of bill gate and steve jobs so I have to be extra creepy and boring for this role
audience
Boo! Dude if I wanna see steve jobs I'll go watch bloomberg man I came here to watch a movie that will blow my mind
johnny depp
relax I'm still doing steve jobs here wait till I get my bill gates and mark zuckerberg on
audience
You mean self centered double crossing douche?thanks for the spoiler now we shall try to act suprised when that happens
johnny depp
Oops my bad
narrator
Then all of a sudden, terrorists who think technology is evil attack johnny depp because that lousy concept is back in hollywood
lame terrorist
Yea check it out I just saw terminator 3 and I believe in the lousy message that one day robots will take over the world so now AI I shall twist your sh*t up by shooting johnny depp with radio active bullets just in case he doesn't die from the multiple shot wound the radiation is gonna get him and perhaps not turn him into a super hero
stan lee
I heard that
lame terrorist
then I am going to blow up a lab and poison some AI dudes cake so what do you think?
audience
Well we would have taken you more seriously if you didn't look like a meth addict tripping balls
lame terrorist
O yea? Then what do you think about this?(Shoots himself in the f*cking nugging)
audience
yea right that doesn't make you look crazy at all
johnny depp
Damn this dude wasn't kidding radio active bullets? They have that now? who makes these things?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
I'm still wondering how you aren't dead already
chris nolan
for forceful plot extension reasons plus its a nolan movie everyone survives radiation poisoning just ask batman in TDKR
johnny depp
Oh my God I'm dying I'm so demoralized
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Don't worry we will upload your consciousness into a computer and everything will be alright

JOHNNY DEPP
Ha ha honey thanks for trying to make me laugh but I'm in no mood for jokes............what? So people now download their subconscious into machines are we really accepting that now? this feels like an episode of dexters laboratory I feel even more embarrassed than in lone ranger *cough* * cough* oh God my time has come
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
I'm so sorry
narrator
They kiss
robert downey jr,javier bardem,ben affleck
hey johnny how does my c*ck taste?
johnny depp
Ugh! Sick! Yuk! Pitui! This movie is like a house of pain my agent is so getting fired after this erk!(Dies)

narrator
but with the help of paul bettany,horse-teeth chick from iron man3 is able to turn johnny depp into a computer trust me it looks as silly as it sounds
chris nolan
Why do I get the feeling people aren't really falling for this bullsh*t like they did inception?
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
No.9?eagle eye?i-robot? Apparently I think this silly movie is bringing back bad memories
chris nolan
What? No no no no this is way different from those movies this is a breakthrough in hollywood
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Hide and seek?,colossus?demon seed?
chris nolan
No this one has action, thrills,intelligent deep stuff and I'm actually sending a message with this film
horse-teeth chick from iron man3
Blade runner?2010?electric dreams?
chris nolan
*rolling eyes* okay fine its straight out of the hollywood cliche book let's just overact the next few scenes the way we did in inception and hope it pays off
To be continued....

Boko haram kidnap 270 girls and they want their soldiers back right? so why aren't they u knw? Executing these gals one by one on camera to put pressure on gov't to release their soldiers or to retract NA from north east or even if over sabbi dey do dem, ask america to stop bombing ISIL? I mean we already knw they,are murderers plus it will be so easy they don't even have to leave their hideout

stinggy:
Beht y na?

. cos they gave oyedepo a b*ner?

doubt if you can woo anyone right now cos u're f*cking old dude

englishmart:
On a very good day, if na tomatoes full that basket, she no go fit shake am.

Them go full am with foam come add 22 fruits of tomatoes, come dey form power.
Toto Tonto dike

lol

Nollywood making us look gullible since 1999 PDP

. if I hear say that gal no fit carry basket of tomatoes u don see that gal posture before? E get muscle pass me

omenka:
I don't know if Oyedepo deliberately wanted to deceive this guy or something. How many poor people attend these so called "Charity" schools they build

#Shame.

. Charity sch ke? Since wen convenant university and faith academy turn charity sch? With jokes like this, oyedepo has a bright future in comedy

let's boycott english language as a sign of protest. *pidgin english activated*

Neldrizzy:
https://www.richestlifestyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/David-Oyedepo.jpg
1) David Oyedepo. Net Worth: $150 million
2) Chris Oyakhilome. Net Worth: $50 million.
3) Benny Hinn. Net Worth: $48 million (US).
4) Creflo Dollar. Net Worth: $27 million (US).
5) Billy Graham. Net Worth: $25 million(US).
6) TD Jakes. Net Worth: $18 million (US).
7) TB Joshua. Net Worth: $15 million.
8 ) Matthew Ashimilowo. Net Worth: $10 million.
9) Chris Okotie. Net Worth: $10 million.
10) Joseph Prince. Net Worth: $5 million (Singapore)

http://www.richestlifestyle.com/top-10-richest-pastors-in-the-world/

. so tb joshua is worth 15million dollars and he was bribing journalists with 50 thousand naira? I don talk am na alaroro go kill that man

Michelle obama is among the world's most beautiful first ladies? very funny

Rather than hanging yourself why not just sign up with the NA against insurgency at least your suicide for there go make sense

justhelp:
I have been having this dream now for more than once about War in Nigeria, seriously i don't want that to happen because it was a terrible dream, I saw army fighting against some group of people fighting against Nigeria. i saw people running and calling for help, everyone was heading to the forest all our leaders are no where to be found. Please is there any man of God here who can see the future to tell us what will happen to Nigeria.please if you know that God called you please tell us what you see.

. ogbeni lay off the halo and call of duty

mrmagoo: guy you are so impossible to reason with, you just keep beating around the bush I think I am done arguing with you keep dreaming there and don't wake up to reality

Why do people always resort to childish insults when they can't make a point?
What reality do you want me to wake up to? Do want to run away from the country? You will. Just end up coming back I've seen it a thousand times from frnds, family,celebs etc, or do you want nigeria to divide? Well news flash it can't, because it will end up in many many civil wars and economic distablility, wetin your eye go see your mouth no go fit talk, where are the countries even ready to recognize your "divided nigerian countries" everything we have achieved was achieved together the elites of all tribes know this and hence won't support a break up so the best option is to help ourselves extend our obligations change our orientation #ThatsAll

mrmagoo: @severee Smh so we are the ones that will invest our backbone to develop the country why the governement kick back and let us do all the work? Is it not the other way around

Alright fine, gov't should be responsible for us so we shd not do anything again because we are gov't responsibility abi? No see this chibok issue tho I'm one of those who don't believe the story but assuming it was true
Those people knew that the state was in crisis there was even a state of emergency declared by the president shouldn't they have been working on migrating from that area instead they sent their children to school boarding school for that matter after the alleged kidnap weren't we supposed to make sure more kidnaps didn't happen? No we went around screaming #bringbackourgirls yes gov't should be on their toes but that movement should have educated people on terrorism and counter terrorist measures, it should have spread awareness so that everyone should be careful it should have raised money to move the community chibok people to refugee camps out of the way of the bh NA cross fire but instead they disgraced themselves and their country and in the end did it bring the girls back? Hasn't terrorism grown worse?

@mr magoo and as for money
- How about selling your fathers house rather than burying him in it afterall it is a property and in the end you can even buy 10 more of that in your fathers name if you want to
- How about only raising a family when you can afford it, it will afford you space to save and invest and it will afford you time to think and vision as well
- How about your selling yourself, when I was young our house gardener will trim the grass and when its scotching outside he will rest under a shade while I feel sorry for him and bring him a glass of water now that I think of it that gardner was very lazy do you know that if he managed his time well speed and efficiency can be his niche before you know he can take care of landscape in two houses or three or four or more next he will start needing extra hands he will start garnering referral jobs if he wants to, he can even start a school to teach gardening, he can secure high profile projects with his connection and all it took was him dreaming big learning to work not just for money and managing his time
- How about we actually pay our taxes? I hear people making mouth about gov't blowing the money of tax payers well we are 170million in the country, and about 48.5million of this population is employed yet taxes only account for 6per cent of our nations GDP which either means the employed pay N10000 per month or we evade/ignore paying tax, and since our excuse is that we provide our own amenities and co why don't we provide these amenities as a group we can operate a non-governmental taxation system we can create a platform (e.g: NLC or NUPENG)which bridges the gov't to us the "masses" we pay our taxes to this group who in turn hand in the revenue over to professional fund managers while we as a people meditate on projects to take on to assist the government to develop the country the engineers design,the scientists invent and the economists talk about the return and investment worthiness of the project and we go that cancels fund mismanagement,paddie paddie contract awards,kick backs and it promotes accountability ,creativity and hardwork if we pay 10000 every month that is enough to indigenize and stabilize our power sector, develop every sector in the country, expand and brand our farmers market, increase the capital capacity of our financial institutions, ensure union credits for workers,grow infant industries in the country,develop the standard of our schools/hospitals, stabilize our economy as well as our currency, improve on our social welfare in the country, not to mention if we pay more or pay according to our income scale, we can achieve a lot we have the money and we will have the support of the taxpayers

mrmagoo: lmao op why don’t you do all the things you listed and see how hard it is, why did we now vote for the government in power if we should do everything our selves where the money sef to do all these abi na teeth you wan use do am?

Why una vote the gov't in power? No be because them give una rice and kerosine?
Is that the way they should be campaigning? Who do you even know you are voting for where is the connection?they say a leader is the reflection of the people he is leading if they want to run for office the campaigning should be done in a less violent and more humane way we aren't animals let them hold tons and tons of symposiums for elightenment and education on our rights as well as our obligations and to communicate their dreams for this nation so much that we should even get full of seeing them there should even be a channel specially dedicated for televised talks and forums they shall participate in let them sweat for our vote and when it is time to vote, everyone has cellphones why don't we use them to vote who we desire?if we have a data system inec can form a system whereby people of voting age get an email or text message of our voters code to add to our text vote make we see as them wan rig that election especially when programmers shall be assisting inec in blocking any hacking or intrusions on their space? We as electorates can demand for this by simply not coming out to support campaigns or even coming out to vote but oh no nigerians prefer to humiliate and kill themselves and hope things turn out great

[quote author=mikolo80][/quote]1. Dude na Air force secondary school ikeja na e I learn about stocks and investment it wasn't even in class it was in entrepreneurs club from there I started reading magazines and newspapers about it
2. so if them peer pressure you to become gay you go become gay abi? Have a mind of your own no let anyone determine the steps you take cos they won't be there when you fall
3. That's why I said buy the one you can afford no go buy $700 000 house when you can buy a $100 000 dey there
4. But we are the consumers and we are always right we have a consumer protection association in the country just sitting idle and redudant why don't we give them some work to do neither of us can do it alone we are stronger when in larger quantity
5. Have you bought a MINDA phone and got cheated out of your warranty c'mon its a business if they do that aren't they shooting themselves in the foot
6. Well those are scandals that's different, other countries have theirs but I'm talking abt security something that people take a lot more seriously
7. so you want to tell me that UEFA or FIFA do not fix matches? That barca fc (which have so many fans and have the potential of making so much money for UEFA) is so gooooood that they make it to almost every final every year?
8. But that's still hypocrisy and it doesn't help matters
9. The thing about oyibo NGO is that use NGO as a loop hole to reduce taxes and gov't seeing how they are helping support them and as for nigerian NGOs there aren't all faiye ngbara ignorance I not an option
10.Ppl dey laff u but do u knw which 1 of these ppl is secretly copying u, always make a good impression they shouldn't have to flog u before you do the right thing?

brothers: jesu which 1 be newspaper article wey you upload? I no fit even read am finish Well sha for me naija problem be say them hate am when people dey progress just think am If old man get money na ritualist or e dey loot money if na small boy na yahoo if na girl na ashi if na sports e na yobo if na entertainer e no get talent
My broda I dey tell you for naija rich man na enemy

you don dey mad abi?

mikolo80: 1. Dont blame them Remember stock crash ONCE BITTen twice shy

But you can short sell stocks you don't even need to keep it for long, you can stop sell the stocks so when it reduces In value to a particular price it automatically sells itself there are many more types of investment like mutual funds,real estate,business startups etc I read this in high sch when I started learning about the stock market, jobs are no longer the surest/most secured way of accumulating wealth if me and you join about $100 each month in a year its $1200 that's quite a enough to invest in something beneficial.

mikolo80: 2. Agreed. Them for buy tractor or rock crusher or fishing boat or inter some other way but nooo they have to form big boys and girls

The point is do the one you can afford and always think about tomorrow if the girl can't wait till you know where u're going then perhaps y'all should split its a loveless marriage when you are broke anyway

mikolo80: 5. Banks de approve the mortgage so? At how many pe7cent again,look before you leap o.

Dude if you can build a house and rent one at the same time, then you are ripe enough for a mortgage loan and as for the interest loan buy the one your hand fit reach you can even Forego staying in the mortgaged house , put it up for rent and use the rent money to pay your mortgage loans that's two properties to your name

mikolo80: 5.. They should reduce price of cinema so that masses can afford it. Volume vs margin

The point is nigerians don't support the movie industry too much ,I mean you can blog about the movies, get special permission to rent out these movies or even get permission to sell cheaper tickets on your blog and split the profit with the producer
Just imagine what if about 60million nigerians patronized nigerian movies at the cinema and we asked for a deduction in ticket prices or we walk you think they won't reduce ticket prices sharp sharp? Support the industry the higher the demand the lower the price, basic economics

mikolo80: 6. Minda should provide warranty like tecno did,dbanj is making his money

All electronics have warranties its the rule whether 6 months or more is left to the discretion of the manufacturer and once again my point is "support infant industries" and it will be worth your while

mikolo80: 7. Govt keeps giving incompetent info

Gov't will never tell you to jump off a cliff to save yourself, every gov't lies when they want to reduce panic I mean you can remember how january 27th ended for nigerians becos of panic,sometimes the press put words in their mouth and twist stories to make it more interesting, and sometimes sugar coated truths is a way of communicating with ignorant people who don't know any better so its our responsibility to discourage journalists who abuse their freedom of press rights and discourage ignorance as well so people can take us more seriously

mikolo80: 8 when teams start winning away games without bribing referee we'll support

That's not an excuse if you buy tickets, talk about matches famz their teams,promote sponsorships,(trust nigerians) people will see a goldmine and start trooping in to become soccer players and then the SE coaches will have a truck load of talents to choose from , now that's a good start

mikolo80: 9 how them go do na. Have to surviv3 before they can thrive

If you wan travel that's your biz no body is stopping you but acting like jason bourne when travelling and then accusing you gov't of corruption is hypocrisy and hence cycle will continue unless we take personal decisions to be more honest and transparent, it begins with you

mikolo80: 10 no be scam them be.always giving money to corrupt govt officials. All na part of neo colonialism

I don't think that's true hell NGOs don't even pay taxes plus I happen to have done voluntary work for some NGOs in nigeria no scams there my friend

mikolo80: 11 tragedy of the commons but how many of you will vote buhari so he can bring aback wai brigade

Dude don't litter,dispose of your wastes responsibly and keep a clean and healthy environment, if you see someone littering be the person to pick it up I don't think you need buhari or any leader to tell you that c'mon

mikolo80: 12 common sense is not common,we need PPL LIKE YOU TO ENLIGHTEN THE MASSEs through posts,lectures(free),seminars,tv and radio etc

a country has a large economy does not mean every citizen of that country will automatically be rich it simply just means if you invest your money in this country you will get it back so stop wallowing in self pity and do something

mrmagoo: This is the height of stvpidity You know what? I have your time today why do we now have a gov’t when we are supposed to do everything on our own?

Solving Nigeria's problems is not as complicated as people make it,
Is it security issues? how about investing in the Nigerian police force? Rather than paying "tons of money" for security guards(like una dey claim) looking at the NPF first of all they need to be professionals and look like professionals starting with their weapons, patrol officers shouldn’t walk around with assault rifles it makes people nervous and besides assault rifles are for tactical assault teams, however there are stun guns and rubber bullet guns which can be holstered + surveillance gadgets like cameras,forensic analyzing computers etc, police officers need to be trained often on work ethics that preserves human rights and at the same time maintain order so where are the Nigerian inventors to create these weapons nigerian inventors have been complaining about not getting recognition isn't this an opportunity to make money and even create that recognition that they are being deprived of. Where are the security companies that will provide this training and why aren't they taking advantage of this ,secondly cooperate with police talk to them about security concerns that you have and start neighbourhood watch programmes to assist them,thirdly police officers have to feel good about being police officers they should like their jobs and be scared to lose it, their workforce should be trimmed down to a useful and manageable quantity so resources can go round and there should be special treatment that comes with being police officers like discount on shopping items and other perks like awards and dinner parties for the NPF that make them like their jobs and at the same time there should be a platform for people to reach out and report rogue officers, when them begin sack them 1 by 1 them go behave, but where are the venture capitalist that can manage police salaries and pensions to prevent embezzlement and teach the police officers how to invest their money what of the personnel management that can structure and organize the NPF it is not so much black and white I bet there are grey areas in which you can make your contributions
Is it unemployment? How about our schooling system stop training workers and start training entrepreneurs we can establish entrepreneurial centres in churches or even through community contributions ,we can make FG demand contract staffing for everyone(with full benefits)and teach workers the power of investing and running your own business being one of its options(that's if stock options are too expensive) if they like u they renew your contract this way work will go round and nigerian man will learn to depend on his hands rather than waiting for someone to employ him
Is it electricity? Two problems in this sector power generation and power distribution , about generation, we have solar sources we have coal, natural gas or even nuclear energy the point is why aren’t we working on developing other sources of power generation where are the research teams and inventors? Do they know the opportunity that awaits them here? even though its to go retail and provide accessible and affordable solar powered inverter generators that can provide 24/7 electricity for everybody that will work both for the people and the pocket of the inventors you don’t need to wait for gov’t to give you the go ahead. as for distribution knowing the total population of Nigerians is a start saying "we are about 170 million" is wrong we should know specifically how many we are who are the rich who are the average who are the poor who dey work for bank etc we need to know all these information about everyone so where are the statistician or programmers that can design database softwares that make population census easier? that makes the distribution of not just electricity but other amenities easily available to people in an organized manner and make money for you the inventor at the same time
Is it healthcare? Exercise often eat healthy and visit the doctor for check ups at least once a year keep a clean environment and maintain good hygiene this is primary school health education but Nigerians do non of these even though you know the way hospitals are in the country, then for the professionals take a look at the sector sef see the case of NMA USE YOUR INITIAVE why aren’t they selling health insurance to people? If they even make it as low as 500naira them go see the returns, Why didn’t they ask FG to force the hand of multi national companies in the country to finance procurement of standard equipment and necessary R& D ? where are the awareness and fund raising campaigns to generate funds for their requests even the teaching colleges what are they using the tuition fees for? I attended university in Nigeria and I know how much they pay and how many people kill themselves to study medicine and surgery how about expanding their specialities? even if it means all 18000 of them contributing 1000naira each month and investing the proceeds in assets to raise money or even solely controlling the flow of pharmaceuticals and dermatological products in the market there were lot of ways to gather resources to develop the health sector which they would incredibly benefit from but instead they went to FG to give ultimatums? and rallied round tv cameras screaming solidarity for ever and embarrassing themselves.
Is it corruption that one no hard it starts with you the keywords are intergrity, accountability and discipline teach your children these virtues don’t let them cheat on their UTMEs anymore instead push them to read all work and no play makes jack prepared for a tough world , teach your friends religious leaders teach your congregation let the message go round in such a way that it becomes subliminal in the minds of nigerians, also every working and business sector should have an in house organization the promote disclipline and support for members of these sectors whether its the union of barbers or union of bankers/scientists even politicians yes they should register with the civil servants and if there are any news or complaints of unprofessionalism or corruption from any member of that union, it will be the obligation of the union to not only support law enforcement on such a person the person should also be sanctioned by their union just like tb joshua and the collapsed building CAN should support law enforcement agencies in investigations and charges and also sanction the pastor for endagering the lives of people in that building, you won't be able to bribe any judge na because the judge belongs to a union watching his actions and sharing the same vision for the country. If this is effected properly corruption in this country will at least slice in half
Is it terrorism? See whether America is sponsoring boko haram or APC or PDP, your offensive and your defence determines your victory in battle for offensive, why don’t you enlist in the NA to fight insurgency? Them say bh get sponsor ehn make we sef sponsor/support our soldiers, imagine they were complaining about poor living standards and nigerians just throwe face like say e no concern them if the money we set aside for tithes was actually donated to the NA I’m sure it would have gone far in the maintenance of the soldiers why aren't we running a military procurement/contractor/consultant company? I believe Nigeria has reached the level where we can develop our own weapons its not government that invents weapons its not the military either its people like you and me that invent these things then your defence how are we protecting our streets our homes our working places why can’t we consult with counter terrorist officers on precautionary steps to take? what campaign is our religious community organizing to discourage violence and terrorism or to save misguided dudes from becoming potential boko haram insurgents afterall its manpower that is the strength of BH and most of them are forcefully recruited or brainwashed we sef make we brainwash people into peace loving and law abiding citizens and you will see change.
So what would you prefer? To achieve these things with our own blood sweat and tears or to keep criticizing gov't from an arm chair and hoping that some day God will touch their hearts and make them remember us?

mrmagoo: O really? So in other words we are supposed to appreciate this country where government has no respect for its citizens simply because dbanj makes koko garri o God I weep for this backward country

*sigh*gov’t doesn’t care about us one question why should gov’t care about you? yeah I know we are their responsibility but then again If I was johnathan or any president I wouldn’t give two f*cks about the Nigerian "common man", Nigerians go cross leg and be waiting on gov’t to bring heaven down to them when they can also contribute to change and development, ,Nigerians undermine any idea gov’t comes up with,they accuse the gov’t of lies and corruption but they worship the feet of men of God who are actually friends of these corrupt politicians,they lynch petty thieves in the market place but form bodyguard and PR for the same politicians they label as thieves later then at the end of the day them go line up to collect rice and that's it vote don sure, please which gov’t will happily claim those kind of people, if you want gov’t to care about you then make yourself worth caring about

mrmagoo: No leave him he’s one of those fake Nigerian patriots who expect everyone to live in denial like him

Dude I'm not blind of course I know nigeria isn't good its even worse when you've experienced more advanced and enlightened societies I guess my point is why don't we ignore the lil fish like political scandals and missing money but rather focus on the bigger picture like pushing the nation forward

kobosmart: smh another PDP messenger boy on the loose. It's a holiday aren't you going to take a break from work?

Haba which kind eye you dey take look me?
I don old pass all that one na

Fela sef talk am say "if you suffer for world na your fault be that” observe the mentality of a Nigerian

1. When a Nigerian buys a newspaper he goes through the first few pages which cover terrorist attacks,political mayhem and poverty but when he gets to the IPOs and business ads he rips the paper up and wipe his a*ss with it

2. Nigerians use their upfront salary to buy a car ,rent an expensive flat and get married then when money finish, they go Nigerian standard of living sucks

3. When it comes to mingling in Nigeria Yorubas hate igbos ,igbos hate yorubas while Hausas hate them both then later they give the suffer head speech to succeed in Nigeria its who you know

4. Nigerians prefer to rent a house while building another house rather buying a house on mortgage while building another then they wonder why real properties belong only to rich people

5. Nigerians be like I can only take nollywood seriously when their movies start becoming more creative and competitive then half of a yellow sun and October 1st come out and then Nigerians be like mtchew I go come watch Nigerian film for cinema when alaba dey there

6. Nigerians be like Nigerians consume more than they produce Nigeria cant move forward if we import more than we produce then MINDA phones come out and d’banj brings out koko garri and Nigerians be like yeah right like I will risk MINDA phone exploding in my ear and d’banj dey sell garri when e mates dey win grammy

7. Nigerians be like security in the country is very poor what is government doing bla bla but when security announcements or programmes are on tv they be like f*ck this sh*t I’m watching a telemundo

8.Nigerians grumble about how we suck at soccer but then when NPL is on Nigerians be like mtchew EPL wannabe I don’t watch such

9. Nigerians be like I’m tired of the hardship in this country and the solution is to forge account papers and travel papers ,get out of the country then go assume a dead persons identity or contract a bride to fool authorities into granting me citizenship,after all that they begin to wonder why the nation is so corrupt

10. Nigerians be like 70% of Nigerians live in poverty and deprivation how many people can boast of eating three square meals then NGOs/charity organizations come up and Nigerians be like SCAM!

11. Nigerians complain of how dirty and disgusting Nigerian environment looks then they slam dunk a plastic bottle in the middle of the road then take a piss in a nearby gutter and sleep during sanitation days

12. World bank calls Nigerian economy the largest in Africa and Nigerians be like mtchew largest economy where the people survive on less than $5 a day bla bla then they wonder why foreigners(who took advantage of the opportunity) boss them around in their own country

Moral of the story: do your part and appreciate progress even though as you say they are mediocre, sometimes in life it’s the little things that pack the biggest punch.

Happy independence day